💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556

Edit: Jack lies between crunches of his oh-so-tender venison roast. Whenever meat actually is tender, Jack makes a big deal about it by pulling it apart with his fingers or rubbery lips. How do people still take him at his word?
 
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AnOminous said:
The usual Jack charred shit dripping blood on the inside method. This idiot never learns.
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That's why you don't put a sugar filled glaze on your bbq meat until the last 30 minutes of your cook. That's all burnt sugar.

Inside color looks fine, but we can't say if it's dry or not. I don't know much about venison, but I'm pretty sure it's a really lean meat.

Why did he throw steaks in his smoker?
 
Charlie Delicious said:
Inside color looks fine, but we can't say if it's dry or not. I don't know much about venison, but I'm pretty sure it's a really lean meat.
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It's generally very lean meat. I knew a farmer once who would let deer eat corn for most of the growing season then shoot them at the end. While still lean, it's relatively fattened up and sweet instead of gamy. He made sausages, steaks, roasts and other things out of it and if you'd work for him you could get paid in it.

If he saw what Jack did to this thing he'd be horrified.
 
Never before have I wanted to see something so badly.

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Jack Historian said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=TERsO5Z8Loc
Edit: Jack lies between crunches of his oh-so-tender venison roast. Whenever meat actually is tender, Jack makes a big deal about it by pulling it apart with his fingers or rubbery lips. How do people still take him at his word?
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Running commentary. Fuck it.

1. Jack is working with rump roast. From venison, a very lean meat. Can already tell just from the cut and source that that shit needs to be slow cooked with the water pan or ground into sausage or patty form if you don't want a tire fire of a meal. Let's see how he cocks this up.
2. Jack marginally explains to the audience why venison is not a universally loved meat. He does not explain how to prevent the toughness and gaminess in the first place so Imma do it. The tricks are to look for a healthy deer (plumpness, good coat, horn health), kill it quick, and field dress and clean it efficiently.
3. Jack claims he'll use a thermometer. I already know he'll use it poorly on purpose so he can eat the raw flesh and satiate the Wendigo wearing his skin.
4. "Feggit" ~ Jack's Avatar as its eyes alight with the unholy hunger for flesh
5. Jack chooses to pick off the silverskin for some reason. I'm rather surprised he didn't just fillet out of impatience it given it's hard to cut and you can exploit that with some okay knife work. I guess the famine spirit is making sure to maximize its meat.
6a. He advises soaking the meat in water for a night to remove gaminess and reveals his ignorance by saying that. Fun fact: you don't really need to do this too much so long as you've let the critter drain out during dressing and already had it cleaned (via hose and rag) while letting it hang; hell doing this removes the flavor of the meat too and it should only be if your deer was kind of shit. Most you really do here is wipe with a warm wet rag.
6b. The fucking idiot leaves it overnight and doesn't change the water. When you do this stuff with water (mainly for shit like if you're cooking deer heart or liver which is full o' blood due to how you do field dressing), you need to do this for about a day. Also you change the water to make the process more efficient.
6c. JUST NOTICED THIS DUMB WOP IS WEARING HIS BACTERIA COVERED RING OF FAIL WITH THIS WATER SHIT AND TOUCHES THE MEAT! E. COLI COMING IN REEEE-

*One dosage of Ritalin later*

7. Jack has three bottles and is mumbling about measurements and not checking them. I am already preparing for a soy sauce shoah for this poor meat.
8. Am pleasantly surprised he did not drown the marinade in soy sauce, but then he drowned the marinade in worcestershire sauce and his own shit seasoning mix.
9. Jack begins desperately shilling for a thermometer company that he is not hired by or will use regularly. He lies through his teeth about using thermometers by the by.
10. Jack expresses fear due to the weather around him. It sounds like my joke about fucking wendigoes haunting him isn't entirely a joke...
11. Jack seemingly places the thermometers in correctly. I suspect that he may have avoided putting them in the thickest part of the meat though so he can appease the angry Cree cannibal spirits haunting him right now on screen.
12. I suspect Jack is lying about setting his temperature at 225 F. Mainly because the thumbnail of the video shows fucking burnt ass meat with a raw interior.
13. Jack is honestly right with his assessment. Venison being a dry meat means you do not want to overcook or render it done. I contend though that he fucked up given he picked the fucking rump roast rather than the sirloin part of the deer and he should've probably put a water pan in it to help prevent the smoking process from drying out and allowing the smoke to stick.
14. Jack is driven by the legion of hunger spirits possessing him and tormenting him to open the lid for no reason, thus letting moisture out of the container and drying out the meat. He also expresses joy that he shoved four more steaklets in there to ravenously consume.
15a. Jack the places his marinade/glaze onto the venison. With this, he has opened the lid at least three times. One to put more food into it, one to check on what it looks like, and now to cover the meat.
15b. Haha holy shit that rump looks fucking mummified. Probably should've put water or wine in the smoker pan you maroon.
16. "Isn't it gorgeous?" No Jack. It looks like a piece of anthracite I fucking dug out of a mine shaft in West Virginia and slammed onto a cutting board.
17. He has serious difficulty slicing into that roast. It's a fucking tire, despite being basically rare/uncooked. GG Jack.
18. Why the fuck you lyin' Jack? You audibly struggle to chew this roast after shoving a whole meat cut down your gob to satiate the tribe of ghosts infesting you and you fucking looked at the roast in confusion and betrayal before you fake your reaction and sell that shit. Tender my corpulent ass.
19. Shill shill shill I'm a shill, gimme freebies Inkbird you fucks.

Holy shit, this one was bad.
 
Adamska said:
6c. JUST NOTICED THIS DUMB WOP IS WEARING HIS BACTERIA COVERED RING OF FAIL WITH THIS WATER SHIT AND TOUCHES THE MEAT! E. COLI COMING IN REEEE-
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The ring annoys me too. Not only does he refuse to take it off for food safety reasons, he's totally arrogant about it. What's he trying to do, show his undying (until he dies of food poisoning) commitment to his humongous completely uncharismatic wife?
 

Post Planet Fitness """workout""" our human petri dish of food borne bacteria goes out for burgers with his pigwife. The chemical rush of "guilt free" fast food has them extra giddy in this video.
 
Nothing like a good post workout and then clogging your arteries with fast food. What a glutton.

Nutritional Info - Carl's Jr. Single Charbroiled Slider (94g)
Calories - 230 (from Fat - 100)
Fat - 11g (Saturated Fat - 4.5g)
Sodium - 410mg
Carbs - 20g (Sugar - 5g)
Protein - 11g

Nutritional Info - Carl's Jr. Triple Charbroiled Slider (182g)
Calories - 470 (from Fat - 260)
Fat - 29g (Saturated Fat - 13g)
Sodium - 700mg
Carbs - 20g (Sugar - 5g)
Protein - 27g
 
Jack Historian said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=OccLJMpy2k4
Post Planet Fitness """workout""" our human petri dish of food borne bacteria goes out for burgers with his pigwife. The chemical rush of "guilt free" fast food has them extra giddy in this video.
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Of course he doesn't realize that this totally negates his trip to the gym. And I can guarantee you there's no way that this is truly calorie neutral in that he burned off enough at the gym and replaced it with artery clogging fat from the sliders. No, he's into positive integers now.
 
of course jack goes straight to a fast food joint right after "working out." and i would put money on their "workout" being nothing more than walking on a treadmill for 5 minutes before they lost their breath

don't think i've ever seen tammy so talkative in a video before. she's usually trying her hardest to get as far away from the camera as possible. i think jack historian is right that they're both super happy in this video because they feel like since they "worked out" they can eat like shit without feeling guilty
 
Jack Historian said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=TERsO5Z8Loc
Edit: Jack lies between crunches of his oh-so-tender venison roast. Whenever meat actually is tender, Jack makes a big deal about it by pulling it apart with his fingers or rubbery lips. How do people still take him at his word?
Click to expand...
Oh this just hurts me. He did everything wrong with this venison. Literally everything was wrong and still he exclaims that it's so good.

The man simply doesn't care about taste. It's simply getting more food into him.
 
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