The Cole Smithey Thread

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I wonder if :ween: ever call Cole and shout lines from Toy Story 3 at him?

Also, that interview! He's never more than a sentence away from dropping another name. It's like some kind of verbal tic...
 
I AM THE CREASE DANGER said:
My god, you basically have to be Chris to brush off Roger Ebert telling you you are a moron. Any sensible critic would be devastated and try to hide it.
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This. I'd love to read the context for this. It sounds like Roger Ebert boxed Cole's ears for submitting a lazy and narrow-minded critique of a film -- and Cole's only response is "LOL U THINK MY TAGLINE IS SRS? XD"

That's a pretty stunning form of myopia -- right up there with

Matthew: You know, I think the last book Kacey read was last week. And she reads books like you probably stuff candy down your throat.
Chris: Stuff... candy... don't... I stuff vegetables down my throat! I stuff green beans! I stuff broccoli! I stuff corn! I stuff carrots!
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You know, if the dean of my industry said something like this to me... I would probably keep on too. But I would at least ask myself what it is that made him say that, and ask a few hard questions of myself. Ebert didn't have a problem with the fucking slogan you idiot.
 
He also bashed Godzilla (2014) because it didn't have the "Campyness of the original 1954 version".

Pretty sure he never saw the original as it is an incredibly bleak film about the horrors of the atomic bomb and the destruction of an entire city.
 
Wow! Cole is almost as stupid as his (half) brother. The Chandlers raised them boys right, huh? I mean, granted, Cole at least got the hell out of that backwater town, which is more than Chris will ever achieve, but Cole is also a pretentious wannabe hipster asshole with an ego the size of Montana. Living in New York. You know, a city full of pretentious wannabe hipster assholes, so even in that regard he doesn't stand out all that much. For all we can say about Chris, at least he isn't nearly as grating as Cole. Sure, he still has an ego and a massive sense of entitlement, but somehow, he doesn't come off as quite as much of a jackoff...
 
Gothicserpent said:
He also bashed Godzilla (2014) because it didn't have the "Campyness of the original 1954 version".

Pretty sure he never saw the original as it is an incredibly bleak film about the horrors of the atomic bomb and the destruction of an entire city.
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THIS. Before the new one I rewatched the original. While there is campiness it has more to do with the technical aspects of it than anything intentional. Even less if he is referencing Gojira as opposed to Godzilla: King of the Monsters.

God dammit Cole.
 
DrChristianTroy said:
THIS. Before the new one I rewatched the original. While there is campiness it has more to do with the technical aspects of it than anything intentional. Even less if he is referencing Gojira as opposed to Godzilla: King of the Monsters.

God dammit Cole.
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Somehow, I get the feeling Cole doesn't watch movies in the original language. He loves to namedrop foreign and/or obscure directors and films, but he does so in such a way that makes it feel more like he read a summary on Wikipedia or something. That and the fact that he only really namechecks the same names and films that every other critic does. I don't see him referencing, say, Pakistani films from the 70s or more recent Nigerian movies, for example. There's also a sort of condescending tone to his writing, as if he's talking down to his audience, almost scolding them for not knowing (or, more likely, not caring) about the things he considers "masterpieces."

Like I said, he's a pretentious douchebag.
 
Mogambo said:
Somehow, I get the feeling Cole doesn't watch movies in the original language. He loves to namedrop foreign and/or obscure directors and films, but he does so in such a way that makes it feel more like he read a summary on Wikipedia or something. That and the fact that he only really namechecks the same names and films that every other critic does. I don't see him referencing, say, Pakistani films from the 70s or more recent Nigerian movies, for example. There's also a sort of condescending tone to his writing, as if he's talking down to his audience, almost scolding them for not knowing (or, more likely, not caring) about the things he considers "masterpieces."

Like I said, he's a pretentious douchebag.
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Oh very much so. If you look at his rotten tomatoes profile (which doesn't give his site hits so its win-win) his top rated movies are all the established masterpieces. He isn't going out on a limb by saying Casablanca is a classic. I also doubt he has seen many foreign movies (especially in the original language). He seems the type that would repeat what his professor said as opposed to have his own opinion. See example below.


Slightly Off Topic- As for the original language I'm 50/50. On the one hand I do think you get more out of watching a film with subtitles. On the other sometimes a movie is better dubbed like old Shaw Brothers movies. I definitely think it is a case-by-case basis type of thing.
 
Gothicserpent said:
He also bashed Godzilla (2014) because it didn't have the "Campyness of the original 1954 version".

Pretty sure he never saw the original as it is an incredibly bleak film about the horrors of the atomic bomb and the destruction of an entire city.
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Even assuming he's watched the Japanese original and not awful American dub (unlikely), he probably just spent most of the time laughing at the dated effects and ignored the dialog and such. He wouldn't be the first to do it (I saw my dad watching the American dub a few years back and he was basically laughing his ass off at the effects, and just ignored/refused to believe me when I tried to explain what it's supposed to be about). And it's certainly not the first time Cole has completely misunderstood the point of a movie.
 
I've taken precisely one film class, and have worked at a movie theater for almost a decade. I haven't sat and watched a new movie in its entirety in years, with rare exception. I still feel I'm more qualified to be a film critic than our beloved Cole.
 
The Mountain said:
I've taken precisely one film class, and have worked at a movie theater for almost a decade. I haven't sat and watched a new movie in its entirety in years, with rare exception. I still feel I'm more qualified to be a film critic than our beloved Cole.
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My small time blog has had indie directors and the creator of The Goldbergs leave comments. This makes me Roger Ebert in comparison to Cole.
 
I watched MST 3000 a lot when I was a teenager, and that makes me a more qualified film critic than Cole.
 
Okay, I found Cole's version of Ebert calling him out.

It started with a commenter on Ebert's blog (the "Anonymous" here):

By Anonymous on March 30, 2009 12:31 PM
I can't believe it. Cole Smithy [sic], who brags he is "the most intelligent movie critic in the world," has just spoiled the perfect 100% rating of "Goodbye Solo" the TomatoMeter. All he writes is a short, shallow, idiotic dismissal. What an a$$hole.

Ebert: I went to look at it. What a pathetic review. A few generalities and some snarking at Tony Scott. One expects better from the most intelligent critic in the world.

By Cole Smithey on April 12, 2009 11:30 PM
In all fairness Roger, regarding "generalities," I was very specific about what I see as a glaring flaw in the screenwriting of "Goodbye Solo," where the author is far too in love with his leading character's name. I'm sure you know that this was a pet peeve of Cassavetes, and I dare say that "Goodbye Solo" is not on a par with films like "Opening Night" or "A Woman Under the Influence"--both very tangible examples of "neo-neo-realist" films.

I credited Tony for mis-branding the film as "neo-neo-realist" movie because I overheard someone quoting his review and was surprised to discover that he really had written it. He should know better. I stand by my opinion that "the film ["Goodbye Solo"] represents a barely competent script made gripping by an inspired director and two equally talented actors. Ramin Bahrani is a promising filmmaker who needs to work much harder at crafting dialogue and complete stories."

It's a capsule review for crying-out-loud.

A film like "Tulpan" puts "Goodbye Solo" to shame. Let's give credit where credit is due.

Love the dialogue.
Kindest regards,
Cole Smithey

Ebert: Well, we disagree, but I thank you for elaborating. I know what it's like to swim upstream in a river of rotten tomatoes. Just consider my review of "Knowing."
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It's amusing that Cole would bring this up!

"Love the dialogue!" says Cole Smithey.

"What a pathetic review!" says Roger Ebert.
 
I love that he considered that to be a "dialogue" with Roger Ebert. That's all I got, because a headache is slamming the witty center of my brain.
 
The Mountain said:
I love that he considered that to be a "dialogue" with Roger Ebert. That's all I got, because a headache is slamming the witty center of my brain.
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I had a Tweet favorited by Cameron Esposito. In the Cole World I'm pretty sure this makes us colleagues in comedy.
 
I love it. He's bragging about Ebert insulting him. Cole is definitely a Weston.
 
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