Things you do to piss off co-workers, acquaintances and family you secretly hate

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Disheveled Human

Disheveled Human

Humans are Robust we Ingest Poison for Fun
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 6, 2020
Title basically says it all. What things do you do to piss off or otherwise provide levels of malaise toward to a person in a way where they can't argue or get mad about?


Here is a thing I love to do.

Every Year around Christmas I will go out of my way to find the most annoying, noisy and obnoxious toys for said persons children to annoy the fuck out of the parents I feel disdain towards. Toys that include speakers in them that make noise, play music are a good go to. Toys that make a mess things like silly putty or playdoh are good because kids get that shit stuck to their clothes carpets and furniture. Board games that will in most cases force parents to spend unwanted time with their kids playing a stupid game the kid likes but the parent hates.
 
You should buy something with glitter next. Like of those DIY glitter slime sets.

Glitter is even more fun to get out of carpets than silly putty.

:shit-eating:

Source: My parents always did the same thing to family members they can't stand.
 
I love doing the obnoxious toy thing.

I don't hate my relatives and friends, I just get bored easily.

I mostly play the cool older uncle/cousin angle and add generational rifts by mocking and belittling the parents attempts at socializing with the younger kids, then upstaging them.

I am fond of gifting board games, its something they have to share and depending on the game bring out the worst in people.

Then there is the pet gift.
 
Nail polish for the little kids. Try digging THAT out of the carpet.

Wen hair care-- this is the one that has made a lot of people's hair fall out.

If you're skinny and they're fat, talk a lot about how hard it is to put on weight. Complain that you can't find clothes. Be sure to stuff your face when dinner is served. (I only do this to the adults)
 
give your female diversity quota employees/co-workers tasks you know they aren't quite strong/intelligent enough to complete despite being qualified for on paper. unfortunately this usually doesn't work because they just get a beta to do it for them, but when they do actually try to do it themselves and fuck it up spectacularly it's priceless.
 
You'd be amazed at how much fun you can have writing the word "Cocksucker" on the bottom of your colleagues coffee mug with a sharpie. Bonus points if he's the kind of dimwit who'll turn a half full mug upside down to look when somebody asks him why he has "cocksucker" written on the bottom of his mug.
 
I'll quit my job during the busiest times and then come in the next day to shop as if nothing happened just to spite bosses I don't like, especially if they're a fat and their body is falling apart for being a fat and they have trouble doing all the work I did for them because they're a fat.
 
A couple years ago I brought a delicious cherry jello salad over to my grandma's house for Christmas Eve specifically because I know my step-Grandpa doesn't like cherry and he's a bastard. I also talked a lot about how great my job is and how I'm having fun and I've got more hours, because he's a lazy unemployed fuck and always sits there pouting when he has to hear about someone half his age being vastly more successful than him. He tried to change the subject when I talked about doing volunteer work.

I go out of my way to not antagonize people, especially if I know they don't like me back. I'd rather not risk drama. Sometimes though, it can be very funny. If you talk about volunteering and doing selfless things it makes people so proud of you while the people who hate you smolder in rage. Like, go out of your way to help out with the family dinner prep or cleanup. Bonus points if you can talk about a baby bird you rescued while doing it.

Back in high school we had one of those "donate your change to help cancer patients" drive and I decided to just bring in my whole backlog of change, which amounted to around $17. While I didn't do this on purpose, I dumped my change into the class box directly in front of a kid who utterly hated me and was convinced I was the worst person on earth. Oh the hate on his face as he had to listen to people tell me how kind I was. I think it's best to do good for the sake of goodness, but it is funny to do it out of spite.
 
Just my existence alone is enough to piss them off. I don't even have to talk to them, just be in their general vicinity and without fail soak in all their dirty secrets they just let hang out to then later bring up in some form or another years later.

Beware the quiet ones, you know.
 
Start cleaning their bathroom or stove. Refuse to stop when asked. Refuse to stop when told. "Oh no, you're such an excellent host that I can't help but give back where I can."

The implication that they can't keep a house up to a visitor's standards while entertaining is like six levels deep on the petty chart in my family and watching people silently fume for the rest of the night while surreptitiously checking every corner and surface for mess is great.

Not like I don't do it out of kindness too, like if you invite me over and you have hard water stains in your tub or a loose tile that needs fixing I'm just going to handle that shit while you aren't paying attention, but weaponized housekeeping can be some court intrigue levels of cuntiness when it's directed against insufferable arrogant fucks.
 
I smoke right next to my health-nut bratty co-workers just to see them seethe. Yeah, they really think 10 seconds of exposure to smoke is going to give them lung cancer, hypochondriac morons.
There is also this angry femcel landwhale right next to me at my workplace who is always dieting (or at least she says she is to get away with being "moody"), I love eating right in front of her during coffee break because she is a shameless douche and I cannot wait for her to just eat herself into an early grave.
I don't hate anyone in my family, all of them are nice people, and the assholes who happen to be blood relatives in some way I don't consider them extended "family" whatsoever. Perhaps you should do the same, just sayin'.
 
When I'm really bored I post ads on Craigslist, where I pretend to be an employer offering a job. I have occasionally targeted coworkers with this, but it's more of a fishing expedition.

I advertise for:

* Nonsensical hiring requirements; 15+ years experience with Rust programming language.

* Borderline illegal discrimination policies; only women, PoC, and LGBTQ+ candidates will be accepted, must be a registered Democrat/Republican to work here, must vote for/against Trump to work here, and subtle hints that only Mormons will be hired and promoted (I hate Mormons).

* Requirements with horrifying implications; mandatory fluency in a language native to east Asia or the Indian subcontinent.

* Mandatory social media advertising for our company to your friends and family, whom you must find and add on Facebook, Twitter, etc, to be employed. Obviously you must have it on your phone (and you must have a smartphone), you must have social media accounts with pics of you and all your identifying info publicly viewable, and we need access to everything you send and type into the app.

* General exuberant boomer-posting.

If a person who doesn't meet these requirements replies, I verbally abuse them with the goal of increasing their political radicalization, racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia.

If a person whose beliefs I personally dislike responds, I waste their time and money. Sometimes I set up interviews far away, usually a few hours drive, but on one occasion I got a guy to fly to New York and rent a hotel room for a week.

He thought he has going to be working for a Punjabi-run electronic trading company similar to Goldman-Sachs, and spent over $20,000 on the plane ticket, hotel room, tailored suit, personal business cards, and resume printed on expensive paper stock. He later developed depression and anxiety, and when I last checked up on him had given up on America and got a Canadian visa. I got him by pretending to be a cute blonde recruiter.

I also post on the missed connections board at Craigslist to get social media accounts, emails, photos, and identifying information from people I personally know and hate, which I use to set up accounts on dating sites and act like an asshole. I got my bosses girlfriend to break up with him, and had him totally ostracized from the female population of the small town in which I lived, by doing this. I got a Mormon professor fired, divorced, and excommunicated (lmao) though to be fair he was actually cheating on his wife IRL so it's not all my doing. Last I checked he's in Eastern Europe working for a Polish IoT startup.

I haven't tried yet but I want to start posting on the rental/housing boards, posing as a bitchy girl and saying stuff like "no creeps, post pics, hot guys only". It seems counter-productive to my goals though, and there's not an easy racial angle besides the obvious NOWAG/NOWIG and fake news angles.

Don't put pictures of yourself on the internet and always triple-check if something seems too good or bad to be true.
 
??? said:
When I'm really bored I post ads on Craigslist, where I pretend to be an employer offering a job. I have occasionally targeted coworkers with this, but it's more of a fishing expedition.

I advertise for:

* Nonsensical hiring requirements; 15+ years experience with Rust programming language.

* Borderline illegal discrimination policies; only women, PoC, and LGBTQ+ candidates will be accepted, must be a registered Democrat/Republican to work here, must vote for/against Trump to work here, and subtle hints that only Mormons will be hired and promoted (I hate Mormons).

* Requirements with horrifying implications; mandatory fluency in a language native to east Asia or the Indian subcontinent.

* Mandatory social media advertising for our company to your friends and family, whom you must find and add on Facebook, Twitter, etc, to be employed. Obviously you must have it on your phone (and you must have a smartphone), you must have social media accounts with pics of you and all your identifying info publicly viewable, and we need access to everything you send and type into the app.

* General exuberant boomer-posting.

If a person who doesn't meet these requirements replies, I verbally abuse them with the goal of increasing their political radicalization, racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia.

If a person whose beliefs I personally dislike responds, I waste their time and money. Sometimes I set up interviews far away, usually a few hours drive, but on one occasion I got a guy to fly to New York and rent a hotel room for a week.

He thought he has going to be working for a Punjabi-run electronic trading company similar to Goldman-Sachs, and spent over $20,000 on the plane ticket, hotel room, tailored suit, personal business cards, and resume printed on expensive paper stock. He later developed depression and anxiety, and when I last checked up on him had given up on America and got a Canadian visa. I got him by pretending to be a cute blonde recruiter.

I also post on the missed connections board at Craigslist to get social media accounts, emails, photos, and identifying information from people I personally know and hate, which I use to set up accounts on dating sites and act like an asshole. I got my bosses girlfriend to break up with him, and had him totally ostracized from the female population of the small town in which I lived, by doing this. I got a Mormon professor fired, divorced, and excommunicated (lmao) though to be fair he was actually cheating on his wife IRL so it's not all my doing. Last I checked he's in Eastern Europe working for a Polish IoT startup.

I haven't tried yet but I want to start posting on the rental/housing boards, posing as a bitchy girl and saying stuff like "no creeps, post pics, hot guys only". It seems counter-productive to my goals though, and there's not an easy racial angle besides the obvious NOWAG/NOWIG and fake news angles.

Don't put pictures of yourself on the internet and always triple-check if something seems too good or bad to be true.
Click to expand...

Calm down Satan.
 
??? said:
When I'm really bored I post ads on Craigslist, where I pretend to be an employer offering a job. I have occasionally targeted coworkers with this, but it's more of a fishing expedition.

I advertise for:

* Nonsensical hiring requirements; 15+ years experience with Rust programming language.

* Borderline illegal discrimination policies; only women, PoC, and LGBTQ+ candidates will be accepted, must be a registered Democrat/Republican to work here, must vote for/against Trump to work here, and subtle hints that only Mormons will be hired and promoted (I hate Mormons).

* Requirements with horrifying implications; mandatory fluency in a language native to east Asia or the Indian subcontinent.

* Mandatory social media advertising for our company to your friends and family, whom you must find and add on Facebook, Twitter, etc, to be employed. Obviously you must have it on your phone (and you must have a smartphone), you must have social media accounts with pics of you and all your identifying info publicly viewable, and we need access to everything you send and type into the app.

* General exuberant boomer-posting.

If a person who doesn't meet these requirements replies, I verbally abuse them with the goal of increasing their political radicalization, racism, sexism, homophobia, and transphobia.

If a person whose beliefs I personally dislike responds, I waste their time and money. Sometimes I set up interviews far away, usually a few hours drive, but on one occasion I got a guy to fly to New York and rent a hotel room for a week.

He thought he has going to be working for a Punjabi-run electronic trading company similar to Goldman-Sachs, and spent over $20,000 on the plane ticket, hotel room, tailored suit, personal business cards, and resume printed on expensive paper stock. He later developed depression and anxiety, and when I last checked up on him had given up on America and got a Canadian visa. I got him by pretending to be a cute blonde recruiter.

I also post on the missed connections board at Craigslist to get social media accounts, emails, photos, and identifying information from people I personally know and hate, which I use to set up accounts on dating sites and act like an asshole. I got my bosses girlfriend to break up with him, and had him totally ostracized from the female population of the small town in which I lived, by doing this. I got a Mormon professor fired, divorced, and excommunicated (lmao) though to be fair he was actually cheating on his wife IRL so it's not all my doing. Last I checked he's in Eastern Europe working for a Polish IoT startup.

I haven't tried yet but I want to start posting on the rental/housing boards, posing as a bitchy girl and saying stuff like "no creeps, post pics, hot guys only". It seems counter-productive to my goals though, and there's not an easy racial angle besides the obvious NOWAG/NOWIG and fake news angles.

Don't put pictures of yourself on the internet and always triple-check if something seems too good or bad to be true.
Click to expand...
You're a real cunt.
 
The annoying toy gag is always hilarious but the moment that kid loses track of it they've long since tossed it away. Your suggestion of board games is the real strong option, make sure it's something that they'll maintain an interest in long enough. It's the fuck you with the longest shelf life and unless the parents 'gift' it to another family they're not going to be able to easily rid themselves of it.
 
Dad jokes. One or two is fine, a hundred of them back-to-back is too much for people, but it is so inoffensive that flying into a rage is uncalled for. I also know a guy that have the shittiest puns ever and I'm an enabler.
 
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