🍗 Deathfat Tess Holliday / Ryann Maegen Hoven - Beached Landwhale model, Body positive and social justice snacktivist, and gigantic fraud

[multiverse]

Tess is still getting the car every day and traveling... to walk a mile per day. One. Mile. She made it to three one day you guys! 6,000 whole steps in one day with a toddler at home. This requires workout clothes and applause - and surely, this will cancel out those four funfetti twinkies and spam sushi and whatever else she's throwing down her gullet. Of course, she has to be encouraged like a toddler to go for a walk around the block by her trusty slave, Jolene.


And will wonders never cease: Tess announces that her nearly four year old son has achieved toileting. He probably did it on his own when his lazy mother never changed him; this is usually how neglected and reasonably bright kids handle it.

Good job, Bowie. Here's something I'm sure your maternal unit has never said: I'm very proud of you, and I hope you're proud of yourself, too.



A tacky novelty motel is a ~very important place~ for our white trash queen.


Gritting her teeth when none of her hair slaves would risk their lives to come give her free hair services in exchange for Instagram an shoutout, Tess lowers herself to home hair dye. Quelle horror! Her skin is pitted like a mandarin orange.

 

[Water-T]

Those miles don't count if your pedometer was turned on during your drive, Tess.

 

[taintmisbehavin]

Tess is still getting the car every day and traveling... to walk a mile per day. One. Mile. She made it to three one day you guys! 6,000 whole steps in one day with a toddler at home. This requires workout clothes and applause - and surely, this will cancel out those four funfetti twinkies and spam sushi and whatever else she's throwing down her gullet. Of course, she has to be encouraged like a toddler to go for a walk around the block by her trusty slave, Jolene.
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“How do you stay sane?” Use the Tess method of dry-humping a bush while twerking?

A whole mile a day? Good girl! This week you can have seven funfetti twinkies!

 

[Pudgy Bear Claws]

There's no way this hippo walks a mile a day, let alone a mile a week. She would be in agony with those knees.

 

[Vastly Amused]

Tess is still getting the car every day and traveling... to walk a mile per day. One. Mile. She made it to three one day you guys! 6,000 whole steps in one day with a toddler at home. This requires workout clothes and applause - and surely, this will cancel out those four funfetti twinkies and spam sushi and whatever else she's throwing down her gullet. Of course, she has to be encouraged like a toddler to go for a walk around the block by her trusty slave, Jolene.

That pose to hide her fupa! She does it often, but in this instance she reminds me of a guy getting ready to pee in the bushes. Also, her arms are starting to look like 15th century arming doublet puffed sleeves.

 

[multiverse]

That pose to hide her fupa!

I know right? It's ridiculous; she's desperate to hide her bulk in all sorts of weird poses. Jolene managed to lose AND keep off over 300 pounds; Tess has to be putting in some work to keep binging when she's eating from the same meals as her now much more svelte friend.

Can't hide those chins anymore, though. Yeesh.

 

[Ogg66]

Tess is still getting the car every day and traveling... to walk a mile per day. One. Mile. She made it to three one day you guys! 6,000 whole steps in one day with a toddler at home. This requires workout clothes and applause - and surely, this will cancel out those four funfetti twinkies and spam sushi and whatever else she's throwing down her gullet. Of course, she has to be encouraged like a toddler to go for a walk around the block by her trusty slave, Jolene.
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And will wonders never cease: Tess announces that her nearly four year old son has achieved toileting. He probably did it on his own when his lazy mother never changed him; this is usually how neglected and reasonably bright kids handle it.

Good job, Bowie. Here's something I'm sure your maternal unit has never said: I'm very proud of you, and I hope you're proud of yourself, too.



A tacky novelty motel is a ~very important place~ for our white trash queen.
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Gritting her teeth when none of her hair slaves would risk their lives to come give her free hair services in exchange for Instagram an shoutout, Tess lowers herself to home hair dye. Quelle horror! Her skin is pitted like a mandarin orange.
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JFC I a cripple walk for over ten miles frequently and my kids all were using the lavatory before they were two, what a useless sack of shit she is should have had her kids taken away. Its not like toilet using two year old is a rare thing at four unless the kid has issues then its fucking neglect.

 

[Punkinsplice]

Its pretty easy to walk a mile a day, even if you are at home quarantined. This only proves that Tess sits on her ass all day except for when she goes on her walk.

 

[multiverse]

Here it is, guys: confirmation that Tess is physically incapable of self care to the point of requiring her feeder to shave her legs for her. And of course you miss it, you gross deviant - the helplessness of your feedee gets you off.

So much for "I can put both my feet behind my head, I'm not unhealthy you fatshamer!"


More of Nick humblebragging about what a great DAD he is to random people at his job to stand there and make objects go "beep". He also smugly believes his ability to place items in a neat stack is related to his ability to place his penis close enough to a fatty's vag folds to make a baby. Ok, buddy. The four year old you abandoned has probably achieved "make the pile not fall over" skill at this point. But he DOES father himself after being abandoned, so maybe you're onto something!

 

[SnarkySperg]

More of Nick humblebragging about what a great DAD he is to random people at his job to stand there and make objects go "beep". He also smugly believes his ability to place items in a neat stack is related to his ability to place his penis close enough to a fatty's vag folds to make a baby. Ok, buddy. The four year old you abandoned has probably achieved "make the pile not fall over" skill at this point. But he DOES father himself after being abandoned, so maybe you're onto something!

LMFAO shut up Nick. 'It's in my fatherly nature to help people'. I know plenty of dads who DIDN'T abandon their kids and are actually great fathers who wouldn't dream of saying 'I helped you because I'm a dad', and certainly wouldn't if they haven't seen their kid in six months and are on a different continent.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

What I love about Tess' most recent picture is that if you look carefully where her arm and her leg meet up, you can still see her fupa in the gap between forearm and thigh.

Way to go, Tess. Way to go.

 

[Haesindang Park]

What I love about Tess' most recent picture is that if you look carefully where her arm and her leg meet up, you can still see her fupa in the gap between forearm and thigh.

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Way to go, Tess. Way to go.

She's got more rolls than a shar pei!

 

[multiverse]

But... I thought you were in your car on your way to your strenuous daily 1 to possibly 3 mile walk, Tess! Now you're telling me you are out breaking quarantine to deliver food?

How much you wanna bet any food bags delivered by Tess had the candy "liberated" from it? She's helping kids by saving them from unhealthy snacks, teehee!


And way to expose yourself, one of your sons, and your slave / best friend / roommate to more risk. It's not like you all share a bed together and anyone who leaves can easily infect everyone else... oh no.

 

[Beavis]

But... I thought you were in your car on your way to your strenuous daily 1 to possibly 3 mile walk, Tess! Now you're telling me you are out breaking quarantine to deliver food?

How much you wanna bet any food bags delivered by Tess had the candy "liberated" from it? She's helping kids by saving them from unhealthy snacks, teehee!
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And way to expose yourself, one of your sons, and your slave / best friend / roommate to more risk. It's not like you all share a bed together and anyone who leaves can easily infect everyone else... oh no.

Please. Her fat ass is just sitting in the passenger side looking at twitter and instagram while her friend does everything.

 

[DefCon Dumb]

"Want to be present in this moment..."

Can she be more maddeningly smug? Tell we the unwashed masses, Ms. Tess; would the experience be diminished if you weren't present in the moment? Would the food not taste as well?

This pseudo-self aware, dollar store "self care" is nothing more than blatant self indulgence & virtue signalling on steroids. Thousands of people are doing what your friend is doing without notice, with only the recipients grateful thanks & some are doing a great deal more. Did your friend make the mistake of telling you what she was doing & you steam rolled yourself into the picture for... the picture?

 

[yousoundlikeanasshole]

Jolene, who is allegedly too injured to watch Bowie, prob drove. And her soul? I think she means ego because I would put $1000 down that she's out there doing an instathot photoshoot.

Guess her soul needed to model some fabletics.

 

[Diet Coke 4 Life]

I feel sorry for her filters.

Spoiler: Graphics are rather large, like our 'size 22' model.

First, this beauty. Can you see what I see at 150%? If not, let's blow this puppy up and make it real obvious.

The filter can't tell the difference between the light blue of her leggings and the ocean. It literally pasted the ocean in between the weeds in order to make her smaller. She has waves for knees.

Here's where her leg should be and where the filter cropped it out to plaster ocean in its place.

Note the heavy pixelation where her body appears to cinch in? Where her legs should be somewhat smooth? Yeah, that's the filter effectively blur-tooling her image to try and make it smaller. And failing miserably, because there's only so much a filter can do with a blubbery reject from Herman Melville's first rough drafts.

And perhaps my favorite... the actual fucking LINE where her face and neck used to be, shoved over and replaced with sloppy sky blue in its place. That crap's fucking beautiful. Along with the side of her head being a straight line. Say it with me, Kiwis: "Tess, nature doesn't make perfectly straight lines."

I'd dig into the other one, but fuck it. I'm getting a beer and forgetting graphics exist for the remainder of the night.

 

[multiverse]

Guess her soul needed to model some fabletics.

That. Fucking. Hanging. GUT! Holy shit it's rivalling Big Amy's.

Edit: so with all three stomachs strapped in, they still hang to mid thigh. She's likely wearing a full body shape beneath the spandex / lycra workout outfit two sizes too small


There is no way she can wipe herself clean after using the bathroom. None.

 

[NSFW]

The Fabletics hoodie on Tess vs. on a smaller woman. Notice how on Tess she actually has to pull out the bottom of the shirt in an attempt to show off the peplum detailing. Funny how she says she’s been “couching around in” this shirt when it looks like it’s severely restricting her ability to breathe.

 

[LetThemEatCake]

Oh, so I called it on the Fabletics thing. Not that that was a hard call. It's basically the only 'partnership' she has repeat 'work' from. God knows why, unless she really does shift crap leggings to other fatties on Instagram or works really cheap, or perhaps for trade.

That is still one of the more honest pictures I've seen of Tess 'modelling'. It's actually quite merciless. She normally has a large prop, her back to the camera, a side pose enabling her to point her fupa to the wall or something draped around or over her to obscure the giant hanging gut. You can actually see in that one pic how huge, unwieldy, flabby and much like every other barrel-shaped deathfat she actually is.