Big Ham starring in....Big Ham's Morning Routine!
Hey, Fatty, talking about yourself in the third person and offering up titles for your nontent that are copies of what reaction channels do may seem hilarious to you, but despite you claiming you're funny, you are not.
So what nontent does Hamber give us? Terrible acting, picking out ugly af clothes, a suspicious shower "routine", the same fucking sound clip played (annoyingly) on a loop, a view of all the scented bullshit they buy at BB&B, Big Ham fucking with her hair and then putting dry shampoo on her head - I guess that whole "I can too shower and wash myself and my hair, haydurs" thing was likely the haydurs being damn accurate - then an annoying lip sync thing, with Hamber singing into her brush. All of this with zero dialogue. The next time you want to be an auteur, Fatty, leave out the stupid, shitty sound clip. It's fine - and preferable - as a silent movie.
We get a stupid couple of shots with the "gf" showing her arms as she stands behind Big Ham, and then finally Hamber starts speaking. It has been just over two minutes of her boring ass "morning routine" and I don't believe it is morning at all.
Shows off her outfit of the day. Yeah, we got that when you pulled out clothes before your "shower", dummy. Stupid velvet shirt - the same one she was wearing when she was eyefucking herself and making excuses in that "Reacting to mean comments" bullshit. Whatever, do your lazy as fuck prerecord of a whole month of shit, you mutant sloth,
Open a Horrid bag, says she wants to pull out something in particular, and hopes she can feel that and pull it out. It's slippers, you vapid cunt, how the fuck would you not be able to identify them by sticking your hand in the bag? Anyway, they're slippers with LO on one and VE ion the other. "And they match my outfit!", she says.I for one quite look forward to the House Slipper Era.
Blah blah blah. Won't shut the fuck up about the slippers. Skipping ahead.
We're now just over four minutes in. Up next: "organizing" their spices. Riveting, truly.
She opens a cabinet to show the horror that is their spices. Oh, the humanity! Clearly the worst disaster of all time.
Or, you know, a regular, random collection of spices in a cabinet. Speaking of, why the fuck do you have so many, anyhow? We all know your fucking rotation of spices, and that shouldn't take up that much space.
Of course, she has ordered an entire case of spice bottles, which comes with stickers that she makes the "gf" write on to denote what goes into each bottle.. Big Ham doesn't know what a funnel is. Shocking.
They pour a bunch of spices from the cabinet - which are, like everything else she's done this with, already in containers, with what's in them indicated on the label - into the jars, they put the caps on, then the labels. Big Ham decides that the best place for these bottles is not in the cabinet, no. Not in a stylish spice tack that lives on the counter, so as to be close at hand as one cooks, no. Not in the pantry on any number of spice racks you can buy to have on the back of the pantry door, no. Nope, all these bottles are going into a drawer. Guess it's a good thing you cleared out all those drawers, huh, Fatty. Big Ham says she wants them alphabetized in their grave resting place spot in the drawer. Are they alphabetized as she shows her balloon hand putting each jar in the drawer? Ha! Surely you kid, good citizen, as you well understand intent means more than action in the Amberverse.
Next up is Hamber yammering on about something or other. She claims Eric and Ricky asked them to come on over, spend the night. Sure they did. She's fucking around with some ugly as shit purse - so, totally her style, because you know she is FashionistaLynn. More blah blah, and it's over, with the moronic "to be continued" card at the end.
TL;DW/R: Big Ham acts like she's waking up, then makes it look like she took a shower*, wears some slippers, does some useless bullshit with her spices, and shows us a new purse - because she's a woman on the go, people!
*The shower thing. She showed herself turning on the water in a regular bathtub. Is she seriously pretending she can bend her lymphedema trunks up and over the side of a regular tub, and that even if she could, there would be enough room in that tub for her to take an adequate shower? She wouldn't be able to turn around to wash front and back for the same reason she can't fit into a PET machine: too wide. Strap three pillows to each side of your torso and then go stand in your tub to get the effect. Try to turn around. This "shower in a regular tub" situation type deal is not a thing that is happening, Fatty LiarLynn.
