I have read every single fucking page of this thread. Started at page 1, finally ended here. I autistically read through this to try and make sense of what the fuck happened to my best friend. I lost him six months ago. He trooned out, called himself a woman. I was accepting, but it was just too much. This man has been a part of my life for 12 years. His dad took us fishing, my grandad took us camping. He taught me how to drive stickshift and ride motorcycles, he helped me get into shape and drop 30 lbs as a teen. We learned guitar together, we build our first pc's with the help of the other. And yet he fucking trooned out because he "always felt like a woman".
But he's not a woman, we all know that. His dad mourns the loss of his son, his sisters pretend to accept him, but text me often about how weird he is, his mom left their family a few years ago. I can't even hang out with him anymore, nothing we do feels right anymore. Everytime we go out to town, I am always embarassed standing next to a 6'3 man in a skirt. Everyone can tell he doesn't pass, and often times we have to drive home because he felt like people were staring too much. We can't play guitar together anymore, he sees his massive man hands hitting frets that even I struggle to and he just breaks down and cries. Even playing vidya doesn't feel the same anymore, since his sense of humor has changed so much. He went from the most confident bastard I knew to a sensitive little sissy. Constantly needing to be comforted and reaffirmed, and I have lied to him telling him what a beautiful girl he is, but it feels gross doing that. Worst part is that he is a mishmash of feminine and male traits, he is your typical troon, has male hobbies like gaming and tech, for fucks sake he still drives the STI we tuned and help rebuild as teens, has an adams apple that is more pronounced than a snake eating a golf ball, has one of the most defined jawlines I've seen in a guy, and has the genetics to grow a great beard judging by his dad and granddad. He is too masculine to hang out with real women like his sisters and her friends, but too feminine to really hang out with men. He's just alone.
I thought that this thread may help me either cope with it, or even talk him out of de-transitioning, but I just can't. He's already talking about SRS and trying to get appointments for HRT, even though everyone is telling him he's rushing into things way too fast. I can try to talk him out of it, but he'll end up resenting me. Hell he already kind of does, even though I do my best to not deadname him and use proper pronouns, going from knowing someone as him for 12 years is hard to change, I'm even doing it now. But I'm the only one he has left. He has no real close friends besides me, all his work friends distanced themselves from him long ago. I am the last real life friend he has, his discord troon buddies just pink pill him even more. This fucking sucks, I hate trannies for what they did to my lad. I tried guys, I really did. But six months is all I can take really. I don't think I can continue doing this with him anymore. Every time I talk to him about waiting, or perhaps that it is just a phase, he flips his shit and yells at me (yells, not screams, because he's a 6'3 man), and tells me never to talk to him again, only to text me a few days later wanting to go to the bookstore or guitar store. This man used to be the most level headed guy I knew, and would constantly be the one to prevent me from flipping my shit or getting into fights, and now it's like things have changed, he's the hothead and I am the emotionally leveled one. But I'm not emotionally level, I'm just fucking emotionally drained from dealing with his bullshit. I have many friends that are girls, and that shit is tiring. He was supposed to be my retreat from constant whining about shitty bf's or drama, but now he's turned into the main source of drama in my life. I'm too embarrassed to have him at my house anymore, so we just hang in his troon room, full of trans pride shit that is so obnoxious my eyes bleed. How did the man that was the normal one out of the two of us end up making the fucking furry look like the socially well adapted one? I am thankful to whatever cruel god that he isn't a furry (that I am aware of), but knowing his troon buddies that's soon to change.
TLDR I just want my fucking best friend back.