To be fair, I believe being unwelcome isn't uncommon for you, and years of being rejected by people you loved and respected has likely made you immune to rejection at this stage of your life. I also think it's caused you some form of mental damage, because you will reply to this post with some half assed zinger about how i'm harvey or michael or jeffrey or carl or richard or hillary. You use this a coping mechanism for your sub-average intelligence.
You need to go into public places on the internet and angrily rebuke people you feel have slighted or disrespected you. As compensation for your humiliation you need to inflate the value of the target of your attacks into celebrities or powerful politicians. You imagine one day everyone will see the truth, you will be the most famous person ever, having fought off and rebuked the most powerful people in america, a small town girl from buttfuck georgia.
But then you have moments of clarity, you think that maybe you really are losing your shit. You obsess over every news article or youtube video about your harrassers, looking for any indication of the things you think they are doing to you. This is where schizophrenia steps in and helps you make connections that don't exist in order to keep yourself from realizing the truth. It's the same reason your interpersonal relationships suffer. Your entire identity is based on the narrative that you are being harassed and stalked by famous people. There is no "Pamela Swain" anymore outside of that. Want proof of what I am telling you? Take a week off from the internet. No web browsing, no youtube, forums, kiwifarms etc. Could you handle not going online and fighting with imaginary people to feel important for a week?
