🍗 Deathfat Amberlynn Reid - 600 pound pathological liar and U-Haul lesbian moving in with her next live-in maid/nurse/girlfriend.

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It's so fucking pathetic that Jade came along and fucked up Amber's channel so bad that some of us are actually feeling nostalgic for the fucking Becky days, of all things. I can't imagine having such a large following simply because you are a pathological liar who weighs over 600lbs and fucking it up so bad to the point that Amber has. There's so many things she could still do to save her channel, but she absolutely refuses to because idk Jade has needlessly hyped Amber up for nothing and now she feels like she's too good/comfortable to put a single modicum of effort into her channel or some shit.

Fuck you, Jade. Film your bitch riding a motorscooter out in public. Show her in the car, and not from Amber's carefully crafted angle. We know y'all were just with Eric and Ricky and we're not going to see shit about it? Have Dana come over and talk shit about the ex boyfriend her and Amber share. Prank call Becky. Show. Fucking. Legs.

Amber had an entire forum dedicated to her and now she just has a single thread. Her videos easily used to get over 100k+ views, and now she's lucky if she tops 80k. She would be such a fucking idiot to continue to put this abysmal level of effort into her repetitive content-- wake 👏 up 👏 Jade 👏 you are going to lose your cash cow sooner rather than later if you keep this shit up.
 
At this point, I genuinely think ALR is inventing these recipes solely to see what she can force Zachary Michael to recreate and eat on camera. It'd be nice if he didn't take the bait for once.
 
Ambeetlejuice...

Ambeetlejuice.jpg
 
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FickleFuck said:
So are we calling her SpamberLynn now? Is she gonna be too sodium swole now to fit in Wipey's new.car after that nasty looking "meal"?
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Can't they just use the "natural" oils from that "all-natural" spam, plus a Spamberlynn-sized shoehorn bodyhorn to get her in there? If they need more grease, they can just use her poop bun.

HAUL&GAIN said:
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MASSIVELYNN
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And this bitch had the nerve to tell us that the pic of her in that Torrid tryon where she's standing in front of the bathroom wasn't photoshopped. Your shelf ass doesn't lie, Spamber, but you surely do.

Slappy McGherkin said:
The shelf-ass and random lumps of fatness placed here and there will never not be something of gross wonder and a testament of just how badly one can fuck up their own body.
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Oh, Slappy, don't be a Debbie Downer! Think of it positively as the wonder of the almost infinite adaptability and ability of the human body to take whatever is hurled at it.

expert legos said:
At this point, I genuinely think ALR is inventing these recipes solely to see what she can force Zachary Michael to recreate and eat on camera. It'd be nice if he didn't take the bait for once.
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I wonder sometimes about her shit. I can count on one finger the number of people who would even take a bite of this abomination, and it's her. Her "I never use measurements!" credo may have gotten away from her on this one. We all know she can eat gigantic amounts of sodium in a single meal, but I found someone in her comments who added it up to about 2.5 grams of sodium for this one (and they were being generous). At this point, SpamLynn and the "gf" should just go buy a salt lick block, and Big Spamber can just chisel chunks off it to throw in her shit. At least she'd get a little bit of exercise that way. I'm hoping ZM is still recovering from the FB Sonic dog to take this on. It's bad for him, and it's completely inedible, so would be a waste of food. Much as I hate it, Spam does qualify as food.
 
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10547875 said:
It's so fucking pathetic that Jade came along and fucked up Amber's channel so bad that some of us are actually feeling nostalgic for the fucking Becky days, of all things. I can't imagine having such a large following simply because you are a pathological liar who weighs over 600lbs and fucking it up so bad to the point that Amber has. There's so many things she could still do to save her channel, but she absolutely refuses to because idk Jade has needlessly hyped Amber up for nothing and now she feels like she's too good/comfortable to put a single modicum of effort into her channel or some shit.

Fuck you, Jade. Film your bitch riding a motorscooter out in public. Show her in the car, and not from Amber's carefully crafted angle. We know y'all were just with Eric and Ricky and we're not going to see shit about it? Have Dana come over and talk shit about the ex boyfriend her and Amber share. Prank call Becky. Show. Fucking. Legs.

Amber had an entire forum dedicated to her and now she just has a single thread. Her videos easily used to get over 100k+ views, and now she's lucky if she tops 80k. She would be such a fucking idiot to continue to put this abysmal level of effort into her repetitive content-- wake 👏 up 👏 Jade 👏 you are going to lose your cash cow sooner rather than later if you keep this shit up.
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Nah, Amber got boring as fuck while she was with Becky. But it would certainly boost her viewership if she trotted out Jade like a monkey already.
 
C3PBRO said:
Dissatisfied with the infamy of inhaling an entire yet single grown chicken, Amberlynn has ascended, huffing entire vats of mechanically separated baby chicks in a single cooking video. Get good, Niko.
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Ingredients;
  • 5400 calories FIVE cans of spam from your rememberence.
I honestly didn't think Boujielynn would ever stoop to spam but after some research into the ingredients, I think I understand now what she likes about it.
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Worth noting that even the "25% less sodium" variant of spam still has 150% of the average total recommended sodium intake in a single can.
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  • 1 cup (x) jasmine rice, OBVIOUSLY. (not that you would know?)
  • Frozen corn.
  • Fresh scallions.
  • Olive oil.
  • Cat dander.
Sodium for your sodium;
View attachment 3067175
  • Soy sauce.
  • Garlic salt.
  • Onion powder.
  • Minced Onion.
  • Sriracha.
  • Dry roasted peanuts.
  • Honey roasted peanuts.
  • Sesame seeds.

Prep;
  • When shopping for your ingredients make sure to walk directly past the fresh corn when buying the fresh scallions. I'm serious. Don't look at it, don't even think about it.
  • Point out the messy counter. If you point it out before anyone else does, nobody is allowed to criticize you.

Method;
  • You have permission to cut the spam however you want! I personally just never subscribed in the first place.
  • Dump your assortment of sodiums into the rice as it cooks, because plain rice is no longer bae, I guess.
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  • You thought we were going to toss all this into a pot and hope for the best, didn't you? Well sike, because we are cooking the rice separately. Make sure to rinse it, wouldn't want... whatever Amberlynn thinks is on rice to ruin that Spam can mucus texture.
  • Cook the Spam in its "Natural"™ oils, adding soy sauce, sriracha, and more of the same powdered sodiums you added to the rice.
  • Uh oh! It's looking pretty fucking beige, time to throw those chopped scallions on top as a tythe to the weight loss gods.
  • Once assembled, add whole ass peanuts. Just throw them on straight from the plastic jar. Don't bother roasting them or mixing them through, or even explaining their presence. And put on more of that sriracha and soy. You're going to be swollen anyway so fuck it, let's go big, let's get planetary.
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This is one of the best posts I’ve seen in a long time. God bless.
 
Crocodile Dundee said:
Give me those crescent moons but every time I see Ham Planet I keep thinking to myself how hard could it be to "turn" her straight.
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Well, she used to swear up and down she was a hardcore lesbean and hated penetration and dicks are gross. As soon as Wipey showed up with the poly shit she started talking about how maybe she isn't a leabian maybe she's bi now and she would bang Eric and she LOVES penetration now. Just like her personality, she changes it to fit the person she's with or around. Fat Lady Spamalot would take dick if it meant continuing to be waited on and not have to do much more than lube a fold to be fucked while she stuffs her face with food and maybe dick. It's been said before that she is caretakersexual. If the caretaker after the next time she gets dumped is a dude, she'll take it. Especially if it's a pushover cuck boy like Becky. She may prefer women, but if left with no other option, she'll take what she can get.
 
Attention is attention.

Remember that vlog (back when she was with Dusty) in which she shamelessly flirts with the dregs of the male species and does everything to get them to pay attention to her?
It doesn't matter if it has a dick, a vagina or any kind of fucked up genital mutilation - if it can give her a modicum of attention, she's down.

Problem with that though is the pool of attention giving suitors is pathetically tiny
 
At least she has a super obese tiny titty committee to join, Tammy Slaton and Anna will welcome her maybe.
 
The fact she throws fucking sriracha and soy sauce must mean that her outpatient program is clearly working.

Ben Lurkin' said:
Ambeetlejuice...

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All you have to do to summon her is to chant the forbidden lines:

Though I know I should be weary
I still venture somewhere full of dairy
Ayygs, onion powder, garlic salt
Ambeetlejuice
Ambeetlejuice
Ambeetlejuice
 
Owlflaps said:
The fact she throws fucking sriracha and soy sauce must mean that her outpatient program is clearly working.
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It's all salt on salt on salt with onion powder, garlic powder, salt and pepper. The squirts of sriracha add the slightest bit of sweet and spicy, but probably can't be tasted through all the layers of sodium goodness and greasy mechanically separated meat-like chunks. The gross shit she makes is some poor people food bank and Dollar Tree combinations.
 
Jade. What we know:

[1] immediately jumped into the Becky void; [2] lied about not knowing who Amber Reid was (hence, how much money she made); [3] left parent/s-grandparents' very nice large house in NY and moved to Kentucky;[4] no car; [5] sketchy financial background inc. being sued by Discover Bank [6] skimpy employment background of only a few months at a time as a "computer security consultant" [7] refuses to be filmed, revealing bits & pieces, a man-hand here, a thicc thigh there [8] is probably incompetent at her "job", unable to support herself, as evidenced by the fact that Amber is now scrambling to make coin.

"Computer expert", my flat butt. This ole gal has been a failure and a mentee her whole life, and is now failing to make Al's channel flourish.
 
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