Share Your School Stories - Weirdos, freaks, and idiots (self-inclusion optional)

[Piga Dgrifm]

I remember one sped kid who brought some stink bombs to school, the sort that come in bags that you shake up and then throw so they pop. He couldn't work out that he shouldn't keep setting them off right at his feet and just continue to stand there. He did this for, like, a week until he ran out of them.

 

[Childe]

In my freshmen year there was this one chick who would always throw tampons at people.

 

[BroccoliBrain]

Forgot if I told this before but somehow there was a period pad in the god damn sink in the girls' toilets... and it was USED

And one time we were putting thermometers around the school for a geography experiment, since nobody was looking we decided to let the boys walk in there with us just for kicks since their bathrooms were cramped half broken crap holes from two decades ago and ours was a shiny new installation. It's one big room for all the female students in the school with a big circular sink in the centre. One guy looked around slowly, put the thermometer down and said: "what the fuck why do you get to shit in the TARDIS?"

 

[MysticMisty]

The first school district I attended was very small with unusual planning. I didn't quite grow up in the middle of nowhere, just on the edge of it (the city my dad was stationed [in the Air Force] on the outskirts on was by far the the largest for hundreds of miles around). Since the schools were oddly arranged, the summer before fifth grade the district decided to give each school it's own separate buses and bus schedule. Whereas before everyone got on the same buses before school, and some went home the same way too. In the morning there were no problems with the new arrangement. The fourth graders obeyed the bus hierarchy, and even if they didn't I was among the first students picked up so sitting in the back was no problem anyways.

The real problem was in the afternoon, when the fourth graders didn't follow the bus hierarchy, at least on my bus. This was made worse by the fact that not only were the fifth grade classrooms farther from the buses, but my class was at the very back. Even if we were allowed to sprint, we'd still be the last kids to get on the buses, and on my bus I was the very last one. And that was why I'd have to sit in the last open seat behind Mrs. Jellyrolls.

Mrs. Jellyrolls was a very boring, fat conservative woman whose main hobby was hating The X Files. Even though NYPD Blue was by far much more controversial at the time, Mrs. Jellyrolls had a serious hateboner for The X Files and ranted about it a lot. Always going off about how it was so inappropriate to have on basic TV despite it's primetime slot and the newly created TV ratings. The next school day after a new episode of The X Files would be accompanied by a fresh rant on the latest episode. She seemed to know an awful lot for someone who found it so inappropriate that even adults (probably) shouldn't watch it. I'm not sure if she'd hate watch it herself, or if she belonged to a conservative anti-X Files internet group and someone else would hate watch and list all the inappropriate content for that week.

When she wasn't ranting about The X Files she'd mainly talk about what a good, God-fearing (and boring as fuck) Christian she was, and whatever boring shit she'd been up to lately. But other times she's rant about other stuff she was mad at. Like how she believed a local fox with no signs of rabies had to be put down immediately because "think of the children!" (but not small dogs and cats).

Another time she flipped the fuck out on a boy sitting nearby when she heard him give the punchline of a joke as "a full Monica Lewinsky". He told her that she couldn't prove the joke was actually dirty because she didn't hear the first part (which is true). Mrs. Jellyrolls got angrier and demanded his name so she could write him up to the school and have him put in detention. He refused and got off the bus at the next stop. The next day she demanded his name again in the morning, he refused again, and to my knowledge never got in trouble (though I did later found out that the joke was, unsurprisingly, lewd).

On a different occasion she made these comments about what a nice, sweet, good girl I was. Not only did this rub me the wrong way because she didn't even actually know me, it was downright degrading for a fifth grader. Before I could say anything she sniffed and added I was unlike those horrible, vulgar boys "over there", which she stated quite loudly to be sure that they heard. I asked which boys, since there were several groups in the vicinity. Mrs. Jellyrolls pointed out a group in particular, a group from my class. They were among the kids in my class I counted as friends, and I told her that. Mrs. Jellyrolls got offended and said that such a nice, sweet, good girl like me shouldn't be friends with horrible, vulgar boys and that I had to find new friends immediately. I angrily told her that she didn't know me, there's nothing wrong with them, and my parents, the ones who actually make decisions like that, didn't think they were inappropriate either.

After that my classmates realized I wasn't sitting by Mrs. Jellyrolls by choice and would save a seat for me whenever possible to save me the fate of sitting near her. Unfortunately it didn't happen often enough and Mrs. Jellyrolls now made a point to tell me about how she didn't approve of my friends, when she wasn't ranting about The X Files anyways.

Long before the end of the year I knew that I would be leaving for Arizona in early June. I fantasized about what I would say to Mrs. Jellyrolls on my last day of school, mainly about telling her what I really thought of her, even cussing her out. While I didn't fear what the school could do to me since by the time news would get back to them I'd already be out of town forever, I was concerned about them telling my new future school when they'd inevitably send over my records for the previous year.

In the end I decided the best revenge I could get was not telling Mrs. Jellyrolls I was moving at all, a subtle reveal of my true feelings to her without getting in trouble. On my last day of school Mrs. Jellyrolls wished me a good day and that she'd see me tomorrow, as always. I said "okay", got off, and never looked back. I don't know if she found out if I moved, and I don't care. But the one thing I can guarantee is that when September came and school started again, Mrs. Jellyrolls found another girl to rant about X-Files to.

 

[TANK JESUS]

I snitched on everyone in elementary

 

[Ginger Piglet]

You may recall I mentioned one of my fellow weird kids whose egg was hatched in 2015 and who is now a she.

Well. I don't know if I saw it coming or should have seen it coming but there was a period of time when, not to put too fine a point on it, he was pretty much the definition of "cuntstruck." It was painful to watch. Physically painful. I mean, there's being nice and respectful, and then there's what would now be described as terminal simping. In his defence, he was only 16 and as such was too young to know any better.

Alex, for that is his/her name, had a gf who was a year and a bit older than him called Jennifer. How he managed this given that he was one of us I have no idea. I have no idea where he met her or how or anything. But she was at, I think, the posho private girl's school up on the hill that once made local headlines because it was graffitised with "Virgin Megastore" (a Britbong chain of music shops, now closed). The posh birds weren't allowed out other than at weekends in case they got poor people germs off us grammar school types or us lads got them up the stick round the back of the Dog and Trumpet. But she would ring him at all hours of the day or night and it was so obvious when she did. It would go something like this:

- Receive call
- Notice it's his "sweet little pie" (a pet name he had for her, God help him)
- Drop everything he was doing
- Leap into a corner
- Pull out the phone
- Talk in that sort of breathy forced-niceness voice
- Stick on the phone to her for bloody ages, often going "Yes darling" as if he was being given a list of instructions or orders, which he probably was
- Eventually hang up
- Kiss the phone before doing so



It was really quite sick-making to see. And all in the hope that she might let him make two and a half minutes of squelching noises with her that weekend.

Needless to say, when I got into an argument with my gf at the time and told him about it, his first suggestion was, "grovel."

Alex is now a troon and spends his days drawing stony pictures of dickgirls.

 

[Inquisitor_BadAss]

I snitched on everyone in elementary

Snitches get stitches.

 

[Mr Snek]

For a few months a Canadian family sent their kids to my highschool, they were a few years below me but they were so infamous that I found out about them pretty quick. The boy was extremely mentally disturbed and would regularly be found digging through rubbish bins and eating whatever he found, he also had really long nails and scratched some other kids and teachers pretty bad with them. The girl was something of a proto fujoshi and was expelled after she was caught masturbating during class on multiple occasions.

We had a teacher at one point who was a 70-ish year old woman who hadn't interacted with anyone less than 20 since her kids had left home. She suddenly decided to become a teacher by doing a 6 month course to teach agriculture as a substitute teacher. She was completely incompetent, constantly screaming at kids and demanding that they bow to her and always have a neutral expression. At one point she locked the doors of the classroom and wouldn't let us leave once the school day was over until we all apologized for being disrespectful. By far the worst thing she did though, was during my year 7 agriculture class she gave us an exam after a few months and it turned out to be a year 12 level final exam that she found from the year previous. The average results were around 5%, which she considered unacceptable and tried to get the entire class shut down. Eventually she was so infamous other teachers would cover her classes so that no one had to deal with her.

 

[The Great Citracett]

I can't remember if I posted about him before, but there was a kid a few grades behind me in school named Ray. Ray was a fat kid, who always wore the same thing every day, and never, ever bathed.

He wore black basketball shorts with a silver stripe and one of those sleeveless shirts with the sides torn all the way down redneck style.

I think every shirt he owned must have been like that.

A distinctive feature was the fact he seemed coated in a layer of filth from never washing, and his knees and elbows had large dark areas around them the size of CDs for some reason.

But the worst was that he had probably the foulest stank I've ever smelled. I'd never experienced anything like it before or since. It was especially heinous because you wouldn't notice right away. It was like some delayed effect. It hung in the air and only hit once you had a nice lungful. He could walk past you in the hall and you might not even know until a few seconds later when suddenly you're gagging and your lungs are on fire and you could taste it in your mouth. Disgusting.

One day at lunch he was walking by my table and decided to start dancing around like an idiot to show off for his friends and tripped and fell on me. I shoved him off, but he was 200+ pounds of lard and I was trying not to choke on his smell of rotten meat or whatever.

I yelled something like "HOLY SHIT DUDE TAKE A FUCKING BATH JESUS CHRIST!" As I pushed him and got called to the principal's office for it. I figured it was because a 14-year-old probably shouldn't be swearing during lunch and I'd just have to promise not to do it again. Understandable.

Instead I got a nice stern lecture on why I should never tell the stinky kid to take a bath. "Because he'll go home and kill himself." The principal and counselor were in complete agreement. Ray committing suicide would be a completely rational reaction to being told to bathe, and I'd have to live with the guilt forever.

I remember going home and telling my mom about my day and the whole thing with Ray and how he needs to wash himself, and she just looked me straight in the eye and said "He'll probably kill himself now because of you." As if that was just the most natural thing ever.

I remember that as just the most bizarre thing I'd ever heard, but now people just seem to accept that kids should be expected to neck themselves over the slightest hurt feelings or someone not validating their genderspecialness or whatever and I guess the principal and my mom were just ahead of the curve on that one...

Needless to say, Ray didn't do a flip, but he also didn't take a bath. I was telling his story to a friend the other day and looked him up. He's still as filthy as ever.

Yes he dyed his neckbeard too, and I'd bet money that shirt is torn all the way down both sides:


He got a tattoo on his upper arm, and you can see where they had to literally SCRAPE the dirt off him to do it;


I need a shower now.

 

[Big Nasty]

I can't remember if I posted about him before, but there was a kid a few grades behind me in school named Ray. Ray was a fat kid, who always wore the same thing every day, and never, ever bathed.

He wore black basketball shorts with a silver stripe and one of those sleeveless shirts with the sides torn all the way down redneck style.
View attachment 1251453
I think every shirt he owned must have been like that.

A distinctive feature was the fact he seemed coated in a layer of filth from never washing, and his knees and elbows had large dark areas around them the size of CDs for some reason.

But the worst was that he had probably the foulest stank I've ever smelled. I'd never experienced anything like it before or since. It was especially heinous because you wouldn't notice right away. It was like some delayed effect. It hung in the air and only hit once you had a nice lungful. He could walk past you in the hall and you might not even know until a few seconds later when suddenly you're gagging and your lungs are on fire and you could taste it in your mouth. Disgusting.

One day at lunch he was walking by my table and decided to start dancing around like an idiot to show off for his friends and tripped and fell on me. I shoved him off, but he was 200+ pounds of lard and I was trying not to choke on his smell of rotten meat or whatever.

I yelled something like "HOLY SHIT DUDE TAKE A FUCKING BATH JESUS CHRIST!" As I pushed him and got called to the principal's office for it. I figured it was because a 14-year-old probably shouldn't be swearing during lunch and I'd just have to promise not to do it again. Understandable.

Instead I got a nice stern lecture on why I should never tell the stinky kid to take a bath. "Because he'll go home and kill himself." The principal and counselor were in complete agreement. Ray committing suicide would be a completely rational reaction to being told to bathe, and I'd have to live with the guilt forever.

I remember going home and telling my mom about my day and the whole thing with Ray and how he needs to wash himself, and she just looked me straight in the eye and said "He'll probably kill himself now because of you." As if that was just the most natural thing ever.

I remember that as just the most bizarre thing I'd ever heard, but now people just seem to accept that kids should be expected to neck themselves over the slightest hurt feelings or someone not validating their genderspecialness or whatever and I guess the principal and my mom were just ahead of the curve on that one...

Needless to say, Ray didn't do a flip, but he also didn't take a bath. I was telling his story to a friend the other day and looked him up. He's still as filthy as ever.

Yes he dyed his neckbeard too, and I'd bet money that shirt is torn all the way down both sides:
View attachment 1251483

He got a tattoo on his upper arm, and you can see where they had to literally SCRAPE the dirt off him to do it;
View attachment 1251482

I need a shower now.

With a tattoo like that, I'm guessing he likes to have sweaty mansex with other fat smelly dudes

 

[Ginger Piglet]

Instead I got a nice stern lecture on why I should never tell the stinky kid to take a bath. "Because he'll go home and kill himself."

See, when I was at school that would have been all the more reason for people to do it. That reprimand would be circulated and within weeks they'd be surrounding him and chanting, "TAKE A BATH! TAKE A BATH!"

Kids are cruel.

 

[The Great Citracett]

See, when I was at school that would have been all the more reason for people to do it. That reprimand would be circulated and within weeks they'd be surrounding him and chanting, "TAKE A BATH! TAKE A BATH!"

Kids are cruel.

And that's what I'd have thought too. Nobody wants to be the stinky kid. There are already enough things a kid can get teased for, but being smelly is seriously the easiest thing to avoid.

 

[TANK JESUS]

Snitches get stitches.

I only did what I had to do as a christian child

 

[Dwight Schrute]

Oh dios mio. You all are in for a treat about my past!

So, back in my middle school days, I knew these two freaks named Dylan and Shawn. These two were the most spergy people you could have EVER met. And keep in mind, these two thought I was FRIENDS with them! I even told them I wasn't because, let's be honest, I refuse to be friends with people who are obsessed with cats and Minecraft, or dinosaurs.

Let's start with Shawn! Shawn was this weird.. thing. He was average height, but had the face of a deformed mongoloid. He had this massive overbite, which made his words slur. All the funnier! Anyways, this kid.. He was fucking sticky for some reason. I found that out the hard way when he touched me to get my attention cuz he needed help on his Math. Figures. And he smelled awful. It literally smelled like he crawled around in one of those McDonald's play place tubes for hours and didn't shower for an entire week. He had this really weird obsession with dinosaurs, I remember. He would bring these small figurines into school and play with them DURING CLASS. He was often redirected because he would always play with dinosaur toys while the teacher was teaching us. And that is all he would talk about, too. Everytime someone asked him about his hobbies, he would go on and on and on about dinosaurs, the different type of dinosaurs, which dinosaurs are the coolest and why, etc etc. I avoided that kid as much as possible.

Now we have Dylan. Luckily, Dylan was more.. oh god how do I put this.. tame? Yeah, tame. He was more tame than Shawn, as in he didn't smell like a McDonald's Play Place, and I'm pretty sure he wasn't sticky. I have no idea. Thankfully it never touched me. I have a feeling the only reason why he was clean was because his mother or father pampered him like a child.. Anyways, this kid had the body shape of an alien. Extremely skinny, giant weirdly shaped head, and short hair that only ever grew on the very top of his head. He had this weird ass obsession with Minecraft and Cats. I remember he would ALWAYS get in trouble in our English class and throw a fit because of it. Our teacher had us write about our day and our interests at the beginning of class every single day. And he would only ever write about cats and Minecraft. When the teacher would tell him off for it, he would get defensive and pissed off because "it's all he could ever think of to write." The worst part of it is he thought I was interested in him, and every time he saw me, he would talk about fucking cats and Minecraft. And I would just walk away. But he never got the message!

Kiwi, I desperately wanna find these two and make a thread on them. Call them the Wacky Accomplices, or some shit. I will do some looking and see if I find them doing any spergy shit, but no promises.

That's all I have to say about weirdos I experienced in school. That's all there really was.

 

[Spergichu]

I have plenty of stories about my joyous experience going throw the public schooling system, I might share more if I feel like it but for right now I'll start with these two. Both of which happened during my senior year of high school.

The first story is about a sperg named Larry. Due to some special elective courses I had to take for this IT Program I was apart of and some other scheduling issues, I wasn't able to take my foreign language classes my Junior year along with the majority of my class, so I had no choice but to take them during my Senior year. Being one of only two or three seniors in a class was a bit jarring, but I managed to get along with the majority of the class despite not really knowing anyone in it. One of the kids in this class was a freshman named Larry. Larry was the epitome of the aspie stereotype. Tall, lanky, skin paler than a Klan rally, black oily hair, etc. To give you an idea of how much of a sperg he was, on the first fucking day of class we were going around introducing ourselves. When the teacher asked if any of us had jobs, this kid stood up and with the straightest face imaginable said he was an admin of a Minecraft server. To no one's surprise, he quickly became the MVP in the class game of Kick the Autistic.

One time, we were giving group presentations about some shit I can't remember but I specifically remember that Larry was manning the laptop with the presentation on it and when he couldn't get a video of a Ceilene Dion song to play, he threw a massive shitfit, flipping over a chair and storming out of the room. The teacher left to go find him while we were all dumbstruck at what had just happened. I had talked to another freshman in the class that went to middle school with Larry day or so later and he said he pulled shit like that all the time when he got frustrated. He said that on one occasion he punched a monitor so hard the screen cracked and another time he threw a desk from an open window about three stories up, luckily no one was under the desk when it it the ground. This storming out would repeat once or twice throughout the semester. Whenever the teacher wasn't paying attention, we always tried to bait Larry into getting frustrated and have a tard-out, usually by asking him some stupid question like "why aren't you born nine months old" or something equally as exceptional. Occasionally, if we pushed his buttons hard enough, it would result in him screaming and being promptly sent outside by the teacher. He would also constantly pick at the skin on his fingers to the point of bleeding, causing the teacher to stop her lesson or helping a student to give him a band-aid from the first-aid kit, much to the annoyance of everyone. Looking back, I do feel kind of bad about how we treated him, he was an annoying little sperg that threw shitfits when he was even slightly upset or flustered, but I still feel kinda bad for picking on him. I remember walking to my car for either lunch or to go home one day, and seeing him being picked up in a beat up minivan that was too worn to be school transport, so I can only imagine what his home life was like.

Next up, is the story of the school prostitute, Maya. I really didn't know Maya until my Sophomore year when I had a geography class with her and I had a couple more classes with her my Junior year. She was born in America, but her parents were Kazakh or Uzbeki or some other central Asian ethnicity, so she had brown skin and black hair, meaning you couldn't really tell her apart from the Latino kids. She was genuinely nice to people but you could tell by her attitude that she was a partier. Either near the end of my Sophomore year or the beginning of my Junior year, she was invited to my church by a girl who went there. She was friends with Maya had had noticed she was beginning to fall off the wagon. Typical teenage exceptionalism like drinking and injecting the Mary-ju-wanna, so no one was overly-concerned at the time. She went for a couple of months and then she stopped attending. I hadn't really noticed but it was at this point that she started slipping up again. In hindsight it was pretty obvious, she would come into class after lunch obviously high on something and would start mumbling to herself about some shit during a quiz or just sleep through a lecture. Around this time she also got arrested for shoplifting at a gas station, although I didn't know about it until months later. When Senior year rolled around, I didn't have any classes with Maya and I rarely saw her in the halls so she quickly escaped my mind. That was until January about a week or so after we got back from Christmas break. Video leaked of her giving a freshman a bloey-joey in a bathroom stall. Some guy in the stall next to them heard what was going on and like any responsible young adult, immediately pulled out his phone to record it over the stall and posted it to his SnapChat.

This spread like wildfire and word quickly got out that this wasn't a one-off occurrence and she had been doing this for months. Apparently, she was apart of the Yearbook Club, and as a member she would periodically go around and pull random students from class and ask them some funny little questions that would be complied onto a page somewhere in the Yearbook. She would use this opportunity to pull her clients from class and take them to the bathrooms to do the pre-marital hankey-pankey when not many people would be in them. She ended up being expelled for this and both her client and the guy who recorded it (The official reason being that he distributed cheese pizza, but really the administration didn't want this leaking out or have any similar incidents so they needed to make an example) both got a week or two of suspension. Her full list of clients were never publicly released. Needless to say this was all anyone talked about for the next couple of weeks. A month or two after this happened, she was readmitted and placed in the "high-risk" classes, really just the classes the school dumped all the inner-city kids the school imported. The rumor for doing so being that her parents threatened to sue the county. She apparently had a full ride to one of the local universities for their swim team but I have no idea if they rescinded it or not. This was probably one of the biggest highlights of my entire four years at high school, I can text any of my old friends from high school about this and they'd immediately remember everything about it.

Like I said before, I have a few other stories about my time in school, but I really doubt any of them stack up to these two, although if I feel like it I might post more later. Hope you enjoyed.

 

[Ginger Piglet]

I have plenty of stories about my joyous experience going throw the public schooling system, I might share more if I feel like it but for right now I'll start with these two. Both of which happened during my senior year of high school.

The first story is about a sperg named Larry. Due to some special elective courses I had to take for this IT Program I was apart of and some other scheduling issues, I wasn't able to take my foreign language classes my Junior year along with the majority of my class, so I had no choice but to take them during my Senior year. Being one of only two or three seniors in a class was a bit jarring, but I managed to get along with the majority of the class despite not really knowing anyone in it. One of the kids in this class was a freshman named Larry. Larry was the epitome of the aspie stereotype. Tall, lanky, skin paler than a Klan rally, black oily hair, etc. To give you an idea of how much of a sperg he was, on the first fucking day of class we were going around introducing ourselves. When the teacher asked if any of us had jobs, this kid stood up and with the straightest face imaginable said he was an admin of a Minecraft server. To no one's surprise, he quickly became the MVP in the class game of Kick the Autistic.

One time, we were giving group presentations about some shit I can't remember but I specifically remember that Larry was manning the laptop with the presentation on it and when he couldn't get a video of a Ceilene Dion song to play, he threw a massive shitfit, flipping over a chair and storming out of the room. The teacher left to go find him while we were all dumbstruck at what had just happened. I had talked to another freshman in the class that went to middle school with Larry day or so later and he said he pulled shit like that all the time when he got frustrated. He said that on one occasion he punched a monitor so hard the screen cracked and another time he threw a desk from an open window about three stories up, luckily no one was under the desk when it it the ground. This storming out would repeat once or twice throughout the semester. Whenever the teacher wasn't paying attention, we always tried to bait Larry into getting frustrated and have a tard-out, usually by asking him some stupid question like "why aren't you born nine months old" or something equally as exceptional. Occasionally, if we pushed his buttons hard enough, it would result in him screaming and being promptly sent outside by the teacher. He would also constantly pick at the skin on his fingers to the point of bleeding, causing the teacher to stop her lesson or helping a student to give him a band-aid from the first-aid kit, much to the annoyance of everyone. Looking back, I do feel kind of bad about how we treated him, he was an annoying little sperg that threw shitfits when he was even slightly upset or flustered, but I still feel kinda bad for picking on him. I remember walking to my car for either lunch or to go home one day, and seeing him being picked up in a beat up minivan that was too worn to be school transport, so I can only imagine what his home life was like.

Next up, is the story of the school prostitute, Maya. I really didn't know Maya until my Sophomore year when I had a geography class with her and I had a couple more classes with her my Junior year. She was born in America, but her parents were Kazakh or Uzbeki or some other central Asian ethnicity, so she had brown skin and black hair, meaning you couldn't really tell her apart from the Latino kids. She was genuinely nice to people but you could tell by her attitude that she was a partier. Either near the end of my Sophomore year or the beginning of my Junior year, she was invited to my church by a girl who went there. She was friends with Maya had had noticed she was beginning to fall off the wagon. Typical teenage exceptionalism like drinking and injecting the Mary-ju-wanna, so no one was overly-concerned at the time. She went for a couple of months and then she stopped attending. I hadn't really noticed but it was at this point that she started slipping up again. In hindsight it was pretty obvious, she would come into class after lunch obviously high on something and would start mumbling to herself about some shit during a quiz or just sleep through a lecture. Around this time she also got arrested for shoplifting at a gas station, although I didn't know about it until months later. When Senior year rolled around, I didn't have any classes with Maya and I rarely saw her in the halls so she quickly escaped my mind. That was until January about a week or so after we got back from Christmas break. Video leaked of her giving a freshman a bloey-joey in a bathroom stall. Some guy in the stall next to them heard what was going on and like any responsible young adult, immediately pulled out his phone to record it over the stall and posted it to his SnapChat.

This spread like wildfire and word quickly got out that this wasn't a one-off occurrence and she had been doing this for months. Apparently, she was apart of the Yearbook Club, and as a member she would periodically go around and pull random students from class and ask them some funny little questions that would be complied onto a page somewhere in the Yearbook. She would use this opportunity to pull her clients from class and take them to the bathrooms to do the pre-marital hankey-pankey when not many people would be in them. She ended up being expelled for this and both her client and the guy who recorded it (The official reason being that he distributed cheese pizza, but really the administration didn't want this leaking out or have any similar incidents so they needed to make an example) both got a week or two of suspension. Her full list of clients were never publicly released. Needless to say this was all anyone talked about for the next couple of weeks. A month or two after this happened, she was readmitted and placed in the "high-risk" classes, really just the classes the school dumped all the inner-city kids the school imported. The rumor for doing so being that her parents threatened to sue the county. She apparently had a full ride to one of the local universities for their swim team but I have no idea if they rescinded it or not. This was probably one of the biggest highlights of my entire four years at high school, I can text any of my old friends from high school about this and they'd immediately remember everything about it.

Like I said before, I have a few other stories about my time in school, but I really doubt any of them stack up to these two, although if I feel like it I might post more later. Hope you enjoyed.

You know, I still don't know who the town bike was when I was at school. However, a friend of mine had this delightful story about his locale's town bike.

So, he was sat next to this bird called Alice because that was her name. Alice was the town bike. They were about 15 or so. Alice was listening to the teacher going on about quadratic equations or whatever and noticed this crusty white stain on her sleeve. Hmm, she muttered to herself. Is that tipp-ex? And she picked some of it off and tasted it.

Nope, that's definitely cum, she said to herself, audibly.

Pure class, I'm sure you can agree.

 

[Wilted Farm]

I don’t know what exactly this guy had but in retrospect it was obvious something was up with him. He was in the school district since at least the 2nd grade. He would cry all the time, every single day. The first time I witnessed him cry was coincidentally also in 2nd grade, when I wouldn’t let him have the window seat on our school bus. This might’ve been acceptable for a 7-year-old. The thing is, he didn’t stop his incessant crying in elementary school, he did it all throughout middle and high school, even over the smallest things. He spilled formaldehyde on his shoes dissecting a frog, he didn’t do his homework, he got chastised for sleeping in class, each time afterwards he ended up crying. Of course, this made him an easy bullying target. A lot of the “weird” kids even joined in to poke fun at him. We would joke about him not paying attention in class and then asking stupid questions, him blurting out his opinions when unnecessary, his “girlfriend” (a lesbian/trans I think (went by a male name; wasn’t really his girlfriend) in the grade below us), his anger issues, his gaming in class, etcetera. He gave everyone constant ammo to divert back to him every day, a very eccentric person he was. He never failed to tell us he was a furry, he was bisexual/gay (alternated between the two; I think he said this just for attention), he was a brony, he was a weeb, stuff we all made fun of him for, which obviously he was angered by. Watching him become angry was hilarious, because he didn’t look like a typical teen. He had chubby cheeks and no facial hair and wore clothes fit for a 4th grader, graphic tees (imagine a chubby short guy wearing a shirt that says “Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.”) , a Hufflepuff hoodie and chunky sneakers. One time stands out as the best chimpout though. This was high school and we were sophomores. He brought a stapler to school this one time and started chasing people around with it while stapling his arms. Obviously he wasn’t in class and everyone had heard about it by the last class of the day, some legend says aloud, “What’ll we do without his magic tricks?” because every day before that class he did some shitty card tricks with this magic kit you get from the dollar store. The teacher even laughed, and he was the most boringly monotone teacher you could ever have. I was baffled when he came back in the middle of that class. Every single person was giggling when he walked in, and he sat down in a chair away from everyone else. We were watching a movie but all eyes were on him. When class ended and all bus riders were dismissed to the cafeteria, I swear to god he made a gun gesture with his weird little group. This kid also tried to hang himself in a hotel closet with a cross necklace in DC when we were on a trip in 8th grade. Man, he was entertaining.

 

[Karl der Grosse]

Back in the day, I went to an all male Catholic high school run by the Jesuits. No girls, so no school whore. But I do recall a dude a class ahead of me getting busted for jerking off in the quiet study room in the library. Very prestigious family, Daddy was a bigwig in the state Bar association. It was pretty funny, everyone knew about it, including the female teachers and the lunch ladies. He had a hard time living it down. I recall we were at a school assembly one afternoon, and one of the disciplinarians, a real asshole, was announcing the intramural softball results, as if we cared. We certainly perked up when he announced the winning season of the Trojans, led by their team captain (jerking off dude) and for some reason we all lost it. We ended up getting a big lecture from the disciplinarian about the proper way to conduct ourselves as Christians and as men. Then he announced that we'd all have to stay after school for another assembly. About two-thirds of the school skipped out on that one. From what I hear, he was almost incandescent with rage. For a week afterwards he'd pounce on the younger or more timid students and try to browbeat them into admitting they'd skipped. No one did. A year or so later he left after it was made very clear to him that he would never get the head job, and, in fact, he was going to be removed as disciplinarian for extremely poor job performance. His son was in school with me and I shoved him around one day. Gotta give the kid props, he didn't turn me in to his father.

The kid who jerked off? He's an attorney in New Orleans, never reached anywhere near the respect and renown his father did. I guess masturbation really does soften your brain.

 

[Chan Fan]

Chemistry was a required class for me in high school and it was completely useless as far as I was concerned. For something I was really looking forward to it was a huge disappointment. By far the worse thing about it was the teacher, who we'll call Ms. C. That's C for cunt, because she was. She was rude and honestly the worst teacher I had in high school. If you asked a question she was the type to either mock you in front of the rest of the class or just repeat herself instead of explaining things a different way. She also told us on the first day (when we got to tour the lab) that she only cleaned the tables once a year and for the young men in the class not to lean on the tables "unless you don't want children someday." Just atrocious.

I didn't cut class and was generally a good student. I didn't look for trouble; but that didn't mean the other students didn't. Ms. C told everyone she had bad allergies and not to spray perfume in the classroom so the girls who didn't like her would douse themselves in body spray before walking in so she would stay away from them. She would call kids to the board to solve equations she knew they couldn't solve criticize people for writing too light or too small. And in a huge school where you weren't allowed to shove slow people out of your way, I would occasionally be late. Not super late but like 30 seconds or so, and she gave me detention for it.

The only thing I could do was suffer through it and try to pass...until the day I discovered a loop hope. If you forgot to bring your textbook, she would go "take a walk" to send you to your locker to get it. My locker was in a totally different building and if I walked slowly (which believe me, I did) it would take about 15 minutes to retrieve the book and get back to her class. So I did that all the time. She thought that was a punishment, making us walk to get our textbooks. So a few of us would just happen to forget our textbooks each day and got an extra 15 minutes out of our 45 minute class. She never caught on that it was just the opposite and that we enjoyed it.

It didn't end well for Ms. C. She had so many parents complain about her that people from the school board started coming in and observing her and taking lots of notes. She tried to play nice but some of the students would say stuff like, "Why are you being so nice today?" and the like. She wasn't at the school the following year.

 

[Kiwi Lime Pie]

See, when I was at school that would have been all the more reason for people to do it. That reprimand would be circulated and within weeks they'd be surrounding him and chanting, "TAKE A BATH! TAKE A BATH!"

And that's what I'd have thought too. Nobody wants to be the stinky kid. There are already enough things a kid can get teased for, but being smelly is seriously the easiest thing to avoid.

Unfortunately, if kids don't learn proper hygiene at home, they grow up clueless about properly taking care of themselves.

"Sam" was the oldest of three kids adopted by his mother. All three of them were adopted from Central America during one of their periods of war and unrest. Upon adoption, Sam was badly malnourished, so his mom made up her mind to give Sam anything he wanted -- including anything he wanted to eat. Before long, Sam went from being malnourished to seriously overweight from the junk food he preferred. Because his mom was unmarried, there was no male figure to teach Sam how to properly bathe himself. Consequently, he started to stink in direct proportion to his increasing weight. Even though I had graduated from the school he attended at the time, I still knew people there who shared stories about Sam's classmates saying, "Sam, why do you stink so much?" and Sam simply shrugging them off.

It wasn't until Sam's mother had terminal cancer and a family friend and his family started to look out for the kids (before eventually adopting them upon her death) that Sam finally stopped reeking of awful body odor. Due to health issues resulting from his eating anything he wanted growing up, he also had to change his diet. To his credit, he was able to lose a lot of the excess weight he had put on over the years. It just sucks that it took his mother dying when he was teen for him to finally be taught how to properly bathe/clean himself.