The Tenacious Unicorn Ranch / @TenaciousRanch / Steampunk Penny / Penellope Logue / Phillip Matthew Logue - Don't cry because it ended, laugh because it's still getting worse.

[Corn Flakes]

We all know that fur conventions are stock full of animal fuckers, they are probably going to pimp some of those alpacas and start a "destination" vacation resort for fur fags.

Since two furries can't hold a secret even if one of them is dead, doing that would instantly give the tranch a reputation of being a zoo spot. They're already losing steam with their fundraisers, if they end up getting associated with zoophiles all that sweet normie money will disappear overnight.

 

[Mrtrollenski]

Since two furries can't hold a secret even if one of them is dead, doing that would instantly give the tranch a reputation of being a zoo spot. They're already losing steam with their fundraisers, if they end up getting associated with zoophiles all that sweet normie money will disappear overnight.

So the furry convention is where they stop making horrible choices?

 

[Corn Flakes]

So the furry convention is where they stop making horrible choices?

Bringing cute alpaca merch to a furry convention (and getting a "charity" kickback from said con) is actually a very good move for them. I fully expect them to make complete fools of themselves there, but if they start whoring out their alpacas they might as well rename the place the 41% Ranch because that wouldn't be just a horrible choice, it would be suicidal to their grift.

Remember, they have to protect the grift first. Everything they do is for the sake of trying to present an empathetic picture to their marks so they keep buying their overpriced yarn and contributing to their fundraisers. Letting zoos stick their dicks in their oh-so-cute-and-social-media-worthy alpacas would be giving their image a 12-gauge blowjob.

 

[Rainbow Frog Army]

Bringing cute alpaca merch to a furry convention (and getting a "charity" kickback from said con) is actually a very good move for them. I fully expect them to make complete fools of themselves there, but if they start whoring out their alpacas they might as well rename the place the 41% Ranch because that wouldn't be just a horrible choice, it would be suicidal to their grift.

Remember, they have to protect the grift first. Everything they do is for the sake of trying to present an empathetic picture to their marks so they keep buying their overpriced yarn and contributing to their fundraisers. Letting zoos stick their dicks in their oh-so-cute-and-social-media-worthy alpacas would be giving their image a 12-gauge blowjob.

Please stop cursing those poor alpaca.

If the Tranchers have proven anything so far, it's that at Tenacious Unicorn Ranch, there is nothing we can think of that is too stupid for them to do. Nothing. We will all go "but that's too stupid for them to do" and then they do it anyway, proving that yet again, we have overestimated their intelligence.

Those poor alpaca.

 

[Mrtrollenski]

Remember, they have to protect the grift first. Everything they do is for the sake of trying to present an empathetic picture to their marks so they keep buying their overpriced yarn and contributing to their fundraisers. Letting zoos stick their dicks in their oh-so-cute-and-social-media-worthy alpacas would be giving their image a 12-gauge blowjob.

I completely agree with you, it would be the most retarded decision possible. I'm just saying that's why I think that it's more probable they'll make it. They always choose the most retarded course possible.

 

[Corn Flakes]

Please stop cursing those poor alpaca.

If the Tranchers have proven anything so far, it's that at Tenacious Unicorn Ranch, there is nothing we can think of that is too stupid for them to do. Nothing. We will all go "but that's too stupid for them to do" and then they do it anyway, proving that yet again, we have overestimated their intelligence.

Those poor alpaca.

I completely agree with you, it would be the most retarded decision possible. I'm just saying that's why I think that it's more probable they'll make it. They always choose the most retarded course possible.

Hey, I don't want it to happen. If it does, then that's going to be the least explosive end to the Tranch. Either way, this thread would be running out of content pretty soon afterwards so let's hope they have a single molecule of common sense spread across all of them and they manage to avoid fucking up in that particular manner.

I'm still waiting for the Tranch Dravidian end here. I don't want it all to go up in smoke because some demented furry couldn't keep it in his pants around some poor abused animals.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Hey, I don't want it to happen. If it does, then that's going to be the least explosive end to the Tranch. Either way, this thread would be running out of content pretty soon afterwards so let's hope they have a single molecule of common sense spread across all of them and they manage to avoid fucking up in that particular manner.

That would really suck, I don't want to have to wade through the other 3000+ page Kevin thread.

 

[Rainbow Frog Army]

Hey, I don't want it to happen. If it does, then that's going to be the least explosive end to the Tranch. Either way, this thread would be running out of content pretty soon afterwards so let's hope they have a single molecule of common sense spread across all of them and they manage to avoid fucking up in that particular manner.

I'm still waiting for the Tranch Dravidian end here. I don't want it all to go up in smoke because some demented furry couldn't keep it in his pants around some poor abused animals.

Then we need something stupider for them to do.

My experience with furries is that you can usually rely on them to care about animals' welfare--yes, even the zoos, they just have a really fucked-up idea of what that is but they do care and if you're trying to get people to chip in with supplies during kitten season they can be worth hitting up. (On that note: Anybody have any idea why DenFur had its previous charity/charities? bail on them? Maybe we should check in with the folks over in Animal Control, because that's...unusual.)

So...maybe their pitch to get more charity money just shows off their animal husbandry skills way too well?

 

[Mrtrollenski]

Maybe we should check in with the folks over in Animal Control, because that's...unusual.

The only thing I could find is that Treble Vandoren of Corgi LLC got into some sort of trouble defrauding a fur suit company out of 40k. It looks like they do anothere charity every year from the website so it's just the tranches turn in the rotation. Looks like they on average pocket 15k, so this will be a minor grift in the main scheme of things for our heros.

 

[Corn Flakes]

Then we need something stupider for them to do.

My experience with furries is that you can usually rely on them to care about animals' welfare--yes, even the zoos, they just have a really fucked-up idea of what that is but they do care and if you're trying to get people to chip in with supplies during kitten season they can be worth hitting up. (On that note: Anybody have any idea why DenFur had its previous charity/charities? bail on them? Maybe we should check in with the folks over in Animal Control, because that's...unusual.)

So...maybe their pitch to get more charity money just shows off their animal husbandry skills way too well?

I think there are decent odds that the Tranchers will be putting out feelers at DenFur for a side gig offering petting zoo services at the Tranch. Normal petting, not heavy petting, they'll emphasize. A lot of furries will display great interest, the Tranchers will throw themselves into the project with their usual enthusiasm bereft of effort, planning or skill, make a billion posts about it on social media, then quietly drop the subject when no one shows up because they live in the ass-end of Colorado, at least 90 minutes from the nearest "big" city, and four fucking hours from Denver. Whatever new structure they built for the project will then become just another item in the list of abandoned Tranch projects.

Optimistic? Perhaps. I'm just a bowl of low-sugar breakfast cereal with a dream, and that would be funny to watch.

 

[KiwiFuzz]

View attachment 2376297

I don't think that's artemisia/sagebrush; it's too big.

Does look like a paca browse line on it though.

Here's a floristic inventory from a NWR with similar habitat in the next valley over.

https://ecos.fws.gov/ServCat/DownloadFile/103529?Reference=64086

I'd guess Atriplex, Ericameria, Artemesia, or Tetradyma would be the options for the small shrubs on their place, but if someone with more local knowledge wants to take a scowl at the list, I'm open to alternative interpretations.

 

[The Elusive Earl]

Normal petting, not heavy petting, they'll emphasize.

For some reason, I have a sinking suspension that there will be no emphasis.
Zoophilia Saga here we come!

 

[stupid frog]

That would really suck, I don't want to have to wade through the other 3000+ page Kevin thread.

Coward.

 

[Sleazy Car Salesman]

Coward.

I don't know man, I find your average RatKing troon boring. I love this thread because it's a place where many things converge.

 

[Rainbow Frog Army]

The only thing I could find is that Treble Vandoren of Corgi LLC got into some sort of trouble defrauding a fur suit company out of 40k. It looks like they do anothere charity every year from the website so it's just the tranches turn in the rotation. Looks like they on average pocket 15k, so this will be a minor grift in the main scheme of things for our heros.

It's the last-minute nature of the announcement that's the strange part--that's typically a sign that somebody boarded the NOPE express.

Unless this year's DenFur is run as well as the Tranch.

...might be a wise idea to not prereg for next year's DenFur...so the Tranchers will all totally do so.

 

[Hyacinth Bucket (Bouquet)]

That yarn is terrible. And the dye job is amazingly bad. I've seen better results from people playing with Kool-Aid.

If you just want machine-spun alpaca arn of reasonable quality and consistent dye lots you can get it from Knitpicks for $12-15 for 100g.

 

[Ghostse]

For some reason, I have a sinking suspension that there will be no emphasis.
Zoophilia Saga here we come!

Senor Manos saga begins.

 

[Rainbow Frog Army]

That yarn is terrible. And the dye job is amazingly bad. I've seen better results from people playing with Kool-Aid.

If you just want machine-spun alpaca arn of reasonable quality and consistent dye lots you can get it from Knitpicks for $12-15 for 100g.

And Knitpicks will tell you everything you need to know about the yarn & supply you with nice patterns. The Tranch won't even supply you with a scarf pattern.

Here, let me provide you with a few very quick and lazy ones:
* Cast on 30 sts on whatever size needles you've got that look like they'll get you a nice drape. Knit each row. Cast off when you've got about 4x the width of the yarn left, or get bored.
* If it doesn't look like it'll make a scarf, seam ends together and call it a cowl.
* If it's not even that long, make fingerless mitts: make two hand-sized squares of garter stitch and seam it up the side with a gap for the thumbs.
* If you just plain hate it, make three I-cords of equal length, braid, and give to a dog as an expression of your loathing.

If you want hand-spun alpaca yarn, I'd recommend buying roving from your local yarn store or directly alpaca farmer, and a drop spindle. YouTube for directions, it's pretty easy; it was one of those things you used to set small children & tards to doing when you needed everybody in the household contributing to it.

 

[Humbert Humbert]

---

Not too many updates from the tranch, though they did have visitors yesterday. Archive

Spoiler: Full images

I suppose the reason for the nonexistent activity is due to Penny being holed up in his room. archive

Bonnie did the same, but for different reasons. archive

He also shared a personal experience. Archive

As for others, well…

Spoiler: Degenerate Warning

archive

 

[AMHOLIO]

I don't know man, I find your average RatKing troon boring. I love this thread because it's a place where many things converge.

If it helps, some madlad makes a thread summary every 100 pages now (forgot name). It still intersects with clowning, collecting, video game, psychology, medical, and other sperging. There's 4 main players in the thread right now: Ripley the long faced hospital tantrum thrower, Clown Hooker Disability faker warhammer collector poor boy Wedge, Bryan the pencil neck geek who left his wife and kids and has incel tier rants on relationships, and the main (wo)man Kevvy. Its a long romance of coping, seething, and dilation neglect.

I suppose the reason for the nonexistent activity is due to Penny being holed up in his room. archive

Bonnie did the same, but for different reasons. archive

He also shared a personal experience. Archive

Man, it must suck to have one of the few people who does the actual (half assed) work on the farms out of commission.

Bonnie is a fucking embarrassment. That's what made him quit and turn his back on his heritage? The inciting incident of your parents not loving you when you made tweets being buddy buddy until 2018-19ish? Fuck off.
On the one hand, I do encourage him to pursue it, but on the other, I'm not sure it will appeal to him as much as he thinks. Its not magic the gathering, booze, guns, or weed so I feel like his efforts to embrace it will only extend to learning slightly better spanish and wearing traditional Peruvian wear. If I was him, I would try to get into fiber arts seeing the fucking pacas right in front of him. But he might just give up halfway through a project out of laziness, which would suck for advertising their yarn.