Autism you witnessed IRL - share your stories

[NerdShamer]

Really made me wonder why he didn't just buy the damn thing on Amazon instead of driving to the store to look for something he didn't even know if we had it in stock or not.

Might be too much of a boomer to learn how the Internet works.

 

[Jimmy Hopkins]

When I was in highschool we used to always joke about this autistic kid named Kyle. During his off hours and passing periods, he would roam the halls of the school with some neon orange jacket that said something like “SECURITY MONITOR” on it, even though he had no more authority then a common student would. This led to him receiving the nickname “Deputy Kyle.”

One day when I was a freshman, my sister had a birthday party and for whatever reason she invited the tard. I didn’t know anything about him back then, but one of my friends that was over recognized him as deputy Kyle. Anyways me and my friends were messing around shooting each other with airsoft guns. Kyle comes storming up the stairs to yell at me and my friends. I remember him saying “THIS ISN’T YOUR HOUSE CALM DOWN!” He then tried to snatch my friends airsoft gun, so I promptly shot him in the cheek. He started crying and went to snitch to my mom. Mom didn’t care and agreed he was being a little bitch.

 

[The Fraggle Queen]

I have several cursed stories of witnessing tardos in the wild.

Spoiler: Demon Slayer tards

Went to the cinema with Mr Fraggle to watch the Demon Slayer movie on release day, because we’re both losers and have a cinema 2 minutes down the road. We bought tickets to the dubbed version because A. It was cheaper and B. When we booked, it was less full than the subtitled version, so we anticipated less interaction with screeching tards. Boy, were we wrong.

We should have known something was wrong when a couple came in, the girl holding a fucking cat-sized Nezuko plush like it was some sort of emotional support pet. They sat in front of us, the girl screeching loudly and putting the damn plushie on its own seat.

Then a couple came in and sat on the same row as us, and I should have known something would be bad because the woman was a hamplanet with cat ears. Like, I have no clue how the seat held her.

There was a fuck up and the cinema accidentally started showing the subtitled version. Cue tard rage from hamplanet and her partner. Cinema staff come in, ask everyone if we mind watching the sub because we were almost half an hour in and they’d have to restart otherwise. Mr Fraggle and I say we don’t mind either way, cue hambeast and her partner screeching and actually threatening violence against me to the point where Mr Fraggle had to get staff.

Spoiler: Childhood Experiences

I had a load of health problems as a child and didn’t socialise much due to being in and out of hospital, so my parents sent me to a youth club for kids with illnesses/disabilities. I actually made a lot of friends there, some I still hang out with. But some of the kids...christ. One child was the second coming of CWC, small, rotund, unwashed and obsessed with Sonic. This was in the late 2000s/early 2010s so we’d all play Brawl on the wii, kid would fully enact violence with a wiimote if he lost. He eventually got banned from there. Other spergs present were an annoying twat obsessed with table tennis who ended up being a surprisingly good opera singer, and a dude a few years older than me who threatened suicide when literal child me refused to date him. I saw him the other week and Mr Fraggle was unaware of him, so that was no fun to explain.

 

[Jason Wynn]

One of the security guards my office has takes his job way too seriously and acts like he’s an actual cop. Guy’s name is Chris (it’s always a Chris) and he’s in his late 40s or early 50s so it’s not some young kid getting a small amount of authority and letting it go to his head, that would at least be somewhat more understandable.

we all call this guy Deputy Doofy. The other security guards when they arrive and need to be let in will act normal “hey Autumnal Equinox it’s John Doe” Chris arrives and it’s “Special Officer Chris requesting permission to enter the site” he’ll come strutting in always with his sunglasses on even if it’s the dead of night. I’ll make small talk with the other guards when I see them, try doing that with Chris and I just get one word responses like “affirmative” or “negative” I’ll bring in stuff I baked to share with my coworkers and the other guards, Chris always refuses when I offer some to him, claiming it would be “highly unprofessional for an officer to eat while serving on duty”

he reminds me of David Arquette in Scream when he says “mom told you when I put on this uniform you’re supposed to respect me as an officer of the law” dude, you’re a rent a cop, not Robocop, calm your ass down autist

 

[Pissmaster]

"HahahHA you LOST the GAME!"

I never understood it, either. It spread like a memetic virus, and I don't know why.

Yeah, its always been annoying. It's the sort of meme that just doesn't say anything at all, and you can't really go anywhere with it. It's placid and inoffensive. It's on the same tier as "Nobody:" - a meme for retards that like to act intelligent and witty, but have absolutely nothing to add.

I first saw it on an imageboard ages ago. Seemed dumb then, seems dumber now. I'm surprised it still gets brought up as though it's contemporary every now and then, that meme is ancient.

 

[NerdShamer]

One of the security guards my office has takes his job way too seriously and acts like he’s an actual cop. Guy’s name is Chris (it’s always a Chris) and he’s in his late 40s or early 50s so it’s not some young kid getting a small amount of authority and letting it go to his head, that would at least be somewhat more understandable.

we all call this guy Deputy Doofy. The other security guards when they arrive and need to be let in will act normal “hey Autumnal Equinox it’s John Doe” Chris arrives and it’s “Special Officer Chris requesting permission to enter the site” he’ll come strutting in always with his sunglasses on even if it’s the dead of night. I’ll make small talk with the other guards when I see them, try doing that with Chris and I just get one word responses like “affirmative” or “negative” I’ll bring in stuff I baked to share with my coworkers and the other guards, Chris always refuses when I offer some to him, claiming it would be “highly unprofessional for an officer to eat while serving on duty”

he reminds me of David Arquette in Scream when he says “mom told you when I put on this uniform you’re supposed to respect me as an officer of the law” dude, you’re a rent a cop, not Robocop, calm your ass down autist

At least he's not Paul Blart.

 

[Well Intentioned]

There was this kid who had some sort of developmental disorder that came into this country western bar I used to work at. Was obsessed with PBR (Professional Bull Riders) and rodeo in general and would corner people and sperg about the latest DVD he had bought, whatever events were going on, who his favorite bull riders were, etc.

Would also spend money on expensive cowboy hats and PBR branded western shirts and Wranglers. He was also Asian, rather dumpy and wore glasses with thick black frames. Imagine ProZD in a Stetson, sort of thing.

He was annoying, but generally harmless, although he went out of his way to make people feel really fucking uncomfortable at times by just babbling on and on about things.

For example, the place I worked at offered dance lessons. Learn how to line dance, learn how to two-step, etc. The unspoken agreement or understanding here is that couples would come in to learn how to dance together.

This fellow didn't get that memo, so he'd pay his money for the lessons, show up and they'd have to sort of rotate people in and out for lessons. Or, in the case of this one class where there was an instructor duo, he'd dance with the female instructor. To make things worse, his hygiene wasn't the greatest. He also, (surprise) wasn't very big on social cues and would always want to dance with any pretty ladies that came in (there was a healthy mix of younger 20somethings and older folks who were just fans of dancing and wanted to improve their skills. Guess who he gravitated towards?) People were (generally) good sports about it, although there was the odd person who wouldn't want to dance with him and would feign having to go to the bathroom or getting a drink of water or whatever when time came to dance with this guy.

Unfortunately, turning down a dance with him would cause him to have a tantrum. The dance instructors basically had to step in and tell him that he couldn't act like that or he'd be kicked out of dance classes. He behaved, although was still awkward and spergy.

That changed when the bar was open for regular business and not just for dance lessons. This guy would go around and ask women to dance with him and would freak the fuck out when he was turned down. Doesn't matter if they had a boyfriend. Doesn't matter if they had just come off the dance floor after dancing and were sweaty and wanting a break. You could give him the most well reasoned, well meaning and gentlest turn down and he'd still get angry.

His reasons were varied and were some sort of faulty rationalization he had in his head. Some of them revolved around how he didn't make enough money, but the one I always remembered was he got mad at a girl who wouldn't dance with him because he "rides the bus and doesn't drive."

I thankfully didn't interact with him all that much because I'm a dude and also didn't really work the nights he would come in (primarily whenever dance lessons were being offered), but female staff didn't fare as well as me. On slower nights, female bartenders would just have him camping out and pestering them.

Managers generally let him come in and do his thing, although they did step in and have to warn him whenever he threw tantrums. The rationale I got from our GM was basically "C'mon, he lives and breathes this shit. It would break his heart if we banned him. So long as he isn't touching patrons or staff and listens to us when we warn him, it's fine."

The only other thing I recall with this guy that stood out was one of my coworkers, who was a girl, having a chat with him and talking to him about what is/isn't appropriate. I worked at this place right when smart phones and video screens were becoming a thing and he had recently gotten one. Apparently this staff member had grown tired of him coming over and sharing videos with her and made a list with him of all the things he could not watch or share with other people. This included things like WWE, women being tied up or kidnapped and (of course) pornography.

Just a really weird guy.

EDIT: I should also mention that he wasn't one of those types who would show up every single day. He would infrequently show up (I'm guessing whenever whatever meager money he got would allow him to), so it wasn't that bad, comparatively.

 

[Sped Xing]

Yeah, its always been annoying. It's the sort of meme that just doesn't say anything at all, and you can't really go anywhere with it. It's placid and inoffensive. It's on the same tier as "Nobody:" - a meme for retards that like to act intelligent and witty, but have absolutely nothing to add.

I first saw it on an imageboard ages ago. Seemed dumb then, seems dumber now. I'm surprised it still gets brought up as though it's contemporary every now and then, that meme is ancient.

It was live at least as far back as the late 90s. It's downright nostalgic by now, if you're retarded.

 

[Pissmaster]

So my brother and I grew up with a kid who was kind of like that weird cousin that everyone has even tho he wasn't technically related. A little background.. while he was never diagnosed with autism, this was in the late 80's/early 90's so maybe it wasn't as prevalent back then. He did take medication for Tourettes however I never really saw him exhibit any tics. I think his main problem was his parents had money, he was an only child and spoiled to high heaven. We will call him Rob. A few things I can remember Rob doing as a kid.

1. At one point my dad put up this really weak electric fence to try to keep the dogs out of the flower beds. Half the time it didn't even work, that's how weak the thing was. So one day Rob is at our house and he brushes up against it, whines for a second but then goes on his way. Until later, when we were asked to clean up our toys and then he starts crying and saying that the electric fence zapped all of his energy. Went to go lay down instead of helping to clean up.

2. Another day he is at our house and accidentally trips over his feet in such a way that he falls and mashes his finger. Rob has always been a husky kid. Overweight but mostly just big-boned and stocky. Again, he cries and my grandmother makes a fuss over him but he seems to be okay after a minute or so. However, as soon as his mom comes to pick him up the waterworks start. Oooooowwwhhh... my fiiiinguuuuuur huurts... he just goes on and on. She keeps him home from school the next day and has his finger x-rayed.

3. This time he spends the night at our house. We are all upstairs playing in my brothers' room when Rob decides to do a striptease to Right Said Fred's "Im too Sexy" song that he has basically played on repeat since he got there. So he's dancing around naked and decides to do a flying leap onto my brothers' bed, but because he's overweight, it causes the slat to fall and the bed comes crashing to the floor making a horrible noise. And we're all like, "Rob, put your clothes back on before my parents come upstairs!" My dad was kind of a jerk back then anyway.

(These next two stories I didn't actually witness but heard secondhand from my brother)
4. Rob had this aversion to school. His whole childhood, he fought it tooth and nail. So one morning, he is at his dads' office before school and decides he needs to go to the bathroom right before they're ready to leave. He's just steps away when suddenly, the inevitable happens and he shits all over himself and the floor. Just to avoid having to go to school. He was 15 years old.

5. I'm not entirely sure what sparked this last incident but I'm sure it had something to do with Rob wanting to get out of one responsibility or another. But basically, he faked losing his memory for days, to the point where his parents drug him to a neurologist to see what the hell was the matter. He was oddly proud of this and the previous story for some reason which is probably the reason why anyone knows about it in the first place.

So yeah, it might not be autism, but it's definitely something.

I think I found Rob's IRL picture:

 

[Gravemind]

One day when I was a freshman, my sister had a birthday party and for whatever reason she invited the tard. I didn’t know anything about him back then, but one of my friends that was over recognized him as deputy Kyle. Anyways me and my friends were messing around shooting each other with airsoft guns. Kyle comes storming up the stairs to yell at me and my friends. I remember him saying “THIS ISN’T YOUR HOUSE CALM DOWN!” He then tried to snatch my friends airsoft gun, so I promptly shot him in the cheek. He started crying and went to snitch to my mom. Mom didn’t care and agreed he was being a little bitch.

Oh, this one jump-started another memory from my youth.

So, an IRL friend of mine lived on his grandparents' property, which has a metric fuckton of acreage, including a number of heavily wooded areas traversable by foot or on small outdoors vehicles (4-wheelers and such), a bunch of cleared out trails, and even a sizable pond in front of the main house on the property, so, one time back when we were teenagers, I'd brought my small airshit collection and we invited a couple of brothers (who were acquainted with my friend) who lived right next to the property to come over for the afternoon and basically have a shootout. The older of the two was a tall, somewhat built country kid and generally chill as fuck and pleasant to be around. His younger brother, on the other hand, was a pudgy, spergy tard who acted like a stereotypical entitled CoD kid who naturally assumed that his probably nonexistent FPS skills would translate to his actual nonexistent skills with handling airshit.

We split off into two teams, myself and my friend, and the two brothers, and decided to have a shootout with no real rules – just basically romp around across the whole property, plinking at each other until we get bored. To facilitate covering as much ground as possible, we allowed using vehicles, with my friend and I sticking with the Mule utility vehicle we often fucked around in, and the two brothers each getting their 4-wheelers from off their property. Things started out pretty average with the four of us basically playing hit and run, then my friend and I had the bright idea to look for a good vantage point in one of the forested parts of the property, killing the engine, making sure we had low visibility from where we parked, and then camping out and sniping at the brothers whenever they came by. This eventually lead to us slowly but surely pissing off the younger brother. Got him to roar out a fairly loud "COME ON," and start squealing once we plinked him one too many times.

Eventually, we broke from our cover after the brothers had been missing for a while and pulled the Mule in somewhere discreet before bailing and going it on foot, sweeping and searching both around and eventually in the main house for the brothers just in case they were hiding out there. We found the older brother before long and he basically surrendered and explained to us about how he was getting sick of how much his younger brother was acting like a little bitch about the whole thing, so, being the devious little shits that we all were, we decided that we'd wait out in the open for him to eventually reveal himself and we'd all just open up on him, because fuck his shit, he was killing the fun of the whole thing by throwing fits whenever he was shot. Sure enough, the retard comes driving on by on his 4-wheeler, acting all smug and shit-eating as he tried (and failed) to hit us while driving, and, of course, we all ended up spraying a hail of plastic pellets on him.

Once again, he starts throwing his spergy fits and jumps off his 4-wheeler, comes barreling up to me specifically on foot, and then screams in my face that he "hit me so many times" and "I should've called an out already". We all reminded him that we didn't even establish this rule. His older brother, being based, decided to pop him in the thigh with another pellet while he was throwing his shitfit at me, and the tard straight up gave an exaggerated jerking of his body, shouted "OW", and started loudly whining about how they were supposed to be on the same team, to which his brother basically told him to stop being a little bitch. Friend and I popped him a couple of more times while he was bitching at his brother, and he once again got in my face, his face red and the tard quite audibly wheezing and fuming with rage. Right when I start worrying that I'm gonna have to get into a fistfight with this fucking retard because he keeps getting in my face, the older brother pops him again, and the tard goes immediately storms over to his brother and starts squeaking in his barely contained rage "SHOOT ME AGAIN, SHOOT ME AGAIN, I DARE YOU." So, the older brother obliges, and the tard jumps on him, wrestling my airshit rifle he was using out of his hands, then starts stomping off the front porch of the main house, ripping off the (thankfully detachable) stock and occasionally smashing the gun on the ground as he tramples his way across the front yard. We ask him what the fuck he thinks he's gonna do, and he shouts back that he's "going to throw my gun in the lake," (which, again, pond. Not a lake.). I warn him that if he does that, I'm going to kick his fucking ass and then make him go in that pond to fish my fucking gun out, which he disregards.

The older brother, on the other hand, after letting him get more than halfway there, immediately hops to his feet, takes off like a fucking bolt towards his younger brother, and tackles him at the waist, scrambles around to put him in a head lock until he gives up, then calmly strides back, picking up my gun, picking up the stock, reattaching it, and giving it back to me while apologizing for his younger brother. I reassure him it's cool, he's not responsible for his brother being such a tard, and tell him I appreciate what he did for me. Tard eventually picks himself off the ground, whining about his older brother doing that to him, so the older brother just decides it's a good time to tard wrangle the younger one back onto his 4-wheeler and for the both of them to go back home.

I think we hung around that older brother a few more times later on, but the younger brother generally tended to avoid me after that.

 

[verygayFrogs]

Ok so one of these stories has nothing to do with autism, but they both have shitty parents as a recurrent theme so have a freebie

Spoiler: Froglet sees red

So be me, 6th/7th grade, still shy as all hell because one of your friends just backstabbed you. Dad says he finally made a friend at work and he invited him and his family for dinner. We all regret it.
When they get there, they told us the oldest kid was about 6. There was a kid my age. Turns out his parents basically shook up a soda can and handed it to the poor parents. He was hyper as fuck and obsessed with Pokémon. So we played smash bros as I taught him and the other kids (6 and 3-4 maybe? There was an infant as well but ironically the most behaved one. I don’t remember what happened but these two little fucks and the older fuck trashed my room after he got salty from me kicking his ass. My closet got cleaned out everything. But the fucking girl RIPPED THE GODDAMN CURTAINS AND ROD FROM THE FUCKING WALL IN A BRAND NEW HOUSE. I don’t know what happened after that but according to my parents I was screaming get out of my room and they ran in and it was a disaster.
We had a pool at the time so the parents thought it would be ok for them to use it to get some energy out. The girl went in too deep (for reference, I was the same height I am now and it went up to my chest.) AND STARTED FUCKING FLAILING TARD STYLE. I had to grab her arm and essentially scream at her to chill the fuck out or she would drown.
The parents felt so ashamed and then the girl poured grape koolaid on the brand new fucking carpet. Never saw them again.

Spoiler: This bitch is the reason the school system is fucked

Ok so years after the incident same house, my dad finally got a new work friend and the dude was trying his best to parent his clearly autistic toddlers (one of them was doing the hand flapping so I could tell.) but his wife was being a Karen and wouldn’t let him discipline his own kids. THESE KIDS WERE STANDING ON THE FUCKING TABLE AND CLIMBING ON THE COUCH. And she was ok with them nearly killing themselves and these kids were terrified of our catahoula/Great Dane mix who we had for years, and an absolute sweetheart. So what does she do? Tells them to behave or she’ll sick the dog on them. Next time they come over, he since passed and we adopted a canardly tell (turns out he’s an Australian Shepard mix, thing looks like a fucking Pokémon), and they’re still afraid but decide to torment him essentially traumatizing my dog of kids. And these kids still won’t behave and the wife still won’t let the dad discipline them. And she’s sitting on her iPhone. Finally, they were gonna move to Montana so we had one last get together, at Chuck E. Cheese for the kids to get their energy out. And they were just as chaotic (but then again I flipped off the sketch machine in a restaurant full of toddlers) and one last time he tries to discipline them because they’re going to school soon and she has the gall to say “Don’t bother, the school will handle it.” The school? FFS they have enough uncontrolled tards in their staff, they don’t need an uncontrolled Karen’s kids as well. Dad starts an argument with her that “she’s the reason they aren’t invited anywhere because she won’t discipline the kids or let him do it.” I didn’t catch the rest of it bc I was eating pizza and playing video games.

 

[CrazyRandomZyn]

In High School, I had to help a Special Ed class one afternoon. I gave him a crayon that he wanted to make a picture.
Months later the school had a campaign to sit with another student you never ate with at lunch. I had my altered Book with me and it was a conversation starter. He was Asian, a fan of Thomas the Tank Engine, Sailor Moon and Pokémon. He gave me a DVD that he made with his parents, and he wanted me to play it with my mom. It was set to Michael Jackson's "You Are Not Alone". I did watch it with my mom 3 years later.

 

[kidsquid]

When i was a kid I joined a Pokémon forum which was a nice, mostly safe corner of the internet and there was this one tard who I avoided like the plague because she was too much (ok there was a lot of tards but this one stands out, especially for her recent bullshit).

So time passes, the forum dies but the admins set up a discord so I join, thinking it'd be nice to reconnect with the friends I made in childhood, and the discord isn't all about Pokémon. The tard is there, tarding out and constantly ranting about how her Alexa doesn't listen to her, how she does some random thing, basically just spamming up channels as 90% of people just ignore her, the other 10% try to be helpful but likely rip their hair out because her IQ really does feel like it's in the single digits. I learn that she is a tard because she is literally missing a part of her fucking brain - she just told everyone that she has a missing part of her brain like it's no big deal! She also whines about how she has to drag herself around her house like an animal because her legs don't work and how she hates her 60+ year old parents for babying her. This is a woman in her late 30s, not a teenager.

Another member mentions her struggles with having a kid cause she was trying again after a miscarriage and the tard says how she wants a kid. The tard with the missing brain piece who uses a wheelchair and can't use her fucking legs wants to have a baby. She says she can only open her legs as wide as a Nintendo Switch (too much info pal) and how she wants to be pregnant one day before whining about how disabilities suck. The conversation died pretty soon after that, as no one had it in them that someone who has to drag herself around the house and is missing a piece of her brain shouldn't be fucking breeding.

 

[Monkey Shoulder]

I've never met a single sperg of the caliber in this thread, and I feel like I have missed out on something big.

 

[MalWart]

I recently witnessed an autistic kid harassing people as I was entering a store at my local mall while his father stood around doing nothing about it. Needless to say, I noped the fuck out of there.

 

[ForgedBlades]

Not autism, but I need to share.

I'm at this conference this week and there's a food court attached to the convention center. It's a really depressing one, a Subway, a few shuttered storefronts, and a couple mom and pop places. Chinese, Italian, you know the drill. I went there this afternoon at 3:00 to grab a bite and was one of two or three people there.

I ended up eating a shitty burger, but became fascinated with this Greek place. It was the smallest counter there, but it was one of those places that had a menu bigger than War and Peace. Gyros, subs, chicken, burgers, salads, everything. One of those places you can tell by looking at it that everything comes out of a can and hits the microwave before hitting the plate. There's no way it could operate any differently given the size of the menu and the size of the kitchen.

There was one haggard woman sitting on a stool near the cash register, and she was watching a TV through the door into the kitchen that was sitting on top of an ancient looking stove. What was she watching? Kitchen Nightmares.

Spoiler

 

[verygayFrogs]

Just gonna make masterpost of the shit Austin did aka Autism, the most concentrated form.

Spoiler

• Brought and wore a fucking captain America mask for school picture day one year.
• Ate Uncrustables with Ketchup
• Invited him once to a birthday party at Chuck E Cheese and he fucked it up somehow
• His parents were divorced, his dad let him do whatever he want and his mom was doing her best
• Obsessed with motorcycles like Chris and ponies
• I threw rocks at him once in third grade with these two popular girls bc I thought I was cool so I had to hug him as an apology and I think that’s why I’m as Spergy as I am. They weren’t big rocks
• Dude randomly kissed me in 5th grade for no reason. Like none. Didn’t even say anything back then I was just
  
• Bragged about smuggling in moonshine to high school with two other tards. Dude had a hillbilly slur as well so most likely brewed it himself
• Tried to fight a dude who was just asking him to stop his girlfriend, K, who I mentioned a lot here from eating his food.

 

[DoomsdayElite]

Well, yesterday I watched a guy come out of a Dunkin Donuts, remove his mask, and once he got into his car he put the mask back on and added a face shield he took off the dashboard.

 

[Captain Syrup]

You work retail long enough you start to view all customers this way.

At least you can defuse a customer with the right words. Middle management is a different story. The screening process filters out anybody with a sense of teamwork and work ethic. All that's left is paranoiacs who want to look busy for the cameras.

My last three managers were all heavily autistic. The first was harmless enough; he was heavy into Dragonball Z and would run away in fright if you tried to take a photo of him. The second was a high-functioning aspie who would move items upstairs and downstairs with no rhyme or reason. The Easter bunnies all melted because she moved them into direct sunlight. The third was a nutcase who would dash out of his office if you so much as stuck your hand in a garbage can.

"There could be glass in there. You'll get me in trouble." It soon became his catchphase.

Then this was this other time, right? His wife and kids came into the store. He pointed at them, stated, "That is my family", and walked off. As though he didn't want to give the impression that he's a bigamist, or something. I might get him in trouble.

 

[John Andrews Stan]

The third was a nutcase who would dash out of his office if you so much as stuck your hand in a garbage can.

"There could be glass in there. You'll get me in trouble." It soon became his catchphase.

I would have come in early one morning and presented him with a workers comp claim to sign with my (fake) bloodied hand.