How are you doing? - Kiwi Farms Wellness Check

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Mostly resentful. I hate how on weekdays you're supposed to get up and somehow immediately acclimate to clown world.

Like, fuck, let me go outside and watch birds and pull weeds and dream of raising honey bees and I'll amble into work around noon, maybe.
 
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pic related to how I'm doing
 
Doing pretty shit today so far. Lots of continued bullshit from my room mate which I'm not going to go into since I sperg about it too much in this thread already. I'll just say that I'm at the point financially where I've got first/last month's rent for a new place saved, as well as enough extra to cash eat a months' worth of rent on this current place, so I can move into a new place October 1st at the earliest. The goal is to accumulate as many months of extra rent money as possible and hopefully get out of this shitty situation sooner.

On another note, it's becoming very clear to me that the weird casual relationship thing I've been part of for the last year or so is probably over. Can't say I'm thrilled tbh but whatever, people grow apart sometimes so I guess it's as good a time as any to come to terms with that and move on.
 
Fucked off. Pissed. So sick of Groundhog day.

Swinging from numb to anxious to ragey and back again. Not in a predictable way either.

Want my fucking life back. But that ain’t gonna happen.
 
made it throught one week got a another full on ahead of me...looks like im not getting fired after all thank the lord.

Also went into a smoke shop to use the atm and saw what has got to be weed and gummi edibles for sale out in the open (it's legal in nj now, the gun laws may suck but hey legal pot) wish i had known sooner cause i wanted to get sooo baked....ugh next payday I'm gonna buy the biggest hookha and a few jars of the good stuff and toke my apartment up till it smells like a rastafari church.
 
My bad week turned good when my temp agency offered me another secretary job a day after I got laid off! It's in a gated community with the same pay and situated in a pretty quiet small office, so I just sit when I'm not filing and taking messages. Really should bring a book with me, but for the most part I'm happy. Helps that some of my folks also threw me a lifeline with my resume and were more than happy to suggest changes and help look at different areas.
 
Just over a week since the surgery. I trust the nerves are having their last fling before realizing the disc is no longer pressing on them, because today's been pretty fucking awful. Pain and muscle spasms throughout the legs, both left and right, all day long. The waves and jolts of pain keep coursing through the body. I sleep late, for me, eight a.m. or later. Fighting the pain, even with the meds, takes a great deal of energy. Find myself nodding off in the chair. Least the nasty smell has almost disappeared. Plan to pick up refills on certain meds Thursday. Doctor has to approve one refill. Wish he would prescribe some really heavy-duty pain meds. What I have isn't that effective. Not looking to get high, just want to stop hurting. Trust tomorrow will be better. 👍
 
The outlet end of my phone charger overheated and popped. Now the whole office smells like burnt plastic.
 
A lot better than I have been lately. Things are looking up and I have a date for my endometriosis surgery, I’m dreading the recovery but I have a good partner who’s looking after me so it shouldn’t be too hellish.
 
I've been pretty much catatonic for the last couple days. Brain feels like it's turning to mush. At this point I'm almost guaranteed to fail my senior year. I just sit in front of my computer doing literally nothing most of the time. I feel so tired even though I get plenty of sleep. I guess I should start researching jobs that don't require a high school diploma.
 
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