Aight, lemme see what I can do for y'all.
"You Won't Get Her" By Tailor Swifly
Sitting in the amtrack bus
and making such an awful fuss
a man i have lately come to know
His face is slack as if in death
and i smell his fetid, rotten breath
as he leans across the seat into my row
"Mish, can you shpare the time"
he slurs and spits and drips with grime
I frown and slump down deeper in my seat
"My name ish Russh, please could you
help with what i's goin through"
and I sigh and raise my hands up in defeat
Said "sir i'm not sure i can help"
and i jump and loose a mighty yelp
as on my thigh his fingers start to scrape
"i'm shorry to have bothered you
but talk is all i wanna do"
he says as i look for any escape
[Russell listen to me now
it's time for you to take a bow
your 15 minutes came and then they went
I know just what you've got in mind
and I'm only saying it one time
Russ, You'll Never Get Taylor Swift
You look like a melted doll
and smell like a bathroom stall
you reek of sweat, expired m'ilk and fear
it's hard to understand i know
but Taylor's not a glory hole
and you will never get her, Russell Greer]
with no way out, I just sit still
my face a mask of blankness till
he slobbers out his worn out pickup line
"Ish that a shirt for Taylor Shwift?"
and I sense an awful shift
as he turns from sad to angry on a dime
"She really hurt my feeling sho
I thought that you might like to know
She'sh nothin 'ut a low down dirty snake"
He turns redder'n a greyhounds cock
his body seems to fuckin' lock
and i kid you not he starts to whine and shake
I knew that he was faking it
but man i've never seen a fit
thrown by a grown man on a public bus
it put me into quite a state
and I cannot articulate
the horror that is riding next to Russ
[chorus]
eventually he stopped his shit
and I sat, flabbergasted
that he would try such a tasteless stunt
He stared me in the chest and said
"I'm shorry miss, the doctor shaid
my PTSD makes me shake and grunt"
"Shee, Taylor Shwift rejected me
shpat on my face and thatsh the tea
she'sh evil and she hates disabled men"
I sat there with my mouth agape
lookin' like a stunted ape
trying to absorb just what he meant
"I wrote her sush a lovely shong
a proshesh that wash two yearsh long
an' she didn't even shuck my heckin cock!
I took her to court lasht year
her lawyer really kicked my rear
the bias judge didnt even let me talk!"
just then the bus rolled to a stop
and out the seat I tried to hop
but Russ had latched his hands onto my gown
his face was pale and shined with sweat
and he gave me an empty threat
of court if I didn't sit back down
I shook him off and left the bus
and let me leave this note for Russ
girls do not respond to lawsuits well
I'll never ride the bus again
and i might even swear off men
because of Russ's wild ride from hell
[chorus x2]
(I have very little skill I'm mostly a poet)
