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Miss M—nt—n, No. 55, Berwick-Street,
Soho.

Toil all the night, and at the approach of
morn,
When tir'd nature calls aloud for rest,
The wanton fair, a stranger to fatigue,
With eager fondness will renew the sport;
Entwine the busy limbs to force the joy,
Whilst through the parting lips, the playful
tongue,
The vital fire thro' every nerve propels,
And drown the senses in love's potent stream.

Would the amorous devotee wish us to say more, perhaps he may require personal charms, even then he will not be disappointed; she is of the brunette cast, with fine languishing eyes, fine even teeth, plump, well formed, pant- ing bubbies, and as she has now only entered into her nineteenth year, can- not possibly have lost the transports of mutuality; at present she trades the independant lass, having no particular friend

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friend to humour or offend; she takes her noon and evening excursions re- gularly, and enjoys, with unfeigned rap- ture, every man of pleasure that en- ters properly equipped for the sport; and her love of variety, and her at- tachment to the sport, is so very prevalent, that, provided the gentle- man's pocket is sufficiently armed, there is not the least reason to fear she then will meet him midway, with true rapture, will grasp the pointed weapon with genuine female fortitude, and urge him home with singular delight, lesson his pride with becoming dignity, and ask repeated pleasures.———It is now only eight months we have been able to call her our own, and as she seems sa- tisfied with one guinea, would recom- mend her as a deserving peice.

___________________________________

Miss K—n, Castle-Street, Oxford Market.

"Let Nature empty her whole quiver in me,
"I have a part, which, like an ample shield,
Can take in all, and yet leave room for more.

This lady assumed the name, she at
present goes by, from motives of con-
cealment

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cealment in her sportive profession, in which the drives a good trade, and is very much lik'd by the beaux esprits of the age for her spunk, being remarkably full of Cyprian Spirit, many degrees above any proof it has ever been put to; so that for the power of her parts, and active ability, she could match Turk Gregory; and when she had him in her tenacious arms, he might perform the amorous feat within the magic circle of her charms, till even strength, like his, was spent, and nature quite exhausted of all her balmy store, whilst she, untired, and springing from the bed, would ask a fresh attack, and still give pleasure in the warm embrace; she is of a dark complexion, with a wide mouth, and extraordinary well formed for a winter's companion. She has no pretensions to beauty, but founds her claims to public favour on in- ternal merit, and her capacity and skill in the rites of Venus, appealing rather to the sense of touch, than that of sight; she is in general to be met with at a favourite hop, at the west end of the town, and if Mr. B—rd should not be there, you may gain the liberty of attending her home, and the will thank you for half a guinea.

Mrs.
( 60 )

Mrs. H—rv—y, No. 21, Queen Ann
Street East.

Behold those eyes that swim in humid fires,
And trace her wanton thoughts and young
desires;
Taste those sweet lips, with balmy Nectar
fraught,
And all the rich luxuriancy of thought:
Press her soft bosom—seat of swelling joy,
Whose charms invite the rosy pinion'd boy;
Who, fluttering here, may point the unerring
dart,
Flash in each eye, and revel in each heart,
Till bolder grown, your hand insatiate rove,
O'er her delightful mount and sportive grove;
Then all her limbs unbound, her girdle loose,
There's nothing you can ask her, she'll refuse.

The above lines, from one of the warmest and most elegant poets fancy ever favoured, might be very justly ap- plied to this charming girl. Rich with the glow of youth, and the charms of a person, in which nature has been lavishly bountiful, she possesses a mind rarely, very rarely met with in the frail daughters of pleasure; generous, free- hearted,

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hearted, noble, feeling, and disinterested, might appear to be too high sounding epithets for a woman of this dercription. But however strange, it is not less strange than true; for she possesses qualities, which the want of, might make many a titled dame, poessessed of that single virtue, (or at least appearing to possess it) that she has unfortunately lost,—blush, for they may all with the strictest truth be applied to her. Here then, may the man come, (nay, we advise him to) who wishes in the morning, succeedimg a de- licious night, to find his person and his purse safe, and his health uninjured; here may he come, and taste every joy the most luscious desire can wish; here may his very sense be fed, nor know satiety, for joined to a beautiful face, an elegant form, and a graceful manner, you win find the agreeable companion, the good humoured girl, and the most enchanting bedfellow; young, and not more than three months on the town, or in the town, fine hazel love-swimming eyes, and dark brown hair, which left to twine in nature's wanton folds, plays loosely over a neck white as snow un- sunned, and sweetly shades the most en- chanting love hillocks nature ever planted below

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below, a jetty black surrounds the pouting mansion, rais'd on a pair of pillars that might shame the whitest, or mark the smoothest alabaster, that twine in the amorous encounter, and seem to partake of that pleasure in the dye-away moment, that we cannot pretend to set any value upon.

___________________________________

Mrs. Ch—sh—line, No. 36, Titchfield
Street.

Reclin'd upon a couch the maiden lay,
And all her virgin charms expos'd to view;
I saw them all, unseen, and in her eyes
Read the mad language of untaught desire.

This Mrs. C——— may say, when She first seduced this then lovely girl from the boarding school, and taught her wil- ling mind the use of that machine, her amorous desires so ardently wished for.— She is the daughter of a banker in the city, and might have remained with her first undoer for many years longer, had not her itch for variety, and the brandy bottle, got the better of every sub- servience due to a keeper. Now arrived at the full age of twenty-six, with fine sparkling ( 63 )

sparkling blue eyes, genteel tall figure, her breasts rather full but not less firm, very fair, and contrasted beautifully by the blue branching veins which surround every part; apparently light brown hair, but so covered with powder that the colour is doubtful; of a sprightly and amorous disposition, and a very warm temper, especially when tempered by her favorite liquor, of which she loves to take large and copious libations, ever desirous of seeing the bottom. Her price is moderate, the smallest piece being as much as she in general expects.

___________________________________

Miss M—rr—s, No 59, South Mortimer
Street, Oxford Road.

"Methinks I wish, and wish for what I know
not,
"But still I wish,—yet, if I had that woman,
"She I believe could tell me what I wish for.

Should the man of pleasure take a nocturnal ramble into this lady's lodgings, and be happy enough to find her at home and alone, he need not wish himself for that night under the influence of any other star than that of Venus; as she will very

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very agreeably make the dulest hours to pass away with the soft music of love, and beat time to its silent harmony in all the luxury of soft delight; she is of a fine brunette complexion, hazel eyes, which beam inexpressibly sweet, remarka- ble fine teeth, plump firm bubbies, and a stately carriage; she dances well, and is amiable in her temper, lively in her disposition, and carries good-nature in all her actions; nor does she neglect any thing in her power to please her visitors. Her price is from two guineas upwards, to any sum the gentleman she obliges thinks she merits; which at the blooming age of twenty cannot be too much. Had she less partiality for a certain hair dresser, we think she would be more pleasing to the generality of her visitors.

___________________________________
 
The gugs, hairy and gigantic, once reared stone circles in that wood and made strange sacrifices to the Other Gods and the crawling chaos Nyarlathotep, until one night an abomination of theirs reached the ears of earth’s gods and they were banished to caverns below. Only a great trap-door of stone with an iron ring connects the abyss of the earth-ghouls with the enchanted wood, and this the gugs are afraid to open because of a curse. That a mortal dreamer could traverse their cavern realm and leave by that door is inconceivable; for mortal dreamers were their former food, and they have legends of the toothsomeness of such dreamers even though banishment has restricted their diet to the ghasts, those repulsive beings which die in the light, and which live in the vaults of Zin and leap on long hind legs like kangaroos.

So the ghoul that was Pickman advised Carter either to leave the abyss at Sarkomand, that deserted city in the valley below Leng where black nitrous stairways guarded by winged diorite lions lead down from dreamland to the lower gulfs, or to return through a churchyard to the waking world and begin the quest anew down the seventy steps of light slumber to the cavern of flame and the seven hundred steps to the Gate of Deeper Slumber and the enchanted wood. This, however, did not suit the seeker; for he knew nothing of the way from Leng to Ooth-Nargai, and was likewise reluctant to awake lest he forget all he had so far gained in this dream. It were disastrous to his quest to forget the august and celestial faces of those seamen from the north who traded onyx in Celephaïs, and who, being the sons of gods, must point the way to the cold waste and Kadath where the Great Ones dwell.

After much persuasion the ghoul consented to guide his guest inside the great wall of the gugs’ kingdom. There was one chance that Carter might be able to steal through that twilight realm of circular stone towers at an hour when the giants would be all gorged and snoring indoors, and reach the central tower with the sign of Koth upon it, which has the stairs leading up to that stone trap-door in the enchanted wood. Pickman even consented to lend three ghouls to help with a tombstone lever in raising the stone door; for of ghouls the gugs are somewhat afraid, and they often flee from their own colossal graveyards when they see feasting there.

He also advised Carter to disguise as a ghoul himself; shaving the beard he had allowed to grow (for ghouls have none), wallowing naked in the mould to get the correct surface, and loping in the usual slumping way, with his clothing carried in a bundle as if it were a choice morsel from a tomb. They would reach the city of the gugs—which is coterminous with the whole kingdom—through the proper burrows, emerging in a cemetery not far from the stair-containing Tower of Koth. They must beware, however, of a large cave near the cemetery; for this is the mouth of the vaults of Zin, and the vindictive ghasts are always on watch there murderously for those denizens of the upper abyss who hunt and prey on them. The ghasts try to come out when the gugs sleep, and they attack ghouls as readily as gugs, for they cannot discriminate. They are very primitive, and eat one another. The gugs have a sentry at a narrow place in the vaults of Zin, but he is often drowsy and is sometimes surprised by a party of ghasts. Though ghasts cannot live in real light, they can endure the grey twilight of the abyss for hours.

So at length Carter crawled through endless burrows with three helpful ghouls bearing the slate gravestone of Col. Nehemiah Derby, obiit 1719, from the Charter Street Burying Ground in Salem. When they came again into open twilight they were in a forest of vast lichened monoliths reaching nearly as high as the eye could see and forming the modest gravestones of the gugs. On the right of the hole out of which they wriggled, and seen through aisles of monoliths, was a stupendous vista of Cyclopean round towers mounting up illimitable into the grey air of inner earth. This was the great city of the gugs, whose doorways are thirty feet high. Ghouls come here often, for a buried gug will feed a community for almost a year, and even with the added peril it is better to burrow for gugs than to bother with the graves of men. Carter now understood the occasional titan bones he had felt beneath him in the vale of Pnath.

Straight ahead, and just outside the cemetery, rose a sheer perpendicular cliff at whose base an immense and forbidding cavern yawned. This the ghouls told Carter to avoid as much as possible, since it was the entrance to the unhallowed vaults of Zin where gugs hunt ghasts in the darkness. And truly, that warning was soon well justified; for the moment a ghoul began to creep toward the towers to see if the hour of the gugs’ resting had been rightly timed, there glowed in the gloom of that great cavern’s mouth first one pair of yellowish-red eyes and then another, implying that the gugs were one sentry less, and that ghasts have indeed an excellent sharpness of smell. So the ghoul returned to the burrow and motioned his companions to be silent. It was best to leave the ghasts to their own devices, and there was a possibility that they might soon withdraw, since they must naturally be rather tired after coping with a gug sentry in the black vaults. After a moment something about the size of a small horse hopped out into the grey twilight, and Carter turned sick at the aspect of that scabrous and unwholesome beast, whose face is so curiously human despite the absence of a nose, a forehead, and other important particulars.

Presently three other ghasts hopped out to join their fellow, and a ghoul glibbered softly at Carter that their absence of battle-scars was a bad sign. It proved that they had not fought the gug sentry at all, but merely slipped past him as he slept, so that their strength and savagery were still unimpaired and would remain so till they had found and disposed of a victim. It was very unpleasant to see those filthy and disproportioned animals, which soon numbered about fifteen, grubbing about and making their kangaroo leaps in the grey twilight where titan towers and monoliths arose, but it was still more unpleasant when they spoke among themselves in the coughing gutturals of ghasts. And yet, horrible as they were, they were not so horrible as what presently came out of the cave after them with disconcerting suddenness.

It was a paw, fully two feet and a half across, and equipped with formidable talons. After it came another paw, and after that a great black-furred arm to which both of the paws were attached by short forearms. Then two pink eyes shone, and the head of the awakened gug sentry, large as a barrel, wobbled into view. The eyes jutted two inches from each side, shaded by bony protuberances overgrown with coarse hairs. But the head was chiefly terrible because of the mouth. That mouth had great yellow fangs and ran from the top to the bottom of the head, opening vertically instead of horizontally.

But before that unfortunate gug could emerge from the cave and rise to his full twenty feet, the vindictive ghasts were upon him. Carter feared for a moment that he would give an alarm and arouse all his kin, till a ghoul softly glibbered that gugs have no voice, but talk by means of facial expression. The battle which then ensued was truly a frightful one. From all sides the venomous ghasts rushed feverishly at the creeping gug, nipping and tearing with their muzzles, and mauling murderously with their hard pointed hooves. All the time they coughed excitedly, screaming when the great vertical mouth of the gug would occasionally bite into one of their number, so that the noise of the combat would surely have aroused the sleeping city had not the weakening of the sentry begun to transfer the action farther and farther within the cavern. As it was, the tumult soon receded altogether from sight in the blackness, with only occasional evil echoes to mark its continuance.

Then the most alert of the ghouls gave the signal for all to advance, and Carter followed the loping three out of the forest of monoliths and into the dark noisome streets of that awful city whose rounded towers of Cyclopean stone soared up beyond the sight. Silently they shambled over that rough rock pavement, hearing with disgust the abominable muffled snortings from great black doorways which marked the slumber of the gugs. Apprehensive of the ending of the rest hour, the ghouls set a somewhat rapid pace; but even so the journey was no brief one, for distances in that town of giants are on a great scale. At last, however, they came to a somewhat open space before a tower even vaster than the rest, above whose colossal doorway was fixed a monstrous symbol in bas-relief which made one shudder without knowing its meaning. This was the central tower with the sign of Koth, and those huge stone steps just visible through the dusk within were the beginning of the great flight leading to upper dreamland and the enchanted wood.

There now began a climb of interminable length in utter blackness; made almost impossible by the monstrous size of the steps, which were fashioned for gugs, and were therefore nearly a yard high. Of their number Carter could form no just estimate, for he soon became so worn out that the tireless and elastic ghouls were forced to aid him. All through the endless climb there lurked the peril of detection and pursuit; for though no gug dares lift the stone door to the forest because of the Great Ones’ curse, there are no such restraints concerning the tower and the steps, and escaped ghasts are often chased even to the very top. So sharp are the ears of gugs, that the bare feet and hands of the climbers might readily be heard when the city awoke; and it would of course take but little time for the striding giants, accustomed from their ghast-hunts in the vaults of Zin to seeing without light, to overtake their smaller and slower quarry on those Cyclopean steps. It was very depressing to reflect that the silent pursuing gugs would not be heard at all, but would come very suddenly and shockingly in the dark upon the climbers. Nor could the traditional fear of gugs for ghouls be depended upon in that peculiar place where the advantages lay so heavily with the gugs. There was also some peril from the furtive and venomous ghasts, which frequently hopped up into the tower during the sleep hour of the gugs. If the gugs slept long, and the ghasts returned soon from their deed in the cavern, the scent of the climbers might easily be picked up by those loathsome and ill-disposed things; in which case it would almost be better to be eaten by a gug.

Then, after aeons of climbing, there came a cough from the darkness above; and matters assumed a very grave and unexpected turn. It was clear that a ghast, or perhaps even more, had strayed into that tower before the coming of Carter and his guides; and it was equally clear that this peril was very close. After a breathless second the leading ghoul pushed Carter to the wall and arranged his two kinsfolk in the best possible way, with the old slate tombstone raised for a crushing blow whenever the enemy might come in sight. Ghouls can see in the dark, so the party was not as badly off as Carter would have been alone. In another moment the clatter of hooves revealed the downward hopping of at least one beast, and the slab-bearing ghouls poised their weapon for a desperate blow. Presently two yellowish-red eyes flashed into view, and the panting of the ghast became audible above its clattering. As it hopped down to the step just above the ghouls, they wielded the ancient gravestone with prodigious force, so that there was only a wheeze and a choking before the victim collapsed in a noxious heap. There seemed to be only this one animal, and after a moment of listening the ghouls tapped Carter as a signal to proceed again. As before, they were obliged to aid him; and he was glad to leave that place of carnage where the ghast’s uncouth remains sprawled invisible in the blackness.

At last the ghouls brought their companion to a halt; and feeling above him, Carter realised that the great stone trap-door was reached at last. To open so vast a thing completely was not to be thought of, but the ghouls hoped to get it up just enough to slip the gravestone under as a prop, and permit Carter to escape through the crack. They themselves planned to descend again and return through the city of the gugs, since their elusiveness was great, and they did not know the way overland to spectral Sarkomand with its lion-guarded gate to the abyss.

Mighty was the straining of those three ghouls at the stone of the door above them, and Carter helped push with as much strength as he had. They judged the edge next the top of the staircase to be the right one, and to this they bent all the force of their disreputably nourished muscles. After a few moments a crack of light appeared; and Carter, to whom that task had been entrusted, slipped the end of the old gravestone in the aperture. There now ensued a mighty heaving; but progress was very slow, and they had of course to return to their first position every time they failed to turn the slab and prop the portal open.

Suddenly their desperation was magnified a thousandfold by a sound on the steps below them. It was only the thumping and rattling of the slain ghast’s hooved body as it rolled down to lower levels; but of all the possible causes of that body’s dislodgment and rolling, none was in the least reassuring. Therefore, knowing the ways of gugs, the ghouls set to with something of a frenzy; and in a surprisingly short time had the door so high that they were able to hold it still whilst Carter turned the slab and left a generous opening. They now helped Carter through, letting him climb up to their rubbery shoulders and later guiding his feet as he clutched at the blessed soil of the upper dreamland outside. Another second and they were through themselves, knocking away the gravestone and closing the great trap-door while a panting became audible beneath. Because of the Great Ones’ curse no gug might ever emerge from that portal, so with a deep relief and sense of repose Carter lay quietly on the thick grotesque fungi of the enchanted wood while his guides squatted near in the manner that ghouls rest.

Weird as was that enchanted wood through which he had fared so long ago, it was verily a haven and a delight after the gulfs he had now left behind. There was no living denizen about, for zoogs shun the mysterious door in fear, and Carter at once consulted with his ghouls about their future course. To return through the tower they no longer dared, and the waking world did not appeal to them when they learned that they must pass the priests Nasht and Kaman-Thah in the cavern of flame. So at length they decided to return through Sarkomand and its gate of the abyss, though of how to get there they knew nothing. Carter recalled that it lies in the valley below Leng, and recalled likewise that he had seen in Dylath-Leen a sinister, slant-eyed old merchant reputed to trade on Leng. Therefore he advised the ghouls to seek out Dylath-Leen, crossing the fields to Nir and the Skai and following the river to its mouth. This they at once resolved to do, and lost no time in loping off, since the thickening of the dusk promised a full night ahead for travel. And Carter shook the paws of those repulsive beasts, thanking them for their help and sending his gratitude to the beast which once was Pickman; but could not help sighing with pleasure when they left. For a ghoul is a ghoul, and at best an unpleasant companion for man. After that Carter sought a forest pool and cleansed himself of the mud of nether earth, thereupon reassuming the clothes he had so carefully carried.

It was now night in that redoubtable wood of monstrous trees, but because of the phosphorescence one might travel as well as by day; wherefore Carter set out upon the well-known route toward Celephaïs, in Ooth-Nargai beyond the Tanarian Hills. And as he went he thought of the zebra he had left tethered to an ash tree on Ngranek in far-away Oriab so many aeons ago, and wondered if any lava-gatherer had fed and released it. And he wondered, too, if he would ever return to Baharna and pay for the zebra that was slain by night in those ancient ruins by Yath’s shore, and if the old tavern-keeper would remember him. Such were the thoughts that came to him in the air of the regained upper dreamland.

But presently his progress was halted by a sound from a very large hollow tree. He had avoided the great circle of stones, since he did not care to speak with zoogs just now; but it appeared from the singular fluttering in that huge tree that important councils were in session elsewhere. Upon drawing nearer he made out the accents of a tense and heated discussion; and before long became conscious of matters which he viewed with the greatest concern. For a war on the cats was under debate in that sovereign assembly of zoogs. It all came from the loss of the party which had sneaked after Carter to Ulthar, and which the cats had justly punished for unsuitable intentions. The matter had long rankled; and now, or within at least a month, the marshalled zoogs were about to strike the whole feline tribe in a series of surprise attacks, taking individual cats or groups of cats unawares, and giving not even the myriad cats of Ulthar a proper chance to drill and mobilise. This was the plan of the zoogs, and Carter saw that he must foil it before leaving on his mighty quest.

Very quietly therefore did Randolph Carter steal to the edge of the wood and send the cry of the cat over the starlit fields. And a great grimalkin in a nearby cottage took up the burden and relayed it across leagues of rolling meadow to warriors large and small, black, grey, tiger, white, yellow, and mixed; and it echoed through Nir and beyond the Skai even into Ulthar, and Ulthar’s numerous cats called in chorus and fell into a line of march. It was fortunate that the moon was not up, so that all the cats were on earth. Swiftly and silently leaping, they sprang from every hearth and housetop and poured in a great furry sea across the plains to the edge of the wood. Carter was there to greet them, and the sight of shapely, wholesome cats was indeed good for his eyes after the things he had seen and walked with in the abyss. He was glad to see his venerable friend and one-time rescuer at the head of Ulthar’s detachment, a collar of rank around his sleek neck, and whiskers bristling at a martial angle. Better still, as a sub-lieutenant in that army was a brisk young fellow who proved to be none other than the very little kitten at the inn to whom Carter had given a saucer of rich cream on that long-vanished morning in Ulthar. He was a strapping and promising cat now, and purred as he shook hands with his friend. His grandfather said he was doing very well in the army, and that he might well expect a captaincy after one more campaign.

Carter now outlined the peril of the cat tribe, and was rewarded by deep-throated purrs of gratitude from all sides. Consulting with the generals, he prepared a plan of instant action which involved marching at once upon the zoog council and other known strongholds of zoogs; forestalling their surprise attacks and forcing them to terms before the mobilisation of their army of invasion. Thereupon without a moment’s loss that great ocean of cats flooded the enchanted wood and surged around the council tree and the great stone circle. Flutterings rose to panic pitch as the enemy saw the newcomers, and there was very little resistance among the furtive and curious brown zoogs. They saw that they were beaten in advance, and turned from thoughts of vengeance to thoughts of present self-preservation.

Half the cats now seated themselves in a circular formation with the captured zoogs in the centre, leaving open a lane down which were marched the additional captives rounded up by the other cats in other parts of the wood. Terms were discussed at length, Carter acting as interpreter, and it was decided that the zoogs might remain a free tribe on condition of rendering to the cats a large annual tribute of grouse, quail, and pheasants from the less fabulous parts of their forest. Twelve young zoogs of noble families were taken as hostages to be kept in the Temple of the Cats at Ulthar, and the victors made it plain that any disappearances of cats on the borders of the zoog domain would be followed by consequences highly disastrous to zoogs. These matters disposed of, the assembled cats broke ranks and permitted the zoogs to slink off one by one to their respective homes, which they hastened to do with many a sullen backward glance.

The old cat general now offered Carter an escort through the forest to whatever border he wished to reach, deeming it likely that the zoogs would harbour dire resentment against him for the frustration of their warlike enterprise. This offer he welcomed with gratitude; not only for the safety it afforded, but because he liked the graceful companionship of cats. So in the midst of a pleasant and playful regiment, relaxed after the successful performance of its duty, Randolph Carter walked with dignity through that enchanted and phosphorescent wood of titan trees, talking of his quest with the old general and his grandson whilst others of the band indulged in fantastic gambols or chased fallen leaves that the wind drove among the fungi of the primeval floor. And the old cat said that he had heard much of unknown Kadath in the cold waste, but did not know where it was. As for the marvellous sunset city, he had not even heard of that, but would gladly relay to Carter anything he might later learn.

He gave the seeker some passwords of great value among the cats of dreamland, and commended him especially to the old chief of the cats in Celephaïs, whither he was bound. That old cat, already slightly known to Carter, was a dignified Maltese; and would prove highly influential in any transaction. It was dawn when they came to the proper edge of the wood, and Carter bade his friends a reluctant farewell. The young sub-lieutenant he had met as a small kitten would have followed him had not the old general forbidden it, but that austere patriarch insisted that the path of duty lay with the tribe and the army. So Carter set out alone over the golden fields that stretched mysterious beside a willow-fringed river, and the cats went back into the wood.
 
Once that you've decided on a killing
First you make a stone of your heart
And if you find that your hands are still willing
Then you can turn a murder into art

There really isn't any need for bloodshed
Just do it with a little more finesse
If you can slip a tablet into someone's coffee
Then it avoids an awful lot of mess

Because it's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABC
It's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABC

Now if you have a taste for this experience
And you're flushed with your very first success
Then you must try a twosome or a threesome
And you'll find your conscience bothers you much less

Because murder is like anything you take to
It's a habit-forming need for more and more
You can bump off every member of your family
And anybody else you find a bore

Because it's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABC
It's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABC

Now you can join the ranks of the illustrious
In history's great dark hall of fame
All our greatest killers were industrious
At least the ones that we all know by name

But you can reach the top of your profession
If you become the leader of the land
For murder is the sport of the elected
And you don't need to lift a finger of your hand

Because it's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABC
It's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABCDE

One, two, three
ABC
One, two, three
ABC
One, two, three
ABC

It's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABC
It's murder by numbers
One, two, three
It's as easy to learn
As your ABCDE
 
Miss Elizabeth W—tk—ns, Little
Chesterfield-Street.

Loves subtle fluid, and life's thrilling kiss
Glide thro' her frame, and speak the coming
bliss.

In this age of gallantry and pleasure, when epicurism is so much practised, and

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and variety so much sought after, we are happy in being able to serve up a dish to every palate, and here present our readers with as delicious a one (that is when she does not smell of brandy) as would be provided by the hand of luxury itself, and stimulate the most languid appetite to fall on with the greatest gou; for in Betsy is comprised an epitome of delight, rather above mediocrity in her size, fine dark eyes and hair, and a fine durable complexion, and teeth that needs not the dentist nor his dentrifice; and a pair of tempting full formed breasts, made for the swelling yielding joy, and to send the murmurring sigh of rapture to the breath- ing trembling lips; and at the critical juncture of supreme pleasure, her whole spirit seems to dissolve within her, weep thro' all her frame with exquisitely thrilling languor, and pour down to the centrical point from every Cyprian spring a whole flood of liquid life: for a nocturnal bathe in this Cyprian spring, she expects at least two guineas.

Miss

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Miss Betsy R—l—ns, No. 12, Little
Tichfield Street.

Just at fifteen the down of nature grew,
O'er the soft yielding lips of crimson hue;
The wanton fire of love began to play,
And on her bosom shew its powerful sway
When two more years had ripened every joint,
All nature's power did to the centre point,

And still continues to point there, never seeking for a more engaging part, than that whose natural instinct so forcibly point to that central abode; and well may it point there, for she can command a Paradise of bliss; a fair eye, and beautiful complexion, together with firm panting breasts, busy hand, which loves to be busily employed in inviting the tumid guest to her dear land of delight; the two grand supporters of which always unfold at the approach of this never un- welcome visitor, whose knocking and entrance is generally performed at the same time; the dando and reddendo game soon began, which cannot be won but by death. She is tall and genteelly formed, good teeth, a fair skin, and pretty melting light eyes, and was taught, when

( 67 )

when in keeping by the surgeon sh takes her name from, that kind of behaviour that does credit to herself, and is very rare to be met with amongst the frail daughters of pleasure.

___________________________________

Mrs, W—rd, No. 19, Union Street,
Middlesex Hospital.

There is a joy to melt in her embrace,
Dissolve in pleasures, not in delights.

She is a fine lusty well looking lady; her eyes and hair are dark; her teeth good, and her age about thirty; she sees much company, and none depart unsatis- fied, it being her study to please, and her pride to be thought worthy of a second visit. She is very careful of her health, and where she has the least reason to suspect infection, is very strict in examin- ing the ambassador of love e'er she re- ceives his tribute. Tho' a very generous dealer, and one who has dealt in our market at least ten years, she does not appear to be quite void of sensibility; but seems to give pleasing proofs that she feels delight, as well as bestows it. Her old

( 68 )

old friend, whose name she stole, has been long dead, and by his death has reduced her to accept of almost any sum her paramour offers.

___________________________________

Miss J—hn—t—n, No. 6, Church
Court, St. Martin's Lane.

Here roses red, and lilys fair;
The gifts of nature, deck her air.

Oh for a touch of the pencil of anima- tion to color the picture of one of the most lively productions in our exhibition; she is genteel and well made, with a beautiful face, the tints in which are done by nature alone, fine light hair, and a pretty learing eye, that would make a monk disregard his vow of celibacy, or a mahometan think that he had got one of the daughters of paradise; her mouth small, her lips tempting; her teeth even, white, and regular; her foot and leg smart, and her dress at once neat and genteel. But these are not the sole powers of this lady; she is acquainted at once

( 69 )

once with the whole rationale of love, as well as with the entire practice of it; and whether we talk of those mysteries which are only known by the adepts, or those more clumsily applied operations of the lower orders of the sisterhood, she is up to every thing in love's tactics. Her dialect does not tell us she is a native of Scotland, tho' her father, who is an half pay officer, yet resides there; at this period when the powers of love or lust are at their full bloom, necessity and inclination together, prompted her to become a dancer on our cyprian stage, and is very desirous of pleasing every man that makes her his partner, and is so very careful of her health, that before she receives her guinea, she must examine every one of her partner's legs.

___________________________________

Mrs. S—tt—n, No. 31, Tavistock-Street.

When will the dear man come, that I may
hold him
Fast as my love can make him, hug him close
As my fond soul can wish; give all my breath
In sighs and kisses, tell I swoon with rapture.

All this she seems to say to each
admirer; it cannot be true to all. But
no

( 70 )

no matter. Vanity whispers to each, this is for thee alone, and the self-deceived dolt believes it. Miss S—tt—n, indeed, can give pleasure; her agreeable per- son, animated eyes, and lively manner, promise pleasing enjoyment, and in that she does not deceive; she artfully prolongs the pleasure to its utmost limits, and even then repines it is so short. She is of a comfortable size, genteelly form'd, with a pretty round face, a little pimpled, very pretty orient teeth, and now just entered her twenty-second year; her lodgings are neat and elegant, for the use of which, and a little black apartment, she always carries about her; she expects, at least 3 guineas; if not at home, in the evening, is generally to be met with in the green boxes.
 
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Miss C—p—r, at a China shop, Russell
Court.

Let me press therein my arms,
Tune of my heart, and charmer of my eyes,
Nay, thou shall hear the extacy from me,
I'll make thee smile with my extravagant passion.

This lady is neither handsome, well dress'd, well lodg'd, nor well bred; yet she

( 71 )

she will give more delight than most of the finical dames, who think they do their gallants a favour to admit their em- braces at a high price. This humble girl is thankful for a crown, and will testify her gratitude in whatever way you chuse, she is willing to appear in the dress of pure nature, as her skin is without spot or blemish, her breasts small and plump, and her limbs well turned and well pro- portioned. It is her joy to give joy, and she omits no means of procuring it; though her compliance is ample, she is so reserved in her demand that she takes what is given, and does not, like too many of her sisterhood, seize the minute just preceding the moment of extacy to demand more, and either proceed or draw back as her demands are gratify'd or not. In short she is worthy of some de- gree of elevation, to enable her to walk a more gainful round than Catherine- street, or the Strand. She has lately been to visit her parents in Derbyshire, and is now returned a tolerable fresh piece again.

Mrs.

( 72 )

Mrs. H—w—rd, No. 14, Moor's-place,
Lambeth.

Her brows are arch'd, and rather full and thin,
To shade the dazzling light that dwells therein.

Although Mrs. H—w—rd cannot be more than twenty-six, she has been a true sportswoman, at the cyprian games, for at least twelve years, and has within these late ones contracted such an habit of in- timacy with the gin bottle, that unless a person is particularly partial to it, it is al- most intolerable, to approach her. At Brighton, this last season, she was the fa- vourite girl at Mrs.John—n's, and had she not, through a foolish fondness, gave the preference to her dear Mr. Sn—m, it is in general believed Mr. W——, the capital Brewer, would have taken her under his own protection; she is rather too short, and too fat, fine dark hair; and eyes and eye-brows that answer very well to her motto; the grove below is well thatched, and ample enough in size to take in any guest; but still she has learnt the knack of contracting it, and a small made gentleman may feel the tender friction. When she elopes from her dear fellow, she is to be met with at Mrs. J—ns—n's, in German-street, and does not turn away any money offered her.

( 73 )

Mrs. H—ll—ngb—rg, No. 4, Castle-
Street, East.

In hell and earth, and seas and heaven above,
Love conquers all, and we must yield to force.

This lady, tho' an adept in the art, so nobly erases true impudence, with false modesty, that her lover would be almost lead to think his chosen fair, at first sight, an immaculate Virgin. The supreme gush, the enraptured moment she so mutually interchanges, or at least seems so to do, that she might well be stil'd the paragon of her sex; and so perfectly well convin- ced of her own proficiency in the art, (altho in spite, of those killing lumi- naries, embellished by a tolerable good skin, she has too large a mouth ever to be stil'd a beauty) she never will see her man a second time, unless Plutus has suf- ficiently shewn his power first. Our charmer was taken from her parents, and taught the use of the tree of life at a very early period; but never had the good for- tune on her side to be much exalted: in- deed, when we consider the more early part of her life was spent, and the whole of her education was received in a sea port town, we cannot be much surprised.

Miss

( 74 )

Miss R—b—ns—n, No 14, Lisle Street,
Leciester Fields.

Thou can'st not see one wrinkle in my brow,
My eyes tho' dark, are bright and quick in
turning,
My beauty as the spring does yearly grow,
My flesh is soft and plump; my marrow
burning.

It is not surprising, the notice which a lady, who as long erected her standard in the field of pleasure, attracts from the veterans in the same field. This is the case of our heroine, now about twenty-eight years of age, tall, rather lusty, and a figure that speaks true symmetry; hand- some, a slight tinge of the brunette in her complexion, with very fine dark hair, fine hazel eyes, very dark, and finely arch'd eye brows; indeed, she has been a very fine woman, and is far from being in her wane of beauty; her hair, indeed, is remarkably fine, and such a length, as to be able to be interwoven with her once maidenhead thicket, now grown to a fine bushy arbour surrounding the blissful cell of the blind sovereign of wanton sports, where he reigns predominant over every sense,

( 75 )

sense, and subjects all the rest to that of feeling; here he keeps his court and holds his revels; come then ye followers of Co- mus, plunge your burning plough shares within the betwiching circle, and slake the hot breathing of untamed desire; here dance the round of joy till sense grows giddy in the maze, and taste the delicious transports of maddening delight, till pan- ting nature striking the alarm, proclaims a dying pause to her own music, and pours forth the flood of mingled rapture; she has good breasts, and her limbs are finely turn'd and proportioned; she is of a very good disposition, and a most agreeable companion, and is at present in keep- ing by a Mr. M—lls; but being fond of the glow of youth, and the manly embrace of full vigour, she indulges variety, and is various in her expectation for so doing.

___________________________________

Miss L—nds—y, No 13, Little Portland
Street.

What pity 'tis so fine a face and form
Should suffer pride, the cankerworms of joy,
That beauty to deform.

If a warm son of Bacchus, flush'd with
the fullness of desire impetuous, Would wish
to
( 76 )

to melt a haughty temper down to the standard of all complying love, let him repair to this imperious golden hair'd beauty, for however proud, she will stoop to conquer any bold invader; and you may lay her on her back by closing with her in the athletic exercise of wrestling, as she is very fond of Cupid's hug, and the amorous lock, and will wait your further attack with becoming spirit, and engage your champion of her ring, with a grasp, till he is reduced to bend beneath the powerful squeeze, and yield all the metal he has about him to his circling antago- nist, who, so far from behaving ungene- rous, will give out in exchange as much, or more rich treasure of another coin, in token of mutual amity; in short she is as smart a little girl as you will in general see of her complexion and size, and bor- rows her name from a gentleman who is a very good friend, but does not expect her to confine the whole of her favours to him alone; but allows her to pick up her odd guineas as she pleases.

Mrs.

( 77 )

Mrs L—w—s, Upper Charlotte Street,
Rathbone Place.

Sure nature cast one in her softest mould,
All mild and gentle, never made to scold.

West Indies gave birth to this daugh- ter of Momus by Venus; the warmth of the clime brought the charming girl's feel- ing to maturity at an early period, and a gentleman, whose name she assumes, first trod down Hymen's fence, and made her a perfect woman; but the natural warmth of her constitution soon compell- ed her to seek variety in our great mart; she therefore left her good friend, and now presents the world with a sweet chearful disposition, fine dark hair, and eyes of the same friendly hue; fine teeth, is short and plump, and we have not had her above eighteen months; she expects three guineas for a whole night, but if you make a short visit, one pound one shilling is the least.

Betsy

( 78 )

B—t—sy, at Mrs. Kelly's, Duke Street,
St. James's.

—Endless joys are in that heaven of love,
A thousand Cupids dance upon her smiles;
Young bathing graces wanton in her eyes,
Melt in her looks, and pant upon her breasts;
Each word is gentle as a western breeze
That fans the infant bosom of the spring,
And every sigh more fragrant than the morn.

This beautiful girl, that goes by no other name than Betsy, was formely a retailer of apples, &c. She has lately, with three other ladies, sported her figure at Bath, and was there the reigning toast amongst the first bucks of the place; she is delicately and genteely form'd, about the middle size, very young and spright- ly, and modest in her conversation, ex- cept when proper occasions demand wan- ton freedom; her hair and eyes are black, and her teeth remarkably white, through which she plays the velvet tip with un- common grace and ardour; we cannot pretend to say who cropt the virgin bud from the beautiful tree, but it could be long before she put herself under the care and direction of Mrs. K——, and under such a tutoress we have no doubt but she will

( 79 )

will be soon such a complete mistress of her business, that join'd with her personal accomplishments, will bring her into the molt elevated life. Many of the post steeds of Venus have been so often hack'd, that they are broken winded, halt in their paces, and are well nigh founder'd, so as to be scarce fit for any thing but brood mares, if they are not too old. There will therefore be full room for Betsy to succeed some of the most eminent, as she is well worthy of the embraces of the first men in the kingdom. Some who have possess'd her speak with rap- tures of the joy she bestows, they say the beauties she displays when drest, great as they are, are trivial to those which cus- tom keeps concealed; they say the mossy grot of Venus is perfectly enchanting; her thighs are two alabaster pillars, which with the ebon tendril that play in wanton ringlets round the grot, and the crimson lining of the elastic portals, form together that perfect clare obscure, so much admir'd in painting, and which al- ways produce a most pleasing effect; that her lovely snowy breasts are quickly be- spread with purple meandring veins, and that her murmurs, her broken sighs of joy,

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joy, and half spoken words of delight in the rapturous minute, justify fully, the exclamation of the poet.

Oh! how sweet to see her eyes
Rolling in their humid fires,
Where the nymph extended lies
Full of love and soft desires;
Conscious red her cheeks o'er spreading,
And her heaving bosom rising,
Milky paths to raptures leading,
Murmuring sighs her joys disguising.
 
Miss P—mbr—ke, No. 5, Duke-Street,
Adelphi.

Where did my soul in the dear transport go?
Did it with willing haste to her depart?
It did, I'm sure, and fluttered around her
heart;
It heav'd, it trembled, and it panted there,
But all its weak efforts to stay were vain,
A kiss restored the fugitive again;
My soul re-enterd, we repeated o'er
A thousand joys unknown to both before.

In the bloom of sixteen, tall and ele-
gantly genteel, with fine black expressive
eyes, and remarkable fine hair, which
flows

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flows in graceful ringlets down her back, and with an envious shade sweetly pro- tects two of the most enchanting snowy hillocks nature ever formed. Miss P—— may well please, may well attract the eye. She does please, she does attract, and upon every account well merits the attention of the man of true taste. Untutored by art, and taught only by powerful nature, she charms in enjoyment; and as she has not, from over frequency, been rendered callous to the joys of love, she repays every rapture with interest, and meets the blissful moment with a tepid flood of delight. At present she is in good keeping by a citizen, not many miles from Fleet Market, and having been only three months under his care, has not yet been sufficiently broke for the sport, hope therefore that some of our good friends will, by properly supplying the citizen's place at those hours his employment obliges him to be absent, instill into her such principles that will at least raise her spunk to proof; but' altho' young, she can well dispense with a little more pocket money than her keeper allows, and always expects twice the number of pieces that her paramour gives proofs of his manhood.

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Miss Harriet Ll—d, at a Toy Shop,
German-Street

————-Born with every grace,
Ev'n envy must applaud so fair a face;
Such is her form as painters when they show
Their utmost art, on naked limbs bestow.

This pretty little smart girl, this true lover of the sport, is at present in keeping by a member of P————t, not far from St. James's; but not being suffi- ciently membered for her lower house, she appropriates the greatest part of the member's hard coin to support and keep in good humour two favourites of her own. The one a tender sprig of the law, the other a jolly hearty looking butcher; but still in spite of these three, she has her best apartment ready for any one that is master of five guineas, and will make her mistress of the same; it is neatly ornamented with chestnut coloured fringe, is snug and warm, and when not too warm (which we are told is sometimes the case) very comfortable; she is now only seventeen, her dark eyes have much lustre and more meaning: her

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her limbs, tho' small, are well shaped, covered with a skin fair as the swan's neck, and soft as its down, they are perfectly pliable, and form a thousand true lovers knots, first to facilitate the entrance into her apartment, and then to keep the enraptured lodger there as long as possible. Indeed, she never lets one depart till he has paid his rent; but to shew she is not avaricious, she generally returns as much as she receives, in the like metal, tho' not in the same coin.

___________________________________

Miss Sarah S—dd—ns, at a Hair-
dresser's, Tavistock-row, Covent-garden.

He dresses her wig in a new fashion way,
And black D—m—r as usual is jovial and gay;
She constantly smiles on her doating dear puff,
And thinks he can never be tumbled enough.

This good-natured piece of luxury we have nor been able to trace beyond five years, at which time she made her entry in no very high sphere, but meet- ing with great encouragement, she might have done very well, but love, that wicked deity, created for the ruin of his female

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female votaries, shot poor Sally deep in the heart; going to partake of an innocent amusement, vulgarly called black hops, where twelve pence will gain admission, she beheld, oh dire misfortune! a lovely African, blooming with all the hue of the warm country that gave him birth, and fell at that instant a sacrifice to the charms of the well made sooty frizeur; for some time she ranked him amongst her own train, and charitably exerted herself for his support, but growing at length satiated with his dear company, and almost ruined in the bar- gain, she dismissed the gloomy object of her late desires, and parted mutual friends; since which time she has graced the purlieus of Covent-Garden with her presence, and is perfectly well known under the Piazza. She is about twenty- three, light hair and eyes, a good skin, and size compleatly adapted for this season, and which seems to please the greatest part of her friends and customers, who think two arms full of joy twice as good as one; she is remarkably good- natured and affable to those who favour her with a visit, and will take almost any sum rather than turn her visitor away;

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away; but if you absolutely bilk her, beware of the consequence; for she is so well convinced that she does not merit such treatment, that she will, if possible, revenge the injury; but we hope none of our friends will ever pay her a whole noctunal visit without a small piece of gold in his pocket, as she is an able pasture maker, is up to every movement in the art of giving pleasure, and will oblige them in any way.

___________________________________

Miss M—lt—n, No. 9, Charles-Street ,
Covent-Garden.

Here haste ye gay, take pleasure on the wing,
Taste all her sweets conjoin'd, nor fear her
sting.

This agreeable girl has a pretty face suffused with a good complexion, dark penetrating eyes, hair of the same hue, which waves in glossy ringlets o'er her shoulders, a set of good teeth, and a stature of the exact medium between a giant and a pigmy; she has not been more than eight months in this grand mart of universal commerce, and now stands out for a settlement from some of her warm admirers, which (being at the rich

( 86 ) rich age of twenty, the prime of female charms, when every zeal that can enhance enjoyments is at its full zenith) she con- cludes ought to be a good one. Mr. N—by, a limb of the law, is her greatest friend and her particular admirer, but does not seem to have any objection to her "Flying abroad for food,"

and is not at all displeased to find her a guinea richer than when he left her.

___________________________________

Miss Gr—ce, No 124, Portland street.

Forc'd to consent, but never to obey,
Panting he lies; the liquid minute pass'd,
She feedeth on the stream as on a prey,
And calls it heavenly moisture.

Some ladies prefer the profit, others the pleasure; some may divide it equally in their choice, and perhaps their may be, among Venus's tribe, the lady found almost indifferent to either; this lady however we may venture to affirm is not of the last stamp; she is a fine inviting looking girl, with very lively Cupidinous eyes and a good complexion, and scarcely ever to be found but in a good humour; and

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and her paramour, provided he can prove himself the good bed fellow, has nothing to fear in this lady's company, as money with her is not the entire object, it is the enjoyment that constitutes her happiness, and in that part she is a truly lovely ac- tress; her twining limbs never forget their office; her busy lips is mistress of the ge- nuine burning kiss, and the intermediate parts move in every direction that can possibly enhance the coming joy, which she will powerfully urge a repetition of, as long as dame nature can possibly af- ford it. She is at prefent in keeping by a French count, who though very jea- lous, often suffers her to sport it in his chariot, during which time her tell- tale black eyes, is busy in hunting for ad- mirers, and can tip the wink and con- duct him, if approved, to a safe harbour; and altho' not so very fond of money, she does not expect to have less than five guineas offered her.
 
Miss M—l—sw—rth, No. 62, Wells-
street, Oxford-street.

A summer's day will seem an hour but short,
Being wasted in such time-be guiling sport.

Without possessing any particular at- tracing charms this lady pleases, and has many admirers. Her face is agreeable without being pretty, she is well made, without being strictly genteel; and a friend to mirth and good humour, without vul- garity. She carries on a snug good trade, without going much abroad, and is in bed a very amorous companion. If she does go abroad it is generally to some of the pub- iic hops, where she contrives to select out her partner for the night, and will con- vince him (although she dances well a- midst twenty couple) that she cuts a much better figure with only one, and being now only twenty years of age,with good nature, affability, and love depicted in all her actions, no one that has three guineas in his pocket, ought to be against parting with two thirds to oblige her.

Miss

( 89 )

Miss Betsy H—st—ng, No. 30, Duke-
street, St. James's.

Blest with such charms, the snowy heart could
move
Such melting beauties sovereign claims of love;
She sweetly smiles, unconscious of her pow'r,
And with her pleasing chat beguiles each hour.

It is an undoubted fact she, must please, she must charm the heart, and win the foul to exquisite delight; how can it be otherwise! behold her eyes, drinking their living moisture in cups of the purest hazel, and holding converse with the heart, in such a language, the least meeting glance must immediately un- derstand; behold her hair, glossy as the pearly drops that gild the flow'ry field when Phoebus first his eastern rays ex- tends, and soft as turtles down; which, when suffered to sport in nature's wanton folds, hold all the graces in their sportive curls; view next her teeth, as white as the polish'd elephants, and beautiful as white;

Cheeks from whence the roses seek their
bloom,
And lips from whence the zephyrs steal perfume

but all these charms united, fall very short of her mental qualifications: her lively

( 90 )

lively wit charms the heart, and makes her the desirable companion; her beha- viour, Which in company never deviates from the strict line of modesty, gains her the truest merit: her apartments are very genteel, and her dress corresponds with her person. Her professional abilities are not less to be priz'd than her other na- tural gifts; her natural structure in those parts is so well adapted, that it must please; and every additional improvement to enhance the coming pleasure our deli- cate charmer is well acquainted with; being now only nineteen she cannot, in the least, have lost the keen edge of amo- rous transport; neither are the essential parts at all deprived of their magical power; the liquid eye streams with the maddening fire of youth, with all the desires of unsatiated love; the panting heave, accompanying the quick inter- rupted sigh, speaks desire in its fullest tone; and so mutually does she inter- change the liquid store at the die-away convulsive moment, that all her soul seems centred in the blissful spot. She is tall, and elegantly form'd in every limb; Mr. Arch—r, the musician, is at present her favourite man; him she will oblige at any time, from every one else she expects three guineas. Miss

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Miss D—v—nsh—re, No. 9, Queen
Anne Street East

Fool! not to know that love endures no tie,
And Jove but laughs at lovers perjury.

This lady is a native of Devonshire, and has only been one of us four months; she is of a fine fair complexion, love tinctured cerulean eyes, fine teeth, and genteel good figure; a charming partner in a dance, a eery good companion by the fire side, and dearly loves an agreeable friend and a chearful glass; many a man of war hath been her willing prisoner, and paid a proper ransom; her port is said to be well guarded by a light brown chevaux-de-freize, and parted from Bum- bay by a very small pleasant isthmus. The entry is rather straight; but when once in, their is very good riding; and when they have paid port customs, they are suffered to slip out very easily, though generally followed by a salute from Crown- point, which hastens their departure by causing the floodgates to open com- modiously. She is so brave, that she is ever ready for an engagement; cares not how soon she comes to close quarters, and loves to fight yard arm and yard arm, and be

( 92 )

be briskly boarded; she is best pleased when her opponent is well armed, and Would despise any warrior, who had not two stout balls to block up her covered way, and did not carry metal enough to leave two pounds behind him.

___________________________________

Mrs. N—t—n, No. 12, Suffolk-street,
Cavendish-Square.

The blooming looks of spring, and lovely red
As opening roses, on her cheeks are spread;
Her eyes that sparkle like the stars above,
Appear the armory and throne of love,
Whilst thousands of alluring graces Wait,
And mingling charms form love's triumphant
state.

This lady is tolerably handsome, with a fine dark durable complexion, fine hazel eyes and good teeth, which, by a perpetual smile, or rather grin, she has acquired a very convenient knack of shewing; she is tall, and the goodness of her temper and disposition render her a very agreeable companion and makes her at present much sought after. We hear the first toast she drinks every day is to

( 93 )

to the health of Mr. N——, a gentle- man of the law, whose name she has taken the liberty of substituting for her own; she has not yet been a year on the town, yet has done great execution amongst the tender hearts of the men of the ton, many of which she has kindled into a flame. She is as fond of variety as any baronet's lady, and will display her naked beauties to any curious observer, without giving them the trouble to mount On any other man's shoulder to take a peep at them. She is very tall, and the pit in her black heath is said to have a considerable profundity, and has baff- led the art of many a gauger to take it precisely with the best dipping rules; yet though the attempt has been unsuccessful, it hath not been undelightful, for the passage being straight much pleasure has been derived by the gauger, during which pleasing pastime

A gentle warmth invades her glowing breast,
And while she fondly gazes on thy face,
Ev'n thought is lost in exquisite delights;

and she is so generous, that as she knows the hours of love are but short, she always fills up every moment of them with rap- ture. She well knows how to wind the clock

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clock of nature up to the highest pitch, and make the human pendulum vibrate to ex- tasy; nay, she can so well fill up what the Poet calls the dull pause of joy, that its duration is scarce perceiv'd, and she beats an almost instantaneous alarm to blissful repetition.
 
We aren't ourselves
Brains on the shelf
We'll all wake up
When Ringo buys a rifle

We live we breathe
We spread disease
That all must end
When Ringo buys a rifle

People told him what to say
Ordered advanced dream away
Paul was dubbing Ringo's drumming
John was dubbing Ringo's humming
People were starting to talk

We start wars
Forget the poor
That all must change
Ringo buys a rifle
We stand tall
Try to evolve
We'll walk on water
Ringo buys a rifle

Animals will bear their fangs
Pope will join a gang
We'll all get new shoes
When Ringo buys a rifle

Buildings come crashing down
Lost things will be found
Life'll be so much better
When Ringo buys a rifle

Tried to keep his head level
Was possessed by the devil
Church is callin' Ringo's mom
Telling her Ringo's a bum
Rumors are starting to fly

We'll be one
To love a gun
That's how we'll live
Ringo buys a rifle
We start small
Must learn to crawl
We'll learn to fly
Ringo buys a rifle

Doesn't want to be cute
He just wants to shoot
Blow them away
Make them all pay
His mind has jumped track
He's a Beatle maniac
Hey Paul, you asshole... Dub this!

When Ringo buys a rifle
When Ringo buys a rifle

People told him what to say
Ordered advanced dream away
Paul was dubbing Ringo's drumming
John was dubbing Ringo's humming
People were starting to talk

He is one with indoor plumbing
Paul's still dubbing Ringo's drumming
He's formed with the NRA
They stole half his dream away
Rumors are starting to fly
He let them have his dream away!
 
I'm already growing bored with Harris' List. It's very poorly formatted, and while I enjoy its catty euphemisms, it's becoming kind of same-old same-old. It does have the great advantage of being naturally split up into short, complete sections, so I can stop at any time. That makes it a good transitory work.

Give me a rainbow if you think I should switch over to something else on Christmas Day, and a heart if you want me to finish the whole thing.
 
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