A Gunt Theory - Ralph always seems to choose the dumbest choice in any situation.

[Farglemark]

As stated, Ralph always seems to choose a dumb or the dumbest response reasonably made, not always the worst option, but always a dumb option. I am going to go over a few of the recent choices the Hog has made to prove my point. Now not only are his choices dumb on their own, they also seem to lead directly to the next dumbest situation, like a retarded avalanche or a retarded cinematic universe that just keeps getting bigger and dumber.

Sharting Easiest: Ignore it
Best: Laugh about it
Dumbest/Worst: Make up a stupid story, have a doctored video clip easily disputable, go into a rage and talk about how you will shit all over the place/yourself

Nick laughing at your shart/claimed fart Easiest: Ignore it
Best: Come to your sense and laugh along saying how "yeah it was funny"
Worst/Dumbest: Having a breakdown, breaking your client-lawyer confidentiality, attacking his kids and wife verbally, and getting WAY to angry about someone giggling about a fart noise, and starting to piss off Gator

Other people in the sphere making minor unperceivable slights to Ralph Easiest: Ignore it
Best: Make a passing joke and move on
Worst: Melt down in a titanic way
Dumbest: Burn every bridge publicly and continue to ostracize Gator your last real friend

Andy streams with a guy you dont like Easiest: Just ignore it
Best: Mention to Andy hes free to stream with whoever, but Ralph still doesnt like PPP
Worst: Fly to portugal immediately and get the piss beating out of you
Dumbest: Kick Andy off your show, talk about loyalty all night on twitter like internet loyalty is a thing, and look like an idiot.

Ralph going to Portugal: Easiest: Dont go
Best: Dont go
Worst: Getting arrested after getting the shit kicked out of you cause you are Ralph
Dumbest: eating at a BK, getting your manpurse stolen, pursuing and getting even more fucked up after initially getting fucked up

Announcing you got the shit kicked out of out of you in Portugal Easiest: Dont announce it
Best: Get your story striaght, spin it well, get pity points from everyone, and don't mention the fucking manpurse
Worst: Make up a clearly untrue story about how you took on and almost won against a dozen people
Dumbest: Tell everyone a flimsy story, mention the man purse, show the injuries, then have long laster effects afterwards.

Jim making fun of Ralph every now and then with pill shaking and your Portugal trip Easiest: Ignore Jim
Best: Just fucking ignore Jim, even making a joke about his jokes lets him know its getting to you
Worst and Dumbest: Go hard in on a guy who is a famous troll who is good at tearing people down and has the undying admiration of your closest friend and site/stream runner/cohost thus alienating your friend and causing them to turn on you

Gator betrayal Easiest: Ignore it
Best: Come out, say you feel betrayed and you will leave it at that, then not talk about it anymore, putting Gator on the back foot
Worst: Ralph admitting he was in the wrong, his audience cant see Ralph like that or hes done.
Dumbest: Crying, insulting, doxing, threatening life ruination

The Jim stream: Easiest: Ignore Jim
Best: Go on make some jokes, play the heel like Jim suggested, and laugh at him then leave.
Worst: Grovel for forgiveness and desperately beg for Jim to go back on the Killstream for an encore
Dumbest: Get drunk and make an absolute fucking clown of yourself, then pretend to your audience later that you won.

May goes into preterm labor: Easiest: Not say anything and stay at home and continue to stream
Best: Drop everything and get fucking moving
Worst: Tell her good luck, see her when she gets home
Dumbest: Announce it, keep streaming for 3 more hours after already streaming for 8, not really care, and pretend like you are still Tradcath


The early labor episode. Including the letting May travel alone.
Starting off with the travel, Ralph could have made one of a few choices: Easiest: Gone with her and had a good time
Best: Gone with her and stream from Rochester because hes now confirmed he could do that
Worst: Not gone and cut off all communication
Dumbest: Not gone and streamed telling everyone hes not going to his own baby's baby shower



Thats just going a few months back, as many know, this goes on for fucking years, and while sometimes it is the worst/dumbest, often its just pure retardedness that is almost jaw dropping in its consistency. Also this is just one story thread, its not including the AF stuff, or the Xander plus baby mama stuff, or the Matt Vickers stuff, or his driving saga, or his money woes, or his addictions or his lawsuits or his height, or his fucking weight, or his fucking clothing choices, I could make this likely autistic post near 10X longer than it already is, and you can guarantee that every one of those choices are almost always the most retarded choice possible.

 

[Open Window Maniac]

But that's just a theory; a Gunt Theory!

 

[Calefactorite]

Soph
Best: Don't have 14 year old girl in your show.
Worst: Jerk off to a still image of the girl's stream.
Dumbest: Accidentally stream yourself jerking off to the 14 year old girl.

 

[thismanlies]

Sex Tape
Best: Ignore Faith's ex
Worst: Emailing it to him
Dumbest: Sending him the link while he's streaming which allows people to find the video and download it.

 

[jimmybags]

Car accident
Best: acknowledge you were at fault and give no fucks cause accidents happen to a lot of people
easiest: don't acknowledge it, trolls will continue to ask and cause a Streisand effect but keep ignoring
Worst: acknowledge it but fly into a rage when it gets brought up
Dumbest: acknowledge it and say it wasn't your fault, post pictures and details that help Internet sleuths figure out it was your fault

 

[LordofCringe7206]

The Dog Killing Allegation
Easiest: Don't address it
Best: Deny but don't go overboard with your denial
Worst: Try to explain your way out of it in a way that doesn't make sense
Dumbest: Lose your shit when your explanation doesn't work, spergout non-stop in the dumbest ways imaginable and dox your former classmate who presented the story to Null

 

[MediocreMilt]

Mixing booze and xanax
Easiest: just never start that dumb shit in the first place
Best: Take some responsibility, stop doing it, get some medical help, do rehab if you're into that sort of thing
Worst: Let your mom down when she needs a ride to dialysis
Dumbest: Cry to a confirmed internet troll about how people are making fun of your "past drug use"

 

[Terrorist]

I call this "DIRTY CRAPPED BRIEFS Logic". Ralph and classic CWC do damage control the same way.

Picture of You Wearing Barb's Panties
Easiest: Don't send pictures of you wearing lingerie to internet trolls
Best: Tell BILLY MAYS it was a joke and to fuck off unless he provides proof you get off on it unironically
Worst: Respond to BILLY MAYS's provocations with huffy childish whining that leads people to believe you have in fact been found out as a crossdressing pervert
Dumbest: Try to own BILLY MAYS with facts and logic by telling him that not only do you wear tightey whiteys, but you shit in them constantly. How could you be a crossdresser if the family laundry basket is sodden with MALE ?

 

[General Insomnia]

Internet users make an accusation against you that is so awful that if it were true you'd deserve a bullet.

Easiest (Flamenco): Deny it
Best (Null): Ignore it and move on
Worst (Gator and Ralph): Spin it as an absolute win against the haters
Dumbest (Dick and Vito): Say it's true and you'd do it again

 

[Christorian X]

We can simplify this down pretty easily. Ralph can never allow a scenario where it could be argued he is taking a loss. No matter what batshit mental gymnastics, Ralph. cannot. lose. This means regardless of the situation, he must not only confront it but prove how he clearly was successful in whatever he did. As long as you run whatever the scenario is through that lens, you'll never be surprised about how incredibly fucking stupid his responses are to anything.

 

[#KillAllPedos]

Ralph’s judgment is one of his worst qualities, and that’s saying something, because almost everything about him is rotten.

 

[NynchLiggers]

Gunt fucks up because in spite of being in a sektur where personal insults against others are the norm, he has extremely thin skin, sperging out and doing faux tough acts to protect his fragile ego, basically how DSP responds detractors but far worse because Ethanol is the incarnation of white trash instead of a shut in like Phil.

 

[Gaymead]

I've categorised the various fiascoes that the Gunt has been involved in into 2x4 tables for each one, as well as the choices that could be possible for them and indicated the choice selected by the Gunt. I have also rated the Best Choices based the number of to indicate the likelyhood of the choice being probably carried out (for everyone, for unruly wiggers, and finally, for Ralphamale), with the least number of being very likely to the highest number of being something that only an Act of God could manifest:

Fight with Riley & mint Salad at Digitroon’s House:

BEST CHOICE	Quickly collect May's items from Digi's lawn yourself, or have someone like Gator pick them up for you, so that they don't get left in the rain
EASIEST CHOICE	Collect May's items from Digi's lawn and go straight home afterwards
DUMBEST CHOICE	Exchange insults and throw slurs late at night at Riley and the other troons in the lolicon-shack
WORST CHOICE	charge into the house after your height is called into question, and (barely) throw punches at a couple of troons and get thrown out on your ass and be made fun of in a crappy video by a tranny pedo

Jay Dyer Jab Incident:

BEST CHOICE	Go along with the joke and return another jab at Jay
EASIEST CHOICE	Ignore the comment and change the subject
DUMBEST CHOICE	Comment on how you have two kids, as though this is a one-up against him and that he looks like a faggot; later back pedal and apologise
WORST CHOICE	Make an enemy of Jay and denounce him to your ever dwindling audience

Adr**** Bl***e Gag Order:

BEST CHOICE	Never date Adrienne Blaire, someone who is associated with Encyclopedia Dramatica Never acknowledge Ade and have Ade promise that she'd never acknowledge him publicly
EASIEST CHOICE	never acknowledge Ade; maybe insult her, but that should be the extent of his efforts
DUMBEST CHOICE	Make an expose on Ade, dox Ade and have your fans go to her house
WORST CHOICE	Continue with your threats to the point where Ade legal action and has a gag-order made against you, preventing from ever speaking about her under the threat of legal repercussions

Matthew Vickers' Donation to Stop-Speeding:

BEST CHOICE	Pretend you have something urgent to do and leave the scene immediately
EASIEST CHOICE	leave the scene immediately
DUMBEST CHOICE	Insult Speedy and leave the scene
WORST CHOICE	Assault Speedy and his friends over the song, showing how thin-skinned you really are to a few degenerate loser streamers

 

[jimmybags]

I've categorised the various fiascoes that the Gunt has been involved in into 2x4 tables for each one, as well as the choices that could be possible for them and indicated the choice selected by the Gunt. I have also rated the Best Choices based the number of to indicate the likelyhood of the choice being probably carried out (for everyone, for unruly wiggers, and finally, for Ralphamale), with the least number of being very likely to the highest number of being something that only an Act of God could manifest:

Fight with Riley & mint Salad at Digitroon’s House:

BEST CHOICE	Quickly collect May's items from Digi's lawn yourself, or have someone like Gator pick them up for you, so that they don't get left in the rain
EASIEST CHOICE	Collect May's items from Digi's lawn and go straight home afterwards
DUMBEST CHOICE	Exchange insults and throw slurs late at night at Riley and the other troons in the lolicon-shack
WORST CHOICE	charge into the house after your height is called into question, and (barely) throw punches at a couple of troons and get thrown out on your ass and be made fun of in a crappy video by a tranny pedo

Jay Dyer Jab Incident:

BEST CHOICE	Go along with the joke and return another jab at Jay
EASIEST CHOICE	Ignore the comment and change the subject
DUMBEST CHOICE	Comment on how you have two kids, as though this is a one-up against him and that he looks like a faggot; later back pedal and apologise
WORST CHOICE	Make an enemy of Jay and denounce him to your ever dwindling audience

Adr**** Bl***e Gag Order:

BEST CHOICE	Never date Adrienne Blaire, someone who is associated with Encyclopedia Dramatica Never acknowledge Ade and have Ade promise that she'd never acknowledge him publicly
EASIEST CHOICE	never acknowledge Ade; maybe insult her, but that should be the extent of his efforts
DUMBEST CHOICE	Make an expose on Ade, dox Ade and have your fans go to her house
WORST CHOICE	Continue with your threats to the point where Ade legal action and has a gag-order made against you, preventing from ever speaking about her under the threat of legal repercussions

Matthew Vickers' Donation to Stop-Speeding:

BEST CHOICE	Pretend you have something urgent to do and leave the scene immediately
EASIEST CHOICE	leave the scene immediately
DUMBEST CHOICE	Insult Speedy and leave the scene
WORST CHOICE	Assault Speedy and his friends over the song, showing how thin-skinned you really are to a few degenerate loser streamers

He assaulted Speedy? I only remember him walking up and giving him a dirty look and then walking away while all the streamers shittalked him.

 

[Gaymead]

He assaulted Speedy? I only remember him walking up and giving him a dirty look and then walking away while all the streamers shittalked him.

(Courtesy of Sunrise Productions, thanks)

I set the timestamp to thirty seconds before Ralph shakes the camera, but for the full context you need to start at 1:08, where Matthew Vickers (or someone impersonating him, IDK) sends a dono asking about Ralph’s case with AdeZero, which he replies with an almost automatic “I don’t know anything about that.”, And then Da Gunt’s “Money and Drink starts playing, which gets other people attention, which gets under Ralph’s skin.

Edit: looking back, I realised that it wasn’t Speedy but actually one of his friends who happened to hold the camera at the time, and although assault is kind of a strong word, if intentionally causing unwanted physical contact to deterr someone else could be counted as assault, then yes it was.

 

[Farglemark]

Gunt fucks up because in spite of being in a sektur where personal insults against others are the norm, he has extremely thin skin, sperging out and doing faux tough acts to protect his fragile ego, basically how DSP responds detractors but far worse because Ethanol is the incarnation of white trash instead of a shut in like Phil.

But he fucks up always in the most retarded way possible, and even of he has thin skin the dude has the uncanny ability to be so sure about his every choice. And it works to his advantage often.
Like let's compare him to Baked. Baked makes stupid decisions and has been brought so low, by all means he should have far more viewers than Ralph, the dude was made famous from that Jan 6th stream. But he never got that big boost he hoped for, so baked got depressed, boring, it's like watching a corpse.
Ralph is almost like DSP in his ability to shrug off life ruining situations and avoid the repercussions atleast temporarily. Ralph's fucked up so much, so hard, in ways that if any other AF streamer did even one of his medium fuckups that would be their career ruined. Yet he keeps going after face tanking retarded situation after retarded situation. One day though the other foot will fall, and god damn will it be something to behold

 

[Christorian X]

But he fucks up always in the most retarded way possible, and even of he has thin skin the dude has the uncanny ability to be so sure about his every choice. And it works to his advantage often.
Like let's compare him to Baked. Baked makes stupid decisions and has been brought so low, by all means he should have far more viewers than Ralph, the dude was made famous from that Jan 6th stream. But he never got that big boost he hoped for, so baked got depressed, boring, it's like watching a corpse.
Ralph is almost like DSP in his ability to shrug off life ruining situations and avoid the repercussions atleast temporarily. Ralph's fucked up so much, so hard, in ways that if any other AF streamer did even one of his medium fuckups that would be their career ruined. Yet he keeps going after face tanking retarded situation after retarded situation. One day though the other foot will fall, and god damn will it be something to behold

Ralph and Baked are very different animals. Ralph is a sociopath and a narcissist. Baked accepts there are consequences to his actions. He may do tons of stupid shit, but he also takes responsibility for the outcome when it happens. He was stressing out about the RV saying he has to pay to maintain it, to take care of the people, handle maintenance, etc. He understands he has to handle court and is aware of the dire situation he is in. Baked is miserable because he knows how fucked his life is. He's aware of all consequences hanging over his head and the damage he's done to his life.

Ralph on the other hand doesn't acknowledge consequence. He outright refuses to accept or face anything that may challenges his internal narrative that he must always be seen winning. Ralph is massively insecure and ashamed of almost everything in his life. Between his height, his weight, his upbringing, financial situation, and way more Ralph will belligerently attack anything event tangential in association to him that might assert something negative about any of these things. Ralph must always have the best show, the best truck, the best life in general. Think back to 3rd grade and remember that one kid who always lied their ass off about how he was always doing these wild and awesome things. Everyone know the were lying about having a full arcade in their house, that their dad was the ceo of microsoft, blah blah blah. Thats Ralph.

Bake actually has some level of confidence and likes himself. Its why he is so low right now. He liked his life, he was having fun, he liked almost if not everything about what he was doing and carried some level of pride about it. Now its all pouring through his fingers like sand and he's miserable watching it all go away. Ralph has no pride, Ralph hates everything about himself. He's simply decided that its easier to attack and attempt to destroy anything that challanges his lies rather than actually put any effort into making himself a better person.

 

[Snigger]

Gunt Theory

 

[Keranu]

This is the best thread on the internet. I'm dying.

 

[Useless(?) Boomer]

I have a prediction about Ralph that loosely ties to your theory.

After May leaves Ralph, he will have serious financial problems and meltdowns will occur. One of these will finally prompt AF to disavow, which will result in the loss of half his remaining paypigs. In turn, Ralph will attack AF and adopt an adversarial mindset toward conservatism and christianity at large.

Ralph will move to Las Vegas, still streaming a few days a week to a handful of people. He will quietly find a job at a shitty casino. The need to maintain a normal job will actually be good for his health (as routines are beneficial), and his show quality will increase. His shows will be largely directed toward attacks of AF, christian hypocrisy, and so forth.

At this point he will begin bringing on his show low rent hookers, pimps, and other shady Vegas types. As his show gains popularity as a free-for-all, he will quit his job and begin partying hard, streaming drunk every night. All pretense of politics and values is in the rearview, the only vestige of which will be his rants against hypocritical right wingers. Remember, any movement shameless enough to take on someone like Ralph eventually pays for it. Ralph will get quite popular again with his debaucherous streams, and his audience will reach into the thousands again. However, within a year of his resurgence he will die suddenly from an overdose, organ failure, or an accident.

How does it tie to your theory? I think Ralph will eventually accept and embrace his impulsive and amoral nature and press the gas to the floor with it. Right now, he's sort of sitting on the fence. But he will live out his final year as his fully evolved self, having accepted what he is.