🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

Short answer: No.

More accurate answer:

 

[AbraCadaver]

How does she keep picking the absolute worst frocks for her body.

Oh right, she picks them for name on the label and resale ability, not for a flattering look.

Girl looks like a bin liner and Shirley Temple had a terrible, terrible giant baby.

Also lol die mad Tess, your sugar daddy won’t let you out of that NDA for “relationship cred on the ‘gram.”

 

[bloomingcactus]

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Her dress is already falling apart lol. Also, does that ring even fit her sausages?

The size of her upper arms is absolutely shocking. The skin/fat literally folds over the forearm like a shirt sleeve.

 

[multiverse]

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Her dress is already falling apart lol. Also, does that ring even fit her sausages?

I thought that at first, too. But then I started to look closer, and I think? it's a tag tucked into the dress.

But with Ryann "Cloven Hoof" Hoven, it's equally possible that her publicist had to cut and stitch her into whatever she decided to wear. Speaking of.. it's been ages since I've heard anything about her publicist, Meagan something. Did she quit?

 

[Barbarella]

She was walking the red carpet with Getty photogs there, and she’s flatly twirling and showing her immense backside, splayed toes, and hair extensions and gold shoes with silver bag and fat arms drooping over old tats. Tess imagined the photographers yelling, “Tess, look here! Tess, turn this way!” but in reality, it was dead silent except for bored clicks. It’s digital, no need to worry about film.

She wouldn’t get the fuck off and let the next person walk. Did a giant hook come drag her away? Did somebody have to scream NEXT! Why would they post so many photos of Tess, and from all angles…unless the photographer is having a laugh and is one of us!

lol fat.

 

[Umaibae]

God Bless Getty Images

 

[Oscar Winner]

The photo from behind looks like a different person than the third photo posted. Also different type of sleeves. Maybe deb has really hairy legs but I think deb is in the third and Rylee in the 2nd.

Yeah, I reckon it's two different people. The shirts are different. One is a normal cotton tshirt, the other one has loose sleeves and different material.

Edit to avoid double posting:

Tess says some really dumb stuff, slutty little disco ball? Her??

I just wanted to point out her super uneven lips.

Wait.... wtf is she saying she's been home too long? Where has she not been since covid?

 

[multiverse]

Lol she wasn't even a guest at the event; she was someone else's plus 1.

 

[Crepidodera fulvicornis]

Lol she wasn't even a guest at the event; she was someone else's plus 1.
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You spelt «trash bag» wrong.

 

[Oscar Winner]

Lol she wasn't even a guest at the event; she was someone else's plus 1.
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I couldn't make sense of what she was saying there. Thanks for the invite, but then tags two other people as being her date?

 

[multiverse]

I couldn't make sense of what she was saying there. Thanks for the invite, but then tags two other people as being her date?

In Hollywood parlance, someone had an invite to this event, and it included the right to bring two guests. That person wasn't interested in this party, so she gave away her ticket. Tess got the ticket, and used the +2 to bring her new black girl crew to this party. She walked a red carpet at an event she wasn't even invited to.

 

[Oscar Winner]

In Hollywood parlance, someone had an invite to this event, and it included the right to bring two guests. That person wasn't interested in this party, so she have away her ticket. Tess got the ticket, and used the +2 to bring her new black girl crew to this party. She walked a red carpet at an event she wasn't even invited to.

Oh God, and she was so excited for an event she wasn't even invited to. That really is funny.

Doesn't that seem a little bit shameless?

Thank you for explaining

 

[George Floyd Sneed]

In Hollywood parlance, someone had an invite to this event, and it included the right to bring two guests. That person wasn't interested in this party, so she have away her ticket. Tess got the ticket, and used the +2 to bring her new black girl crew to this party. She walked a red carpet at an event she wasn't even invited to.

Do people pay for these tickets? I could easily see Tess paying good money for her and her rented token minority friends to attend.

 

[multiverse]

Do people pay for these tickets? I could easily see Tess paying good money for her and her rented token minority friends to attend.

So it seems this is a nightly event that runs from July 16 until labor day. Anyone can buy a ticket to it for $40-$60. I imagine that the thing Tess went to was the opening night event, and was invite only with a red carpet and industry people.

 

[Angry New Ager]

OMFG, Getty Images, I think I'm legitimately in love.

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Despite that giant golden bow, you can't hide your purple fuckin' toe knuckles from me, Tess. Never mind that cloven hoof motif you've got goin'. You ever hear of closed-toe shoes? You need 'em. Badly.

Those shoes are almost at the level of that perennial fatty favorite footwear, shower sandals.

Finally, can we simply celebrate this newest and greatest of Tess's expressions, as it's not blow-up doll or goldfish?


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I have no idea what to call this - 'eeking out the squeaky fart'? Perhaps 'holding in a massive shit'? Possibly 'cross between dipshit and asshole'? Whatever it is, it's hilarious and I'm loving it. I hereby formally request more of this expression and less of her dumbass 'dur hur hur goldfish moodle' face. Make it happen, supperwaddle!! You can influence the fashion world with this expression!!

The phrase, "S/he who smelt it, dealt it," comes to mind.

How does she keep picking the absolute worst frocks for her body.

Oh right, she picks them for name on the label and resale ability, not for a flattering look.

I don't think she has many choices. One of her multitude of bffs is her stylist, who had to beg Eloquii for a dress for Tess to wear to that Oscars party (they sent that pink sequined tarp, with puffy sleeves that barely fit over her hammy upper arms). I expect some begging went into acquiring this particular schmatta, and the gold shower sandals, and the bag.

The one good point to this dress is that it has no sleeves. Whichever fatwear manufacturer coughed this one up wasn't feeling sadistic this time out. Be grateful for small mercies, Tess.

Also lol die mad Tess, your sugar daddy won’t let you out of that NDA for “relationship cred on the ‘gram.”

Even if there is no sugar daddy (yeah, I know, I know, ), it's got to burn her ass that no man wants to be seen in public with her, and shore up her image as the hot, desirable fat supermoddle all the men secretly want to bang. The best she could do was get suckered by a shiftless Cluster B manlet with a fatty fetish, seeking a green card and a sugar momma.

She's a classic somatic Narcissist, obsessed with projecting an image of beauty and desirability, and using it to manipulate others (especially, but not exclusively, desirable men) into giving her what she wants. And hey, back when she was a decade younger and at least 150 lbs lighter, she could kind-of get away with it. But time and cakes and UV radiation are really busting her shit up, and all the Botox and fillers in the world aren't going to halt that.

Narcs generally get worse as they age (unlike Borderliners, who tend to mellow somewhat over time). They don't handle aging and decline well, and somatic Narcs really take it badly. Which should give us a lot of amusement as Tess keeps trying to grab back her peak years from the jaws of time.

 

[Polexia Aphrodisia]

lmao of course she got Shove from Queer Girl Straight Skates to be her "date".

Shove is the queen of showing off her fatness in skimpy outfits to prove how "healthy" she is. I've lost ten pounds in three months of very sporadic skating, bish must be inhaling as many sheet cakes as Tess to still be that prolific a skater at that size.

one of the other QGSS crew recently got into some drama for being shitty and semidoxing a kid who made her crash at a skate park. Then when she got rightfully called out for showing the uncensored face of a minor and not deleting comments saying that they knew where he lived/that he deserved punishment/that all kids should be banned from skateparks, she doubled down and made a bitchy video complaining about how mean people were to her in this Traumatic Time.

Seems exactly like the kind of people Messy Tessy would hang out with.

 

[rocknrollmartian]

lmao of course she got Shove from Queer Girl Straight Skates to be her "date".

Shove is the queen of showing off her fatness in skimpy outfits to prove how "healthy" she is. I've lost ten pounds in three months of very sporadic skating, bish must be inhaling as many sheet cakes as Tess to still be that prolific a skater at that size.

one of the other QGSS crew recently got into some drama for being shitty and semidoxing a kid who made her crash at a skate park. Then when she got rightfully called out for showing the uncensored face of a minor and not deleting comments saying that they knew where he lived/that he deserved punishment/that all kids should be banned from skateparks, she doubled down and made a bitchy video complaining about how mean people were to her in this Traumatic Time.

Seems exactly like the kind of people Messy Tessy would hang out with.

I just checked out this Shove person's IG (fat_girl_has_moxi), and yes, like Tess, it's clear that she has to be fat with ugly tattoos and a shit faux-rebellious attitude to stand out and get any attention. Otherwise, she'd just be a mediocre nobody who skates, another face in the crowd. Since excellence is off the table, obesity is the only way for these talentless narcs to get in the limelight. Pathetic.

For reference, here's beastly Shove compared to the cute normies:

She also shows off her gravelly ass and thighs as much as she can, much like Lizzo, but I will spare everyone that today.

 

[AbraCadaver]

She's a classic somatic Narcissist, obsessed with projecting an image of beauty and desirability, and using it to manipulate others (especially, but not exclusively, desirable men) into giving her what she wants. And hey, back when she was a decade younger and at least 150 lbs lighter, she could kind-of get away with it. But time and cakes and UV radiation are really busting her shit up, and all the Botox and fillers in the world aren't going to halt that.

Being a somatic narc, you’d think she would hit the gym more. But nah, she’s even mediocre at narcing.

“Tell me you wanna be a skinny white girl without telling me.” Is she for real skating in Cali in summer in a lace front…girl…

that wig smell like hair oil and cheese

Good on her for actually being good at skating and gettin exercise though, she kicks Tess’ arse in that respect. She’s shoulders above all the cows on the farms who think running errands is strenuous cardio and prefer to never leave the couch.

 

[Captain Syrup]

Good on her for actually being good at skating and gettin exercise though, she kicks Tess’ arse in that respect.

Shove would seriously wreck her day in any type of athletic contest. Black people have higher muscle/bone mass on average. Also, their fat tends to distribute in areas besides their abdomen.

 

[Umaibae]

Damn, I have been waiting for the GOOD made in USA Moxie skates to get back in stock. Not anymore.

(Doesn’t matter. Only place I can use them is a roller rink. Skateboarding and skating is seen as a “nuisance” here.)