- Joined
- Aug 7, 2021
I get access to the USB drive filled with a dozen bitcoins he swallowed at the start of gamergate
What will happen when Ralph dies?
- Thread starter Ripple
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- May 7, 2021
take it in the divorce mantsu don’t pass up the opportunity
Michael Janke
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Apr 18, 2021
depending on when he dies. he leaves behind several bastard children. how many, remains to be seen.
- Joined
- Aug 13, 2014
All credit to @Shiversblood I just adapted it.
The year is 2020. This story takes place in the United States of America.
41 year old Ethan Ralph awakes in his room, hella groggy. He had spent the night beforehand drinking large amounts of the most expensive Whiskey a man can simply pitcure, Makers Mark. It was a pleasureable beverage, and he was glad he purchased it. He goes into the front room and grabs some water to drink. He whips out his celluar phone device and calls his friend, Faith. "What be up gunt." She says. "hey, Its a nice day, wanna go out to breakfast with me?" Ethan Ralph says, in a somewhat nervous manner. "I dunno bout dat, its 2:30. Lets go get some lunch or somthin." "Gunt"
Ethan Ralph leaps into his bright red sports converible and pulls out of the driveway, and then simply floors it. He has known Faith for a while now, and he is hella excited about this date they are going on today. He is going 100 miles an hour down the road. He swerves and squeels his tires and slams on the breaks and stops at Faiths house. Faith gets in his car. "Nice ride you got hurr." Faith says. "yeah, i got it in the willl when Tonka shot himself in the forehead." Ralph says. "Tight tight" She responds. They head over to Dame Pesos resteraunte, and eat large amounts of food. Ethan Ralph’s stomach begins burnging from the spicey food. "Ill take the check please.' Ethan Ralph says, already worried a this point. The bill is 50 dollars. "FUCK NO SON!" Ethan Ralph screams at the top of his lungs as he looks at the bill. he pays for it but does not leave a tip. And he spits a loogie on the floor as he leaves.
Ethan Ralph and Faith are now at his house. He takes her by the hand and leads her into his bed room.
'Lay on the bed and get naked" Ethan Ralph says. "Ethan....everyone knows ur a blatant homosexual." Faith says. Ethan Ralph’s eyes grow wide.
"What the fuck u just say?" Ethan Ralph says. "Look...I know ur just doing this so all the guys will think ur straight or whatever, its okay, but u dont have to do this, I know ur gay." Faith says.
"IM NOT A FUCKING HOMOSEX!" Ethan Ralph says and then furiously starts punching Faith in the head. She cries out in pain, Ethan Ralph starts chokeing her with his hands. he simply loses control. Her eyes are frantic and full of fear. Her face turns blue. Eventually, and finnaly, her body grows limps and stops struggling. he has strangled her to death. He looks around, frantic. "oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit OH SHIT!" ethan Ralph says, then shoves her dead body underneath his bed. He goes into the front room and drinks some Maekers Marck.
His celluar phone device then goes off. The song playing is, "MC Jarbo - Better than me" he aswnsers. "me and the guys are drinking larges amounts at the bar son! Wanna come!?" Gator screams into the phone. "Sure, why not." Ethan Ralph says, the hangs up. Ethan Ralph needs somehting to take his mind off what he has just done, drinking large amounts at the bar (And doing Xanax) surely will help him. He gets into his car and speeds towards Jim’s Beverages bar. The one he and his friends always go too.
He spots Gator and Warski at the bar and heads over to them. "Gunt son!" Gator screams, and raises his pitcure of ale, then takes a huge gulp out of it straight out of the pitcher.
"Im having a really bad fucking day." Ethan Ralph says sadly, with his head hanging towards the ground.
"Ch-Cheer up eh, and h-have y-yourself a whiskey!" Warski says. That crazy Warski and his other wordly stutter.
Ethan Ralph starts downing bottles of Makers Mark simply in one drink, "I need another!" he screams at the bar tender, then grabs the bettle and is taking large gulps.
"Slow down there son" Gator says. "NEVER!" Ethan Ralph screams into his face.
"I know what will do the trick, all get u a lap dance from one of them hookers dancing on them poles." Gator says. He calls a hooker over. Sweat begins running down Ethan Ralph’s face.
She starts dancing on his lap. and keeps grinding. and grinding.
"This man is homosexual, he isnt even getting a boner." the hooker says and gets off Ethan Ralph’s lap. Gators mouth drops wide open.
"ARERRRHHHHHHH!" ETHAN Ralph screams, and he grabs a bottle of beer and smashes it over the hookers head, then he slashes her neck with the broker bottle. She falls to the ground dead. Everyone in the bar starts screaming insanely. He runs out of the bar and speeds off into his car. He drives home and runs into the basement. he opens up a safe, and pulls out his pistol. he puts the gun into his mouth. if he is truely a homosex, this is the only way out.
He then hears Gator running down the steps screaming. Gator sees the pistol in Ethan Ralph’s mouth, and says, "Ralph dont do it man! We can get you some help man!"
Ethan Ralph looks up at Gator and takes the gun out of his mouth, then shoots Gator two times in the chest and once in the forehead, killing him. Ethan Ralph runs upstaires. There he sees Warski, screaming “STAY BACK, STAY BACK!” As he runs at Ethan Ralph and Ethan Ralph also shoots him twice in the chest and once in the forehead. He sees a army of squad cars with sirens blareing and lights flashing pull up in front of his house. Null gets on the loud speaker.
"Come out with your hands in the air"
Ethan Ralph throws his pistol onto the floor and comes out with his hands in the air, he is quickly handcuffed and put in the back of a police car. Cops flood into his house searching for any evidence or anything. They discover the pistol, Gators bullet ridden body, and the dead body of Faith. He is not charged for Warskis murder.
Ethan Ralph is charged with Three counts of first degree murder, and 1 count of a felon in possesion of a fire arm.
The trial lasts for six months. Finnaly, the jury comes back with a verdict.
"everyone rise." The judge says. Ethan Ralph stands up in court next to his defense team, with his head looking down and sorrow on his face.
"We hereby find the defendant, Ethan Ralph, legally Declared Homosex."
Ethan Ralph turns around to the audience sitting, with a smirk on his face, and winks.
Sourced from
https://pastebin.com/ZWCFBAcC
The year is 2020. This story takes place in the United States of America.
41 year old Ethan Ralph awakes in his room, hella groggy. He had spent the night beforehand drinking large amounts of the most expensive Whiskey a man can simply pitcure, Makers Mark. It was a pleasureable beverage, and he was glad he purchased it. He goes into the front room and grabs some water to drink. He whips out his celluar phone device and calls his friend, Faith. "What be up gunt." She says. "hey, Its a nice day, wanna go out to breakfast with me?" Ethan Ralph says, in a somewhat nervous manner. "I dunno bout dat, its 2:30. Lets go get some lunch or somthin." "Gunt"
Ethan Ralph leaps into his bright red sports converible and pulls out of the driveway, and then simply floors it. He has known Faith for a while now, and he is hella excited about this date they are going on today. He is going 100 miles an hour down the road. He swerves and squeels his tires and slams on the breaks and stops at Faiths house. Faith gets in his car. "Nice ride you got hurr." Faith says. "yeah, i got it in the willl when Tonka shot himself in the forehead." Ralph says. "Tight tight" She responds. They head over to Dame Pesos resteraunte, and eat large amounts of food. Ethan Ralph’s stomach begins burnging from the spicey food. "Ill take the check please.' Ethan Ralph says, already worried a this point. The bill is 50 dollars. "FUCK NO SON!" Ethan Ralph screams at the top of his lungs as he looks at the bill. he pays for it but does not leave a tip. And he spits a loogie on the floor as he leaves.
Ethan Ralph and Faith are now at his house. He takes her by the hand and leads her into his bed room.
'Lay on the bed and get naked" Ethan Ralph says. "Ethan....everyone knows ur a blatant homosexual." Faith says. Ethan Ralph’s eyes grow wide.
"What the fuck u just say?" Ethan Ralph says. "Look...I know ur just doing this so all the guys will think ur straight or whatever, its okay, but u dont have to do this, I know ur gay." Faith says.
"IM NOT A FUCKING HOMOSEX!" Ethan Ralph says and then furiously starts punching Faith in the head. She cries out in pain, Ethan Ralph starts chokeing her with his hands. he simply loses control. Her eyes are frantic and full of fear. Her face turns blue. Eventually, and finnaly, her body grows limps and stops struggling. he has strangled her to death. He looks around, frantic. "oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit OH SHIT!" ethan Ralph says, then shoves her dead body underneath his bed. He goes into the front room and drinks some Maekers Marck.
His celluar phone device then goes off. The song playing is, "MC Jarbo - Better than me" he aswnsers. "me and the guys are drinking larges amounts at the bar son! Wanna come!?" Gator screams into the phone. "Sure, why not." Ethan Ralph says, the hangs up. Ethan Ralph needs somehting to take his mind off what he has just done, drinking large amounts at the bar (And doing Xanax) surely will help him. He gets into his car and speeds towards Jim’s Beverages bar. The one he and his friends always go too.
He spots Gator and Warski at the bar and heads over to them. "Gunt son!" Gator screams, and raises his pitcure of ale, then takes a huge gulp out of it straight out of the pitcher.
"Im having a really bad fucking day." Ethan Ralph says sadly, with his head hanging towards the ground.
"Ch-Cheer up eh, and h-have y-yourself a whiskey!" Warski says. That crazy Warski and his other wordly stutter.
Ethan Ralph starts downing bottles of Makers Mark simply in one drink, "I need another!" he screams at the bar tender, then grabs the bettle and is taking large gulps.
"Slow down there son" Gator says. "NEVER!" Ethan Ralph screams into his face.
"I know what will do the trick, all get u a lap dance from one of them hookers dancing on them poles." Gator says. He calls a hooker over. Sweat begins running down Ethan Ralph’s face.
She starts dancing on his lap. and keeps grinding. and grinding.
"This man is homosexual, he isnt even getting a boner." the hooker says and gets off Ethan Ralph’s lap. Gators mouth drops wide open.
"ARERRRHHHHHHH!" ETHAN Ralph screams, and he grabs a bottle of beer and smashes it over the hookers head, then he slashes her neck with the broker bottle. She falls to the ground dead. Everyone in the bar starts screaming insanely. He runs out of the bar and speeds off into his car. He drives home and runs into the basement. he opens up a safe, and pulls out his pistol. he puts the gun into his mouth. if he is truely a homosex, this is the only way out.
He then hears Gator running down the steps screaming. Gator sees the pistol in Ethan Ralph’s mouth, and says, "Ralph dont do it man! We can get you some help man!"
Ethan Ralph looks up at Gator and takes the gun out of his mouth, then shoots Gator two times in the chest and once in the forehead, killing him. Ethan Ralph runs upstaires. There he sees Warski, screaming “STAY BACK, STAY BACK!” As he runs at Ethan Ralph and Ethan Ralph also shoots him twice in the chest and once in the forehead. He sees a army of squad cars with sirens blareing and lights flashing pull up in front of his house. Null gets on the loud speaker.
"Come out with your hands in the air"
Ethan Ralph throws his pistol onto the floor and comes out with his hands in the air, he is quickly handcuffed and put in the back of a police car. Cops flood into his house searching for any evidence or anything. They discover the pistol, Gators bullet ridden body, and the dead body of Faith. He is not charged for Warskis murder.
Ethan Ralph is charged with Three counts of first degree murder, and 1 count of a felon in possesion of a fire arm.
The trial lasts for six months. Finnaly, the jury comes back with a verdict.
"everyone rise." The judge says. Ethan Ralph stands up in court next to his defense team, with his head looking down and sorrow on his face.
"We hereby find the defendant, Ethan Ralph, legally Declared Homosex."
Ethan Ralph turns around to the audience sitting, with a smirk on his face, and winks.
Sourced from
https://pastebin.com/ZWCFBAcC