💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
jack is boomer'ing it up hard on FB this morning

he really wants to get the virus to own all his "haters" huh
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DuckSucker said:
I dont know how this guy got recommended to me by youtube but this dude has a video of himself trying the sauces (and gagging on them) but he also gives you a glimpse of how Jack packages them to ship. Tip: Fuck bubble wrap or even individually wrapping, that shit is too rich and too much effort for Boomer Jack's blood and one remaining arm; the customer is just gonna have to suck it up and not be a little bitch, any problems are everybody else's fault--a slim blanket on top and bottom of newspaper has worked fine for him. (Though you can guarantee fire and brimstone if he got a package shipped that way, he would probably threaten a bad review and probably demand money back, regardless of receiving the product in decent condition, then leave a middling-review-to-bad-review-anyway for the inconvenience of him having to do complain.)
https://youtube.com/watch?v=v4i3lNS0zeM:11
Ive used newspaper to move fragile items when I was moving but the thing is, you do that when YOU YOURSELF are moving the boxes and overseeing the process and being gentle.

USPS is gonna dropkick your shit all over the place, exceptional individual.
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Sauce definitely resembles substances often found in park bathrooms.
 
GoodFattyDeadFatty said:

New brisket video where Jack pretends to be an expert even though TamTam did most of the work.

At the end of the video Jack pretends to be on the phone with a boomer friend wanting to come over for some of his brisket. He really wants to catch the ‘rona.
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Doing a runthrough, since he's going to ruin 15 pounds of some of the best meat to serve to those you love.

1. Fat Jack being a smug fake-christian with that shirt of his
1b. Remember, he goes to a church run by a murderer who refused to close down at first and it looks like a fucking strip joint.
2. Narcissistic Jack insists that his animal to mineral transubstantiation is good, but now is claiming it'll be "perfect".
3. Jack does a bullet point style outline of what he wants to do; talk about the cut, how to prepare it, and how to make it "perfect"... can't wait to see more cinnabar or coal.
4. "FAGGOT" ~ Jack's avatar on him ruining brisket
5. The brisket is a flat cut, and Fat Jack is just showing the fatty layer that covers it right now as he talks about buying it from Sam's Club.
6. Jack must have listened to the thread, since he mentions shaving off the fat from the flat cut.
7. He tries to explain that he wants a good marbled brisket, but fatboy doesn't turn his cut upside down to check the marbling
7b. Fun fact; you can still get bad marbling (and thus a lean cut) even if you get it flat cut... it's why you check the underside.
8. "If you go the other direction, then there will be no fat for me..." ~ Jack Scatolini on not understanding marbling and brisket cuts.
9. I'm suspecting that Jack's never had nor does he understand point cut brisket, since he seems to insist that the fat cap is needed for the brisket to be nice and juicy.
10. Jack is actually right; you want a consistent thickness for brisket for even cooking. *golf claps*
11. Jack is now shilling another product to pretend he's a big boy with a big bidness and not a fat leech sponging off of wifey.
11b. Asshole Jack forgets the maker of the Qwick Trim he was given back when he was more relevant; it's made by Grommet.
11c. And yes Grommet, you're welcome for the plug that the fat idiot you sent it to forgot to do.
12. Hahahaha, Narcissistic Jack doesn't want to show Tammy or Jr. shaving the meat off for him because his dead arm can't hold the meat from moving; good luck learning how to properly do it, since you ain't getting that THIS video.
13. Tammy didn't take off the full cap, but it does look like it got evened out.
14. Jack the dummy is wrong; you want to guarantee that your cut is even for cooking, even if it does intrude into meat.
14b. It also allows that side to get some flavoring from the seasoning you put on it.
14c. I reckon this means he'd leave meat be even if it does dry out due to being too thin since he's that terrified he won't be able to cram it in your mouth (the magic number for that by the way being an inch).
15. "Start with a little pepper" ~ Mushbrained Jack right before pouring what may be a third of a shaker on it
16. By the way the pepper's not evenly coating this side; it has big clumpy areas where there's too much and then areas there's not any. Sure, the fat will not allow that side to penetrate too well, but still.
17. Jack then dumps a buttload of salt and garlic randomly all over the cut, not even ensuring that it's even, while trying to claim he doesn't want to overpower the meat's flavor profile.
18. And I just noticed some thin zones of meat. We're getting some mummy brisket, yum.
19. Simple seasoning my ass; adding onion and garlic powder takes it well out of "simple".
20. Jack actually mentions he's seasoning the other side. Good; that actually means it will have flavor.
21. He also mentions leaving it in the fridge for a few hours; what he doesn't know is he's dry brining the brisket by doing this.
22. Jack has never let brisket cook for the full time needed (read: 14 hours).
23. Jack doesn't specify if he went fat side down or up when he cuts to the smoker, but he seems to prefer up based on other videos.
23b. Hint: It's better to do down because the fat cap protects that side from drying out.
24. I also just noticed he doesn't specify if he put water in the pan to keep the smoker's interior moist; that kinda helps in preventing drying out.
25. Looks like Jack did do it fatside up... oof.
26. And since he used butcher paper for the brisket, I can now tell you he probably used this guide. GG fatty.
27. Hungry Jack takes it out early; you're supposed to wait until the thickest part hits 200 idiot.
28. Also he mentions resting it an hour; that's the minimum, and the guide I know he's using for this recommends two actually.
29. Eurgh... hope you like the sound of styrofoam scratching against paper. That shit is unpleasant to me.
30. After I stopped cringing, no Jack. An hour is MINIMUM. Fucking wait for din-din fatty.
31. It only looks like leather this time, meaning that him ripping off that guide actually prevented the full mineralization from happening.
32. Still looks like fatty didn't let the smoker stay moist, since it looks more like jerky than brisket at a glance.
33. Resting my ass; it's still fucking cooking from the sound of it.
34. Jack actually acknowledges Tammy for the assist; I think he IS listening to Pink Chicken and the Lazy Man.
35. Nevermind, from that front angle it does look like iron ore. It's just not as bad as his usual shit.
36. "That's the wet brisket you wanted right?" ~ WHY THE FUCK IS WET A GOOD FUCKING WORD FOR YOU JACK
37. Hey, he did actually not steal a thumbnail. And he even did a skit for once... I'm actually surprised he has a bit of passion this time.
38. Jack didn't have to cut away to spit out his food this time.
39. He actually lets the padding have a more natural length too.

I'm actually shocked; besides Jacking it up a bit here and there, he did not completely fuck up that brisket like I thought he would.
 
Adamska said:
"That's the wet brisket you wanted right?" ~ WHY THE FUCK IS WET A GOOD FUCKING WORD FOR YOU JACK
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Jack and Tammy have been married for quite some time...and she just NOW got Jack to cook a brisket somewhat properly. If it wasn't for all the black bull dick she gets, she'd have left Jack's morbidly obese ass years ago.
 
GoodFattyDeadFatty said:

New brisket video where Jack pretends to be an expert even though TamTam did most of the work.

At the end of the video Jack pretends to be on the phone with a boomer friend wanting to come over for some of his brisket. He really wants to catch the ‘rona.
Click to expand...
Please, one of the cooking autists here tell me. Did he season the brisket right? I don't make this shit but it looks like he didn't really do it right.
 
Oh wow and hello! A whole forum on this dumb ass. I saw his "poor man's filet" video years ago. I remember how fucking awful it was and I was showing my friend the video earlier today. I started googling him and BAM! here I am. I'm almost thinking he is a Kaufman level comedian and we haven't caught on.

Also, did have a stroke or something? I noticed his arm doesn't work.
 
KiwiJoe said:
Qi sounds too Chinese if he says it he may get the rona' faster and he's in denial of most of his tech gadgets being no-name Chineae knockoffs.
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No surprise, given his closest encounter to "real Chinese culture" are dodgy suburban Chinese restaurants that sell "sushi". Reminds me of this particular comic from The Oatmeal:

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realgone2 said:
Also, did have a stroke or something? I noticed his arm doesn't work.
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The subtitle of this thread is “two strokes and counting,” so yeah, our Family Man Jack has a few strokes under his belt. Also, welcome to the farms! It would do you well to orient yourself with the way things work around here, so check out some of the other threads.
 
bookiedookie said:
The subtitle of this thread is “two strokes and counting,” so yeah, our Family Man Jack has a few strokes under his belt. Also, welcome to the farms! It would do you well to orient yourself with the way things work around here, so check out some of the other threads.
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Ah thanks. I missed that subtitle.
 
realgone2 said:
Ah thanks. I missed that subtitle.
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bookiedookie said:
The subtitle of this thread is “two strokes and counting,” so yeah, our Family Man Jack has a few strokes under his belt. Also, welcome to the farms! It would do you well to orient yourself with the way things work around here, so check out some of the other threads.
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Also, don't forget the diabetes, high blood pressure and his recently torn Achilles tendon from simply walking. He's also having zero physiotherapy for his edematous dead arm. Oh and the best of all, he's currently on an eternal "keto diet" of fried food and meats for "losing weight". That's all to catch up for Fat Jack!
 
desu91 said:
Also, don't forget the diabetes, high blood pressure and his recently torn Achilles tendon from simply walking. He's also having zero physiotherapy for his edematous dead arm. Oh and the best of all, he's currently on an eternal "keto diet" of fried food and meats for "losing weight". That's all to catch up for Fat Jack!
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don't forget he was hospitalized for kidney stones and had surgery to remove them a few years ago
 
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