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Dana is still in her autism shed, or wherever the fuck this place with unfinished walls is.
Pink top (the ugly one) and her usual ponytail that makes her look like a Roswell alien with patchy skin.
"I have a son... who likes to tell stories and, appears to be a very talented writer..." - Dana, possibly being passive aggressive, but can't emote enough to sell it
Shitting on KiwiFarms. (Love you too, Dana!)
Smug bitch face as Dana refers to her thread as being "featured on [KiwiFarms]".
This reminds Dana of Judas. (Because of course it fucking does...)
"The presumption... of intimacy is, depicted, in Da Vinci's... painting of the last supper..." - Dana, citing a fucking painting, to relate the internet to a Bible story?
Dana continues to fumble her way through probably the most famous story of The Bible.
Judas saw the miracles, still killed Jesus. (Let me guess, Dana is going to blame Spencer for something, despite her magic power of not being dead yet from alcoholism?)
"He gave back the 30 pieces of silver, and hung himself..." - Dana "Haters Get the Rope" Marie
Smoking, because why not?
Detective Dana speculates on Judas' motives. (Because she can't even go to the bathroom without shitting out a conspiracy over nothing...)
Onto the story of Samson, Dana just bulletpoints some character names.
Dana breaks out her smug face whilst talking about how Samson was fucked over by a woman. (HAY YOU GUIZ! I THINK DANA MIGHT BE ONE OF THOSE WOMAN THINGS!)
Quotes Hallelujah by Leonard Cohen, because Dana isn't remembering shit if it isn't song lyrics.
Samson went all Pumped Up Kicks on the temple of Dagon.
(Funny that Dagon is a Mesopotamian deity, which is even more reason Dana's trainwreck of at least 3 religions doesn't work.)
"Samson was a Danite, so Samson was my cousin..." *Smug coffee drinking to end all smug moments* "So to speak..."
Judges of Israel sperging, Dana seems to imply a very modern legal system which couldn't have possibly existed. (And still would have stoned her drunken ass.)
"They held the scales of justice. That's a lotta fUCkIn' PoWeR!!!" - Dana "Contempt" Marie
Dana uses the word "connote" as a demonstration of her inconsistent vocabulary.
Long hair was a status symbol, no word on receding hairlines like our goddess of grime here though.
Long hair = Spiritual connections?
The legal system was in fact entirely based on religious superstition, meaning Dana's idea of justice is kind of shitty. (Wonder what God would have given her in her divorce settlements...)
(Should also be noted that a better translation than judge is leader, which many versions of the book Dana is citing use, or explain that they aren't literal judges.)
"Women had long hair and, intuition, well it was... associated with feminine, the divine feminine, the moon..." - Dana, mooning the audience with her usual girl power fantasies
(Okay Dana, if that's true, why were all but one of the judges men?)
All roads lead to Banana.
"The long hair, that was a homage to the goddess." (So wait, continuing the symbolism, does that mean as Dana's hair continues to fall out, she gets less reliable? That actually seems accurate.)
Banana is a middleman in the lore now.
Nothing existed until Banana stole it.
"We have schools, well, the Sumerians invented schools..." - Dana "F Minus" Marie
Dana can't stay on topic today, mentions Pandora's box, then onto Eve again.
"The references are there, they're coded, they're hidden..." - Dana "Apophenia" Marie
Dana defines these hidden and coded references as just her cherrypicking differences in some versions of other stories.
Enheduanna sperging, you aren't an author, Dana.
"Inanna's contribution to history, is so significant, that it should be, acknowledged, by literally, every, living, creature on this planet..." - Dana "Humility" Marie, telling the unwashed masses to worship her
(Fat fucking chance, slutbag.)
Dana wants a parade, or something, I don't fucking know...
(So, if Banana's town of Uruk was the first town in history, where the fuck did she rob Enki's 4,000 BC aircraft from?)
Sargon was the son/husband of Banana. (Because no king ever claimed divine right to rule, other than literally all of them...)
(Is someone sawing wood in the background, what the fuck is that noise?)
Dana blames Babylon for the fact that the public school system doesn't teach kids her wine-soaked delusions of a fake religion.
"I traced the problem all the way to, where it began..." (What, when you first discovered alcoholism?)
Fuck Babylon and fuck Marduk.
Banana = Not the whore of Babylon (But definitely the whore of upstate NY.)
Fuck Babylon for naming Banana Ishtar?
Banana was about helping people, discounting the fact that she murdered a lot of people.
Banana presumably also doesn't like the butt-stuff, much like our hero.
Steals my "Babylonian bullshit" line again.
Fuck Marduk, for some reason demons marry women, rather than be like our hero Banana and just date rape them so they can steal shit.
Once again the designated heroes are completely useless to stop the token villains in the Bananaverse.
Marduk still isn't on the Jedi Council, or whatever the fuck.
Dana won't stop bitching about Marduk, maybe Mike is pissing her off again so she's just being bitchy to even the idea of anything with a penis.
STILL can't say lineage correctly. (It isn't lin-age, you illiterate fuck.)
Everyone knows about the alternative names for Banana, for some reason Dana isn't angry at Aphrodite yet?
Banana was the first (No.) and the best. (No.)
Cites Uruk as the first city on Earth. (Jericho existed as early as 10,000 BC, Uruk is estimated to be 4,000 BC.)
Banana (Read: Dana) need attention, you guiz!
Dana is here to bring attention to her fake religion. (I mean, you're on the no fly list so, does that count as attention?)
Dana is Banana's last hope. (Wow, if that ain't a fucking depressing place to be in...) (#FreeBanana)
"I speak for the goddess and I plead for her..." - Dana "The Lorax" Marie
(So, I think Dana is trying to cast people in her life as these gods in her larp? She literally doesn't have enough friends to make someone Enki, and that's pretty funny.)
"Being that I have this very close personal relationship with the goddess..." - Dana "Lesbo" Marie
Dana has a right to complain to the voices in her head because she was born special.
Dana continues to Karen the gods.
Back to Spencer.
"Spencer, you have no excuse... you study ancient history, you know these empires, you know what I'm talking about. So why are you being a dumb dick to me?"
Dana, tries guilt tripping Spencer by saying she paid his rent.
"I gave birth to you..." (How fucking miserable do you have to be to try and use that to manipulate someone?)
"You had a really good home..." (No thanks to you, that was all Skip's money you were spending, ho.)
"You grew up with both parents..." - Dana, who forgets that Skip was working for several months at a time to pay for her retarded wastes of money
Dana and her petty scorekeeping demand that she add "a mother who loved you", when it's obvious that the past-tense is purposeful.
Spencer doesn't deserve to have an opinion.
Dana annoyed Spencer about him being on KF.
"You told your girlfriend I was dead, Spencer. You were wrong." (It might take a medical examiner to tell given Dana's corpselike visage these days...)
Dana tries guilt-tripping Spencer by threatening to show his girlfriend that she isn't dead in an implicit way.
"How do you think she's gonna feel when you lied to her about me, being dead? Idiot." - Dana "A Mother Who Loved You" Marie
"I'd actually like to know what the fuck is wrong with, all 4 of my sons..."
Dana claims she raised her kids to be independent, and is now mad that they came to independent conclusions that she's a psychotic narcissistic idiot.
"I raised them to be, their own people..." (Unless they don't like you, then their ass belongs to Banana, right?)
Dana thinks Skip calling his mother once a week was creepy. (Mostly because Dana can't imagine calling her mother ever again...)
"My sons know, they need me? I'm here." - Dana, who wants to wait till someone is vulnerable before she pretends to help them
Dana breaks out the stupid voice when saying that Spencer asked her for food and money.
"I did this for this little asshole... This ungrateful little shithead..." - Dana "Motherhood" Marie
Dana totally doesn't care about the haters.
Dana implies Steph is only now living the life of being married to a sailor, despite the fact Skip is possibly retired, and they've been married for like 8 fucking years at this point.
Dana doesn't even want to be Steph's friend. (Wow, if you actually had any respect, that might hurt someone's feelings, you cow.)
"I don't give a fuck about Skip, I have so moved on..." (Much like those haters you keep making videos for.)
Dana accuses Spencer of playing her and Skip against each other for money. (Meaning Dana is stupid enough to keep on giving him money, despite saying she shouldn't?)
"Spencer, you studied The Art of War..." - Dana "Shart of Whore" Marie
"You wanna be a dictator, dood..." - Dana, projecting her fantasy, minus the magical bullshit
Spencer is a genius who wants to bring back the Roman Empire.
"And you'll sell your own mother down the river!" - Dana, crossing the Rubicon when it comes to pissing off her family one last time
(Notice that this is exactly what Dana is doing by threatening to stop sending Spencer money if he doesn't shill her Bananalore.)
Dana knows about history, dood.
The one defining trait of dictators is that most of them killed their mothers. (What? Nero did, but I can't think of any others offhand, and I fucking know Dana can't.)
Spencer's plan to rule the world starts with him using Dana to buy him shit on DoorDash.
Dana didn't fuck up, like totally.
"Have their own opinions even if I don't agree!" - Dana "Hypocrisy" Marie
Alex and Kevin are Dana's new favorite children.
Fuck Spencer though.
Dana threatens that Spencer's girlfriend might break up with him if she knew she wasn't dead.
Spencer's girlfriend gets Dana's approval. (And no doubt her ire when she understands why Spencer allegedly claimed she was dead.)
More about Dana's vanity being ruined by having kids.
"And so, because I loved your idiot father, well, I made you, and I fell in love with you and, you were the apple of my eye, young man, pride and joy."
Dana is disappoint!
"Your behavior is, unacceptable."
Dana is determined to continue to fuck with her own kid.
"I have eyes over there, and they report back to me..." - Dana "Big Brother" Marie, referring to herself in the 3rd person
Dana totally doesn't have time to read her thread. (But does have time to make almost hour long rants about fucking nothing.)
(Could be Sockness trying to simp for Dana...)
Dana will be happy if Spencer removes her from his life completely because she'll save money for her fake wedding.
"Like, you just saved me a shit ton of money, so I wanna thank you for that!" - Dana "DoorGash" Marie
"You ain't, no fuckin' Roman emperor, you're just a wannabe..." - Dana "Self Described Goddess of Love" Marie
Spencer needs to make a public confession of, wait, what is he confessing too?
Dana gets mad enough and declares she isn't giving Spencer any money.
"You wanna play this fucking game with me, little boy? I made you." - Dana "Jigsaw" Marie
Dana seems to declare that she no longer loves Spencer.
"You don't wanna stand with me?" (Trash mountain is a terrible hill to die on, Dana.)
Dana ain't saying sorry.
(She's getting real close to just out and out threatening physical violence...)
"You let this video get out!" - Dana "Blame Game" Marie
"You, aren't as clever as you think you are..."
Dana will always be better than Spencer because he came out her vagina. (But would be more than happy to shit on her mother when presented with the same argument.)
Dana flips off Spencer.
"Ya, I'm gonna make a fuckin' example outta you, young man!" - Dana "Negotiation" Marie
Dana wants everyone to know that threatening her own children is a sign that she's perfectly sane and not an evil cunt.
Dana realizes how depressing her viewcount is.
Dana demands people be nice to her when she does nothing but prove all day that she doesn't deserve it.
"I'm very good to my fuckin' kids!" - Dana "Make A Fuckin' Example Outta You" Marie
Spencer used to be her favorite kid.
Dana still thinks her Facebook is concrete proof that she wasn't a shitbag, or something.
Spencer needs to FIGURE IT OUT.
Spencer doesn't deserve his girlfriend.
"Clearly you need a fuckin' refresher course, on manners, young man!" - Dana, who still doesn't know that it's rude to point at people, or threaten them in public
"You don't believe in God? That's fine, Spencer. Let me introduce you, to your maker!" (Holy fuck!)
"You can call me mom! Get your shit together, asshole!" - Dana "Mother of the Year" Marie
Fin.
