After months of pummeling us with a relentless and monotonous (or as Amber would say: "mono-tone-us"") parade of gross manic mukbangs, I was starting to think our classic Remorseful Clotso would never reappear, but she finally delivered- with a special appearance by the Loony "Last Hurrah" Chantal!
Our Beef 'n Cheddar Queen pulled out all the stops with her Food Funeral: starting it out with her trademark baby-voiced "
I can't go on like this, guyz", and "
I only blocked you all because your truthful comments hit too close to home" (Of course, she fails to mention that all those commenters were blocked in fits of rage, save for the few she chose to leave up to publicly sass.) She breathily explains how she truly
gets it this time, and that the party is over. For reals, you guys! Somehow she manages to dramatically sigh between every 3 words before announcing that she's going out on the town to throw herself a big ol' fast food pity party because she is an addict and she needs one last fix.
Once again she felt the need to inform us that NO ONE in her life has
ever understood her food issues. Interestingly, she said this exact thing the last time she was here on the cycle.
I imagine people
do understand, they're just either tired of her shit or don't believe her. (Btw, if I'm remembering right, she repeated a whole lot of the same things from her last "I'm quitting fast food forever and getting healthy" phase, it's almost like she used the same script.)*
It was amusing to witness her demeanor completely change from despondent yet (fairly) articulate in her apartment to batshit crazy and all over the place as she left on her fast food frenzy. No Peetz present to slow her down or distract her, Clotso was on a
mission. As she clutched her Arby's in her bloated paws, she seemed to have lost her thin grasp on her remaining sanity and ability to talk like a normal human:
- "I
really love tacos..." (as her mouth is stuffed full of Beef 'n Cheddar)
- "
Like why can't this food be healthy, ya know?" You've said this many, many times while angrily deepthroating fries. We get it. Life is truly unfair, it's an endless struggle and eating vegetables is tantamount to
torture, ya know?
- "
I really don't understand it"
If only someone could make a Netflix series about this so Chantal could understand the complex idea of burning more calories than you eat. Better yet, perhaps a ghost from the future could clue her in to
just the right combo of vitamins and juices so she can effortlessly become the Insta influencer she was born to be!
-
<Eyes darting wildly.> "
There's a truck picking up his order... at the window."
-
<Loudly licking fingers> "
Mmmm!"
-
<SMACK SMACK> "
Sooo..."
After this riveting commentary, our Glamorous Gourmet who believes she'll soon be strutting her stuff all around the DR becomes out of breath from
gulping her soda.
This video was absolutely ridiculous, but it's good to see crazy ol' Classic Clotso make an appearance once again.
I give this one 4/5 mugs-o-gravy on nostalgia alone.
*I'd be curious to compare these two videos, it's just been such an uncharacteristically long stretch with no real major diet schemes, that I can't quite remember when her last moment of lucidity/freakout was. Was it during the failed weight loss Dr. era in the early fall?
