- Joined
- Feb 5, 2020
😵💫 Skitzocow Dana Marie Cain / Oracle of Venus / The Scorpion - Divorced Unlovable Batshit Space Demon Waitress with NPD, Gangstalked by Alphabet Agencies, "Pretending to be Rеtarded", #SaveJoelIrish, running from the long arm of the law
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SuzyCC
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 4, 2019
I don't think it is. It would be there already.
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2020
Posts: PolishGarbage is still drinking...
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SuzyCC
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 4, 2019
She says he's stopping drinking so she takes a picture of him with a beer. I guess they think if it's beer and it says light on it, it's not alcohol. Like her and her cider, she thinks drunk on that stuff doesn't count.What a couple of morons. I like how he tries to smile but his eyes just stay totally expressionless. And that emaciated face of hers. . .
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- Joined
- Mar 23, 2019
Must have taken this down as I don't see it on her FB page anymore. I am not surprised. I know one thing, she clearly has his balls in the bottom of her purse. I would be DAMNED if my future spouse is on fucking YouTube telling everyone he can't get it up for anyone else but me. I mean, holy shit. I would be damned if some used-up whore would also be telling me I am gonna do a video telling EVERYONE how much I am in love with her. Hey, DD, his eyes say it all lady. Dead. This motherfucker is dead inside.
ETA: LOVE the dirty jeans!
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2020
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2019
Anybody else wants to smack the smug look off of this bitches face, LOL? Mike, you sir are a damn idiot. Your "tough" act really doesn't work well. Acting like Mike "Gambino", please. Your threats are as empty as your girls are. No one is scared of a broke down fucking garbage man. Did these two watch a shit ton of mob movies before this fucker decided to do his "Godfather" spiel?
What a fucking train-wreck they both are.
ETA: It just occurred to me. She is trying to compete with Steph and Skip and their videos! Makes perfect sense especially with the longing and loving (fake as fuck) look on her face as he was talking.
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- Joined
- Feb 5, 2020
How fucking great is it that she was able to tell him to get on camera and say that shit?
The possibilities are endless now...
The possibilities are endless now...
- Joined
- Jun 17, 2014
Oh, he wasn't trying for a drunken hook up. He was trying to " draw her out' and fake Shandy into a face to face conversation so he could tell her about Dana. See he only has important conversations face to face, never by phone.
If Dana believes a lie this fucking stupid, nevermind of course she does, she is fucking stupid and deserves what she gets.
Garbage Mike has learned his lesson alright. Next time he won't cheat with someone on his FB. Dana, you should be watching out for women mysteriously being removed or made private on his friend list.
If Dana believes a lie this fucking stupid, nevermind of course she does, she is fucking stupid and deserves what she gets.
Garbage Mike has learned his lesson alright. Next time he won't cheat with someone on his FB. Dana, you should be watching out for women mysteriously being removed or made private on his friend list.
SuzyCC
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 4, 2019
lol. . .he took his Facebook down. He's got some other method now. As for the lying, this guy has practiced for years, you can tell . I bet his ex-wife could tell some stories. Mostly I was thinking "THIS is the guy all the romantic songs were about?" Well, she had him go through all the paces except he never spoke wistfully of his Italian mama. Well I did wonder what kind of guy would "settle down" with our delusional Dana, and here we are. I love the way she continues to get shitfaced & belching on wine while she tells him to stop drinking. I presdict he's not as whipped as you think, Dana.
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- Joined
- Feb 5, 2020
I think this is what Dana meant regarding doxing GarbageMike:
SuzyCC
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 4, 2019
This guy is so a cheater. That's how she got him to put on that act. He knows damn well he can do anything he wants, as long as he jumps through these hoops. There are other women out there. He got rid of the Facebook but not the old fashioned little black book in his truck lol. She wants him to play the Italian gangster? Then she gets it with the traditional infidelity.
- Joined
- Feb 5, 2020
And that giddy look she gives, very naive.
She is enamored and she thinks she is running shop, lol...
She is enamored and she thinks she is running shop, lol...
SuzyCC
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 4, 2019
She seriously is as dumb as dirt.
EDIT: It just dawned on me how much I am going to enjoy the rekhap on this one. Oh it''s going to be the best one yet!
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- Joined
- Aug 10, 2019
This is a pretty hardcore trolling I must say.
SuzyCC
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 4, 2019
I'm thinking of leaving and coming back on June 4 of next year. That's the wedding date.
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2020
In which Dana denies that Shandy did anything, insults her for being an inferior whore to out Goddess of Grime, still threatening and trying to emasculate Mike. (6/10) Some nice denial here, Shandy is a superior Dana in terms of not looking like a cat lady.
In which Dana and Mike join up to make a depressing confession video, in which she continually invades his personal space, and makes stupid faces during the whole 14 minutes. Mike can't even do anything but use his stupid gangster impression, Dana clearly wants him to threaten people for her. #FreeMike (6/10) Mike is kind of boring and Dana has a poker face like a howler monkey on meth.
No description.
Sockness in the comments: "Be the fire of the Lord and send that Jezebel back to Hell."
(Dana hasn't liked this one, try harder tard-cuck.)
Grandma sweater, cheap turquoise earrings, Dana's completely fucked hairline is on display as even her greasy mop is trying to back out of this arrangement.
Dana wants to give all of us (the haters who don't matter and are doomed to die) an update.
Current mood: Low-key depression
"Here I'm workin' my ass off, to get my shit together and get my life on track." (Oh is that what that's called?)
"I found a really great guy, who's got some issues... But he's still a great guy." - Dana "Cope" Marie
Shandy's text messages mean nothing. (Which is why Dana basically threatened to kill her? In her usual retarded way.)
Polish Mike loves Dana and not Shandy.
Dana attempts to read into the "tone" of the messages. (Because it's not like Dana has ever jumped to conclusions on anything before...)
The fact that Shandy has a life, unlike our Goddess of Garbage here, means that she doesn't love Polish Mike.
"And now she's coming across super butthurt like she's jilted, like he was dishonest with her, right?" - Dana, screaming to herself in her car and calling Shandy the butthurt one
Polish Mike apparently lying to Shandy is a good part of his character?
Dana's dick-measuring contest with Shandy continues.
"So, understand. She is twisting, the narrative..." - Dana "Correct The Record" Marie
Polish Mike did not have sexual relations with that trashy lady.
Dana can't really hold back her anger with the amount of puckered anus faces she makes.
Polish Mike will have to make a video to apologize and hand Dana his balls publicly.
(So, Dumpsters and Garbage Mike are going to have basically a proper domestic and film it because of Dana's insecurity?)
"Understand that I was fully ready to take all of my anger out on him." - Dana, to the one or two people still slow enough to miss her subtle psychological hints
Dana and Shandy are DMing each other. Blames Shandy for making it public.
"Oh, I was ready to nail his balls to a wall guys, oh I was, loo-, I was like, thank God I still have my moving boxes..." - Dana "Negotiation" Marie
Dana and the TrashMaster were one unironic finger gap from her walking out.
Dana takes more interest in Polish Mike's per diem than him driving after having a panic attack.
Dana inadvertently takes full responsibility for Polish Mike having a panic attack.
"She was nowhere near him." - Dana, giving more testimony that she alone is responsible for this and presumably Polish Mike's last breakdown
Polish Mike wouldn't have had sex with Shandy, despite the fact that Dana said HE FLIRTED WITH SHANDY!
Polish Mike can't get it up with Shandy. (Because clearly Dana can only date someone within her bracket of dignity that comes only from streaking through an airport.)
Polish Mike broke his back 2 years ago.
"He's lucky to be alive! Let alone walking and working." (Ya... I'll bet...)
Dana cured Polish Mike's ED by presumably berating him about it.
Dana says ED is common in people with back injuries. (Which is true if he actually fucked up his spine, I guess Dr. Dana wins this round.)
(Guessing it was a sports injury or a car accident? But if he can still work, Dana is probably only playing it up for pity.)
Dana is the only woman Mike has been with since his undefined injury. (Which is a great pickup line from the TrashMaster.)
Boner talk.
Polish Mike popped a boner "the first time [they] were together", this caused him to ask her to get married.
"Because if you've got a woman that cures you erectile dysfunction, you should probably put a ring on it." - Dana "Slutty" Marie
"Right, am I right? Gentlemen?" - Dana "Classy" Marie
Dana is the superior whore.
"I need a man who ain't got a broke dick."
"But then she tells me I was only using him for the part-time dick." - Dana, who prefers a full-time dick to mesh with her full-time cunt nature
Shandy was the original Dana.
Polish Mike got friendzoned by Shandy because of his job. (Alluding to the fact that Dana hasn't mentioned the mafia lore since the Shandy saga started...)
Polish Mike is a loser according to Shandy, according to Dana.
"They had no sex!"
Polish Mike is literally rebounding onto Dana, from her version of events.
"He gets it up for me, Shandy!"
Dana wins the contest of who can get the TrashMaster hard, good for her.
Recounting how much Polish Mike sucks and how Shandy has higher standards than our Goddess of Grime.
Shandy is scared of Dana, according to Dana.
Shandy doxed Dana and Mike.
Dana really only cares that this is entirely Mike/Shandy's fault.
Part-time dick line again, this is gonna be a fun saga.
"Oh, and by the way. He never ate your pussy!" - Dana "Tuna Salad" Marie
Last supper line again, trying to pussy-shame Shandy.
"And he LOVES my pussy! I'm pretty sure that my pussy cured his ED."
Pussy talk, Dana is fucking gross.
(Somehow ED affects your ability to have oral sex? I don't fucking know, Dana makes no sense.)
"He especially loves my pussy." - Dana, still surprised that Mike cheated on her
Pussy talk, no pussy measures up to Dana's pussy.
"No rival, you understand?"
Polish Mike is the leading expert on pussy.
"I consider that a professional opinion..." *smug bitch head wag* (JFC, Dana.)
Alcohol causes ED.
Dana unretcons Mike as an alcoholic after retconning him to be one.
All of Polish Mike's problems are caused by alcohol. (HINT HINT, DANA!)
Polish Mike still wanted to "whatever" with Shandy.
Now Polish Mike tricked Shandy.
Everything revolves around Dana's infinite rage.
Dana says she would have left if Mike didn't come back. (Read: Change the locks and go all Custer's last stand on the TrashMaster.)
"It would have been the end of everything! And he knows it, that's why he panicked." - Dana "Stockholm Syndrome" Marie
Dana puts her pussy on a pedestal again, having settled on being the trophy wife to a garbage man.
Dana is "fucking furious" with Shandy.
Mike and Dana "are fine". (Read: She twisted him into making an apology video.)
Dana continues to live her life entirely by how to impress her trolls.
"I am the only woman he will ever love, I am the last, and that's a fact." - Dana "Murder-Suicide" Marie
Rage mode dials up a bit, Dana is making schizo rants because of Shandy being a superior whore.
Dana denies being doxed, despite the fact she's willingly shared her info for at least the past 6 years.
Nevermind, backtracking on that, apparently everybody at KF doxes for a living and not because Dana is a 50-year trainwreck.
(Dana is real fucking mad about being the other woman.)
Polish Mike was completely honest with the woman he would later go on to cheat with.
Shandy = "A fuckin' psycho!"
"Listen, I know I'm crazy, we all know this, and we know I'm a dangerous crazy!"
"She's just a stupid fuckin' crazy!" - Dana "Dumbfuck" Marie
Shandy sucks in bed.
Dana bought Polish Mike's excuses.
Dana sums up the entire video in 10 seconds.
Fin.
Sockness in the comments: "Be the fire of the Lord and send that Jezebel back to Hell."
(Dana hasn't liked this one, try harder tard-cuck.)
Grandma sweater, cheap turquoise earrings, Dana's completely fucked hairline is on display as even her greasy mop is trying to back out of this arrangement.
Dana wants to give all of us (the haters who don't matter and are doomed to die) an update.
Current mood: Low-key depression
"Here I'm workin' my ass off, to get my shit together and get my life on track." (Oh is that what that's called?)
"I found a really great guy, who's got some issues... But he's still a great guy." - Dana "Cope" Marie
Shandy's text messages mean nothing. (Which is why Dana basically threatened to kill her? In her usual retarded way.)
Polish Mike loves Dana and not Shandy.
Dana attempts to read into the "tone" of the messages. (Because it's not like Dana has ever jumped to conclusions on anything before...)
The fact that Shandy has a life, unlike our Goddess of Garbage here, means that she doesn't love Polish Mike.
"And now she's coming across super butthurt like she's jilted, like he was dishonest with her, right?" - Dana, screaming to herself in her car and calling Shandy the butthurt one
Polish Mike apparently lying to Shandy is a good part of his character?
Dana's dick-measuring contest with Shandy continues.
"So, understand. She is twisting, the narrative..." - Dana "Correct The Record" Marie
Polish Mike did not have sexual relations with that trashy lady.
Dana can't really hold back her anger with the amount of puckered anus faces she makes.
Polish Mike will have to make a video to apologize and hand Dana his balls publicly.
(So, Dumpsters and Garbage Mike are going to have basically a proper domestic and film it because of Dana's insecurity?)
"Understand that I was fully ready to take all of my anger out on him." - Dana, to the one or two people still slow enough to miss her subtle psychological hints
Dana and Shandy are DMing each other. Blames Shandy for making it public.
"Oh, I was ready to nail his balls to a wall guys, oh I was, loo-, I was like, thank God I still have my moving boxes..." - Dana "Negotiation" Marie
Dana and the TrashMaster were one unironic finger gap from her walking out.
Dana takes more interest in Polish Mike's per diem than him driving after having a panic attack.
Dana inadvertently takes full responsibility for Polish Mike having a panic attack.
"She was nowhere near him." - Dana, giving more testimony that she alone is responsible for this and presumably Polish Mike's last breakdown
Polish Mike wouldn't have had sex with Shandy, despite the fact that Dana said HE FLIRTED WITH SHANDY!
Polish Mike can't get it up with Shandy. (Because clearly Dana can only date someone within her bracket of dignity that comes only from streaking through an airport.)
Polish Mike broke his back 2 years ago.
"He's lucky to be alive! Let alone walking and working." (Ya... I'll bet...)
Dana cured Polish Mike's ED by presumably berating him about it.
Dana says ED is common in people with back injuries. (Which is true if he actually fucked up his spine, I guess Dr. Dana wins this round.)
(Guessing it was a sports injury or a car accident? But if he can still work, Dana is probably only playing it up for pity.)
Dana is the only woman Mike has been with since his undefined injury. (Which is a great pickup line from the TrashMaster.)
Boner talk.
Polish Mike popped a boner "the first time [they] were together", this caused him to ask her to get married.
"Because if you've got a woman that cures you erectile dysfunction, you should probably put a ring on it." - Dana "Slutty" Marie
"Right, am I right? Gentlemen?" - Dana "Classy" Marie
Dana is the superior whore.
"I need a man who ain't got a broke dick."
"But then she tells me I was only using him for the part-time dick." - Dana, who prefers a full-time dick to mesh with her full-time cunt nature
Shandy was the original Dana.
Polish Mike got friendzoned by Shandy because of his job. (Alluding to the fact that Dana hasn't mentioned the mafia lore since the Shandy saga started...)
Polish Mike is a loser according to Shandy, according to Dana.
"They had no sex!"
Polish Mike is literally rebounding onto Dana, from her version of events.
"He gets it up for me, Shandy!"
Dana wins the contest of who can get the TrashMaster hard, good for her.
Recounting how much Polish Mike sucks and how Shandy has higher standards than our Goddess of Grime.
Shandy is scared of Dana, according to Dana.
Shandy doxed Dana and Mike.
Dana really only cares that this is entirely Mike/Shandy's fault.
Part-time dick line again, this is gonna be a fun saga.
"Oh, and by the way. He never ate your pussy!" - Dana "Tuna Salad" Marie
Last supper line again, trying to pussy-shame Shandy.
"And he LOVES my pussy! I'm pretty sure that my pussy cured his ED."
Pussy talk, Dana is fucking gross.
(Somehow ED affects your ability to have oral sex? I don't fucking know, Dana makes no sense.)
"He especially loves my pussy." - Dana, still surprised that Mike cheated on her
Pussy talk, no pussy measures up to Dana's pussy.
"No rival, you understand?"
Polish Mike is the leading expert on pussy.
"I consider that a professional opinion..." *smug bitch head wag* (JFC, Dana.)
Alcohol causes ED.
Dana unretcons Mike as an alcoholic after retconning him to be one.
All of Polish Mike's problems are caused by alcohol. (HINT HINT, DANA!)
Polish Mike still wanted to "whatever" with Shandy.
Now Polish Mike tricked Shandy.
Everything revolves around Dana's infinite rage.
Dana says she would have left if Mike didn't come back. (Read: Change the locks and go all Custer's last stand on the TrashMaster.)
"It would have been the end of everything! And he knows it, that's why he panicked." - Dana "Stockholm Syndrome" Marie
Dana puts her pussy on a pedestal again, having settled on being the trophy wife to a garbage man.
Dana is "fucking furious" with Shandy.
Mike and Dana "are fine". (Read: She twisted him into making an apology video.)
Dana continues to live her life entirely by how to impress her trolls.
"I am the only woman he will ever love, I am the last, and that's a fact." - Dana "Murder-Suicide" Marie
Rage mode dials up a bit, Dana is making schizo rants because of Shandy being a superior whore.
Dana denies being doxed, despite the fact she's willingly shared her info for at least the past 6 years.
Nevermind, backtracking on that, apparently everybody at KF doxes for a living and not because Dana is a 50-year trainwreck.
(Dana is real fucking mad about being the other woman.)
Polish Mike was completely honest with the woman he would later go on to cheat with.
Shandy = "A fuckin' psycho!"
"Listen, I know I'm crazy, we all know this, and we know I'm a dangerous crazy!"
"She's just a stupid fuckin' crazy!" - Dana "Dumbfuck" Marie
Shandy sucks in bed.
Dana bought Polish Mike's excuses.
Dana sums up the entire video in 10 seconds.
Fin.
In which Dana and Mike join up to make a depressing confession video, in which she continually invades his personal space, and makes stupid faces during the whole 14 minutes. Mike can't even do anything but use his stupid gangster impression, Dana clearly wants him to threaten people for her. #FreeMike (6/10) Mike is kind of boring and Dana has a poker face like a howler monkey on meth.
IT BEGINS!!!
No description.
Sockness in the comments: "Mike, you have a good woman, and her love is as great as God's love. You got the pandemic right, it's all wack-jobs making it up as they go. Seriously I'm all in on seeing you two at the altar tying the knot. I like this dude, he's awesome. I'll drink to finally getting to hear him. Mike you're born again, new soul, new body, new life with Dana."
Mike in a red hoodie, looking less animated, but more dead than our resident goddess.
Dana in plaid, looking like a skinny old dyke.
"Hello family! Hello friends. This is the video. That you have all been waiting for." - Dana, who finally realized she was too fucking boring to carry the show on her own
Dana continues to intro Polish Mike.
Dana is drinking wine.
40 seconds in, Mike starts speaking.
Dana lights up a ciggie.
Polish Mike needs to talk to the thread because of Dana's controlling nature, or something.
Mike sounds like a gay mobster.
Dana starts making fucking smug faces.
Mike is really confused what his goal is. Fuck it.
Mike talks about Shandy, confirms that Dana is a replacement Shandy.
Gestures to Dana's boobs.
Shandy friendzoned Mike the TrashMaster. (Interestingly in the same terms Dana named...)
(Mike is just semi-retarded and more reliable than Dana, so I don't really feel the need for quotes.)
Dana is happy to have her manslave, as evidenced by her body language.
Mike gives Dana her undying anything.
Smug wine ensues.
"Cuz' that's the kinda guy I am." - Michael "Simp" Halgas
Mike is too retarded to handle Shandy on his own.
Mike is "a straight up kinda guy", (Read: Too dumb to actually find women online other than Shandy.)
(This is like a fucking ISIS hostage video, based on this, I still think Dana is going to behead him.)
Dana burps, Mike looks side to side like he wants to die.
(Whenever Mike gestures to Dana he always gestures to her sad boobs.)
Dana wants everyone to know, but seems far too sedate to tell everyone at the bar.
Mike tells of when Shandy got mad at him, Dana looks at him with the patented death glare.
Mike doesn't believe in the coof, this brings Dana joy.
Mike wants to kill the guy who invented the coof.
Dana laughs when her unstable man makes an impractical threat.
"I love this woman, with all of my heart, with all ah my soul. I'mma gonna give her a good life." - Michael, who lives in a sub-trailer house.
"Do I look like I'm fuckin' fake?" (No, just like you'd rather be absolutely anywhere else)
"Do I sound like I'm fuckin' fake?" - Mike "Goodfellas" Halgas
Polish Mike is seriously serious.
I have no clue what some of these adages mean.
Polish Mike ain't playing!
Polish Mike's swearing makes Dana all giggly.
Dana appears to mouth "He's so hot"?
(Dana's body language is easily the funniest thing here, she just tilts her head and laughs for 13 minutes like a barn owl on crack.)
Polish Mike has a lot of emotions, this is somehow unique.
Mike has seen way too many gangster movies, doesn't realize he sounds like a depressed Joe Pesci who hasn't had his coffee yet.
"This is going to be the most wonderful fuckin' marriage ever." - Mike "Husband #3" Halgas
Dana stares at the camera, in seemingly her only moment of not overacting.
Mike does a terrible half apology, was obviously scared of Dana just destroying his shit and leaving.
Mike adopts Dana's stupid "my life is a novel" viewpoint.
Dana is a novel in the neverending rollercoaster of the life of Mike "TrashMaster" Halgas.
Mike doesn't seem to understand how novels work. (Although neither of them has read a book in the past 5 years, I'm guessing.)
Dana's arousal face happens, DO NOT WANT.
"I took her at a time in her life... when most men would turn and run." - Mike, saying Dana is the bottom of the barrel
Polish Mike is paved with good intentions, this totally doesn't sound like Dana has his balls in a vice offscreen.
Dana and Mike are clearly mad people think he's fake.
"I wanna fuckin' disappear, with this girl over here." - Mike, who is far better at predicting things than our resident fake psychic
Mike unironically uses the term "mook".
Polish Mike is going after the haters and downraters!
Everyone should be afraid of Mike's alleged military skills. (Hey, the army needs a trashmaster too.)
"I kick doors in... I don't need warrants, I'm not law enforcement..." - Mike "Felony Breaking and Entering" Halgas
"I'm my own enforcement..." - Mike, who could be beaten in a one-liner contest by Gary Busey
Dana's bedroom eyes come out as Polish Mike finishes threatening the basement dwellers.
Mike steals some of the line from Taken
"Go ahead guys, call a cop." - Dana, who really wants her life to be more interesting by continuing to harass law enforcement
"You'll be sorry you ever fucked with her." *Points to Dana* - Mike, clarifying that Dana is on her own when it comes to getting shot during a no knock warrent
"Don't call a cop." - Dana, realizing Mike is useless in a fight
Mike attempts diplomacy, Dana's drunken laughing kind of undersells it because she still wishes someone would.
"No, do you guys believe me?" (No.)
Dana seriously expects someone to be scared of the garbage man she's fucking.
Mike goes on about how much Dana means to him, she looks like she's 30 seconds of pandering away from just sucking him off on camera.
Mike again goes on to imply that Dana is easy.
"But I know Imma gonna get laid over here..." - Mike "Polish Sausage" Halgas
Mike wishes everyone a good weekend.
"Because, I know I'm going to have one with this one." - Mike, literally pointing to Dana's crotch
Haters = morons, dickheads, assholes, pussies, fags, etc.
"Unicorn chasin', cock suckin', rainbow lickin' motherfuckers up your goddamned ass." - Mike "Tourettes Guy" Halgas
(Dana is mentally about 10 because swear words are funny.)
Mike possibly references oral sex?
Fin.
No description.
Sockness in the comments: "Mike, you have a good woman, and her love is as great as God's love. You got the pandemic right, it's all wack-jobs making it up as they go. Seriously I'm all in on seeing you two at the altar tying the knot. I like this dude, he's awesome. I'll drink to finally getting to hear him. Mike you're born again, new soul, new body, new life with Dana."
Mike in a red hoodie, looking less animated, but more dead than our resident goddess.
Dana in plaid, looking like a skinny old dyke.
"Hello family! Hello friends. This is the video. That you have all been waiting for." - Dana, who finally realized she was too fucking boring to carry the show on her own
Dana continues to intro Polish Mike.
Dana is drinking wine.
40 seconds in, Mike starts speaking.
Dana lights up a ciggie.
Polish Mike needs to talk to the thread because of Dana's controlling nature, or something.
Mike sounds like a gay mobster.
Dana starts making fucking smug faces.
Mike is really confused what his goal is. Fuck it.
Mike talks about Shandy, confirms that Dana is a replacement Shandy.
Gestures to Dana's boobs.
Shandy friendzoned Mike the TrashMaster. (Interestingly in the same terms Dana named...)
(Mike is just semi-retarded and more reliable than Dana, so I don't really feel the need for quotes.)
Dana is happy to have her manslave, as evidenced by her body language.
Mike gives Dana her undying anything.
Smug wine ensues.
"Cuz' that's the kinda guy I am." - Michael "Simp" Halgas
Mike is too retarded to handle Shandy on his own.
Mike is "a straight up kinda guy", (Read: Too dumb to actually find women online other than Shandy.)
(This is like a fucking ISIS hostage video, based on this, I still think Dana is going to behead him.)
Dana burps, Mike looks side to side like he wants to die.
(Whenever Mike gestures to Dana he always gestures to her sad boobs.)
Dana wants everyone to know, but seems far too sedate to tell everyone at the bar.
Mike tells of when Shandy got mad at him, Dana looks at him with the patented death glare.
Mike doesn't believe in the coof, this brings Dana joy.
Mike wants to kill the guy who invented the coof.
Dana laughs when her unstable man makes an impractical threat.
"I love this woman, with all of my heart, with all ah my soul. I'mma gonna give her a good life." - Michael, who lives in a sub-trailer house.
"Do I look like I'm fuckin' fake?" (No, just like you'd rather be absolutely anywhere else)
"Do I sound like I'm fuckin' fake?" - Mike "Goodfellas" Halgas
Polish Mike is seriously serious.
I have no clue what some of these adages mean.
Polish Mike ain't playing!
Polish Mike's swearing makes Dana all giggly.
Dana appears to mouth "He's so hot"?
(Dana's body language is easily the funniest thing here, she just tilts her head and laughs for 13 minutes like a barn owl on crack.)
Polish Mike has a lot of emotions, this is somehow unique.
Mike has seen way too many gangster movies, doesn't realize he sounds like a depressed Joe Pesci who hasn't had his coffee yet.
"This is going to be the most wonderful fuckin' marriage ever." - Mike "Husband #3" Halgas
Dana stares at the camera, in seemingly her only moment of not overacting.
Mike does a terrible half apology, was obviously scared of Dana just destroying his shit and leaving.
Mike adopts Dana's stupid "my life is a novel" viewpoint.
Dana is a novel in the neverending rollercoaster of the life of Mike "TrashMaster" Halgas.
Mike doesn't seem to understand how novels work. (Although neither of them has read a book in the past 5 years, I'm guessing.)
Dana's arousal face happens, DO NOT WANT.
"I took her at a time in her life... when most men would turn and run." - Mike, saying Dana is the bottom of the barrel
Polish Mike is paved with good intentions, this totally doesn't sound like Dana has his balls in a vice offscreen.
Dana and Mike are clearly mad people think he's fake.
"I wanna fuckin' disappear, with this girl over here." - Mike, who is far better at predicting things than our resident fake psychic
Mike unironically uses the term "mook".
Polish Mike is going after the haters and downraters!
Everyone should be afraid of Mike's alleged military skills. (Hey, the army needs a trashmaster too.)
"I kick doors in... I don't need warrants, I'm not law enforcement..." - Mike "Felony Breaking and Entering" Halgas
"I'm my own enforcement..." - Mike, who could be beaten in a one-liner contest by Gary Busey
Dana's bedroom eyes come out as Polish Mike finishes threatening the basement dwellers.
Mike steals some of the line from Taken
"Go ahead guys, call a cop." - Dana, who really wants her life to be more interesting by continuing to harass law enforcement
"You'll be sorry you ever fucked with her." *Points to Dana* - Mike, clarifying that Dana is on her own when it comes to getting shot during a no knock warrent
"Don't call a cop." - Dana, realizing Mike is useless in a fight
Mike attempts diplomacy, Dana's drunken laughing kind of undersells it because she still wishes someone would.
"No, do you guys believe me?" (No.)
Dana seriously expects someone to be scared of the garbage man she's fucking.
Mike goes on about how much Dana means to him, she looks like she's 30 seconds of pandering away from just sucking him off on camera.
Mike again goes on to imply that Dana is easy.
"But I know Imma gonna get laid over here..." - Mike "Polish Sausage" Halgas
Mike wishes everyone a good weekend.
"Because, I know I'm going to have one with this one." - Mike, literally pointing to Dana's crotch
Haters = morons, dickheads, assholes, pussies, fags, etc.
"Unicorn chasin', cock suckin', rainbow lickin' motherfuckers up your goddamned ass." - Mike "Tourettes Guy" Halgas
(Dana is mentally about 10 because swear words are funny.)
Mike possibly references oral sex?
Fin.