Brother Rabbit
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- Jan 4, 2018
Not exactly fanfiction, but in 2014 a WattPad author tracked down and smashed a wine bottle on the back of her head after she left a bad review on his book.
He also named the main character of the book, Ella Tundra after a woman he had previously stalked, he kept it in a wordpress blog called "The Benevolent Stalker", it's gone though.
He now hears voices that tell him he's the devil.
He also named the main character of the book, Ella Tundra after a woman he had previously stalked, he kept it in a wordpress blog called "The Benevolent Stalker", it's gone though.
Paige Rolland's review
Oct 27, 14
1 of 5 stars
read count: Once
Before anyone reads any further, I must confess that I haven't read this entire story. I've only read the prologue, courtesy of Mr. Brittain leaving it on Wattpad as a means of advertising and expanding his audience. There are two reasons I did not choose to buy this book and read the entire thing. Reason one being that the prologue was just awful and I certainly would not be paying £5 plus P+P to read the entire thing. Reason two...well, I don't have a Kindle. And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't be paying £1.90 for it. Surely Mr. Brittain was aware that first time authors self-pubbing give the Kindle book away for free. That way more people are likely to actually read it.
Let's first talk about the cover.
As a writer self-publishing, I would have hoped Mr. Brittain did his research and understood the costs behind it. Surely he was aware of how much a good cover would cost him. What I'm looking at now looks painfully like something my English teachers in high school would make me read. Or a textbook. A washed-out photograph of a dirt path through a thin cluster of tress? Well...it doesn't do anything for me and it certainly wouldn't catch my eye in a bookstore. That combined with the bland colours used for the text and borders around that makes for an incredibly anti-climactic cover. And it definitely doesn't scream "fantasy/romance novel" to me.
That blurb...
Yeah, that's not a blurb. All I get is that it's a fairytale and that the title means something. Nothing about the characters (other than the main one is a renowned beauty - urgh, gag me) nor about the plot. Probably because those elements are nothing more than a nice effort, at best. And if you have to explain the metaphor that is your title, you're doing something wrong.
Now, to the prologue. As a reader, I'm bored out of my skull and severely disappointed in what I might have paid for. As a writer (albeit an amateur one) I'm appalled that anyone would think this was worthy of money.
Not only does it begin with "once upon a time" which you could argue is perfect as this is a fairytale (and it doesn't work, it's incredibly pretentious), but it's filled with many writing no-nos. Way too much telling, pretentious prose, and a main character that I already hate. Ella is the perfect princess (true to fairytales, so we can at least give him a little credit despite how painfully annoying this is coupled with a complete lack of real personality shining through).
I'd like to take a moment to explain that fairytales, for those of you who don't know, are short. They are short because frankly, nobody can stand that kind of writing for very long. It's not considered good. Fairytales are there to entertain. Usually to entertain children. Full-length novels written for teens to adults?
Can we deal with the purple prose for a second? All this over-describing and stupidly flowery wording to describe Ella walking to her balcony and looking out.
Unfortunately, Mr. Brittain has gained a bit of infamy on Wattpad where he's known for threatening users who don't praise him (pray for me) and telling successfully published authors that they know nothing about the industry and are completely wrong in saying that writing rules must be followed in order to be successful. What I'm saying is, you can expect complete disregard for basic rules that lead to good writing for the entirety of this story.
Another writing rule that's big is to avoid adverbs like the plague, particularly words like "suddenly". Such a shame Brittain used this very word (which is considered a cheap and childish way of conveying suddenness, FYI) to describe a wolf howling and Ella jumping back in fear. So not only is Ella physically perfect, she's faint-hearted too. Such a fair maiden. Never was a maiden so fair nor so beauteous. Nor so boobilicious.
Oh please.
Sentence structure. It's all very repetitive. First part of sentence, second part of sentence. And that's mostly how it goes. The first part of the sentence is separated by a comma before we go into the second part of the unnecessarily detailed sentence. It's painfully dull to read. Doesn't do much for engaging the brain.
Dialogue tags. They're not so bad, but combined with those adverbs? Another writing no-no that Brittain has chosen to completely ignore has made this story all the harder to read.
Here is a perfect example of that purple prose I was talking about as well as this problem Brittain seems to have when it comes to over-describing. "The princess let her pet melt under her keen stare for a bit longer before she bent forward for stroke him." This is fine, right? Well...no. Only because it is then followed by this: "Ella caressed Duncan's fine brown hair, rubbing his ears and scratching him with scarlet fingernails." First of all, we already know what colour the damn dog is thanks to the paragraph before. Also, we already know she is stroking him, so why do we need all this "caressing" stuff thrown in there and who cares what colour perfect Ella's fingernails are? As if we need more reasons to dislike her already.
At some point, Duncan the dog "suddenly" becomes aggressive towards something in the room and all of that purple prose and telling and usage of "suddenly" completely ruined it. I didn't care. I wasn't scared. Why Brittain seems to think he can get away with not following these important writing rules is beyond me.
This sentence now. ("SPIT IT OUT!" Ella shouted.) I don't think Brittain knows that using all caps like that in a story other than a children's book is considered highly unprofessional. Not to mention with the exclamation point and the dialogue tag, we know Ella is shouting. So the caps become redundant anyway.
"But the bulldog merely yawned, slumped lazily in his basket with a sullen frown on his face." Adverbs: check. Redundancy: check. Slumping is a lazy action. Frowns are usually sullen. From the context, we know this. I just...
Urgh, I can't. Even if there WAS more on Wattpad to read, I wouldn't. This is painful. Everything is written through telling and purple prose which is just about the worst combination there is as both a reader and writer. You can have the most fantastic plot in the world, but if you can't write it well, it won't sell. At least concerning self-publishing. And bad writing usually equals bad characters.
In the end (SPOILER) Ella's father is found dead and Ella cries. Like...I don't even care. There has been so little character development here (not that he allowed himself the room for that with all the pointless description) for a character I didn't like from the first sentence about her, that I don't give a damn if her father's dead or she's crying or how scared of the wolf's howl she was.
The writing of this entire prologue (and what I managed to see of the chapters before they were removed from Wattpad) is bland and boring to read. It's hard to keep reading because it's so boring. It reads like a history book, and nobody goes into a fantasy/romance for bland, boring, textbook-like writing.
And Brittain has the audacity to say "To continue reading, please purchase the book..." You mean I have to pay to read something that's not been professionally edited? No thank you >.<
I wouldn't even download a free version of the book to be perfectly honest with you. Brittain's infamy on Wattpad means that we Wattpadders know he didn't bother to invest in a professional editor for this, which means he has little respect for his readers. It also means he's incredibly stubborn and arrogant if he thinks this kind of material is worth money.
I strongly feel that had this undergone a round of edits from a professional and if Brittain had opted to make friends on Wattpad instead of enemies, he could have found himself some lovely beta-readers who would have helped him sort out all of these rookie mistakes.
It's a real shame because there is plenty of potential here. But nobody wants to read a "potentially good" book. We want to read books polished to perfection, and sadly, I think The World Rose is far from perfection.
[EDIT] - The writer of the World Rose is arrogant. SO arrogant, in fact, that my review hit him where it hurts a little to hard. In return, he found out where I worked through Facebook, came from LONDON to where I live in the east of Scotland, and attacked me by hitting me over the head with a wine bottle from behind. Not a word or a sound. And then he left. I had to be taken to hospital to receive medical treatment for it, which included several stitches in my head.
Warning - make sure you are internet safe. Check your privacy settings. Because sick men like Mr. Brittain do exist.
[EDIT 2] - For those asking, of course charges are being pressed. I required medical attention, and had the hit been anywhere else or had I been hit harder, I could have died. Don't worry, I am making sure things are being done about this.
[EDIT 3] - Guys, I would love it if you all kept the arguing in the comments to a minimum >.< It's very messy. The comments section of my fair and constructive review is NOT the place to be arguing with one man about whether or not he blamed me or any other victims for their own attack, NOR is it the place to preach about being nicer in our reviews. If there are any more comments about this victim-blaming affair after my latest reply to the user in question, I will delete them >.< I don't want things to get any uglier than they already are. If you wish to continue any discussions about the matter, I ask you all to please take it to private message or simply let the matter go. If I was badly offended by the particular "victim-blaming" post, I'd have made that very clear to the user who posted. You are all perfectly within your rights to be upset about something, but this is my review and my situation, and I am not affected x3
Oct 27, 14
1 of 5 stars
read count: Once
Before anyone reads any further, I must confess that I haven't read this entire story. I've only read the prologue, courtesy of Mr. Brittain leaving it on Wattpad as a means of advertising and expanding his audience. There are two reasons I did not choose to buy this book and read the entire thing. Reason one being that the prologue was just awful and I certainly would not be paying £5 plus P+P to read the entire thing. Reason two...well, I don't have a Kindle. And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't be paying £1.90 for it. Surely Mr. Brittain was aware that first time authors self-pubbing give the Kindle book away for free. That way more people are likely to actually read it.
Let's first talk about the cover.
As a writer self-publishing, I would have hoped Mr. Brittain did his research and understood the costs behind it. Surely he was aware of how much a good cover would cost him. What I'm looking at now looks painfully like something my English teachers in high school would make me read. Or a textbook. A washed-out photograph of a dirt path through a thin cluster of tress? Well...it doesn't do anything for me and it certainly wouldn't catch my eye in a bookstore. That combined with the bland colours used for the text and borders around that makes for an incredibly anti-climactic cover. And it definitely doesn't scream "fantasy/romance novel" to me.
That blurb...
Yeah, that's not a blurb. All I get is that it's a fairytale and that the title means something. Nothing about the characters (other than the main one is a renowned beauty - urgh, gag me) nor about the plot. Probably because those elements are nothing more than a nice effort, at best. And if you have to explain the metaphor that is your title, you're doing something wrong.
Now, to the prologue. As a reader, I'm bored out of my skull and severely disappointed in what I might have paid for. As a writer (albeit an amateur one) I'm appalled that anyone would think this was worthy of money.
Not only does it begin with "once upon a time" which you could argue is perfect as this is a fairytale (and it doesn't work, it's incredibly pretentious), but it's filled with many writing no-nos. Way too much telling, pretentious prose, and a main character that I already hate. Ella is the perfect princess (true to fairytales, so we can at least give him a little credit despite how painfully annoying this is coupled with a complete lack of real personality shining through).
I'd like to take a moment to explain that fairytales, for those of you who don't know, are short. They are short because frankly, nobody can stand that kind of writing for very long. It's not considered good. Fairytales are there to entertain. Usually to entertain children. Full-length novels written for teens to adults?
Can we deal with the purple prose for a second? All this over-describing and stupidly flowery wording to describe Ella walking to her balcony and looking out.
Unfortunately, Mr. Brittain has gained a bit of infamy on Wattpad where he's known for threatening users who don't praise him (pray for me) and telling successfully published authors that they know nothing about the industry and are completely wrong in saying that writing rules must be followed in order to be successful. What I'm saying is, you can expect complete disregard for basic rules that lead to good writing for the entirety of this story.
Another writing rule that's big is to avoid adverbs like the plague, particularly words like "suddenly". Such a shame Brittain used this very word (which is considered a cheap and childish way of conveying suddenness, FYI) to describe a wolf howling and Ella jumping back in fear. So not only is Ella physically perfect, she's faint-hearted too. Such a fair maiden. Never was a maiden so fair nor so beauteous. Nor so boobilicious.
Oh please.
Sentence structure. It's all very repetitive. First part of sentence, second part of sentence. And that's mostly how it goes. The first part of the sentence is separated by a comma before we go into the second part of the unnecessarily detailed sentence. It's painfully dull to read. Doesn't do much for engaging the brain.
Dialogue tags. They're not so bad, but combined with those adverbs? Another writing no-no that Brittain has chosen to completely ignore has made this story all the harder to read.
Here is a perfect example of that purple prose I was talking about as well as this problem Brittain seems to have when it comes to over-describing. "The princess let her pet melt under her keen stare for a bit longer before she bent forward for stroke him." This is fine, right? Well...no. Only because it is then followed by this: "Ella caressed Duncan's fine brown hair, rubbing his ears and scratching him with scarlet fingernails." First of all, we already know what colour the damn dog is thanks to the paragraph before. Also, we already know she is stroking him, so why do we need all this "caressing" stuff thrown in there and who cares what colour perfect Ella's fingernails are? As if we need more reasons to dislike her already.
At some point, Duncan the dog "suddenly" becomes aggressive towards something in the room and all of that purple prose and telling and usage of "suddenly" completely ruined it. I didn't care. I wasn't scared. Why Brittain seems to think he can get away with not following these important writing rules is beyond me.
This sentence now. ("SPIT IT OUT!" Ella shouted.) I don't think Brittain knows that using all caps like that in a story other than a children's book is considered highly unprofessional. Not to mention with the exclamation point and the dialogue tag, we know Ella is shouting. So the caps become redundant anyway.
"But the bulldog merely yawned, slumped lazily in his basket with a sullen frown on his face." Adverbs: check. Redundancy: check. Slumping is a lazy action. Frowns are usually sullen. From the context, we know this. I just...
Urgh, I can't. Even if there WAS more on Wattpad to read, I wouldn't. This is painful. Everything is written through telling and purple prose which is just about the worst combination there is as both a reader and writer. You can have the most fantastic plot in the world, but if you can't write it well, it won't sell. At least concerning self-publishing. And bad writing usually equals bad characters.
In the end (SPOILER) Ella's father is found dead and Ella cries. Like...I don't even care. There has been so little character development here (not that he allowed himself the room for that with all the pointless description) for a character I didn't like from the first sentence about her, that I don't give a damn if her father's dead or she's crying or how scared of the wolf's howl she was.
The writing of this entire prologue (and what I managed to see of the chapters before they were removed from Wattpad) is bland and boring to read. It's hard to keep reading because it's so boring. It reads like a history book, and nobody goes into a fantasy/romance for bland, boring, textbook-like writing.
And Brittain has the audacity to say "To continue reading, please purchase the book..." You mean I have to pay to read something that's not been professionally edited? No thank you >.<
I wouldn't even download a free version of the book to be perfectly honest with you. Brittain's infamy on Wattpad means that we Wattpadders know he didn't bother to invest in a professional editor for this, which means he has little respect for his readers. It also means he's incredibly stubborn and arrogant if he thinks this kind of material is worth money.
I strongly feel that had this undergone a round of edits from a professional and if Brittain had opted to make friends on Wattpad instead of enemies, he could have found himself some lovely beta-readers who would have helped him sort out all of these rookie mistakes.
It's a real shame because there is plenty of potential here. But nobody wants to read a "potentially good" book. We want to read books polished to perfection, and sadly, I think The World Rose is far from perfection.
[EDIT] - The writer of the World Rose is arrogant. SO arrogant, in fact, that my review hit him where it hurts a little to hard. In return, he found out where I worked through Facebook, came from LONDON to where I live in the east of Scotland, and attacked me by hitting me over the head with a wine bottle from behind. Not a word or a sound. And then he left. I had to be taken to hospital to receive medical treatment for it, which included several stitches in my head.
Warning - make sure you are internet safe. Check your privacy settings. Because sick men like Mr. Brittain do exist.
[EDIT 2] - For those asking, of course charges are being pressed. I required medical attention, and had the hit been anywhere else or had I been hit harder, I could have died. Don't worry, I am making sure things are being done about this.
[EDIT 3] - Guys, I would love it if you all kept the arguing in the comments to a minimum >.< It's very messy. The comments section of my fair and constructive review is NOT the place to be arguing with one man about whether or not he blamed me or any other victims for their own attack, NOR is it the place to preach about being nicer in our reviews. If there are any more comments about this victim-blaming affair after my latest reply to the user in question, I will delete them >.< I don't want things to get any uglier than they already are. If you wish to continue any discussions about the matter, I ask you all to please take it to private message or simply let the matter go. If I was badly offended by the particular "victim-blaming" post, I'd have made that very clear to the user who posted. You are all perfectly within your rights to be upset about something, but this is my review and my situation, and I am not affected x3
He now hears voices that tell him he's the devil.
![:\](/styles/custom/emotes/svg/chris-confused.svg "Confused :\")
I also attempted to read the story with those tags, but it's all drivel. Granted I think she got the dreary atmosphere of Corpse Bride down-pat, but it's not Corpse Bride, it's the upbeat Nightmare Before Christmas. The OC apparently is actually a chub, but you don't learn that until after Jack chased away her misogynist betrothed like six chapters in.