The Unofficial Kiwi Poorfag Resource Thread - share recipes and resources for your area (both government and personal) here

Cream cheese on a tortilla has never failed me, same goes for instant noodles to a lesser extent for when I feel like actually cooking.

This will be too late for Halloween night proper, but if you want pumpkins for late fall decoration or to process for food, see if a local church is doing a pumpkin patch for Halloween. On Halloween night or the day after, you can either ask politely for free or extremely discounted ones. Not all of them will have edible flesh, but many will still often be good enough to at least leave outside until Thanksgiving or collect seeds to roast.

A lot of people also will grab and go late Halloween night after the patch closes a la dumpster diving, but obvious "do at your own risk since it's technically trespassing like dumpster diving" disclaimer

Seeing this thread pop back up brought to mind the most pathetic grift I've seen on our NextDoor app recently - a person ebegging for costumes for her kids, who are 4 and 6 years old.

Fellow Farmers, creativity makes a much better costume than something out of a bag, and generally for super cheap-cheap if not free.

Here are some of the best I've seen in the 'hood, some of which were done by my own goblin.

~Ghost: yes, the traditional sheet with holes. Goblin helped make it and loved it. We stitched around the eyeholes so the fabric didn't unravel. Goblin insisted on wearing this more than once.

~Hobo: a bit of eye shadow smeared on the face to appear 'dirty', a brush wildly ruffling hair, a blanket tossed over shoulders and the shittiest clothes owned makes a great costume.

~Under Cover Cop: wearing regular clothing with a badge cut out of cardboard and colored with crayola, coupled with a toy gun kept in the back pocket.

~Missed Yard Trash: Probably the one that got the most raving throughout the neighborhood. Wore normal clothing, cut out the bottom of a yard trash bag, closed the top with duct tape, cut in eye holes, wrote "MISSED YARD TRASH" on it with sharpie and stuck a couple of branches salvaged from a yard through the top, likely held in place internally by more duct tape. (Missed yard trash on trash pickup day is fucking endemic around here, lemme tell ya)

~Trashy Karen: super tight t-shirt bundled with a rubber band to make it a crop top, trashy tights, crocs, mussed hair, drag-queen makeup, candy cigarette, shrieking about needing a manager if candy isn't delivered right now.

~Vegan's worst nightmare: kid ran around the neighborhood with a white t-shirt upon which will be written 'Former Vegan' while gnawing on a freshly grilled steak.

Goblin's already stated that this year might be spent running around with a glass of ice and a 'badge' that says 'Agent' on the chest. Ballsy, and I think it's hilarious.

My grandma used to make us "weiners & beans"

The big secret to this amazing southern dish was, she cut up and FRIED the hot dogs in canola oil until the pieces literally fell apart, almost burnt. Then she added them to canned pinto beans (white beans work too, but do not retain flavor like pintos) and added salt, pepper, onion powder. Simmer briefly on high until the consistency suits you. Greatest thing ever.

She made big pots of this stuff, the ratio was 2-3 hot dogs per can. You can buy cheap, off-brand hot dogs since the flavor changes after they are almost-burnt. They pretty much all taste the same after that point.

We used to come in her house and beg for "weiners & beans"--we thought it was quite the delicacy.

Later on, learned it meant we were common rednecks, but there are worst things to be.

Diet Coke 4 Life said:

Fellow Farmers, creativity makes a much better costume than something out of a bag, and generally for super cheap-cheap if not free.

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I grew up loving the old Dick Smith monster makeup books, and other DIY for kids books; back then they were written with "here's what you can use" instead of "go and buy." Cheese wax fangs for Dracula and the Wolfman, and so on.

Back then they were competing with those vinyl tabard and mask costumes (or someone's mom with the actual sewing pattern), but it's still not difficult to outclass a $40 Rubies costume with the thin, shiny fabric. You just have to look at what you have, and set your sights on something achievable; you're probably not going to DIY an authentically slutty D.Va costume overnight, but if you go for horror, you're going to be just fine.

Anyway, the most payoff for a simple Halloween costume is Effort Zombie. One cheap makeup palette will do; you just need something to deaden the skin and hollow the eyes. Zombie kit with liquid latex makes it cooler, but isn't necessary. The magic is in not half-assing it. Burial clothing if available, or a uniform like the Nurse Zombie from Dawn. Hit the outer layers of clothing in actual dirt, or dust with flour. Make the hair lanky and dead with Vaseline. Run the dark makeup under fingernails like ground-in dirt. Cover all visible skin with the base makeup, getting help for the nape of the neck etc. And then, chew the scenery. The more you stay in character the better it works, although you probably want to walk normally between houses so you don't lag behind.

Zombie is a good costume too because you're wearing semi-normal clothing, so you have pockets and freedom of movement and you won't freeze.

Diet Coke 4 Life said:

~Hobo: a bit of eye shadow smeared on the face to appear 'dirty', a brush wildly ruffling hair, a blanket tossed over shoulders and the shittiest clothes owned makes a great costume.

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Also just find a stick somewhere and throw some stuff in a towel and tie it to it and you have the stereotypical hobo bindle.

GenderCop said:

She made big pots of this stuff, the ratio was 2-3 hot dogs per can. You can buy cheap, off-brand hot dogs since the flavor changes after they are almost-burnt. They pretty much all taste the same after that point.

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This sounds like a great idea. You could even do it with actual dry beans with some ketchup/BBQ. I always wondered what in the world you could do with those godawful inedible shitty Bar-S hot dogs. Those have always frustrated me because at their price, they look like a huge bargain but then you eat one and it's such absolute shit the rest of the pack rots in the fridge.

Aunt Carol said:

I grew up loving the old Dick Smith monster makeup books, and other DIY for kids books; back then they were written with "here's what you can use" instead of "go and buy." Cheese wax fangs for Dracula and the Wolfman, and so on.

Back then they were competing with those vinyl tabard and mask costumes (or someone's mom with the actual sewing pattern), but it's still not difficult to outclass a $40 Rubies costume with the thin, shiny fabric. You just have to look at what you have, and set your sights on something achievable; you're probably not going to DIY an authentically slutty D.Va costume overnight, but if you go for horror, you're going to be just fine.

Anyway, the most payoff for a simple Halloween costume is Effort Zombie. One cheap makeup palette will do; you just need something to deaden the skin and hollow the eyes. Zombie kit with liquid latex makes it cooler, but isn't necessary. The magic is in not half-assing it. Burial clothing if available, or a uniform like the Nurse Zombie from Dawn. Hit the outer layers of clothing in actual dirt, or dust with flour. Make the hair lanky and dead with Vaseline. Run the dark makeup under fingernails like ground-in dirt. Cover all visible skin with the base makeup, getting help for the nape of the neck etc. And then, chew the scenery. The more you stay in character the better it works, although you probably want to walk normally between houses so you don't lag behind.

Zombie is a good costume too because you're wearing semi-normal clothing, so you have pockets and freedom of movement and you won't freeze.

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I used to dabble in making props for haunted houses and fx makeup, so I'd like to add on to this with some ideas for making gross stuff. The thing about gore and other organic things is that it's super forgiving of the material you use, since the grosser, the better! You don't have to worry about being perfectly accurate either, since most people won't be looking that closely. If they do, well...then the inaccuracies just add to the body horror!

Anyway, here's some cheap and easy stuff that I've picked up:
• Wanna make some properly gnarly blood? The trick is to go for more purple/brown than a true red. True red pigments HELLA STAIN, and it looks super fake. Now, this will still stain clothes, but using grape kool-aid and coffee grounds is gonna give your fake blood a better color and texture. If you wanna toss some berry-flavored powdered drink mix in it, go for it. I've seen people use watered down berry preserves, too. Especially if there's still texture. Plus if you wanna put some in your mouth and get weird, it's gonna taste a lot better.
• How about some intestines? Nude pantyhose or stockings, paper mache glue, and some kind of stuffing. You can also use unbraided yarn fibers to act as veins. Remember: your guts have lots of colors! Get creative. When dry, I've noticed that the nude pantyhose can lowkey make the intestines look like those weird preserved medical exhibits. Kinda perfect for some mad scientist vibes. You can use this method to sculpt and form other organs, too. Also using old makeup for color can be a great idea!
• When making tattered clothes, don't cut and slash if you want realism. Take your blade and scrape against the grain until the fabric thins. Also use tea and coffee to add some stains that won't be stiff and will remain after washing.
• Got an old wig or some extensions? Dip the wefts in fake blood and bingo, you've got a scalp! Tie it to your belt and show off this year's hottest couture. Nail it to something or tie it to a tree limb to mark your territory! Eta: glue it on a bit of raggedy latex, rubber, or even thin fabric before adding the blood. It's not necessary, but it can add to the whole "scalp flesh" thing.

REQUEST: Pet food

Disclaimer: Don't get a pet if you can't afford a pet, however, there are many times when people get pets during the good times, and then something bad happens. A large number of pets end up in shelters because their original family ran out of money or found themselves in bad circumstances. So I'd like to start putting together some tips to prevent having to abandon your pets.

I'll trade a tip for cat litter: Wood pellets can be cheaper than normal cat litter and they make your home much less smelly anyway, which is a nice bonus. You can also buy them in bulk from farm supply stores.

Diet Coke 4 Life said:

Seeing this thread pop back up brought to mind the most pathetic grift I've seen on our NextDoor app recently - a person ebegging for costumes for her kids, who are 4 and 6 years old.

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How cheap could someone make a Trump costume, it might be a great way to troll people who ask for costumes

NoReturn said:

REQUEST: Pet food

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"Pet food" is a fairly new product; dogs and cats used to get human scraps, maybe offal from the butcher, and hunt on their own. However, most people aren't blessed by being surrounded by fields of wheat full of delicious mice in 2025, and eating urban bush meat puts pets at risk for parasites, which is going to be more expensive than pet food in the long run.

I want to remind everyone that cats are obligate carnivores and need taurine, most notably. If you look up recipes for making cat food at home they either have big disclaimers about how this recipe makes a "sometimes" food, or they'll have you adding multiple supplements, even when you're already grinding up eggs and shells and chicken hearts and livers.

AFAIK dogs have more leeway in their diets, especially in the short term.

It's probably the most helpful to check your local area for "pet food banks," or even ask local volunteer rescues. Cat and dog charities would rather keep a pet in a happy home than have to help rehome the same pet.

This might sound like a cruel suggestion but I am posting because I stumbled upon something that might be helpful to someone trying to avoid hunger for any reason. I’ve been on a cut and have gotten into a real groove with bone broth, finding that I only need to eat a small meal once a day then have a cup of bone broth at night and am never hungry, while still getting all my essential nutrients.

Whenever we have meat, I stash the bones and cartilage in a gallon Ziploc bag (I also rinse the pot and put the resulting liquid into the bag too). When ready to make broth, throw the bones into the pot with water, seasoning of choice (Montreal steak or chicken seasoning works great), any vegetable scraps you might have (not required but bonus), plus a healthy splash of apple cider vinegar or lemon/lime juice to help draw the nutrients out of the bones. (If you have stock powder, you might also want to throw that in but I do not.) I cook mine for 120 minutes at high pressure in the Instant Pot so that the bones are soft enough to eat, but you can alternatively do a 24 hour simmer on the stovetop. You can refrigerate and then skim the fat off the top, but it’s more satiating if you don’t.

During this cut I typically fast until late afternoon, eat a small meal (glass of milk followed by either meat or a baked potato, but not both), then have a cup of bone broth a couple hours before bed. I never feel hungry.

This is no solution for feeding a food-insecure family, but for an adult who’s looking to economize, it is much healthier and more satisfying than living on cheap refined carbs. (Reminder that rolled oats have 5g protein per small serving and huge drums of them can be had for a few dollars.)

That said, Aldi pancake mix is around $2 and will make several dozen servings. If your budget doesn’t allow for real maple syrup, a sprinkling of lemon juice and sifted confectioner’s sugar (as one would do with crepes) also works.

John Andrews Stan said:

That said, Aldi pancake mix is around $2 and will make several dozen servings. If your budget doesn’t allow for real maple syrup, a sprinkling of lemon juice and sifted confectioner’s sugar (as one would do with crepes) also works.

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I love this suggestion because it's a perfect example of "The poor also deserve nice things".
Crepe pancakes are a nice thing. The substitute most people think of for pancakes is the fake syrup, but this is so much better.

NoReturn said:

I love this suggestion because it's a perfect example of "The poor also deserve nice things".
Crepe pancakes are a nice thing. The substitute most people think of for pancakes is the fake syrup, but this is so much better.

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Crumbles and crisps are also super cheap to make — big bag of apples (many supermarkets discount them even further but Aldi sells five pound bags of Pink Lady apples for $3.99), some oats and a little flour, butter/marg, and cinnamon can go a long way and make a lovely dessert. Last time I was placing an Instacart order from there, I saw they also have those huge buckets of vanilla ice cream for $7.

John Andrews Stan said:

(Reminder that rolled oats have 5g protein per small serving and huge drums of them can be had for a few dollars.)

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My personal favorite oats are steel-cut. But these take more effort to cook. Similarly, you can get them in bulk for nearly nothing, although I usually get McCann's which are fairly pricey as oats go, but still cheap on a per-serving basis.

AnOminous said:

My personal favorite oats are steel-cut. But these take more effort to cook. Similarly, you can get them in bulk for nearly nothing, although I usually get McCann's which are fairly pricey as oats go, but still cheap on a per-serving basis.

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I just don’t like the texture as much. Likewise, I know a lot of people love savory oats but I just can’t do it.

Overnight oats take no effort and the time is just spent letting them sit in the fridge.

More generally, people who are cash-poor are better off spending their time earning more income than doing food prep. That’s what always gets me about governments spending money producing cookbooks for people lacking funds. They’re better off going for what’s quick and easy while hustling for cash.

John Andrews Stan said:

I just don’t like the texture as much. Likewise, I know a lot of people love savory oats but I just can’t do it.

Overnight oats take no effort and the time is just spent letting them sit in the fridge.

More generally, people who are cash-poor are better off spending their time earning more income than doing food prep. That’s what always gets me about governments spending money producing cookbooks for people lacking funds. They’re better off going for what’s quick and easy while hustling for cash.

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lots of people talk about how learning to cook saves you money but the true trick is to find/make recipes you can throw together with cheap shit, no effort and what you would enjoy eating multiple times. i like cooking a huge batch of rice with my rice cooker then through the week i make ghetto fried rice by microwaving eggs in a bowl of rice then adding soy sauce, cheese, and shredded bacon. costs nothing but really filling.

John Andrews Stan said:

More generally, people who are cash-poor are better off spending their time earning more income than doing food prep. That’s what always gets me about governments spending money producing cookbooks for people lacking funds.

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This is true--I always wonder if those cookbooks are reprinted from times when there was a family member staying home doing childcare. However, the champagne socialists on social media who say "...and that's why DoorDashing sushi is a human right" are even worse.

Little time and little money: restaurants keep you poor but a slow cooker will set you free.

My favorite struggle meals from times I've needed them:

Scrambled eggs on top of cheap-ass frozen waffle or curly fries. Bonus points if you tear up a slice of cheese and put it in between layers of fries so it gets melty. Just add ketchup and it's solid and filling and cheap.

I also might be a freak of nature for this one, but a can of cream of chicken soup with cooked linguine.

Also can never go wrong with rice mixed with butter and lemon juice.

For the non-poorfags:
I have a relative that works at a food pantry and they saw a 100% increase of customers on Monday. So if you could, a reoccurring monetary donation to your closest food bank will do a ton of good for them right now. $25 a month makes a huge difference

Ever want to take your PB&J to the next level? Take out your pan and margarine and grill that shit, sure you might fuck it up slightly but it still tastes weirdly incredible. I made mine but I substituted peanut butter for cookie butter (shit's expensive, like seven dollars a jar iirc) and it was really good.