🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[Water-T]

I wish Tess would tell us the secret to such glowing, dewy skin.

My best guess is a steady diet of cakes, weed, and booze

 

[Oscar Winner]

I wish Tess would tell us the secret to such glowing, dewy skin.

My best guess is a steady diet of cakes, weed, and booze

She's just so freaking greasy. For all she spouts about skincare products, so many that she's posted that are apparently “amazing”, there can't be a single brand, right down to dollar store products, that don't panic when she shills their brand.
It brings me back to my theory that the watermelon “wtf is she advertising” video was self funded, and not brand endorsed. Who would use that face? It's more like 'what not to buy' because it either does nothing, or makes your skin worse.

 

[Snack Cracker]

She's just so freaking greasy. For all she spouts about skincare products, so many that she's posted that are apparently “amazing”, there can't be a single brand, right down to dollar store products, that don't panic when she shills their brand.
It brings me back to my theory that the watermelon “wtf is she advertising” video was self funded, and not brand endorsed. Who would use that face? It's more like 'what not to buy' because it either does nothing, or makes your skin worse.

Completely agree: I’m going to try to not PL but I’ve seen a lot of skin and a lot of pores up close in a beauty context.

And her skin is…..the perfect example of someone who thinks they can eat like shit, not wear sunscreen, binge alcohol, not drink water, with the full mindset of getting fillers to “fix” things and using facial oils for an artificial glow.

I can tell she does have naturally oily skin because she has visible pores ALL over her face, but the skin texture is just….fat must stretch out literal facial pores somehow because I’ve never seen any in person that visible.
There’s so much visible sun damage.
And it’s rough. There’s not enough pore filling primer in the world to make that look normal in person.

Tess would be a perfect skin advertisement for St Ive’s Apricot Scrub, or just a foot scrub to be used on the face.

 

[GrouchiCorn]

ME ME ME ME ME ME

 

[Skin Pop]

ME ME ME ME ME ME

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Her mom looks younger and better than she does. SAD!

 

[Pollybock]

Her best friend debbie?
Ugh, we need a running tab her her list of BFFs with notations of whom of those have ever called Tess their BFF as well

 

[Barbarella]

Why did Mama only have the energy to walk to the water once? It’s not exactly miles, more like feet, and she hadn’t had her strokes yet. We’ve seen fairly recent video of her walking the buffet line, and of course, Tess wanted to leave Bowie with her.

So has her mom been weakening (whether from obesity or TBI) this entire time and Tess didn’t notice? Or has she been unable to move since the gunshot and it’s never been made clear.

Either way, would she have actually left Bowie with her? He’s probably old enough to have been taught to call 911, so she could justify his usefulness.

Tess is missing her true gift. No matter what she’s writing about, whether the plight of POC or her mother’s illness, it always becomes about Tess, and her heroism. And best friend #432.

 

[Flawmil]

ME ME ME ME ME ME

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TFW you post your mom and son without consent. Her mom hasn’t visited the beach in 20 years because of her body image and Ryann decides to post a photo of her body in a bathing suit to her 2 million and some followers for asspats.
She had to write a sweet conclusion to her sob story so she could start posting her going out again. Looking like even more of a mouth breather than usual.

 

[theriddler3]

TFW you post your mom and son without consent. Her mom hasn’t visited the beach in 20 years because of her body image and Ryann decides to post a photo of her body in a bathing suit to her 2 million and some followers for asspats.
She had to write a sweet conclusion to her sob story so she could start posting her going out again. Looking like even more of a mouth breather than usual.
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Idk where she's going, but I hope Getty Images snaps a few pics.

 

[multiverse]

Idk where she's going, but I hope Getty Images snaps a few pics.

It's 50/50. The event is being hosted by CAA at the Botanical Gardens, and is disco-roller skating themed. We know Ryann's giant ass would break an ankle immediately if she attempted to take part in that way.


Anyway, if she looks that bad in her own pics of the night, she's going to be heinous in any photos taken by others.

 

[Pina Colada]

TFW you post your mom and son without consent. Her mom hasn’t visited the beach in 20 years because of her body image and Ryann decides to post a photo of her body in a bathing suit to her 2 million and some followers for asspats.
She had to write a sweet conclusion to her sob story so she could start posting her going out again. Looking like even more of a mouth breather than usual.
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I believe that’s her “friend” Debbie and not Rylee; the latter is also short but lost a lot of weight after Mess gave him the boot.

 

[multiverse]

I believe that’s her “friend” Debbie and not Rylee; the latter is also short but lost a lot of weight after Mess gave him the boot.

Yes, in the last shot you can see that the person in black has painted toenails and a faded tattoo on their arm; it's clearly a woman. But from the back I thought it was Rylee, too.

Sticker for Beth's privacy.

 

[Flawmil]

Yes, in the last shot you can see that the person in black has painted toenails and a faded tattoo on their arm; it's clearly a woman. But from the back I thought it was Rylee, too.

Sticker for Beth's privacy.
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The photo from behind looks like a different person than the third photo posted. Also different type of sleeves. Maybe deb has really hairy legs but I think deb is in the third and Rylee in the 2nd.

 

[Leopard Turtlechin]

TFW you post your mom and son without consent. Her mom hasn’t visited the beach in 20 years because of her body image and Ryann decides to post a photo of her body in a bathing suit to her 2 million and some followers for asspats.
She had to write a sweet conclusion to her sob story so she could start posting her going out again. Looking like even more of a mouth breather than usual.
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I don't get how looks at pictures of herself and thinks "dewy" when she looks like she went down on a can of grease

 

[Gay Mouth]

LEWK AT THAYT NATCHRUL TEXYURE YAWL! #cornbread #crisco #bottomlessmintjuleps #prizehog

 

[multiverse]

Getty Images gits 'er done again. Prepare for repetitive images of a pig in slides walking it its hind legs at a party. You'll see that our favorite supah moddle kept the tags on the dress so she can sell it off later.

Spoiler: So many

Here's from her Stories. She's still "best friends" with a bunch of black chicks and wearing fifty extensions. She's also feeling uncomfortable about her "arrangement" that keeps a roof over her head; she squirms at being a dirty, embarrassing secret.

 

[M.T. Graves]

Looks like a pig that got halfway stuck in a trash bag when it was looking for food.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

OMFG, Getty Images, I think I'm legitimately in love.


Despite that giant golden bow, you can't hide your purple fuckin' toe knuckles from me, Tess. Never mind that cloven hoof motif you've got goin'. You ever hear of closed-toe shoes? You need 'em. Badly.


The lumps! The pores! The craters! The stack of flap-jacks making up the neck to hold the first, second and third chin aloft! Gold, I tells ya. Gold.

Finally, can we simply celebrate this newest and greatest of Tess's expressions, as it's not blow-up doll or goldfish?

I have no idea what to call this - 'eeking out the squeaky fart'? Perhaps 'holding in a massive shit'? Possibly 'cross between dipshit and asshole'? Whatever it is, it's hilarious and I'm loving it. I hereby formally request more of this expression and less of her dumbass 'dur hur hur goldfish moodle' face. Make it happen, supperwaddle!! You can influence the fashion world with this expression!!

 

[Water-T]

GOOD LORD. Her chins, over filled lips, chest buttcrack, greasy skin, and piggy jowls combine to form a Voltron of fatness

AND I'LL FORM THE SUPER FAT HEAD!

 

[Daddy's Little Kitten]

Her dress is already falling apart lol. Also, does that ring even fit her sausages?