Stupid things you've heard at school

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There was a girl in my school who panicked when I told her that I had eaten vanilla ice cream before I went to bed the previous night. She told me that if you ate it before bed worms would grow in your stomach. Now I was of course skeptical. I didn't believe the story about how swallowing a watermelon seed would cause a watermelon to grow in your stomach. But this was about worms. So I started thinking that maybe parasites were in ice cream. So I avoided vanilla for a bit until I realised how stupid this all was. I asked my mom and she said that this girl was probably told this because her mother didn't want her eating ice cream before bed. I think I was in second or third grade. I can still clearly see the scenario in my head. It's stuck with me all this time as one of the stupidest things I ever heard.
 
Oh, man. The one that comes to mind is when I was my school's library computer lab, I didn't hear the bell ring! And I overheard the typical airhead blonde was talking to her friends about two beautiful parents making an ugly baby; while two ugly parents make a cute baby. Then all of a sudden they asked what my parents looked like. My mind was blank so I said "what?" and they left me alone.
 
The first thing that the token autistic kid at my old high school said to anyone there was him rambling about Kung-Fu Panda in the middle of class, and for the first week or two, he'd openly (and loudly) threaten to kill people and rape souls.

He'd make for a good lolcow if he had an internet presence.
 
AnOminous said:
That's double-barreled stupid, because not only are animals often fossilized in lava, but well, Pokemon.
Click to expand...
Ash yes, Lava no. Fossils usually only occur in sedimentary deposits however volcanic ash can preserve biological matyter in situations such as the city of Pompeii. Lava is too hot, any biological matter it encounters is incinerated way before any preservation can occur.

Anyway..

I once had a teacher tell me that psycological bullying didn't exist because you could just choose not to feel bullied. Whenever anybody reported bullying to her (she was the deputy headmistress) she would ask them to "Show her the bruises". This in a school that boasted about its successful anti-bullying policy on it'd god damn entrance sign.
 
-In third grade we got a new student from Puerto Rico. Teacher tells us of the shitty awful existence he and his family are fleeing from. She says "Carlos is so lucky he came here when he did, this year in Puerto Rico he'd be forced to take a test that would decide his job for the rest of his life!"

His parents were super rich doctors and they moved into a huge mansion. They were like Token's family on South Park. A lot of us wished we could take a test to be rich in third grade.

-Got downgraded in art class by the teacher who was always trying to impress the girls in class. I'd get points taken off comics I'd draw because I wouldn't spell it "comix". I thought it looks dumb. Still do.

-Got outed as autistic by my 6th grade homeroom teacher, and had to sit in total shame and humiliation as she launched into a speech to the class about my special needs and how they all would accommodate me. It was as if she thought autism was Down syndrome or something.

Thing is, I don't have autism. And thanks to that incident, I had no friends in middle school either.
 
We had this habitual liar who said, "Me and the Red Vs Blue guys hijacked a plane once" with a straight fucking face, in high school. Im not sure i've ever laughed so hard in someones face. He also said, after talking to the army recruiter on campus once, that the army wouldn't take him because "he'd be too good at it, because he has no emotion".
 
less so a stupid thing i heard at school more so something stupid that happened to me instead
one day, i was in math class in middle school, near the end of the day. kid hits me in the back of the head with a textbook, twice. kid who hit me is let off for the rest of the day. vice principal suspended for three days because apparently i said the n word about obama (he was still president at the time) even though i didnt. my mom got pissed about it and got to the highest administrative teaching thing in the parish. im back in school one day later, but that kid never got suspended for hitting me
 
I have a bunch of these from elementary school and a few from high school.

When I was in elementary school, I used to have a teacher who got really mad at me for spelling the word "colour" with a u (when we had books that had that spelling).

My first grade teacher also hated when I used the word "vague" in my writing, despite me knowing what it meant. I was in first grade and didn't have the balls to use it again until third or fourth when I saw it in a book and thought it was "un-banned". Then again, said teacher wanted me to be held back because she thought I was severely disabled and not "emotionally ready" (when in reality the school staff didn't take bullying that seriously) for elementary school.

I also got yelled at for looking at a poster. The teacher thought I was looking at the "bad child" of the class. The way it was set up was that there were a series of posters in the closets where we'd all put our backpacks, and so if I wanted to I could turn around and read the posters. She interpreted it completely differently, and began to yell at me for "encouraging" the kid to continue misbehaving, and threatened to send me to the principal's office. Being the good noodle I was, I began to cry in the class because I didn't want to get in trouble.

And now jumping to high school, the sophomore class president was very conservative and actually somewhat pro-Hitler. He said Hitler had the right ideas, and that if he (the kid) could he'd gas anyone from the Middle East and put the gays in insitutions. The times I called him out for being racist he'd always threaten to shoot me - very loudly - which the school... didn't think was a problem, somehow? In public school I'm pretty sure the kid would've been expelled. Catholic school was a strange place.
 
There was this one crazy girl in elementary school who was convinced sex involves cutting off the guy's dick so the girl can penetrate the stub with ther clit. After a few years when we met again in a different school when I was 13, she was running around panicking because she thought she got pregnant from masturbating with a broom stick.

I also had this one asshole in high school who thought all the victims of 9\11 deserved to die and that it was holy retribution by God for the sins of America. For all I know he's out there praising Allah and raping goats in Syria.
 
Fat kid shoots pencil across classroom with his bellybutton, proceeded to say "you can't do this cause you aren't gay"

Had one kid in Spanish point to a white dudes boots and say "I like your negros". In his defense, he saw a picture of black boots with "negro" under it.

Had a teacher watch me look at my wrist, see I forgot my watch, then watch me turn it on to check the time. Had it taken because "you were texting in class" while I was putting it back in my pocket, even after showing her I legit had no contacts or friends to talk to.
 
I had a counselor that thought I was schizophrenic for using metaphors when I was seven. I didn't know the phrase "pins and needles" when your limbs fell asleep, so I called them "bees in my shoes." She flipped out. My mom had to assure her that I did this stuff all the time.
 
My favorite thing was in this one Japanese class I took where we were just starting to memorize kanji. Someone asked the teacher how many kanji there were and, instead of just saying thousands or some other high number, the teacher gave this really serious look and in a spooky voice said, "nobody knows." It always cracks me up remembering that.
 
That if you try hard enough you can achieve anything you want!
 
There was this kid in my class when I was in my early teens who was called "Big Red" because he was a ginger wigger.

He made these "trading cards" which were naked chick cutouts from porno mags that he had glued the faces of girls in our classes on to. He even made a "special edition" that feature the head of our math teacher (a fat beardo) stuck on the body of a nude woman. Said math teacher also got a hold of the special edition and laughed his ass off. Amazingly, no hard feelings anywhere. Nowadays, something like that would most likely ended in a sexual harassment trial.

Also, one time Big Red spat on my glasses and I took off my left shoe and whacked him in the head for it.
 
My high school mascot was the Raider, a pirate fellow, anyway tucked away in a corner of the school up near the office was this small replica of a plow on a brick platform.

One day the local "woke" kids who numbered about 7 broke the handle off the plow and claimed it was a "symbol of slavery".

The plow was the type pulled by animals, not people. But more importantly up until about 30 years prior the high school had been part of unincorporated Warwick County, and it was all farmland.

And the orginial mascot?

A farmer. Hence the plow.

This was back in the mid / late 90s before internet really gave these morons a platform.
 
- 9/11 happened when I was in elementary school, and people said I was a terrorist and that I was "Bin Laden's daughter" because my mother was born in Saudi Arabia (despite her parents being white Americans who lived on the ARAMCO compound).

- Not really something that was said, but someone (a boy I suppose, since it happened in the boys' bathroom) decided to smear his own shit on the wall and draw a smiley face in it. This gave rise to a bunch of people making puns like "what a shitty situation!" and "we need a Shitlock Holmes to solve this shitty case" (no one ever found out who the culprit was).

- In college, I was in a class and we were reading stuff about Mexican drug cartels and we had read a text about a cartel leader who was female. This girl raises her hand and says that she thinks that female cartel leaders are a symbol of feminist empowerment because they're subverting Latin American and Mexican machista norms by being the leaders of the cartel and then compares them to Margaret Thatcher (because they are both "powerful females;" I highly doubt this girl knew much about Margaret Thatcher beyond her being the PM of the UK). She also referred to them (the female cartel leaders) as "sexy femme fatales." I mean who cares about the horrors of the drug war in Mexico and the horrific shit that the cartels have done to that country, let's focus on how empowered and feminist these female cartel leaders are uwu
 
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  • Knew this fat kid in elementary school who would scream "BOMB HIROSHIMA!" on the playground and would compare his favorite video games to whatever we were studying in social studies. My younger brother hung out with him for some reason and when he stayed the night for a birthday party, this boy demanded that he be given ten pancakes after nearly eating my mother out of house and home the night before. He wouldn't stop bitching about it, so my mom made him the damn pancakes, and I had to sit there and watch as he ate them all with rivers of syrup. The fat kid was also friends with this older kid with Cerebral Palsy, and I think they were each other's only real friends. That was kind of sad, but that didn't stop me from hassling the fat kid.
  • Knew this black/mexican girl in middle school who wouldn't leave me alone for whatever reason and who insisted that I was pregnant with Satan's baby because I was Jewish, that I'd assaulted her on the bus, and that I'd (somehow) voted for McCain (anything less than full support of Obama at the school would get your ass beat).
  • Knew this fat Jewish girl in college who turned me off of ever joining the Jewish student organizations because of her snotty attitude, how she flaunted her wealth, and for her really annoying political views. It didn't help that she and her cronies were pretty much the only other Jews on campus. For Halloween, I dressed up as a Ghostbuster, and she got this look on her face, like I'd finally joined the cult. When I told here I was Peter Venkman, she called me a misogynist. She also had a huge freak-out when Trump won, alongside most of my classmates and professors. I had to hide my face behind a scarf so she didn't see me laughing at her.

Suffice to say, my adventures in lolcow observation started at an early age.
 
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