💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental
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- Mar 30, 2020
Look it is not as though Jack has some kind of preexisting conditions that might put him at higher risk of death from WuFlu...
- Joined
- Mar 4, 2020
- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
Okay, fully watched the video. Let's shred this travesty apart:
1. Fat Jack is now using fake consensus methods to pretend that he still listens to people; he uses "people have been telling me" a lot this intro.
2. Jack references the video where he and Tammy try and fail to use a simple ordering app as the place where "alottapeepul" told him to do a rip-off recipe.
2b. In reality this fat faggot knew Babish was making an italian dish the day he uploaded this and wanted to use the algorithm to hopefully get people to watch and negrate his shitty video.
2c. Oh, and this video before I forget is allegedly a "fundraiser", very clear he's trying to use this to peacock about his goodness and to get more clicks I bet.
3. The avatar that mocks Jack for his desire for dicks interrupts his diatribe; mushbrained editing right there.
4. Jack admits that he goes to Olive Garden so much that he can list by order his favorite soups. This is not a good thing.
5. Jack is pretty low energy this video I've noticed; he's quieter than the last few I've looked at. I guess his lack of views for trying that one time made him stop caring again.
6. Some sins in his ingredient list includes the cheap shitty tube sausage and the fact I suspect he doubled his dries and didn't bother with his wets. What a stupid fucking glutton.
7. Jack does the Booger method that Lazyman from the podcast oh so dislikes; I guess feeling the heat is too hard or something.
8. Awkward pauses of silence as you scoop out the cheap shitty sausage meat out of the pot half-assedly. Nice.
8b. GG in not getting all the meat out; it's going to lead to some nice charcoal and bitterness in whatever you cook now fatty.
9. Barely cut up bacon is now added into the greasefire to be; I would rather not like big bits of bacon in this case since its crunch would fuck with the soup IMO.
10. I cannot hammer home enough how awkward it is to see him silently fumble and forcibly stir the bacon; it's just a mood killer and it's why at first I thought I'd not cover it.
11. Despite saying you shouldn't crisp the bacon, Lazy Jack manages to do this and undercook it at the same time. Masterful.
12. MMM MMM MORE BURNT FUCKING MEAT FOR THE SOUP
13. Pretty sure Tammy pre-cut the onions for Jack despite not being in the episode; they're only about one half too big rather than the disgusting chunks he usually half-asses.
14. Honestly, this isn't too bad at this stage; the onions are nice and sweated and the garlic should be fine with releasing its flavor.
14b. Not too bad a base for an onion soup tbh; just add some stock to balance out the excess grease in it.
15. Jack decides to season the onions now rather than incorporate it into the finished soup... and then admits that he'll do it at the end anyway.
16. "Little salt... little pepper" ~ Jack Scalfani on using a full dose of salt and a triple load of pepper on something he'll add more to later
17. Wendigo haunted Jack believes that a full complement of red pepper is a "dash".
17b. I like spices, but this is too much for the soup IMO.
18. Jack says the soup is going to pop... It probably will. Pop his weakened blood vessels.
19. If Jack was trying to caramelize the onions, no they aren't done. That takes a while due to all the sugar it has.
19b. They are nice and soft though.
20. Fatboy makes a roux and begins trying to avoid making dumplings in the grease.
21. Jack desperately tries to add in some stock and wars with the flour to not form dumplings.
22. Jack crows about how amazing this actual kinda soup smells.
23. Oh christ no.
23b. No.
23c. NOOOOO-
*One vendetta killing later*
24. So... this recipe he almost certainly stole asked him for 4 potatoes; what it probably asked for were medium sized ones.
24b. I say this because his rough chunked shit completely crowds the pan and renders this a not-soup.
25. Fat Jack struggles to dump the fuckload of spuds into the pot.
26. The Wendigo stirs in Jack; he keeps on getting eager for what he's smelling.
27. Jack explains that this soup should be done at a gentle boil; I'm surprised he even knows what that and simmer even mean.
28. Oh wait; he fucking doesn't; that's a vigorous boil bucko.
29. The soup still looks soupy... until he dumps the meats in; then it clearly becomes horribly crowded again.
30. Seriously... Jack is struggling to fucking mash the stirrer in; and he's also very likely crushing some potatoes in there into mash. Lovely.
31. By this point, this could just be charitably described as a stew due to the lack of liquidity in it.
32. "I need a spoon, the spatula isn't cutting it... I need to get under it" ~ Fat Jack
33. As I bit back another ragefit, Jack just shoves in full fucking handfuls of kale onto the top like it's going to do anything.
34. Jack is dead silent; he likely dreads eating this green leafed vegetable called kale.
35. Jack blames the pot for not being able to hold EVEN MORE KALE, when in reality it's due to his crippling tardery and gluttony since it's dead obvious he doubled on the dry food.
36. Jack catches himself on "most laziest", but won't be fucked to catch those awkward silences or paste his intro card in a good spot. Fuck off.
37. My thoughts on the kale getting pushed into the shit stew he calls soup:
38. LOVING THAT AWKWARD SILENCE
39. Jack then adds the seasoning mix again, because once is never enough for a pig like him.
40. Jack dumps most of the Red Pepper flakes and passively snipes at Tammy for not liking spicy like him.
40b. He has the balls to claim he doesn't want to make it too spicy after using spicy breakfast sausage and most of that red pepper.
41. This narcisssist thinks that his soup looks amazing and he needs a shot of it; forgetting that it looks nothing like what he claimed it's supposed to be.
42. This bitch is so delusional he thinks it looks good; no Jack it looks like my day old beef stew before I fucking reheat it. It looks awful fucko.
43. "Look at that broth" ~ WHAT FUCKING BROTH YOU UNDER DID THE LIQUIDS AAAAAA-
*One bout of agitation later*
44. I love the awkward pause Jack has before mentioning kale; he even admits he hates it because healthy.
45. It's fitting Jack has more energy and excitement shilling his product; he clearly only wants money and the ability to say to Tammy that he's a real people worker.
46. Jack's shit sauces are on sale; now I believe he's only mentioning these things because Big T finally got sick of that shit clogging up the garage.
47. When he finally eats the shit stew, he fakes an MMM at first before he flinches in disgust.
47b. Jack then in a desperate effort twists it and begins lying actively, since he had to twist the flinch into him just going into a higher MMM (in his own words)
48. Gay school girl mouth cover. Been a while since I saw that.
49. I think, but can't be certain his eyes are drifting into the liar's position when he makes up the story; I can't tell because this fat homo can't make this thing go beyond SD unless it's a phone though.
50. Jack admits he needed more spice; he's trying to say it's because he wants it hotter, but you and I know it's to hide how bad the soup is.
51. HAHAHA HE TRIED TO GET A SECOND SPOONFUL BUT COULDN'T STAND IT ENOUGH TO GET ONE
52. He lies about this being a homerun recipe, and then uses a blooper noise since Jack's a fucking idiot.
53. Surprisingly short end card.
It was an odyssey of suck.
1. Fat Jack is now using fake consensus methods to pretend that he still listens to people; he uses "people have been telling me" a lot this intro.
2. Jack references the video where he and Tammy try and fail to use a simple ordering app as the place where "alottapeepul" told him to do a rip-off recipe.
2b. In reality this fat faggot knew Babish was making an italian dish the day he uploaded this and wanted to use the algorithm to hopefully get people to watch and negrate his shitty video.
2c. Oh, and this video before I forget is allegedly a "fundraiser", very clear he's trying to use this to peacock about his goodness and to get more clicks I bet.
3. The avatar that mocks Jack for his desire for dicks interrupts his diatribe; mushbrained editing right there.
4. Jack admits that he goes to Olive Garden so much that he can list by order his favorite soups. This is not a good thing.
5. Jack is pretty low energy this video I've noticed; he's quieter than the last few I've looked at. I guess his lack of views for trying that one time made him stop caring again.
6. Some sins in his ingredient list includes the cheap shitty tube sausage and the fact I suspect he doubled his dries and didn't bother with his wets. What a stupid fucking glutton.
7. Jack does the Booger method that Lazyman from the podcast oh so dislikes; I guess feeling the heat is too hard or something.
8. Awkward pauses of silence as you scoop out the cheap shitty sausage meat out of the pot half-assedly. Nice.
8b. GG in not getting all the meat out; it's going to lead to some nice charcoal and bitterness in whatever you cook now fatty.
9. Barely cut up bacon is now added into the greasefire to be; I would rather not like big bits of bacon in this case since its crunch would fuck with the soup IMO.
10. I cannot hammer home enough how awkward it is to see him silently fumble and forcibly stir the bacon; it's just a mood killer and it's why at first I thought I'd not cover it.
11. Despite saying you shouldn't crisp the bacon, Lazy Jack manages to do this and undercook it at the same time. Masterful.
12. MMM MMM MORE BURNT FUCKING MEAT FOR THE SOUP
13. Pretty sure Tammy pre-cut the onions for Jack despite not being in the episode; they're only about one half too big rather than the disgusting chunks he usually half-asses.
14. Honestly, this isn't too bad at this stage; the onions are nice and sweated and the garlic should be fine with releasing its flavor.
14b. Not too bad a base for an onion soup tbh; just add some stock to balance out the excess grease in it.
15. Jack decides to season the onions now rather than incorporate it into the finished soup... and then admits that he'll do it at the end anyway.
16. "Little salt... little pepper" ~ Jack Scalfani on using a full dose of salt and a triple load of pepper on something he'll add more to later
17. Wendigo haunted Jack believes that a full complement of red pepper is a "dash".
17b. I like spices, but this is too much for the soup IMO.
18. Jack says the soup is going to pop... It probably will. Pop his weakened blood vessels.
19. If Jack was trying to caramelize the onions, no they aren't done. That takes a while due to all the sugar it has.
19b. They are nice and soft though.
20. Fatboy makes a roux and begins trying to avoid making dumplings in the grease.
21. Jack desperately tries to add in some stock and wars with the flour to not form dumplings.
22. Jack crows about how amazing this actual kinda soup smells.
23. Oh christ no.
23b. No.
23c. NOOOOO-
*One vendetta killing later*
24. So... this recipe he almost certainly stole asked him for 4 potatoes; what it probably asked for were medium sized ones.
24b. I say this because his rough chunked shit completely crowds the pan and renders this a not-soup.
25. Fat Jack struggles to dump the fuckload of spuds into the pot.
26. The Wendigo stirs in Jack; he keeps on getting eager for what he's smelling.
27. Jack explains that this soup should be done at a gentle boil; I'm surprised he even knows what that and simmer even mean.
28. Oh wait; he fucking doesn't; that's a vigorous boil bucko.
29. The soup still looks soupy... until he dumps the meats in; then it clearly becomes horribly crowded again.
30. Seriously... Jack is struggling to fucking mash the stirrer in; and he's also very likely crushing some potatoes in there into mash. Lovely.
31. By this point, this could just be charitably described as a stew due to the lack of liquidity in it.
32. "I need a spoon, the spatula isn't cutting it... I need to get under it" ~ Fat Jack
33. As I bit back another ragefit, Jack just shoves in full fucking handfuls of kale onto the top like it's going to do anything.
34. Jack is dead silent; he likely dreads eating this green leafed vegetable called kale.
35. Jack blames the pot for not being able to hold EVEN MORE KALE, when in reality it's due to his crippling tardery and gluttony since it's dead obvious he doubled on the dry food.
36. Jack catches himself on "most laziest", but won't be fucked to catch those awkward silences or paste his intro card in a good spot. Fuck off.
37. My thoughts on the kale getting pushed into the shit stew he calls soup:
38. LOVING THAT AWKWARD SILENCE
39. Jack then adds the seasoning mix again, because once is never enough for a pig like him.
40. Jack dumps most of the Red Pepper flakes and passively snipes at Tammy for not liking spicy like him.
40b. He has the balls to claim he doesn't want to make it too spicy after using spicy breakfast sausage and most of that red pepper.
41. This narcisssist thinks that his soup looks amazing and he needs a shot of it; forgetting that it looks nothing like what he claimed it's supposed to be.
42. This bitch is so delusional he thinks it looks good; no Jack it looks like my day old beef stew before I fucking reheat it. It looks awful fucko.
43. "Look at that broth" ~ WHAT FUCKING BROTH YOU UNDER DID THE LIQUIDS AAAAAA-
*One bout of agitation later*
44. I love the awkward pause Jack has before mentioning kale; he even admits he hates it because healthy.
45. It's fitting Jack has more energy and excitement shilling his product; he clearly only wants money and the ability to say to Tammy that he's a real people worker.
46. Jack's shit sauces are on sale; now I believe he's only mentioning these things because Big T finally got sick of that shit clogging up the garage.
47. When he finally eats the shit stew, he fakes an MMM at first before he flinches in disgust.
47b. Jack then in a desperate effort twists it and begins lying actively, since he had to twist the flinch into him just going into a higher MMM (in his own words)
48. Gay school girl mouth cover. Been a while since I saw that.
49. I think, but can't be certain his eyes are drifting into the liar's position when he makes up the story; I can't tell because this fat homo can't make this thing go beyond SD unless it's a phone though.
50. Jack admits he needed more spice; he's trying to say it's because he wants it hotter, but you and I know it's to hide how bad the soup is.
51. HAHAHA HE TRIED TO GET A SECOND SPOONFUL BUT COULDN'T STAND IT ENOUGH TO GET ONE
52. He lies about this being a homerun recipe, and then uses a blooper noise since Jack's a fucking idiot.
53. Surprisingly short end card.
It was an odyssey of suck.
Shabobus
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 21, 2018
Hasn't he been saying the virus is fake and mocking the people who take it seriously? What does he care if people are out? Complaining just for the sake of it, as always.
DX10
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 5, 2014
In a lot of the earlier Cali vids (especially the one where he literally ruins that poor, nicely decorated Chinese sit-down restaurant) you can tell he's ripped as shit, especially when he starts yelling at Jack Jr.
In the same video he has a momentary meltdown because a crappy looking Mexican place is showing trashy titty shows on their TV and straight up walks out and snaps at his son for laughing over boobs. Father of the Year!
Makes me wonder if Jack on the Go is borne out of the possibility Lorks-A-Lardy used to wander around food courts and strip malls looking for places to eat while absolutely rat-arsed, and, because His Wobbliness has to record everything he does like it's a TV show... You know, total speculation but it's amusing to think about IMO.
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Aaway
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2016
yeah he thinks its a hoax that's being used to keep trump from being re-elected
- Joined
- Dec 4, 2013
That site itself stole the recipe from this one. It looks like that site is just a content farm that reposts recipes and has someone who flunked ESL paraphrase the descriptions enough to fool Google.
- Joined
- Aug 17, 2018
Ironic that if Corona hits him, he's going to suffer the most. Based on his current health.
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2020
of course he thinks that, of. fucking. course.
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2020
If he does read this thread what if he's on purposly fucking up his food in videos and doing the opposite of any advice we give? Maybe he's a huge masochist?
Just like how he loves to go outside (that isn't for important purposes like getting groceries or going to a job) despite being at risk? I have a feeling he secretly craves pain and death.
Is it possible to be masochistic and suicidal and not even be aware of it? It's almost like a new psychological phenomenon.
Just like how he loves to go outside (that isn't for important purposes like getting groceries or going to a job) despite being at risk? I have a feeling he secretly craves pain and death.
Is it possible to be masochistic and suicidal and not even be aware of it? It's almost like a new psychological phenomenon.
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Guy Made Of Bees
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 7, 2020
Maybe the wendigo is like that fungus or parasite that makes the victim look for opportunities to die in a convenient spot, so a new host can be found. Jack collapses at a all you can eat grease buffet or at the movies face down in a family bucket of buttered popcorn and the wendigo can find a new more mobile flesh suit to ruin.
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2019
Jack is just a Peggy Hill type moron who thinks they are a genius. there is millions of them out there
captkrisma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Jack does read these boards as well as listens to PCatLM. We know this because recent videos show him specifically taking our advice when it comes to cooking methods and even call out the wrong way to do things, despite him being guilty of doing those exact things in previous videos.
As for going outside, Jack the type to think that it's a Democrat conspiracy to stay locked up. When he took the video of all the cars, he failed to also mention that TN opened back up on May 1st when the national stay at home order was lifted. Jack can go to all the sit down restaurants he likes except Nashville, which still has an city stay at home order until the 11th.
TL;DR: Jack is a coward and a butter soft bitch.
- Joined
- Jan 2, 2019
Jack is as straight as an arrow.
- Joined
- May 30, 2019
You're doing God's work. Which is more than can be said for Jack.
- Joined
- Oct 5, 2016
I've made that soup before. Jack's problem was he used too small of a pot and instead of cutting back on all of the ingredients and just made a half batch, Jack only cut back on the stock and cream so everything congealed together into one goopy mess. He probably could have saved it after he scooped some out in the bowl and added more liquid at that point to make it actually soupy.
Edit: Just checked the recipe I had. It calls for 5 1/3 cups chicken broth, 1 cup water, and 2 cups cream. And half as many potatoes.
Edit: Just checked the recipe I had. It calls for 5 1/3 cups chicken broth, 1 cup water, and 2 cups cream. And half as many potatoes.
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- Joined
- Sep 3, 2014
I fucking knew he skimped on the liquids. The moment I saw the crowding when he added the potatoes, I knew he did this to keep the solids to eat.
I legit don't get why he does this with soups, but then is happy with making his chili into a soup, since that's what his pressure cooker horrors turn into. Skimps on water UNLESS it's something that's supposed to have a body and structure. Then he makes it watery as shit.
The literal fuck.
saralovesjuicyfruit
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 8, 2019
I wonder why he uses breakfast sausage instead of normal Italian sausage in a recipe like that. It’s the second time in recent-ish memory that I remember him doing that with a dish that should obviously be done with Italian sausage.
captkrisma
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
It confuses me too because the Italian hot sausage comes in 1lbs packages just the same as Jimmy Dean breakfast sausages. Jimmy Dean's appearance looks like you're getting more, because holy shit, it's a literal tube of meat, but net weight is the same and the cost is relatively the same.