🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Water-T]

Which one? Do you mean Glow Recipe?

That "commercial" where she waddles into her home, and nearly falls over trying to kick the shoes off her hooves.

 

[multiverse]

That "commercial" where she waddles into her home, and nearly falls over trying to kick the shoes off her hooves.

The "commercial" where the client wasn't paying her: they were paying Nadia to direct an ad (and who knows if they ever ended up coughing it up, that content was embarrassing. Ryann can't act to save her life).

 

[Speakeasy Electric]

Oh gross she's posting about her ~10 year old half brother for likes, probably because he looks just like Rylee before Rylee told his mother to fuck off.

Tess's lovebombing stage for her dad and his new wife can't last too much longer. She's desperate for someone to suck her ass for being a famoos moddle, and her mom, full brother, and oldest son have had her number for a long while now. So now she's digging deep into her keeper's credit card limits to try to impress her father and his family.

It'll all end in tears. And all the YLS perfume in world can't cover the stench of despair.

Slight correction, Tess’s half brother is not 10, he is probably closer to 18. I found some pictures of him on the step moms IG after she had replied to Tess’s Father’s Day IG post. He absolutely looks like Rylee though.

From Tess’s Father’s Day IG post:
View attachment 2281188

Looking at Lisa’s page, it seems she has two sons who I assume are Tess’s half brothers, just look at the boy on the right in these pics, he looks SO MUCH like Rylee!
View attachment 2281189View attachment 2281190View attachment 2281191View attachment 2281192

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Which one? Do you mean Glow Recipe?

Apropos of Glow Recipe, I find it funny how they use photos of different “unconventional” models for their body lotion (Tess’ ad was about it) - darker than usual (for ads) skin, stretch marks, vitiligo, older woman, even fat - but no place for our Super Model.

Spoiler: Photos

 

[Oscar Winner]

That "commercial" where she waddles into her home, and nearly falls over trying to kick the shoes off her hooves.

I was going to post about it just before the farms went down, was literally attaching photos to then comment. Tess has spruiked at least four skincare products from August last year, through to March this year. She tries to make it look like a legit gig, but I'm pretty sure one was her entering a competition. Glow got shit in the comments from using her, and confirmed that stupid video was all Tess.
If I mess up the attachments, I'm sorry, it's stupid o'clock here.

Edit: @multiverse I wonder how much Nadia really had to do with it? Maybe she helped Tess with camera crew etc., it's just so, so bad I can't believe it's not ALL Tess

 

[NoReturn]

And all the YLS perfume in world can't cover the stench of despair.

Hello, yes, me again. You might know me from such other questions as "What fucking bag?" and "Is that supposed to be classy or trashy?" In this case:
Isn't Yves Saint Laurent like... boomer fancy? When I see that logo I think of like... this shit.

Spoiler: Spoilered because not Tess

I'm trying to learn guys, I promise, I'm just missing part of the vocabulary necessary to understand the disconnect beyond how Tess is trying to portray herself and what she really is.

 

[Snack Cracker]

Hello, yes, me again. You might know me from such other questions as "What fucking bag?" and "Is that supposed to be classy or trashy?" In this case:
Isn't Yves Saint Laurent like... boomer fancy? When I see that logo I think of like... this shit.

Spoiler: Spoilered because not Tess

View attachment 2432110
View attachment 2432111
Download YOOOOOO #makeup #lipstick #ysl #yslbeauty #lifehack #jewelry #yslring - TikTok Video ...mp4

I'm trying to learn guys, I promise, I'm just missing part of the vocabulary necessary to understand the disconnect beyond how Tess is trying to portray herself and what she really is.

YSL has some nice fragrances, but they’re not expensive compared to others in department stores.
Chanel is still more expensive (and a better buy imo).
It’s about as classy as D&G fragrances if that tells you anything.

 

[Easy Peasy]

Crash course on fashun:

Brands like ysl, dior, even Chanel and gucci, have their front facing brands, with the flashy logos and tat, which people like Tess will go for because they want/need to show off the logo for clout. Its expensive but not as expensive as the side of the house you need an appointment to shop. The if you have to ask, you cant afford side.

Money talks, wealth whispers, but clout chasers like Tess screech

 

[𝕺𝖑' 𝕯𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝕱𝖆𝖙𝖘𝖔]

Crash course on fashun:

Brands like ysl, dior, even Chanel and gucci, have their front facing brands, with the flashy logos and tat, which people like Tess will go for because they want/need to show off the logo for clout. Its expensive but not as expensive as the side of the house you need an appointment to shop. The if you have to ask, you cant afford side.

Money talks, wealth whispers, but clout chasers like Tess screech

haute couture shows are where it's at, but appreciating design details, nice textiles and top notch craftsmanship doesn't hit the same nerve as conspicuous consumption

 

[Strine]

When I saw her flexing YSL I had to first check if their perfumes have suddenly gone way upmarket (no) and then if it was actually YSL she was attempting to brag about. YSL is one step above drugstore perfumes; it's what lower middle class girls wear to prom. Suburban mawms throw out more expensive perfumes than that. She can't even afford to pretend to be wealthy now. And a sweaty hog like her trying to wear that perfume in summer is a fool's errand anyway - zero sillage, just the miasma of greasy beetus sweat.

 

[Cheesegirl78]

I do love Black Opium by YSL, though.

I think the brand had more class when YSL was still alive, I have no idea who's head designer now.

Sort of like Balenciaga, it was haute couture back in the 50s/60s, now the line looks like something Jeffree Star designed.

 

[NoReturn]

It’s about as classy as D&G fragrances if that tells you anything.

rands like ysl, dior, even Chanel and gucci, have their front facing brands, with the flashy logos and tat, which people like Tess will go for because they wan

YSL is one step above drugstore perfumes; it's what lower middle class girls wear to prom. Suburban mawms throw out more expensive perfumes than that.

Thank you guys, and thanks for being patient with me while I learn. Please accept two Tess ads and some TikkyToks about Tess/#effyourbeautystandards with my gratitude.

Spoiler: Spoilered because videos

Spoiler: More

Spoiler: More

 

[Cheesegirl78]

I'm disappointed the person holding the doll didn't stick pins in it.

 

[Trombonista]

I'm disappointed the person holding the doll didn't stick pins in it.

Maybe that would help Tess lose weight.

 

[Gramlol]

Crash course on fashun:

Brands like ysl, dior, even Chanel and gucci, have their front facing brands, with the flashy logos and tat, which people like Tess will go for because they want/need to show off the logo for clout. Its expensive but not as expensive as the side of the house you need an appointment to shop. The if you have to ask, you cant afford side.

Money talks, wealth whispers, but clout chasers like Tess screech

Yes, exactly. Which is why her showing off her logo Balenciaga bag too was so funny- attempting to appear classy and rich but not knowing how actual wealth operates and displays itself. She has no idea what a laughing stock she is in her attempts to build herself us a thicc hottie THOT super mom boss babe feminist. When all the actual versions of that find her actions gross.
Obvious point is obvious but it's amazing how out of touch she is with reality. Also I'm so sick of her ass boobs always on full display, it literally looks like a butt

 

[Oscar Winner]

Did we already see the gift bags Tess took multiples of? I'm bitchy-curious to know if anyone missed out because of her.

Edit: a word

 

[Cheesegirl78]

I got a sample of the watermelon Glow Recipe lotion in a sub box, and while it smells delicious and does feel nice, I just cannot bring myself to purchase a full-size bottle, knowing that Tess may benefit from it.

She better keep her ass away from the Bum-Bum cream people.
That's another lotion company, for all you perverts here.

 

[NoReturn]

Did we see the gift bags Tess took multiples of? I'm bitchy-curious to know if anyone missed out because of her.

• Olive and June - Nail polish
• Color Wow Hair - Salon hair care
• GBY Beauty - Some kind of beauty studio in LA that glues Swarovski crystals to your teeth
• Trademark Beauty - Hair stuff that legitimately looks like it escaped from the 90s
• Clean and Pure - Lip balms and skincare
• Tiny Turnip Kitchen - Children's Cooking Classes
• Vanity Planet - Skincare devices
• The Selfish Contract - One lady's "lifestyle coaching" business
• Honest Beauty - Skincare and some makeup
• She's Birdie - Personal "Help I'm being kidnapped" alarm
• Drinkcann - Weed seltzer
• POPL - Linktree but on a keychain
• Nionbeauty - Silicone shit from China (like a silicone dry brush)
• Rio Babe - SugarBearHair knockoff
• Aloha Collection - Bags, not purses, just bags
• Breeze Balm - More lip balm and skincare
• Barbara Ellick Jewelry - Gaudy jewelry of exactly Tess' taste
• Bala - Weighted armbands that are too small to fit around her wrists
• Noshinku - Hand sanitizer

My guess is that those bags are full of coupons with some sample size lotions or nail polishes, maybe a lip balm or two, and some hand sanitizer thrown in.

 

[Barbarella]

• GBY Beauty - Some kind of beauty studio in LA that glues Swarovski crystals to your teeth

Apparently they do more than teeth.

Spoiler: Lovely

Not an area reachable for Tess.

 

[Oscar Winner]

• Olive and June - Nail polish
• Color Wow Hair - Salon hair care
• GBY Beauty - Some kind of beauty studio in LA that glues Swarovski crystals to your teeth
• Trademark Beauty - Hair stuff that legitimately looks like it escaped from the 90s
• Clean and Pure - Lip balms and skincare
• Tiny Turnip Kitchen - Children's Cooking Classes
• Vanity Planet - Skincare devices
• The Selfish Contract - One lady's "lifestyle coaching" business
• Honest Beauty - Skincare and some makeup
• She's Birdie - Personal "Help I'm being kidnapped" alarm
• Drinkcann - Weed seltzer
• POPL - Linktree but on a keychain
• Nionbeauty - Silicone shit from China (like a silicone dry brush)
• Rio Babe - SugarBearHair knockoff
• Aloha Collection - Bags, not purses, just bags
• Breeze Balm - More lip balm and skincare
• Barbara Ellick Jewelry - Gaudy jewelry of exactly Tess' taste
• Bala - Weighted armbands that are too small to fit around her wrists
• Noshinku - Hand sanitizer

My guess is that those bags are full of coupons with some sample size lotions or nail polishes, maybe a lip balm or two, and some hand sanitizer thrown in.

I wondered how they listed 19 brands but didn't look to have that many items. The box on the left is Vanity Planet Aira ionic face steamer, and the brush thing on the right is Nion Opus body brush that exfoliates, vibrates, ionic whatevers. Going off the websites, they're priced at approx. $100 and $160 respectively. No wonder Tess went running off with more than she could carry and a bunch of shit she'll probably never use.

Edit: @Barbarella I've seen less bumps on a plucked chicken. Since it's Tess we're talking about, I'm going to pretend that's exactly what that is.

To avoid double posting
Are they family vacay-ing at the same place as the string bikini incident?

Spoiler: “family friendly” swimsuit