How the fuck do I write a resume?

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There was some good resume talk way back in the early Connor Bible thread (classic Halalcow), he was and still is a giant autist with no life skills and experience and was too lazy to write a resume, so many people tried to help him. If you have anything at all to put on a resume, you're already better off then he was.

Personally I like to pad things out by describing my job as a little more important and involved than it actually was, if you need to dredge old club involvement up that can help also. My first resume cited 9 years of Girl Scouting and high school Environmental Club because fuck it, I needed to stretch that thing out.

Examples of Kiwi written resumes as referance for formatting- I like to keep within 1 to 2 pages, easy to read font, very cleanly laid out.
ConnorBible.PNG
Connor Bible resume.PNG
 
73_Autistic_Fuck_54 said:
how the fuck do I write a resume that makes employers want to hire me?
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It's not that difficult, but it takes a little bit of effort.

You should first start with the jobs you are applying to and break it down into KPIs. What is it that is desired from a candidate in these positions? Look around on the Internet, and I am sure you will narrow it down pretty fast.

Now, work it out backwards. You have the set of skills required from the employer, and you have what you have done.

How can you manage to subtly make that person understand that despite no direct experience, you have adjacent experience that can translate to another position?

Break down your past experience into smaller chunks and give relevant ones more visibility in your skills or responsibilities sections under the employment to match expectations. You don't need to lie, just twist the truth.

I would also say that making a cover letter and actually researching the job and the company ahead of time will make you stand out. You have no idea how many people come to an interview and barely know what the company does. Even if you don't get everything right, it goes a long way to talk with someone who has prepared.

If you feel really out of your depth about something, or you know that you can't realistically pretend to have experience there, be honest, but mention that this is something you are interested in and want the opportunity to get training for. It's usually not a deal breaker as long as you have motivation, but it's better to be the one to mention it than to be asked.
 
cant help ya out with the hiring part but apart from basic information like name, birthday, a picture of yourself, physical adress and email / number, put your most recent job and position on the first place (repeat this with everything else you did until you're at the first job on the last place), and share in a couple sentences what you did on those jobs and what skills you have. back it up with proof of your employment reference and the rest of your important diplomas or degrees. i personally use ChatGPT to copy paste their job posting and write an application from it because fuck that shit, with some minimal doctoring around the sentences, you're pretty much set.
 
It all depends on the specific vacancy notice. You want to align the contents of the CV as closely as you can with the description of the position to ensure that you survive automatic selection.

Edit: For most of the CV writing, just use ChatGPT after feeding it all the possible information about the position and the interviewer. If you're asking for advice on Kiwi Farms, you're likely unable to outperform even outdated AI models in writing a targeted job application.
 
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Don't PL but is this for an entry level position or something more advanced? If you aren't applying for anything too serious I wouldn't stress about it and just put the basic information people here have suggested. Those places are just looking for someone who will actually show up to work and don't have any outstanding arrest warrants. A good interview will probably be more important.
 
Apustajan apustaja said:
Is this entry level job your first, or do you have 20 years experience of shit jobs where you stayed longer than expected?
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Honestly, that's not even the worst profile. It shows loyalty and somewhat competency.

The worst profile is people who think they need to show every job on their resume, and you notice how much they move around. In the EU, that's typically following the pattern of the minimum length of a contract.

I will absolutely have questions about someone with patches in their resume. But if you literally never got renewed anywhere you worked at, I know you're a liability for sure. No matter what you say or your experience.

In some cases, it might be better to show less experience.
 
All good advice from this thread. If you ask anyone what a resume should be, they will give you different ideas and formats. Resumes are like fashion, they change with the seasons. Use a blank format or AI to give you a base document to quantify the raw information, then ask more questions on certain aspects, then:

What a company looks for:
  • For the position, relative experience to what they ask for. Add their bulletpoints to your resume and answer them with your experience
  • Within your work history, long standings within a job. There's a 6 month probation within a job because this is the average time new employees stay with the company. If you work longer than this with your current or previous employers, this is a good sign.
  • If you have been with a company a long time, they want to see movement within that job. Promotions are always good, but Movement is also good. If you started as a lowly cashier or cart pusher, did you move to other positions? How much of the store did you track? Were you a go-to person within the general populace?
  • Working well with other people is also a good sign. Team Worker, Groups etc. are cliche. How well do you work with other people on a personable level? If you're a good worker that gets on well with others, this is gold. Companies don't like one or the other.

  • If you haven't been working, this is usually a bad sign; but employers can easily forgive these spots; life happens. Explain what you were doing--improving yourself--during this time; if you were doing nothing, living life easy on NEETbucks, make something up. Family, personal reasons etc. are always good, but use them only once. If your personal life is a wreck, this is a bad sign.
  • Education is always good, always mention your degrees and studies; even if it's not suited to the job.
  • If you're coming up blank on requirements, stating you're eager to learn is good but sometimes not enough. Use past experience to show how you overcame not having experience in other jobs.

  • The more you tailor your resume to the position you are seeking, the easier the interview will be. The more you write resumes, the easier they will become.
  • Sometimes your resume will just get thrown out, there's no helping this. Keep applying for more jobs, someone will bite
  • On the flip side, some places are just looking for someone, anyone, to fill the position. If you know you're getting the job, always maintain a professional resume, and this will go a long way after you get the job
 
MerriedxReldnahc said:
There was some good resume talk way back in the early Connor Bible thread (classic Halalcow), he was and still is a giant autist with no life skills and experience and was too lazy to write a resume, so many people tried to help him. If you have anything at all to put on a resume, you're already better off then he was.

Personally I like to pad things out by describing my job as a little more important and involved than it actually was, if you need to dredge old club involvement up that can help also. My first resume cited 9 years of Girl Scouting and high school Environmental Club because fuck it, I needed to stretch that thing out.

Examples of Kiwi written resumes as referance for formatting- I like to keep within 1 to 2 pages, easy to read font, very cleanly laid out.
View attachment 8242181
View attachment 8242182
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Wow, Kiwifarms is truly evil, Keffals was right.
 
Do you have a decent working relationship with your boss? If so, ask your boss to write you a letter of recommendation. If you've done the job consistently they should have no problem writing a letter for you and they will probably understand that you want to do something more with yourself after 7 years. Letters of recommendation help because the hardest part about hiring someone is finding out if they will actually be consistent and show up. If you have held down any job for 7 years that is a good sign and you should lean into that.

When I was doing internships in college I made it a point to get letters of recommendation from every boss I had at the end of the internship. They don't replace the resume but they help.
 
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