Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

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I remember back in middle school me and my best friend almost go expelled because we'd shit on the bitchy art teacher and throw pencils into the ceilings in her class only.

Chemistry was a required class for me in high school
I assumed it was mandatory because i got stuck in there for flunking due to skipping class to play metal slug at the nearby bowling alley. I just passed due to a wager i made with my teacher. 90+ on final exam passed me the entire year.
 
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It wasn't until Sam's mother had terminal cancer and a family friend and his family started to look out for the kids (before eventually adopting them upon her death) that Sam finally stopped reeking of awful body odor. Due to health issues resulting from his eating anything he wanted growing up, he also had to change his diet. To his credit, he was able to lose a lot of the excess weight he had put on over the years. It just sucks that it took his mother dying when he was teen for him to finally be taught how to properly bathe/clean himself.
Yeah, having no father figure can be really hard for a kid. You need that parent in your life to say "do this thing I say you have to do, you fucking retard".
 
Back in high school I took an elective for clothing design. Mostly turning photoshop images into vinyl prints for t-shirts. Out of eleven people there were four furries in the class. They made dozens of shirts with gay furry shit on them.

I switched out a month in. The four of them chased three other people out of that class before the school cracked down on them.
 
Back in high school I took an elective for clothing design. Mostly turning photoshop images into vinyl prints for t-shirts. Out of eleven people there were four furries in the class. They made dozens of shirts with gay furry shit on them.

That reminds me of a thread on r/FatPeopleStories in which an "art ham" turned any life drawing classes into furry pr0n. That's when she wasn't deliberately dropping her pencil and bending over at him to pick it up while wearing a variety of different stereotypical clobber (like, one day she was a kitty-eared anime girl who went "nyan" in real life, the next she was a short-skirted party girl, and the third she attempted big tiddy goth gf).
 
It's been a while, so here's some more Billybob stories.

As briefly mentioned in my previous post about Billybob, the guy was a huge fan of Space Jam, which had come out the previous year. There was a lot of people in my class who really liked the movie (mainly guys, of course), but Billybob topped all of them. If he wasn't talking about how awesome the movie was, he was attempting to sing "I Believe I Can Fly", or randomly quoting it. It got real old real quick, and even everyone else who had seen and liked Space Jam were tired of Billybob's obsession with it, which lasted through at least the end of the year.

The irony is that I don't even know if Billybob cared for basketball outside of Space Jam. He never referenced it outside of the context of the movie at any rate.

Titanic was released a few months into the school year, and it was impossible to escape from. Whether it was adults finding the brief female nudity highly controversial, or the teacher giving lessons about the actual disaster, Titanic was everywhere that fall.

It was inevitable that some kids (mainly the top popular girl in the class) decided it'd be a great idea to make Titanic a lunch recess game and recruited kids into various roles. Myself and others refused because "generic lady who drowns" and "dog" were roles that were obviously very unappealing, but Billybob was somehow recruited as the captain. We overheard the explanation to Billybob as to just steer the ship for a few minutes, then yell they struck an iceberg so they could do their big dramatic tragedy of the ship going down.

After a few minutes nothing happened and I was nearby when Billybob was confronted for not doing anything except do some overly dramatic ship steering. Billybob replied that this was the "new" Titanic and he was gonna just steer around the iceberg and everything would be okay. Popular girl wasn't impressed and just went ahead with the sinking part. Billybob was pissed, yelled, and ran off to complain (and probably be told that he can't make people do what he wants).

The most popular sport in the class by far was kickball, and there'd be more than enough kids to organize into two full teams every day at class recess. Billybob was genuinely into kickball and actually had a really good kick, along with some other kids.

As the year progressed kids got progressively more brazen with their behavior when they'd kick home runs. First it was them walking from third to home, then they'd walk even slower, then they started walking around all the bases. One day Billybob took it a step further by getting on his hands and knees and crawling slowly at a snail's pace from third to home. Dude actually made it back in time, too.

Once we were back in class the teacher stood at the head of the class and glared at all of us before yelling about our poor sportsmanlike conduct. She really didn't like people walking from third to home, and especially disliked people walking around all the bases, but Billybob went too far and now she was pissed at all of us. Yes, even the kids who never walked, even the ones who couldn't get away with that. People were unhappy that she yelled at all of us instead of just the usual walkers and Billybob, and instead of being impressed at his home run we were all pissed at him instead.

Towards the end of the year it was announced that the school would be hosting a bake sale. The day of the bake sale came and mid-morning a cart packed with goodies was wheeled into the room and we had about 10 minutes to buy anything we wanted.

Billybob looked over the cart briefly before running back to his chair crying. Some of my classmates took pity upon Billybob and asked what was wrong. Billybob cried that his mom's food wasn't on the cart. They gently pointed out that none of our parent's food was on the cart. It was true, they made a point to separate the fourth and fifth grade food and send them to opposite sides of the school. Billybob didn't care, because he really wanted what his mom made. Somebody asked what it was, and Billybob responded that it was chocolate chip cookies.

At this point everyone's sympathy evaporated, because the cart was almost nothing but chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip, chocolate chunk, with nuts, without nuts, with raisins, with peanut butter chips, any combination you can think of. This was pointed out to Billybob, but he didn't care because his mom made "giant" chocolate chip cookies. Which there were a few larger than average cookies on there to boot, but it didn't matter because he didn't want anything but his mom's recipe.

To my knowledge he never bought anything that day out of protest for being unable to have his mom's cookies.

One day after receiving the marks on our latest tests the teacher gave us book work to do before going over to Billybob's desk. This was back when I was sitting right next to him so I just pretended to work while eavesdropping on Billybob and the teacher (me and everyone else in the group).

This time she was mad because Billybob had failed yet another test. Apparently he was getting straight A's on his homework, but F's on all his class work and tests. She'd had enough and outright confronted him about his dad doing his homework for him. Billybob said "no", then got real red in the face with his brows furrowed. Classic Billybob lying. Now that she had confirmation on her theory she told him she would talk to his handler and they were going to arrange a parent-teacher conference.

I'd had loved to have been a fly on the wall for that particular conference. As far as anybody could tell it had no effect on anything. I have to wonder though what happened during the rest of Billybob's school career. How many teachers let Billybob slide doing jack shit because he's "special", and how many refused to tolerate that shit from someone who was supposed to be high functioning. A pity I never met his parents, a lot of us wondered what exactly went on in his family.

So, Billybob was supposedly lactose intolerant. I say supposedly because he ate the same school lunches as everyone else, including the ones with dairy products like their nasty cheeseburgers. What Billybob didn't get was milk. Instead he was given a reusable cup of juice. I had initially thought that it was because the school was required to provide a healthy alternative, even though juice isn't healthier than chocolate milk. But it turned out that juice wasn't a given right after all.

One day at lunch I was sitting at one of the assigned tables with my sack lunch, unpacking my food and waiting for my friends and classmates. But after the first few classmates nobody else showed up. This became quite noticeable very fast and we looked around. The lunch line was definitely not moving, but we sat back too far from the front of the line to see what was going on.

After a good five minutes Billybob became the next classmate to finally arrive, and he looked extremely pissed. He sat far away from everyone and ignored our questions about what the hell happened. The next classmate arrived, the one who was behind Billybob. She was eager to tell us what happened, but waited for the rest of the class because they wanted to know exactly what happened, too. Once we were all there we leaned in to find out what had happened. Even the kids from one of the other classes at the table next to us leaned in to listen, a major no-no as interaction between classes was forbidden in the cafeteria.

What had happened was the lunch ladies were moving a little slow that day and didn't have Billybob's juice waiting. While they were getting it out Billybob lost his patience and yelled "Gimmie my juice!" The lunch ladies stopped what they were doing and told Billybob he needed to apologize, then ask politely, with "please", before they would continue to get his juice. Billybob just yelled "Gimmie my juice!" even louder in response. They put away his juice and informed him he had lost juice privileges for the day due to his rude tone.

Billybob proceeded to chimp out and demand juice. The lunch ladies decided that now he wouldn't get juice for the entire week, and they'd inform his handler of his behavior later. Billybob chimped further but he finally took his water and stomped away, allowing the lunch line to finally move again.

We all agreed that Billybob was an immensely immature and rude brat. Billybob had ignored us and the story, choosing to eat in silence before going to dump his garbage and go outside to get away from us. I thought that would be the end of it there, until later during lunch recess one of the lunch ladies came outside, along with my teacher, and Billybob's handler. Even from a distance you could tell they were pissed. A playground monitor noticed them and they spoke briefly. Next thing we knew Billybob was escorted back into the school and wasn't seen again for the rest of the day.

A little later we found out from someone who was near them when they came outside that Billybob threw out his reusable cup with the garbage instead of setting it aside with his tray. As soon as the lunch ladies found out they fetched the teacher and his handler right away instead of waiting until later. Billybob was heavily punished and wasn't given juice again for at least a month. I doubt he learned anything from it though.
 
When I was in second grade, we went on a field trip to a chocolate factory. For a bunch of 7 year olds, this was amazing. One little shit and his parents lied on his permission slip, turned out he had a chocolate allergy or sensitivity, ate the free sample given to all of us at the beginning, started having trouble breathing shortly later and the field trip was cancelled as the kid needed help. We were there maybe fifteen minutes. We were all bummed out and that kid became a pariah in our class.


When I was in high school, we had a sub for a class who looked exactly like Ms. Chokesondick from South Park. Being 16 year old guys, we kept snickering to ourselves at how she looked and how her vagina probably smelled like the ocean. When lunch came around and we were packing up our shit to leave, she got out her Tupperware, paused a moment and said "oh no, my tuna leaked" My friends and I started busting a gut, laughing so hard my stomach was starting to hurt. She was completely dumbfounded what we found so damn funny. My tuna leaked became a private joke for a few months.
 
Billybob was supposedly lactose intolerant. I say supposedly because he ate the same school lunches as everyone else, including the ones with dairy products like their nasty cheeseburgers. What Billybob didn't get was m. ilk
Oh hey, I have (whatever it is) this. Kept getting mystery stomachaches for years till I tried lactose-free milk. Cheese and whatever land fine, tho.
 
@MysticMisty's lunch room story reminded me of the time I unknowingly ran afoul of my grade school's lunch policies.

I'm not sure how school lunches are handled in the digital world, but the K-8 school I attended back in the day used a cardboard "ticket" with squares around the perimeter representing each school day for the month. The cashier would then punch a hole each day students got their m1lk or hot lunch from the cafeteria. The ticket also had our name, grade, and some sort of indication whether our parents prepaid for daily hot lunch or just for a pint of m1lk. The school also allowed parents to pay for a second pint of m1lk per day; I believe pints of m1lk cost 50 cents per day by the time I hit junior high. The cafeteria also let students that were absent or sick get an extra pint of m1lk the day they came back provided they had enough to accommodate the request.

By the time we reached junior high, we were allowed to take our lunch tickets with us to the cafeteria -- presumably because we were old/responsible enough. My junior high years ran concurrently with the then-new fad of fluorescent markers (aka highlighters) being everywhere. Many students would doodle on their lunch tickets using their fluorescent markers. Eventually, I joined my classmates in personalizing my ticket with fluorescent doodles.

One day, I think it was in 8th grade, lunch time comes and I don't receive my ticket. My teacher assures me something must have happened or it got lost when it was returned from the cafeteria to her classroom and she assures me I should still be able to receive my m1lk while she has a replacement ticket made for me. Everything works out, I receive a new ticket the next day, and add fluorescent doodles on the new ticket.

Before long, my new ticket is missing again. I'm not sure what led up to it, but I was sent to see the principal about it. Her initial answer suggested that I wasn't supposed to be drawing on it with fluorescent markers, which made no sense. I quickly pointed out that most of my classmates did the same thing I did without having their tickets taken away. Finally, she told me what I wanted to know: I had used yellow marker on my ticket, and yellow was reserved for marking the tickets of those kids entitled to two pints of m1lk at lunch. Because I wasn't one of them, my ticket wasn't supposed to have any yellow on it. I had never heard of that policy until then, and it seemed confusing to rely solely on color to designate that item, but I finally had my answer. I think I made the principal confirm to me that every other fluorescent color but yellow was acceptable for doodling on the tickets before I left her office -- just to make sure I wouldn't run into any more issues.
 
When I was in second grade, we went on a field trip to a chocolate factory. For a bunch of 7 year olds, this was amazing. One little shit and his parents lied on his permission slip, turned out he had a chocolate allergy or sensitivity, ate the free sample given to all of us at the beginning, started having trouble breathing shortly later and the field trip was cancelled as the kid needed help. We were there maybe fifteen minutes. We were all bummed out and that kid became a pariah in our class.

Maybe his parents were trying to kill him/find an excuse to sue someone. It's pretty fucked either way to lie to send your kid on a chocolate factory field trip knowing they have a chocolate allergy.
 
My school had a policy that you always had to buy a carton of m;ilk with lunch because "it's healthy", even if you were allergic to m;ilk and were just going to throw it out. I could never figure out the logic.
 
My school had a policy that you always had to buy a carton of m;ilk with lunch because "it's healthy", even if you were allergic to m;ilk and were just going to throw it out. I could never figure out the logic.
Schools are greedy motherfuckers and care more about lining their pockets than educating. They're glorified daycares that get more government money for how many students they have in school.
 
My school had a policy that you always had to buy a carton of m;ilk with lunch because "it's healthy", even if you were allergic to m;ilk and were just going to throw it out. I could never figure out the logic.
it's because the people in charge of schools are some of the dumbest people on earth
reminds me of when a teacher took aeay my Nintendo Power magazine during lunch because "you can't read until after you've finished the test". That entire day had been devoted to a big test instead of normal classes, but I had finished it before lunch. I never got it back, either... the worst part was them forcing me to buy lunch, because I'd only really gotten a snack. I don't believe for a second that they cared for my well-being, they just wanted to force everyone they could to pay the school every day for food that tasted like cardboard.
 
Schools are greedy motherfuckers and care more about lining their pockets than educating. They're glorified daycares that get more government money for how many students they have in school.
And boy, do they pull out all the stops to get their state funding too. I'm not sure how other states handle it, but mine has "count day" once each semester (October and February) where funding is generally based on who physically attends school that day (with provisions for absent and suspended students). Many districts, usually the ones that complain the most about a lack of money and insufficient budgets, use all kind of gimmicks, some of them costly, to coax ensure students attend on count day: all-school pizza lunches, jean day, raffles for iWhatever electronic devices, etc. But once the districts get their funding, those students they cared about for 2 days out of the year return to being mere names or student identifiers that get lost in the bureaucracy.

it's because the people in charge of schools are some of the dumbest people on earth
Public school systems, especially those financed by property taxes, have no incentive to use good stewardship when it comes to managing their money because they know property taxes always go up each year to match inflation. Add in the inflated assessments of home values that update each year, and they get guaranteed increases in funding so long as their enrollment stays relatively stable. Various forms of wasteful spending have existed for decades, but the problem became more apparent during the recession from the early 2000s when house prices dropped, taking school tax revenue down with them. Districts that could get away with playing shell games with their finances suddenly found themselves facing significant deficits unless they were willing to bite the bullet and make the needed budget adjustments. Worse, these districts figure they can ask for a millage to make up the difference and spin it as, "Voting no is a vote against the kids and their education."

Meanwhile, private schools that receive little or no government money know how to take what they get from tuition, fundraising, and any other revenue sources and do everything they can to stretch those dollars -- usually without skrimping on the quality of education. They also do it without the needless red tape and layers of leadership seen in their public counterparts.
 
And boy, do they pull out all the stops to get their state funding too. I'm not sure how other states handle it, but mine has "count day" once each semester (October and February) where funding is generally based on who physically attends school that day (with provisions for absent and suspended students). Many districts, usually the ones that complain the most about a lack of money and insufficient budgets, use all kind of gimmicks, some of them costly, to coax ensure students attend on count day: all-school pizza lunches, jean day, raffles for iWhatever electronic devices, etc. But once the districts get their funding, those students they cared about for 2 days out of the year return to being mere names or student identifiers that get lost in the bureaucracy.


Public school systems, especially those financed by property taxes, have no incentive to use good stewardship when it comes to managing their money because they know property taxes always go up each year to match inflation. Add in the inflated assessments of home values that update each year, and they get guaranteed increases in funding so long as their enrollment stays relatively stable. Various forms of wasteful spending have existed for decades, but the problem became more apparent during the recession from the early 2000s when house prices dropped, taking school tax revenue down with them. Districts that could get away with playing shell games with their finances suddenly found themselves facing significant deficits unless they were willing to bite the bullet and make the needed budget adjustments. Worse, these districts figure they can ask for a millage to make up the difference and spin it as, "Voting no is a vote against the kids and their education."

Meanwhile, private schools that receive little or no government money know how to take what they get from tuition, fundraising, and any other revenue sources and do everything they can to stretch those dollars -- usually without skrimping on the quality of education. They also do it without the needless red tape and layers of leadership seen in their public counterparts.

Not to take this thread too off-topic but I just want to add:

Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”
 
Not to take this thread too off-topic but I just want to add:

Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”

Anytime I said I didn't like the job I had people told me "get another job" but for some reason it doesn't seem teachers think they can do that *shrug
 
Anytime I said I didn't like the job I had people told me "get another job" but for some reason it doesn't seem teachers think they can do that *shrug

What, and leave the union cocoon that prevents them from being disciplined no matter how absolutely shit they are, short of outright murdering or molesting kids?
 
For a good part of 4th grade, I ran a card club with a good number of regulars on the blind side of the library. I even had a makeshift points system for ranking them.
In seventh, I got an academic excellence award.
In eighth, I was suspended for violence twice, while only netting a single detention
In ninth, I was nearly suspended again for going on an all-out RAGE during school camp against this annoying Jewish kid who wouldn't quit picking on us (I charged into his bunk room with a wire hanger and attacked him while yelling "The Jews are only good for dying!" repeatedly - I'm still ashamed of it). Instead I got mandatory counselling.
Finally in eleventh grade, I found myself at the head of the sports referee association, and was forced to take on an autistic friend as my deputy by the therapist we shared. Controlling him was... not easy. I later found myself doing the same thing with an autistic Vietnamese international student in college - I 'contained' him by wrapping him up in a homebrew RPG rulebook for the better part of two years.
 
What, and leave the union cocoon that prevents them from being disciplined no matter how absolutely shit they are, short of outright murdering or molesting kids?
And even then, they'd likely still defend one of their own accused of those. They're more likely to stand up for someone that's done something that deserves discipline than they are for those unjustly disciplined that deserve someone going to bat for them.

Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”
Hopefully stories about teachers and their entitled union attitudes count as school stories...
Whenever I hear teachers claiming they're underpaid and underappreciated, I can't help thinking about the time teachers in a nearby district had a contract dispute and decided they would no longer come in early or stay late to help students before or after school while only doing those tasks and responsibilities explicitly spelled out in the contract. Stuff like that is enough to make one think they deserve nothing beyond their base pay if they're so hellbent on doing as little as possible when they're normally claiming that what they do and advocate for is "all about the kids." Don't get me wrong, teachers that work hard more than earn their pay. It's the ones that use kids as pawns that are the irritating ones.

Of course, even the union mentality doesn't always work as intended. "Al" is someone I know who is a union rep for his district's teachers union. Although the district largely weathered the last recession without making cuts, it finally reached the point that they had to lay off teachers. So, the district administration gave teachers a survey to solicit input about what subjects/areas were most important and rank them 1 to whatever with 1 being the most important. Presumably, this was to prioritize saving as many teachers as possible in those areas considered most important. Catching up with Al one day after school, I heard him telling another teacher not to fill out the survey and to return it blank because, "It's their way of pitting us against each other."

That ended up backfiring. The district decided it didn't have enough data, so it simply laid teachers off based on least seniority first per the terms of the contract. The teacher Al spoke to was one of those let go. TFW following the union rep's advice still costs someone their job.
 
I once had a teacher accuse me of plagiarism on a final assignment and fail me because I used some parentheses correctly. It was ninth grade and she decided that was too advanced and I must have stolen the work from somewhere. My parents were called and my dad told her to find where I stole it from. Her plagiarism software thing couldn't find it anywhere, but she wouldn't admit to being wrong and kept the failing grade. I was not allowed to attend the end of the year field trip because of this and it still pisses me off when I think about it.

Someone else actually did plagiarize something in her class, and even left in one of the reference markers from the original article, but they passed just fine.

Also had a history teacher once that was a holocaust denier, but she still compared John McCain to Adolf Hitler during the month leading up to the '08 election.
 
Teachers always whine that no one appreciates them or wants to pay them more. I always think,”yeah, it’s because most of us spent 12 years in the public school system and know that, if anything, most of you people are overpaid based on your performance.”
What, and leave the union cocoon that prevents them from being disciplined no matter how absolutely shit they are, short of outright murdering or molesting kids?
Friendly reminder that a lot of people who become teachers/work in schools do so for a combination of automatic respect/prestige and because they're petty tyrants who want people to bully.
 
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