The Cole Smithey Thread

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Super Sexy Action Furry said:
...that's the Pawn Stars guy.
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Picklechu said:
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Rick is a semi-famous tv star who also happens to be a multimillionaire though his own hard work. Plus he's actually likeable ( I have met him while in Vegas)

Cole is a vaguely know inter-net celeb who gets attention due to his retarded half brother whose sole drive is posting half ass'ed movie reviews in a desperate bid to get recognition for his genius.

If Cole was the least bit entertaining he's be a lolcow, as he is now he's a lame wanna-be hipster of no real note.
 
MrsFrizzle said:
I just ran a boatload of searches and found one Cole Smithey review in a newspaper---a review of Mr. Bean's Holiday in the Arkansas Times for August 30, 2007.

Oops, make that two! He wrote a review of American Splendor ( and interviewed Harvey Pekar) for the Chico News and Review on September 18, 2003.

Oh, man, here's another cache from the tiny Vermont alt-weekly Seven Days.

Good lord, the money must just be rolling in.
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So the last documented paying gig, at least with a physical newspaper, was 2007. Good job there, Cole.
 
DykesDykesChina said:
I wonder whether or rather when Cole will try to cash in on Chris in some way.
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I think it's too late for cole to cash in on anything significant...imo he should have struck while the iron was hot...during his short lived toy story 3 fame.

would be interesting to see a cwc/cole collaboration though.
 
From a review on that linked page:
For his latest filmic exploration François Ozon addresses a complex mix of sexual, personal, social, familial, gender-based, and technological issues, inexorably honing in on a striking synthesis of generational catharsis.
My Gods! Look at all those big and obscure words! He must be the smartest film critic in the world!
 
MerriedxReldnahc said:
From a review on that linked page:
For his latest filmic exploration François Ozon addresses a complex mix of sexual, personal, social, familial, gender-based, and technological issues, inexorably honing in on a striking synthesis of generational catharsis.
My Gods! Look at all those big and obscure words! He must be the smartest film critic in the world!
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He's probably talking about a movie that's just three hours of watching two people eat pie.
 
Artard said:
Actually you can find some recent reviews here, all of which apparently ran in something called "Cityview" which is the hippest altweekly in the state of Iowa.
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Okay. Thanks for the clarification.

EDIT- I do love how the title for his review of The Rover is "Even Robert Pattinson Can't Save The Rover." Like Robert Pattinson has proven himself to be some master thespian*.

*Have not seen Cosmopolis which is he is supposed to be great in.
 
lol that fedoracore portrait is actually Cole's official headshot. Count them down with me:

  1. Atheist
  2. Hates Republican Curs
  3. Unusual facial hair
  4. Vastly overestimates intellectual capacity
  5. Class rather than swag.
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MerriedxReldnahc said:
From a review on that linked page:
For his latest filmic exploration François Ozon addresses a complex mix of sexual, personal, social, familial, gender-based, and technological issues, inexorably honing in on a striking synthesis of generational catharsis.
My Gods! Look at all those big and obscure words! He must be the smartest film critic in the world!
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That is maybe the worst sentence I've ever read. Speak to me Shibe: wow.


DrChristianTroy said:
Okay. Thanks for the clarification.

EDIT- I do love how the title for his review of The Rover is "Even Robert Pattinson Can't Save The Rover." Like Robert Pattinson has proven himself to be some master thespian*.

*Have not seen Cosmopolis which is he is supposed to be great in.
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I've been in Des Moines. It can barely even be qualified as a "city". Most of the shit he reviews will never even play there (not because they're obscure, but how many theaters do you think a town of 200k people can support?) Based upon their web content (or lack thereof) I assume the "Cityview" is a bunch of filler with some car ads. Maybe that is Cole's target demographic.


Edit: Cole Smithey went on a binge for advertising his guitar lessons at the same time Chris became an Ebay Master, but I bet only one of them made money on it. Think about it, it's true and funny.

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Artard said:
Actually you can find some recent reviews here, all of which apparently ran in something called "Cityview" which is the hippest altweekly in the state of Iowa.
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Sweet, Artard! I feel like an idiot for not starting with his AAN page now.

Cityview, the newspaper so influential it's not indexed in the Gale Group databases of >13,000 US periodicals. They must pay really well, like $15-25 per article (usual for AAN syndication) and I think Cole gets to keep 60% of that.
 
Artard said:
lol that fedoracore portrait is actually Cole's official headshot. Count them down with me:

  1. Atheist
  2. Hates Republican Curs
  3. Unusual facial hair
  4. Vastly overestimates intellectual capacity
  5. Class rather than swag.
Click to expand...
Also that's the Guggenheim behind him. He's a real New York intellectual and drinks craft beer with John Ashbery and Martin Scorcese.
 
If Chris started his own movie review website in any sort of official capacity (we're already in fantasy land), he'd easily get more page counts than Cole. For a very long time. Personally, I'd never read the reviews of a "reviewer" that thinks Ebert didn't know what he was talking about.
 
Kind of late but did Cole say anything about the Lego Movie? I wanna see how it compared with Chris' amazingly analytic one.
 
China and Crystal said:
Kind of late but did Cole say anything about the Lego Movie? I wanna see how it compared with Chris' amazingly analytic one.
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If he does, you can imagine the review will be insufferably pretentious and condescending.

It's interesting comparing the two. Both are pompous pricks, but it's something when you have some smarts like Cole and are far more unlikable than our "esteemed" creator of Sonichu.
 
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