All right, let's see how our new private-doctor certified semi-vegan guru is doing...
I must say, I was a little concerned by yesterday's video. She seemed to be thinking more about all she could eat than what she couldn't eat, just like Amberlynn did with Optavia. But Chantal swore in January that her channel would be inspirational "in six months or so", so I am assuming she will get off on the right foot...
Today's opening shot: fuckin' food. What is wrong with this broad anyway? A grande iced coffee and ham, cheddar, and peppers egg bites. I wonder why she didn't film herself arriving at her daily every-other-day gym workout? 2 1/2 proteins and one dairy is her assessment.
Next is a startling shot of her driving. From this point to nearly the end, the video is shot while driving. She is wearing those ridiculous Elton John-style sunglasses again. I had assumed she had bought them as some kind of one-off joke, but no...she seems to be wearing them daily, as if she wasn't already a spectacle all by herself. Maybe such eyewear is part of being a star? Her coat collar is pulled up over her cheeks again in an effort to hide that ponderous set of chins...
She goes on a long spiel about buying cat food. She is worried her little darlings are tired of their kibble. She does concede that they are a different species from us, however.
She is going to eat what is already in the house. She is also going to buy more food today.
She is having difficulty waking up when she takes Lexapro. She is so tired, it is hard to get out of bed.
Her CPAP mask is falling apart. She has to hold it a certain way for it to work. A new one is $350, which sounds as though it might be too expensive for her. One would think she would get right on this, since she has made the point that she might die without it, but she doesn't seem too concerned.
Guru Chantal tells is it is healthier to breathe through the nose than mouth, but doesn't know why. However, she is a mouth breather (I have never heard of such things; don't most people use both?) She reiterates that it is expensive for a new mask.
She will have a sleep study done in May.
She woke up at 10:00 (she went to bed at 10:30), and notes she got almost 12 hours of sleep. She is pleased that this means she had intermittent fasting.
She said earlier that her eating window was from 7 to 7, but now says she had sugar-free Jell-O last night.
She notes that any eating program will be more restrictive than her normal eating habits (like, duh)
She's fighting to stay within the guidelines. "It's not that much food!" It will be a commitment. She says it is easier if someone gives her a plan than she makes her own.
"I do have the gym membership, and I am going to use it" However, if she misses the gym now and then, it is okay because she needs to work out the eating first (RIP, gym workouts)
She then says the book says that nobody expects perfection, so she won't worry about being perfect (the usual fatty mantra, which gives her some wiggle room to cheat)
"I guess that's it for now" she proclaims, with 13 minutes remaining to this mind-bogglingly boring video.
She explains she used to eat a whole pizza with extra cheese, but now she can only eat a single one-ounce serving... (We get it, Chantal, jeez..) Portion control means her stomach doesn't get upset.
A cut happens while she shops. A strangely shifty-eyed Chantal shows off her cat food. She has a new plan now. She will start her diet right now (so she didn't start yesterday, as we guessed). She still has "carby" shit back home. She will donate it to the food bank (sure, Jan)
She is starting now, she insists again. Then she backtracks after saying this twice and says actually she started yesterday.
Another cut, and now she is driving. "I wasn't gonna do more talking..." Gawd, she is a boring windbag.
She was only gonna stop in to the supermarket for eggs, but she wound up spending $60. The first item she mentions are those appropriately-named Laughing Cow processed cheeses she loves so much. This is a major red flag, right here. She's gonna rely on those cheeses to cheat. She just got done talking about how she wasn't gonna be eating so much cheese, and now she's buying cheese.
She also got salted almonds, because the plain ones are too boring. This is another stupid food for a glutton to have on hand, especially after bad blood tests... "For me for now, I am having salted ones"
She bought four cans of tuna, because she is excited to have tuna and mayo (ahem, wouldn't mayo be a no-no, fatso?) with Sriracha (the favorite fatty sauce; Amberlynn guzzles it too) and avocado (one of the fattiest of all vegetables; she sure loves her avocados and guacamole). At this point, what she is describing sounds like her usual concoctions, not what the doctor was probably thinking of. This is why we should know she will fail again.
She bitches about her camera and calls out Samsung (in all this time, she has never figured out what auto-focus does). She manages to forget to turn while driving, while telling us this.
She also bought "turkey pepperettes" for a snack. She also got strawberries and romaine lettuce. She was so excited yesterday about being able to eat "unlimited vegetables" but she does not seem to have bought many vegetables. Lettuce and avocado.
"This way of eating is more satisfying for me, but I still sometimes want to eat" Jesus, fatso, go read a fucking book!
She is glad she is sleeping at night because of binging. Telling herself "no, you can't have it" makes her feel sad.
Dinner with Peetz is still on tomorrow. She will have a grilled chicken with a side of avocado (yesterday, it was supposed to be a small potato)
She got some creamy cucumber salad dressing. Not low in fat, but she is allowed it because it is probably a cream. 0 carbs, so she can gobble it up.
She is adjusting, so that is why she is constantly thinking of food. (Apparently she did not constantly think of food before)
"I just want to lose some weight for the summer" She tells us how uncomfortable it is to be a fatty in summer.
She will maybe do a vlog "100 days of summer" (She is not sure if summer even has 100 days). "I need to step up my game on my channel"
No more mukbangs. Instead, she'll do "eat with me"" videos.
She realizes she has been babbling away for nearly half an hour. "I just love 45 minute videos of only people talking", she says. "It gives me something to listen to while I am doing things that are mundane" She is hoping her videos fulfill the same purpose.
Then, she says she writes out her food at the beginning of the day every day.
Ground beef for dinner tonight. Hamburgers with cheese! Avocados on the side, strawberries with whipped cream, and almonds too!!! (Good fucking lord)
She has a very large hunk of meat with cheese melted on top (after consuming celery with cheese), and a huge trough of salad, smothered in non-lowfat creamy dressing. Then we see the strawberries with whipped cream. How did she manage to fit all that cheese, salad dressing, and whipped cream into the doctor's diet? She says she did it!
Thanks for watching!
TL;DR: In one of the most boring installments ever, Chantal skips the gym and games her diet to the breaking point on the very first day. Just as you would expect a committed deathfatty to do.
