The Cole Smithey Thread

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taintmisbehavin said:
Years ago, Cole’s pompous, poorly written bullshit was published in my town’s alt-weekly. I remember very distinctly him giving a positive review to Final Destination 3 because it was a brilliant metaphor for the Iraq War.

Every time I think that his brother’s tard rages are more beloved than Cole’s “best” “work”, I get a little shiver of joy.
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You made me curious so I had to look this shit up, here are the smartest film critic's own words on the profound Gesamtkuntzwerk that is Final Destination 3:

"Whether conscious or not on the part of the filmmakers, the gory logic follows America’s understandable desire to rationalize the effects of such physical violence that its invisible soldiers are suffering in Afghanistan and Iraq. The Bush administration’s blatant censorship of media coverage of the wars has instigated a silent obsession for closure in America’s collective subconscious. A consequence of "embedded journalists" and a refusal to allow showing the flag-draped coffins of deceased American soldiers being returned to their home soil has left the country with a natural curiosity made morbid by censorship."

Absolute bufoon. He probably read a Roger Ebert review where he made a sensible comparison of the subject and thought he'd look real cool if he hamfistedly tried to conjecture a war metaphor from a shit film
 
ANobody said:
You made me curious so I had to look this shit up, here are the smartest film critic's own words on the profound Gesamtkuntzwerk that is Final Destination 3:

"Whether conscious or not on the part of the filmmakers, the gory logic follows America’s understandable desire to rationalize the effects of such physical violence that its invisible soldiers are suffering in Afghanistan and Iraq. The Bush administration’s blatant censorship of media coverage of the wars has instigated a silent obsession for closure in America’s collective subconscious. A consequence of "embedded journalists" and a refusal to allow showing the flag-draped coffins of deceased American soldiers being returned to their home soil has left the country with a natural curiosity made morbid by censorship."

Absolute bufoon. He probably read a Roger Ebert review where he made a sensible comparison of the subject and thought he'd look real cool if he hamfistedly tried to conjecture a war metaphor from a shit film
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Now you’ve triggered me! Seriously though, it was somehow worse than I remembered! I think you are 100% correct on the Ebert thing.
 
I call upon the power of necromancy and r/Chrischansonichu to bring you a reference from a Cyanide and Happiness card game.
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Meat Pickle said:
I call upon the power of necromancy and r/Chrischansonichu to bring you a reference from a Cyanide and Happiness card game.
View attachment 1747217
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I actually think that's pretty clever. Only obsessive weirdos like us would have a chance of getting the reference. I hope the card gets someone to sperg out about Chris at some normie game party.
 
Hogar Grupal said:
I'm imagining weens taking it to the next level and showing an "interest" in Cole's reviews, having a beer with him, just to ask about how was Chris like when he was young.
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That's literally the only reason why anyone would want to drink with him.
 
Hogar Grupal said:
I'm imagining weens taking it to the next level and showing an "interest" in Cole's reviews, having a beer with him, just to ask about how was Chris like when he was young.
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Broseph said:
That's literally the only reason why anyone would want to drink with him.
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with all the people who've barged in on cwcs life im shocked this hasn't happened yet...
 
Shabobus said:
He'll give Chris's post-mortem documentary five bags of popcorn and a little plastic cup of Fanta.
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I wonder if he knows about the Geno doc. It will be interesting if anybody makes anything else significant about CWC after he dies. Geno's work has pretty much become the definitive example, but it would be interesting if something like Chris Chan vs The Internet actually came into fruition with people being interviewed and such.
 
The only way he can really get any attention would be if he told old tales of the Chandler household. The one thing he absolutely does not want to do.
 
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