🐮 Lolcow Timothy "TJ" Church / Cowlick - Failed Literotica Writer &/or Null's Best Friend

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Holden said:
you do know that this only applies to relationships? and, as mr. tj has said, i am not into men.
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That's actually correct.

Fuckbot5000 is only into vulnerable household appliances such as dehumidifiers and toaster ovens.

So...so many violated toaster ovens.
 
Holden said:
i am not, but a woman who would want to be in a relationship with me in the west (this doesn't apply to women from non-feminist areas) would have to be filmed with an animal.
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Ummm... Why? I don't know anything about you as this is TJ's thread.
@Cowlick, what do you think of this? Would you require a woman to be filmed with an animal to be with you? I think you are classier here than Holden.
 
As much of a sperg as Holden is, he'll have a rough time matching TJ's posts-to-ratings ratio.

And he'll never have as glorious a monument as TJ's smile forever standing as a post rating.
 
Kitlen said:
Ummm... Why? I don't know anything about you as this is TJ's thread.
@Cowlick, what do you think of this? Would you require a woman to be filmed with an animal to be with you? I think you are classier here than Holden.
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why? because a feminist woman, even in the unlikely case she'd be faithful and take a relationship seriously at all, always eventually leaves a male who lacks sufficient immorality and stupidity.
 
It's weird that Fuckbot thinks he can make all these demands, like women are lining up to date him so he needs to weed out the chaff or something, as opposed to reality.
 
Holden said:
why? because a feminist woman, even in the unlikely case she'd be faithful and take a relationship seriously at all, always eventually leaves a male who lacks sufficient immorality and stupidity.
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You don't suppose your poor prospects with women have anything to do with your charming personality, do you?
 
We're derailing a bit, don't you think? Let's keep things focused more on TJ- we wouldn't want him to feel like he doesn't have an active thread about him on the internet. He might get lonely.
 
@Holden Hello, son! I knew you couldn't stay away. Come to take a look what what we did for our main man, @Cowlick here? See, a good lolcow such as yerself is like a fine wild steer. It needs to be roped, branded, and then given some proper pasture where it'll find just the right TLC here like TJC or CWC. Now, I know what you may be thinkin', pardner, that you managed to surpass Mr. Church here by yer own dagblasted gumption, but heavens to Murgatroyd, just imagine what we kin do fer you if'n y'all subscribe to our Lolcowology regimen. I kin purty much guarantee that with some non-monetary down payments in tard-ragin' video blogs and candid photographs of you drawin' yer manic fantasies fer us, we kin make you into a bona fide grade-A lolcow.

When Ah discovered Mr. Church spergin' on a pern-o-grayphic forums last yeahr, he was outta shape. The goldurn lolcow'd run hisself ragged gettin' his own copy-pasta rants dee-lated nightly by the erstwhile county revenuers. Now we've whipped him into high gear on a protein-rich diet of socially engagin' logic an' counterarguments. This was TJ at the beginnin' of the program:
TJChurch said:
Let’s discuss a deal where I can have an account on the site without anyone outing or banishing it.
Following the conditions of the deal cannot be a condition of the deal itself.
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And jus' look at 'im now!
TJChurch said:
derby
obvious
mistake
syntax
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YOdn8yJ.gif


Now, this may sound a bit inteemidatin' at first, but y'all can work up to this esteemed privilage a little bit at a time. You may be findin' yerself up a tree with a polecat by now, starin' at yer red ratin's bar lahk a pizza on the roof and wond'rin' just what in tarnation they all mean. We kin help you there, pardner. With Lolcowology, you'll gradually impose yer will upon the unwittin' masses, and soon you'll find yerself more productive than ever before. Stronger. We'll have ye fittin' in yer skin in no time. Jus' sign yer little ol' immortal soul over to us, answer a few of our little ol' questions here, an' everythin'll be fine an' dandy. It could only cost you yer life, an' yew got that fer free! Whaddaya say? An' it don't hafta be a "yes," neither. We unnerstan'.
 
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Cowlick said:
I might, but not Holden (much as Holden & some of you may enjoy that, or just the sheer idea of it).
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Did you not see the post I made where I said that I would pay you $100 if you went a week without posting here? Bummer man.

Holden said:
i am not, but a woman who would want to be in a relationship with me in the west (this doesn't apply to women from non-feminist areas) would have to be filmed with an animal.
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Kill yourself.
 
Given the fact that we've got a bit of a @Holden and @Cowlick crossover going on here, I'd like to submit a duet in the spirit of "What Ho!" and the old-timey comic style of Gallagher and Shean:
TJ: "Oh Mister Mary-ann? Oh, Mister Mary-ann?"
M: "And oh, what's on your mind this morning, Mister Church?"
TJ: "Everybody's making fun
Of the way your thread has spun -
All the kiwis say you've knocked me off my perch."

M: "Why Mister Church, yes, Mister Church -
All those fickle fools have left you in the lurch.
Now I'll educate these apes
With my enlightened views on rapes - "
TJ: "But I'm the smartest, Mister Mary-ann - "
M: "I'm the sane one, Mister Church."

In fact, plenty of original Gallagher and Shean crosstalk needs only minor changes to preserve the rhyme scheme:

TJ: "Oh, Mister Mary-ann?"
M: "Yes, hello?"
TJ: "Oh, Mister Mary-ann?"
M: "Well, well, well?"
TJ: "Do you think it's wrong for a man to strike his wife?"
M: "Strike his wife?"
TJ: "Suppose she goes out every night,
and comes home and starts a fight -
Can a man endure such treatment? Is it right?"
M: "Well, no. But Mister Church, dear Mister Church,
What kind of thug would see his sweetheart birched?
But if it's more than you can stand,
remember never to use your hand - "
TJ: "Use diplomacy, Mister Mary-ann?"
M: "Use a sandbag, Mister Church!"
Personally, I find Marjan much easier to take once he's been forced through a vaudeville filter. It's a pleasant reminder that he is even less relevant - and will be more thoroughly forgotten - than these moldy old jokes.

(Not TJ though - his immortal wisdom will surely stand the test of time.)
 
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Oh please oh please tell me there's gonna be a tard fight between TJ and Mr. I-tried-to-fuck-my-mom pretty pretty please
 
Ja'mie said:
A woman wanting a relationship with you? Highly improbable just became impossible. Forever alone has a new face.
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The only woman who would date him would be one withe no self-respect.
We're defiling the thread of our lord and savior with this nonsense
 
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