🐱 Does Avocado Actually Taste Like Clean Dick?

  • ⚙️ Performance issue identified and being addressed.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
CatParty
https://www.pedestrian.tv/online/avocado-clean-dick-twitter-investigation/

Friends, foes and former lovers, how have you been. It is time to remind you all that avocado tastes like a clean dick. It’s true, it’s a fact, it’s science. But where on Earth did this fabulous rumour come from?

I’m sorry to say but if you’ve never put a clean penis in your mouth, you’ll have no idea what I’m about to talk about. I’m talking straight out of the shower penis. Yes, unclean penis does have its own taste, but for the love of all that is good and holy I will not be talking about that.

Avocado? Tastes just like a clean dick. One hundred percent. It’s something in the texture too. Can’t quite put my finger on it. It’s like every dick in the world reverts to one flavour after being cleaned, and that flavour is avocado.

This idea entered the online zeitgeist in 2019, when a queer individual (naturally), tweeted out their thoughts about avocado tasting like clean dick.

They even included “pass it on” at the end and well, it passed on alright.

Then came the famous follow-up tweet that cemented the meme format which we are still witnessing today.

Theydies and gentlethems, please witness the “one time I read a tweet saying” format, and weep.

From here forth you will always see people tweeting or making TikToks about the fact that “someone once said” or “I once saw a tweet.”

Well, that someone was Jordan from the first tweet here, and he is forever being referenced, whether people have seen his tweet or not.

Now we’ve come to 2021, the year of Miss Rona 2: Electric Boogaloo, and people are still talking about this damn 2019 tweet.

Folks, we get it, avocado tastes like clean schlong. Enough already.

Naturally, the idea that avocado tastes like pristine peen has just become a ‘thing’ on TikTok, with some users saying they first saw it there instead of on Twitter.

The earliest TikTok I could find referencing the idea of washed eggplant having a particular taste was from this Aussie TikToker by the name of @opheliaswan in 2020.

@opheliaswan
the tweet that says avocado tastes like clean p*n*s
♬ original sound – ophelia
Of course, the idea got into the hands of Americans and bam, you have a viral TikTok video.

This one right here by user @grace.malin has over 22 million views. However, this TikTok references “that tweet” in its description, which is a very ‘if you know you know’ shoutout to the chaos of 2019.

@gracie.malin
i have not known peace since reading that tweet #avocado
♬ original sound – Funny Tiktoks
Thanks to this TikTok going hyper viral, many others are discovering that the OG tweet even exists in the first place, and are posting memes about hesitating to consume avocado.

I dunno about you but when I heard avo tastes like clean dick, I started craving avo.

@cladellain
#stitch with @gracie.malin Waiting for my husband to finish his avocado so I can tell him. #ohlord #avocado #tweet
♬ original sound – Cladellain David-Green
And that friends, concludes the mystery of where this whole internet idea came from, and why it’s becoming a thing again.

For science, I am more than willing to put this idea to the test. After lockdown though… definitely after lockdown.
 
STOP SEXUALIZING EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY MY FREAKING AVOCADOS. its bad enough that I have deal with the potential fact the cartels smuggle the delicous avocado, I am so tired of everything being vaguely sexual, why do you gay ass faggots make everything sexual?
 
why do you gay ass faggots make everything sexual?

They are completely boring, uninteresting people. Sex is the only thing "special" about them, and they want the rest of us to know it. Moreover, this article is trying to disturb straight people/plant an idea in their mind.

Screen Shot 2021-07-23 at 8.12.21 AM.png


Here's the author of this poorly written "article". He definitely looks like he has first hand experience.
 
I don't personally know what dick tastes like, but if it tastes anything like avocado, I might consider joining the gay for pay crew.
 
I'm neither an expert on dick taste nor avocados, but I posit that the fag has only sucked off hipsters and that's why all the dicks he's tasted taste like avocados.
 
This makes me think of the news article from last year about the guy who died "of Covid" after contracting it via oral sex. The picture of him made it excruciatingly obvious that he was sucking dicks.
 
I feel like someone is trying to cover their short on avocado futures by paying a faggot to write clickbait that makes people hate avocados. The only problem is they went cheap on their faggot-purchasing and ended up with an article in a no-name blog that no one reads.

Pay for a NYT article you cheap bastards, or at least a Salon/Slate/Huffington. No one has heard of this blog, and no one besides CatParty will ever find it, because CatParty is the god-king of finding bizarro clickbait.
 
STOP SEXUALIZING EVERYTHING ESPECIALLY MY FREAKING AVOCADOS. its bad enough that I have deal with the potential fact the cartels smuggle the delicous avocado, I am so tired of everything being vaguely sexual, why do you gay ass faggots make everything sexual?

Because their only personality is their sexuality so everything is about sex to them (fittingly, most of them are all virgins)
 
Back
Top Bottom