The Cole Smithey Thread

  • ⚙️ Performance issue identified and being addressed.
  • Want to keep track of this thread?
    Accounts can bookmark posts, watch threads for updates, and jump back to where you stopped reading.
    Create account
Well, there is proof that aspergers is genetic. In that video, cole reads densely written copy from wikis like he was reading the phone book with the exact same inflections in every sentence. That is a trick when you're talking about a woman chopping of a man's dick and carrying it around town in her purse. It reminds me of the test for replicants at the beginning of Blade Runner. Can you say this sentence without a shred of real emotion in it?
 
I was just looking at Cole's Rotten Tomatoes page just to see how contrarian he wants to be, and, in addition to two reviews being right on top of each other as "one of the worst movies of 2012," there is this...bizarre quote from his review of the Spongebob Squarepants Movie:

"The questions that the religious right needs to ask are how and why they ever confused homosexuality with pedophilia. Not only does blurring this issue do gays a disservice, it lets SpongeBob get away with murder.”

I didn't click the full review because what in the world could he possibly be talking about?
 
I was just looking at Cole's Rotten Tomatoes page just to see how contrarian he wants to be, and, in addition to two reviews being right on top of each other as "one of the worst movies of 2012," there is this...bizarre quote from his review of the Spongebob Squarepants Movie:

"The questions that the religious right needs to ask are how and why they ever confused homosexuality with pedophilia. Not only does blurring this issue do gays a disservice, it lets SpongeBob get away with murder.”

I didn't click the full review because what in the world could he possibly be talking about?

Chances are, he didn't watch the movie.
 
His list of rotten movies is all "This is the worst movie of ____," "One of the worst movies of ____," "Early contender for the worst movie of ____."

The movies he likes are typically foreign, and that's when he busts out the thesaurus:

"'Wild Strawberries' is a thematically abundant film that fluidly condenses a lifetime's worth of experience into succinct cinematic fragments under Ingmar Bergman's complex construction of abstract corollaries."
 
I'm sorry if this has been mentioned earlier (I haven't read the entire thread yet,) but it's also painfully obvious that he bought Youtube views
https://youtube.com/watch?v=eny58TyFTZ4104,236 views. 18 likes. 16 dislikes. 3 comments. Yikes.
His next popular video has 7,133 views.
(Screengrab for posterity)


Lol, doesn't he realise that when there is a disproportionately high amount of views to like/dislikes and comments that the view-count just screams: FAKE. What a fucking loser. That screencap of his videos and hits was quite funny: 8 views on a 3 month old video. I've got more that 10 times the subs he has, I didn't know he had so little.
 
Wild Strawberries is a really good movie though.

It is pathetic to buy views, "likes", "freinds" etc, but a LOT of people do it. A TV show I worked for would pay for views and followers and I never really understood the point because there still wasn't any discussion about the show in the comments or FB profile. However, other people in the industry would always look at the page and say "wow, you have ____ subscribers, very impressive!" Yet they bought subscribers for their own channels as well... Everybody lies to each other and sort of just forgets about it.

My personal Youtube channel doesn't have a huge amount of subscribers, and some videos don't even have 1000 views (the most is like 14,000 i think) but they get a lot of comments and discussions - a lot more than his videos with thousands of views.
It's unrealistic for a reviewer to have so many views with a low amount of comments because everyone wants to give their shitty opinion about the movies too.

"I quite like <foreign director> though I find his later works to be quite cliched. <list of five more obscure directors> were far better at portraying the poetic allusions of the Portuguese–Mamluk naval war and the aftermath of the fallen Ottoman empire."
 
It is pathetic to buy views, "likes", "freinds" etc, but a LOT of people do it. A TV show I worked for would pay for views and followers and I never really understood the point because there still wasn't any discussion about the show in the comments or FB profile. However, other people in the industry would always look at the page and say "wow, you have ____ subscribers, very impressive!" Yet they bought subscribers for their own channels as well... Everybody lies to each other and sort of just forgets about it.

I was an intern for a record label during the dying days of the music industry. The notion of a record going "gold" in the US was mostly fraudulent and for public consumption, but you often saw people on the inside -- the ones that committed the fraud for public consumption -- buying into it totally. A weird doublethink - everything about it was faked. Records that sold 300k+ copies were fucked until they got to gold. Legit gold records that sold 700k+ were fucked to get to platinum. If you were at 300k or 700k then either your A&R person got fired or the company didn't like you.

The rationale then was, like you say, "everyone does it" but it was also a calculated marketing decision. Nobody issues press releases to celebrate being "almost gold".

Cole can't really rationalize this as a business decision -- it's his life. That's where his smugness and his fedora and his "abstract corollaries" comes from, I think. He's not unpopular because he's not a very good writer or insightful critic but because the masses, man... the sheeple just don't get it. But I'm Big in Des Moines...

Allow me to introduce you to

Cole Smithey: 9/11 Truther

The cell phone/air phone calls are an area of tacit fiction that the auteur fudges with discreet but significant treatment. The actual recorded calls from the "passengers" of United 93 are suspiciously vague and calculated. The calls were never more than a couple of sentences long and share a symmetrical brand of abstract logic that rings false in the context of a hijacked aircraft.

Transcripts of the "calls" reads like answers from a sixth grader cheating on a test he doesn’t know the questions to.

"It’s bad news. I need you to be happy."

"Ted, what can I do? What can I tell the pilot?"

"We’ve been hijacked. He had an Islamic book."

"It’s getting very bad on the plane… the plane is making jerky movements."

These examples taken, from the 9/11 Commission’s Report as referenced in writer/director Dylan Avery’s persuasive documentary "9/11 Loose Change," are telling for their clipped structure and ridiculously short length. They don't convey any of the mile-a-minute patter that a panicked person would use to call for immediate help in a hijack situation.

...

Ultimately, "United 93" is a regurgitation of suspicious media-fueled speculation about events on an airplane that we know very little about. This is a movie that does more to discourage raising questions about what really happened to flight 93 than it does to encourage debate over the bastion of lies that have been fed to the American people.

It is an interesting footnote that United flight 93 was not scheduled to fly on 9/11, and that the plane (tail number N5IUA) was spotted by United Airline’s employee David Friedman on April 10, 2003 at Chicago’s O’Hare Airport, and that the plane is listed as still valid with the FAA. Dylan Avery provided essential information used in this article in his documentary "9/11 Loose Change."
 
is this real

Yeah, it is. I first found it on this post (title: "United 93 Moonbat: Cole Smithey's Inept Review")

Here's a contemporary Free Republic thread (wow, I forgot that site existed) in which they assume he's a conspiracy theorist writing film reviews, rather than just a really bad film reviewer with some crackpot ideas.

I thought maybe it was the kind of thing he regrets (it was, after all, 8 years ago).

But he posted this on his completely unread site a just last week:

PLGb8Cl.png

Just randomly. Not in response to anything. Just "here's a great video from CSPAN with a guy whose life mission is to peddle bunk science proving that 9/11 was a hoax".

So I think it's pretty certain he's still a Truther.
 
This is embarrassing. From a 50 year old, it's tragic.
Holy fuck, he's fifty. I cannot believe I just realized he's fifty and still trying to review movies in this fashion. If it was a passion or a hobby or a side project, completely understandable, its just a guy doing what he loves to do. He thinks this is his career and that he's a guy making a difference.
 
Given his hipster leanings, he probably is anti-U.S. So anything foreign is automatically better than Hollywood.

Foreign films are generally better than Hollywood because they break away from tired tropes. Watch the uncensored cut of "Lust, Caution" for a good example. Just when you think there is going to be a happy ending....
 
Cole can't really rationalize this as a business decision -- it's his life. That's where his smugness and his fedora and his "abstract corollaries" comes from, I think. He's not unpopular because he's not a very good writer or insightful critic but because the masses, man... the sheeple just don't get it. But I'm Big in Des Moines...
I'm sure HE can rationalize it as a business decision, the same way Chris can rationalize buying Legos after begging for money to buy food. It doesn't matter why he THINKS he isn't popular, but you and I both know he's not popular because he isn't good. He brings nothing new to the table, his personality isn't good, and even his graphics suck. He doesn't review "niche" movies that would bring in some loyal viewers, he reviews the same movies everyone else has already reviewed a million times - and he says the exact things they say. He is one fish in a huge ocean, and if you did manage to somehow catch him, you wouldn't think twice about him before you gutted and cooked him.

If someone "caught" his autistic brother they would take some pictures to show their friends, at least.
 
Back
Top Bottom