The Trial of Derek Chauvin - Judgement(?) Day(?) has arrived!

[CoolSixtyNiner]

If you've ever seen an interview of a juror after a case is over, the majority of people on most juries actually take being a juror seriously and do their best to not be like reddit... or like here.

I would be a very poor juror. I would base my decision almost totally on the superficial. If the defendant is a girl: is she hot? Innocent. Is she fat? Guilty. Black? Innocent. White? Innocent. Mexican? Innocent. Puerto Rican? Innocent. Australian? Guilty. Big tits? Innocent. Small tits? Innocent. Over the age of 25? guilty. I would not listen to a word anyone says.

 

[Shaolin]

I'm thinking of moving to a rural area down the line.

>the already small population after watching the news
>black guy with a moving truck

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Just tell the neighbors you identify as white, you’ll be fine.

 

[Meat Target]

I would be a very poor juror. I would base my decision almost totally on the superficial. If the defendant is a girl: is she hot? Innocent. Is she fat? Guilty. Black? Innocent. White? Innocent. Mexican? Innocent. Puerto Rican? Innocent. Australian? Guilty. Big tits? Innocent. Small tits? Innocent. Over the age of 25? guilty. I would not listen to a word anyone says.

AFAIK, this is how you can get out of jury duty. You suggest that you cannot be impartial.

 

[Fields Of Rye]

I was busy with something and I'm about 30 mins behind. Are we coping yet?

Yep. David Hogg stormed the courthouse and bribed the judge with a good pillow. Nelson's due for execution in about 5 minutes.

Null sold our data for a 6 inch subway sandwich and death squads are currently en route to all our houses.

that's at least what's reddit is saying and it has lots of upvotes so its probably true.

 

[Anstiv]

Yep. David Hogg stormed the courthouse and bribed the judge with a good pillow. Nelson's due for execution in about 5 minutes.

Null sold our data for a 6 inch subway sandwich and death squads are currently en route to all our houses.

that's at least what's reddit is saying and it has lots of upvotes so its probably true.

It was a subway sandwich that had banana peppers on it, it was worth it

 

[DumDum Did Nothing Wrong]

Win or lose Nelson was the best lawyer here and he had a shit case and was able to bake some cookies out of it.

 

[Seminal Ointments Lain]

He was defining what a 'fanciful doubt' is likely to entail, and that includes crazy shit like aliens taking over Chauvin's body.

He's obscuring the soon-to-be-released Truth that George Floyd is A) Alive and B) living inside of Derek Chauvin's ass and controlling him like a robot. Don't be fooled by his boyish charms. He knows The Truth.

 

[CharlesBarkley]

I was busy with something and I'm about 30 mins behind. Are we coping yet?

Three outcomes.

A). We were coping and he gets guilty. Reddit cheers for a couple of weeks until they go outside to celebrate at the local red robin but find it was burned down to the ground anyways. Sobbing, then they waddle home and post about systematic racism causing the loss of burgers, but that we slowly healing as a nation until the next justified cop shooting gets put on the news like a microsecond later.

B). Reddit was coping as this nigga gets freedom and moonwalks out of the courthouse. Reddit copes by saying that the system is at fault and the justice system is 100% rigged, so they decide to order a full cake from whole foods to eat in sorrow then die of diabities.

C). Hung jury - We all cope but Kiwifarms gets the last laugh as it causes the most drama of all time.

 

[Prester John]

AFAIK, this is how you can get out of jury duty. You suggest that you cannot be impartial.

You can also mention that you're a big fan of nullification.

 

[Top Skink]

I was busy with something and I'm about 30 mins behind. Are we coping yet?

we're still sneeding

 

[Nobunaga]

Holy freaking crap redditbros
This is just like when [shitty pop culture reference] did [X thing].


This is a historical moment and i can't stop clapping, im happy that i got to experience this moment with you my fellow redditors.

 

[Dr. Geronimo]

That wasn't a CPR machine - they were tenderizing him before feeding him to the homesless.

Control. One doped up nignog for recyke

 

[MoeChotto]

I would be a very poor juror. I would base my decision almost totally on the superficial. If the defendant is a girl: is she hot? Innocent. Is she fat? Guilty. Black? Innocent. White? Innocent. Mexican? Innocent. Puerto Rican? Innocent. Australian? Guilty. Big tits? Innocent. Small tits? Innocent. Over the age of 25? guilty. I would not listen to a word anyone says.

AFAIK, this is how you can get out of jury duty. You suggest that you cannot be impartial.

Yeah, in jury selection there were dozens of people who either declared they couldn't be impartial or were BLM activists who said they could totally render an impartial verdict. The ones who declared they couldn't be impartial were dismissed with cause for prejudice, and those who were clearly lying were stricken by the defense or prosecution.

 

[Honka Honka Burning Love]

AFAIK, this is how you can get out of jury duty. You suggest that you cannot be impartial.

I will be the most impartial juror.

Evidence?
Demographics?
Witnesses?

NONE OF THAT MATTERS...all that matters is the roll of the D20.

1-10 Guilty.
11-20 Innocent.

Pray to RNGesus.

 

[luigismanslave]

AFAIK, this is how you can get out of jury duty. You suggest that you cannot be impartial.

"Your honor, I browse Kiwifarms"

"A what? You work on a farm?"

"No it's a wesbite where we mock retards and fat people, you see, let me show you this guy named Chris..."

 

[Dancing Jouster]

AFAIK, this is how you can get out of jury duty. You suggest that you cannot be impartial.

There's an interview, with Eric Nelson no less, on YouTube where he says that this isn't quite true. In short, your responses are read out in front of everyone and then you're made to justify your statements, so the lawyers soon find out if you're just bullshitting in the hope of getting out of going on the jury. And even if it gets you out of that particular case, due to how many cases are going on at any one time, you'll just be put in the jury for another case.

 

[The Last Stand]

Just tell the neighbors you identify as white, you’ll be fine.

@Expurgate Contradictions will vouch for me in the housing application.

 

[draggs]

Easiest way to get out of jury duty for criminal trials is have a criminal record

 

[Top Skink]

Three outcomes.

C). Hung jury - We all cope but Kiwifarms gets the last laugh as it causes the most drama of all time.

Anybody rooting for an outcome and hinging their enjoyment of the trial on that is a complete faggot. You can take it seriously and say X/Y outcome is deserved and that's fine, or just laugh at it all and spam I CANT SNEED, but trying to cross both makes you a faggot. If your laughter is predicated on whether some faggot cop walks or the authoritarian arm of the state gets its scapegoat, you're gay

 

[Dan Abrams]

AFAIK, this is how you can get out of jury duty. You suggest that you cannot be impartial.

or you can stroll in and loudly state “nigger”