Fanfiction Horrors

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For those not in the know, this is Katakuri:
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fishercat said:
People still call smut fics lemons nowadays?
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Not going to lie, the "citrus scale" terminology to describe these kinds of fics are a huge nostalgia trip and I still like it when someone actually uses it. Might show off their age, of course, but I've noticed calling something a "lemon" gives it a "wildcard" feel in that you don't usually know if the fic is going to be all that badly written--usually it is and many lols can be had, but you just go "Bottoms up" and take it in. At least with "smutfic", you can guarantee it's going to be shit no matter what because the author tries too hard to pretend they're classy and just make a fool out of themselves, but "lemons" at least can make some lemonade if the author's skillful enough.

So I went ahead and took the dive because I'm a masochist, and it's written exactly as I expected from something labeled a "lemon" but still saying "smut" alongside it:
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*guzzles down bitter drink*

Oh yeah, there's a sequel.

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EDIT: I'm still alive, somehow. Wow holy shit is that the most vanilla, boring sex I've ever read, and the dude's half-snake. Least the first used hypnotism because she described it as her being all floaty and there was some foreplay, but the sex itself has no variety. Nothing. I'm literally speechless at how uninspired the author is. You'd think it'd be kinky, but it's not. I think she copy-pasted sentences in the sequel without much thought, it was just like reading the previous chapter.

Can't believe I'm saying this, but I am extremely disappointed.
 
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MysticMisty said:
I thought FF.Net banned lemons all the way back in 2002. Nice to see that their mods are like DA's mods and they generally don't give a shit.
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Unless you have connections or you have to legit send them something through Twitter (because their Twitter's active), you have to literally report a rule-breaking fic over and over and over and over and over until it disappears whenever. I'm pretty sure their backlog of reports is long enough to wrap itself around Earth tenfold at this point. Like I wouldn't be surprised if in the Purge of 2012, they didn't respond to all their backlog.

Pretty funny that they'll work on fixing any and all bugs the site gets but good fucking luck at getting anything done through reporting.
 
I wouldn't be surprised at all if they're like the DA mods and keep all the fics they can fap to while only banning the shit (or the authors) they hate.
 
A Random said:
So with the subject having turned over to Pokémon for a while, I remembered this one guy who, even if not a cow proper, might be worth a laugh or something.

Going by Jesse GS the II on SPPf, tonight's subject is some guy who thought that what the Pokémon setting needed to become mature was a sitcom. However logical that is aside, this guy decided to actually go and put it down to writing, so good on him! Let's check what his first chapter is like!

...oh.

Yeah, this guy just made his show into easy and simple paragraphs per each episode that tells the entire story for people. Which led to him writing ten whole seasons of this. [each word is a different season]

Funny enough, it was trying to start a new project there that got him in trouble, with an admin telling him to stop doing that, only for him to get butthurt and leave forever. Which I guess was the end of that.

...huh. The guy has a deviantArt account linked in his signature. I wonder if it still works?

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https://www.deviantart.com/jbwarner86/gallery/
...okay, I'm a terrible judge of art, but this guy's work reminds me of Dobson, if not completely as bad as his. Maybe they just shade alike.

Anyway, guy moved on to making comics, drawing fanart, and people underwater. A whole lot.

I didn't expect any of that when I looked this guy up, honest.
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He actually did write a few scripts. They weren't that bad even if they did exhibit things like giving too many throwaway lines to too many characters and copying jokes directly from The Simpsons. The did feel like they could have had some potential if he had improved his writing skills and stuff

He also posted it at the nohomers forum. "Make a season of a fictional spinoff with paragraph long episode description" fics were kind of a thing over there and this was actually one of the better ones.
 
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"The Great Sex Olympics of 221B"
https://archiveofourown.org/works/477669

If you can get past the cringe factor this is one of the most hilarious things I've ever read in my life and I'm glad I was reminded of it recently
The plot you ask? John and Sherlock get into an argument over who would be best at sex and decide the only way to determine the superior fuck machine is to each fuck a man and a woman while the other watches and grade each other's performance. This is set in BBC's Sherlock because of course it is. Written by a published author if I remember correctly
 
fishercat said:
Just looked it up.

View attachment 671687
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Oh good, I thought it was something much worse involving the intestinal track just because it's a farting kink fic (even though it sounds closer to "gluten" and it's like why would you name a part of your body after wheat protein lol).

Learn something new every day.
 
MysticMisty said:
I didn't even know that that there's an ass version of scissoring, and I hate that I know that now.
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It's more along the lines of tittyfucking, but this ass-scissoring (where no genitalia is touching whatsoever so it's literal buttsex) sounds fucking hilarious and it would not surprise me if that was present in a yaoi fic by a virgin fujoshi.
 
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