Assman
kiwifarms.net
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- Jan 3, 2020
First thing that came to mind from that dumb drawing.
🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud
- Thread starter BILLY MAYS
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- Aug 16, 2018
- Joined
- Jan 30, 2020
a 6 inch pink champagne cake is 35 bucks at that place....
www.madonnainn.com
Cake and Pie Details — Madonna Inn
www.madonnainn.com
yousoundlikeanasshole
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 17, 2020
Come on now, you know she got the 8 in. ANd driving 6+ hrs round trip to pay 40$ for a cake isn't just ridiculous, its her pathetic way of trying to show people she has money to burn. even tho she doesn't and nick is working SO HARD at a grocery store trying to keep a roof over her head.a 6 inch pink champagne cake is 35 bucks at that place....
Cake and Pie Details — Madonna Inn
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- Joined
- Feb 21, 2016
I doubted even Tess would drive that far for a little snack, but according to the bakery website they won't ship the cakes.
How many fast food stops do we think our Quarantine Walking Queen (that lasted what, 5 days?) made on the way? Do we think the cake made it back to Costa Mesa (lol)?
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2019
Good to know hard-stricken southern Californians can still obtain pink champagne cake, even if they have to drive hundreds of miles round trip to obtain such a staple. Because doesn't everybody?
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- Joined
- Aug 8, 2018
So I just went to Google to see WTF a pink champagne cake is and guess what? The first thing to pop up was about a half dozen recipes. This one doesn't look overly difficult. She could even just buy regular frosting if she couldn't make the frosting listed. But I'm guessing she couldn't be bothered. This is seriously an extremely time consuming and expensive way to flex. How much would 460 miles worth of gas cost? Also, Bowie couldn't eat any of it. I wasn't sure until I googled, but it has actual pink champagne in it. She probably ate the whole thing herself.
So yes, Tess, you are ridiculous. Get over yourself.
So yes, Tess, you are ridiculous. Get over yourself.
- Joined
- Feb 21, 2016
At least 600 calories in a more simply frosted version - with all the special sugar toppings the Madonna Inn version has, it's probably closer to 800 calories.
Just a little treat. Tee hee!
- Joined
- Sep 20, 2016
Driving six hours to buy one cake (or at least the one she'll admit to) did double-duty: Publicly, it allowed her to present to her followers the illusion that she can still afford to make such a trivial and self-indulgent errand in order to satisfy her most frivolous desires; privately, it allows her to get the fuck away from her kid and out of Jolene's house for a minimum of six hours.
She probably found a quiet spot in a parking lot somewhere and wolfed that entire expensive cake while sitting behind the wheel--same as she does with shitty fast food--while keeping a constant watch for anybody who might witness her fat junkie self getting her fix.
She's a deathfat. Any physical exertion is going to be far more strenuous for her than it is for a normal person. It's been discussed here before how exhausting it must be for her to style her hair (and notice how she's been defaulting to a high ponytail in quarantine because she doesn't have gay orbiters around to do it for her).
The best she could manage when staging a Christmas-cookie-baking photo op with Bowie was pre-made dough from the supermarket; basic sugar cookie stars with colorful icing was too much effort. So no way is this hog going to make a cake and icing from scratch, and clean up afterward. (Besides, she might have to share it with Jolene, after all that work!)
On top of that, it was hot in the greater LA area yesterday, and does Jolene even have AC? A lot of older, cheaper rentals in coastal SoCal don't. So no way would Tess fire up the oven if the house was already a sweatbox.
I suspect she got in her car with no particular destination in mind--she just wanted to escape her kid and the heat and the crushing boredom that utterly vapid and unintelligent people are prone to (which is easiest alleviated by indulging the impulse to consume). Cravings for fast food, and the desire to eat it unobserved, probably played into it as well. The decision to drive all the way to the Madonna Inn probably hit her while she was on the road, aimlessly headed north. She googled to see if they were open, saw that the bakery was accepting to-go orders, and while scrolling through their offerings saw the champagne cake and decided that would be an Instagram-worthy goal.
I can't imagine a champagne cake being truly craveable; it's okay, but not the kind of "heaven" a deathfatty would drive six hours for. It is, however, pink and girly and kind of tacky and over the top, and thus fits her Instagram image. And you know that whole thing was devoured, and the frosting licked from all the cardboard, long before she ever got home.
MetalParakeet
kiwifarms.net
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- Mar 12, 2017
So has she posted how long it takes her to do these 3 mile walks? I'm super curious
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2017
She posted "evidence" a few weeks ago, but it was obvious that she 'shopped the results. Most likely she strapped a fitbit onto the toddler and let him rack up the steps for her.
I kind of thought deathfats couldn't really distinguish flavors that well because their tastebuds are fucked up from eating so much sugar. Apparently there have been studies in mice showing this, but I'm sure other deathfat watchers have anecdotally noticed they typically go for really overwhelming amounts of basic flavors (sugar, salt, fat) and not things that are more subtle or nuanced. Does it even make a difference to Tess whether she's wolfing down a $35 artisan champagne cake instead of Walmart sheet cake? What a frivolous waste of money.
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2018
Tess’s Q&A today:
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2020
I don't really see her caring that it has champagne in it. She would have given him a very small piece of it if he whined enough. Just enough to shut him up. Great parenting 101 by Tess. But we all know that cake didn't make it home.
Edit: if that's the cake in the Instagram above, I bet she bought two and only one made it home.
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- Joined
- Feb 3, 2013
Wouldn't most of the alcohol evaporate during baking?
taintmisbehavin
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2020
That is a really shitty looking cake for $40. It looks like it came from a grocery store.
It would bake out, but they could use an alcoholic syrup or frosting on top of what is in the batter.
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2018
The cake just looks gross to me. Tess’s taste in food is basically “the more expensive it is = the more clout I’ll get on social media for posting it”. I remember she shilled Jeni’s Ice Cream after the Grammy’s, so she’s no stranger to hipster food. All of that said, she’s definitely ripping herself off and could have found a better cake at the local grocery store for a fraction of the price. At least the ice cream was believed to be gifted, Tess paid $35 and all that gas money for a cake.
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2018
1. We know you like it all. We can tell.
2. Is she throwing shade at people who leave relationships over weight? I'm really confused about her reply to that.
3. You know what is a normal bodily function besides periods? Shitting. Pissing. Doesn't mean we normalize discussing it.
4. Bitch, you did not come out in September of 2018. IIRC she waited for that magazine she did last year to come out in July or thereabouts and decided then to make some huge announcement about how she was questioning. Nobody who has already come out publicly would do that.
5. I don't know who would actually want her to do a podcast.
6. People actually like her voice? I hate it. She sounds fucking irritating.
7. Bowie isn't even really a toddler anymore. I mean, I guess technically he is, but he'll be 4 soon. Considering he wasn't fully potty trained until recently (if he even is now), I don't trust her on this.
8. So I guess she has Rylee again? Way to adhere to social distancing Tess. And yay, self-care is chugging alcohol. Yeah, I get people drink and that's not a big deal. But if that's pretty much all she did, fuck off.
9. Why are you dressed up then? Also, IDK why but her smile is unsettling.
lamp shade
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jun 15, 2018
Homeless, jobless, and driving six hours to buy an expensive cake? That’s our Tess.
Maybe a feeder client lives out there, who knows. Whatever the reason, we can rest assured it was a garbage reason.
Maybe a feeder client lives out there, who knows. Whatever the reason, we can rest assured it was a garbage reason.
