💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[DeadwastePrime]

Nothing much to say here other than lol @ Jack not being about to tell real crab from imitation. Imitation is actually more authentic for crab rangoon anyways.

i made rangoons with both in the mix so it had both fake and real crab in it

but i suck at making the dumplings and they all burst open when i fried them

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

I can only assume that he's being pissy about not being able to nigmaxx anymore and is automatically given a tax form to fill out instead of bullshitting every April.

I assume that fatty is just spazzing out because he thinks companies should pay him to use, review and praise their products. As if fatty and his 250 video views are worth that

 

[Hugh Mongoose]

"Sclafani" is a somewhat common Italian name. There is a brand of tomatoes called Sclafani. "Scalfani" is probably a transcription error or Anglicization of that name. It's fitting that Jack's name is either a mistake or a bastardization.

Sometimes I think it’s in his blood. His family took shit from the medigans the minute they got off the boat. Scalfani. That’s his fucking legacy.

No more, Tammy. No more of dis.

 

[Bassomatic]

Jack's amazing because I've said it before as many of us have said, he can't sink lower and than he does.

The taco bell was ashamed. I'd legit to see that if I had a retarded child. I do also really enjoy you all mocking his speech calling it dajo bef etc.

Rob BASED as always, that's like my favorite, I have such a love for new Orleans, Jack would never like it because blacks. Now I hate to be a snob but Rob, who tottaly doesn't read here, my 2 cents bake or pan them, I think grilling just doesn't come out, you did so good work to make something. Just my views, I've never had it grilled where I felt it was perfect. But Rob's a based boomer maybe he got it.

I think Jack and Tammy have such a hate hate relationship, he probably inftiles his BMs and tammy has to deal. JACK MADE BOOM BOOM and Tammy washes him in the walk in (wheel chair in) shower.

Then those two loser kids made another child... that makes me sad. People debate nature V nuture... thats 2 Ls.

 

[JambledUpWords]

The garlic bread crab rangoon recipe was definitely one of Jack’s better showings, but the bar is in hell. I don’t know why he didn’t go with something like a baguette that could be more appetizer size than those giant slices of bread though. I feel like it would throw the topping to bread ratio too much to use those giant thick slices. Deathfats, even when it’s not a terrible idea, often have such awful taste in food. He didn’t even lightly toast the bread before putting the toppings on, to then finish the toasting process so that the finished product would be crispier. I know it’s because he’s impatient, and can’t fathom waiting longer for better food, but his laziness is still impressive.

 

[Aborted Drink Combo]

I don’t know why he didn’t go with something like a baguette

I know why. Baguettes are foreign and gay as hell, we only use wonder bread in this house.

 

[the khat quaffer]

I know why. Baguettes are foreign and gay as hell, we only use wonder bread in this house.

That's not why. Tammy removed all phallic-shaped objects from the house as it confuses Jack's nether regions. The electroshock therapy didn't take.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

The garlic bread crab rangoon recipe was definitely one of Jack’s better showings, but the bar is in hell. I don’t know why he didn’t go with something like a baguette that could be more appetizer size than those giant slices of bread though. I feel like it would throw the topping to bread ratio too much to use those giant thick slices. Deathfats, even when it’s not a terrible idea, often have such awful taste in food. He didn’t even lightly toast the bread before putting the toppings on, to then finish the toasting process so that the finished product would be crispier. I know it’s because he’s impatient, and can’t fathom waiting longer for better food, but his laziness is still impressive.

As much as we dunk on Fatty... this wasn't a bad recipe all things considered even if there was too much cream cheese. It still looked like shit and while I'm all for the use of sourdough I'd have toasted them first so the bottom wasn't so raw. But a baguette would have been better but I mean a real baguette not the skinny bread that passes as a baguette in most places. Something with an actual crispy chewy crust. Just cut in half lengthwise, slather the mixture on top, broil then cut it into pieces.

 

[Major]

The fucking drum machine makes understanding what Fatty is gurgling even more difficult.

That's not a drum machine, it's his heart. It has to beat that hard now after 73 strokes

 

[the khat quaffer]

That's not a drum machine, it's his heart. It has to beat that hard now after 73 strokes

So he's like a fatter, balder, uglier version of Tim Allen's Santa Claus?



Jack's heartbeat would of course be to the tune of McD's "Ba-ba-ba ba-ba! I'm Lovin' It!"

*source for pic (world's crappiest phone recording)

 

[Uber driver reviewer]

Jack's amazing because I've said it before as many of us have said, he can't sink lower and than he does.

The taco bell was ashamed. I'd legit to see that if I had a retarded child. I do also really enjoy you all mocking his speech calling it dajo bef etc.

Rob BASED as always, that's like my favorite, I have such a love for new Orleans, Jack would never like it because blacks. Now I hate to be a snob but Rob, who tottaly doesn't read here, my 2 cents bake or pan them, I think grilling just doesn't come out, you did so good work to make something. Just my views, I've never had it grilled where I felt it was perfect. But Rob's a based boomer maybe he got it.

I think Jack and Tammy have such a hate hate relationship, he probably inftiles his BMs and tammy has to deal. JACK MADE BOOM BOOM and Tammy washes him in the walk in (wheel chair in) shower.

Then those two loser kids made another child... that makes me sad. People debate nature V nuture... thats 2 Ls.

FINDOM / FEEDER CO-DEPENDENCY FETISH

Tammy gets off on making Jack a fat retarded deathfat

Jack gets off on eating all of Tammy’s cash and making her halt her career to truck him around like a toddler.

Then they grease up and tickle his little shrimp dick that gets her warmed up the big finish with Jim and Janette Traynor

 

[the khat quaffer]

Jack gets off on eating all of Tammy’s cash and making her halt her career to truck him around like a toddler.

What career. Giving Tennessee sightseeing tours as a double decker bus?

 

[AnOminous]

Did you see how many sauce packets and jeez cups they pilfered?

ALl of that xantham gum and unholy ingredients….. they probably have a junk drawer full of tin used dagobell sauce packets going back 12 years.

This is one of the few sites where you can enjoy Hulk Hogan responding to Hulk Hogan.

Also fuck you, Jack. Die already. You mentally retarded gurgling fat idiot.

Nothing much to say here other than lol @ Jack not being about to tell real crab from imitation. Imitation is actually more authentic for crab rangoon anyways.

Surimi is actually much better than it has any business being as one of the original hyper-processed foods. Just its use as an ingredient in a California roll justifies its existence.

 

[the khat quaffer]

MICHAEL JACKSON, BACON EXPLOSION, CRAB RAGOON​

Uploaded Apr. 25th, 2026
Against my better judgement, this morning while walking my dug, instead of playing Blink182 I played Fat Jack's recent gurgle stream, which was a poor decision to say the least. A poor decision in the moment and an utter waste of time and life after.

PS Jack if you're reading, I just want you to know, me and my dog watch your videos, and we both hate your guts

Highlights bolded. Of note, more bitching about the goddamn crunch wrap.

Spoiler: thread tax for the year

1:50 Jack has seen Jacko in concert, presumably live. Pressing X here.

Jack wasn't happy people were clapping/cheering during Michael. I kind of have to agree here unfortunately, but halfway. I do not like spergs waving lightsabers, doing standing ovations, whatever, when I go see a movie. I'm there to watch a movie god dammit, not going to a fag-out concert. So whenever possible, I try to go to the talkies a few days or weeks after release. Since I only ever go with friends this is not always up to me so IF it's some movie event like Marvel slop, and we go on or close to release, I resolve myself to my fate of having to deal with audience spergs and just go with it. No need to be a sperg about other people being happy.

4:26 "if you ask millennials, I'm a boomer".

5:20 "When I saw the SpongeBob movie...I got the drink cup. Even though I don't drink soda, I drink water."

Jack was allegedly smiling so much throughout Michael that he was smiling for an hour and his face muscles hurt. Zootopia 2 had me smiling a lot last year, but my face muscles didn't hurt.

5:45 Chat monkey says crab rugoo bread looked good; Jack says crab ragoon multiple times throughout this video. At this point I'm not sure if it's malice or stupidity. I'd believe either one.

10:48 MORE BITCHING ABOUT THE CRUNCH WRAP
11:30 "They gave me a regular, single crunch wrap...that's okay, I didn't eat it anyway." ?!?!?!
12:50 "I'm gonna be making carnivore chicken nuggets, coming up." wtf is carnivore chicken
13:25 Jack, 20 years as a food fuck on youtube, doesn't know how to upload a short vs. a clip, which is why he uploaded a whole new video about the goddamn crunch wrap.
14:45 Jack promises to delete the erroneously uploaded videos. Then promises to delete them this weekend. 2 days later at my time of posting, both are still up.



Next JotG is a Restaurant Roulette!
"We're gonna get in our car and just drive. The first food spot we see that we've never been in to, we're gonna pull in and film at random."
Wonder if he'll settle for a healthy vegetarian place if he lands on that.

29:40 "I've got a little tripod that can follow me around the kitchen" what
"with my partial disability, it's not as fun to watch..." it's plenty fun, Jack.
"You guys don't see it, but I'm holding on to counters and I'm struggling in the kitchen..." Yes I do fucking see it Jack. Your clever camera work does not hide the fact that half your fucking body is missing.
"You know...old people stuff!" When my maw hit 70 and had parts of her lower body replaced with metal, she was still running the entire household on her own. Not as well, but still. She was older than you are, Jack. It's not 'old people' stuff. It's 'fat fuck that ate himself into multiple strokes' stuff. I hate you

31:30 "Is Michael Jackson still alive...? We'll talk about that on F as in Frank!" can wait.

'Tune in to one of my OTHER livestreams...' Jack, again. Consolidate your shit. You're not big enough for multiple channels. Multiple fucking livestreams. This confuses your viewers. You're one fat fuck with no team behind you to prop you up. You're not half 1/100th as interesting as you think you are. You should be thankful you even have 10 people tuning in. 547k subscribers, 500 viewers for this stream.

36:24 Brief Jr. mention. I didn't know he called babby Atreyu "AJ". Jr. is apparently a good father.

39:45 Jack doesn't recall if cousin Jimmy is a grandfather. Then he decides yes, but can't recall the gender. He hems and haws about wanting to respect Jimmy's privacy, then spills some tea that there could be a problem with Jimmy and his grandchild, but doesn't wanna talk about it. "Sometimes clueless...ignorance is bliss?" Sometimes SHUTTING THE FUCK UP IS BETTER. dumbass

42:00ish Jack whines that June should not be a themed month Re: nuclear family month, which...I didn't know was a thing.
"No month should have a theme!!! Why do you get a whole month to celebrate whatever you're into?" You have entire months dedicated to shoving different-themed cockmeat and cheese down your gullet you hypocrite fuck.

49:55 Jack opines about SNAP benefits buying rotisserie chickens, says he's okay with it because it's a great deal at $5 (no points for guessing where) that feeds a lot.
"It's meat! It's cheap! Why shouldn't SNAP recipients eat meat?"

So much snorting in this video. Darksydejack

54:40ish chatfag makes a joke about putting horseradish on his dick. Jack barely even reads it.

57:10 "Is wasabi carnivore?" "It's simple. I eat meat, egg and fish. I use seasoning...that's it. No wasabi. No, it's not carnivore."

1:00:00 "I dunno what truffles are. I'm an idiot. I'm a home cook. ... same with saffron."

1:01:26 "If you wanna join my bubble study...it's on facebook. Sunday at 4. Message me. Weekend is packed.'

1:03:30ish lore about Jack's DJ days. Protip: he wasn't Christian back then and had a fake ID. He got paid $20/hr in the 80s to scratch and spin records.

1:11:30 Jack opines about the smoking ban in night clubs. Jack worked in a club that got shot up every weekend. #thuglife

Couldn't do it in one sitting. Jack's streams are like taking a huge shit. You have to do it in segments.

 

[myhairisonfire]

Rob made some legitimately good looking sausage.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=F9wqCoejVjE

Can someone post this recipe?

 

[Shartavius]

The way Jack rushes through recipes makes me worry it would just come out runny. And he would probably forget he needs Tammy there to do all the work; resulting in Hope wandering in to sniff and lick at it while Jack has his hand full.

I'm sure Rob and Patty could produce a proper Wisconsin version; with cheese in the crust.

 

[JambledUpWords]

The way Jack rushes through recipes makes me worry it would just come out runny. And he would probably forget he needs Tammy there to do all the work; resulting in Hope wandering in to sniff and lick at it while Jack has his hand full.

I'm sure Rob and Patty could produce a proper Wisconsin version; with cheese in the crust.

If you look at Jack’s videos pre stroke, he barely cooks things, or overcooks them. When he made French onion soup once, he didn’t caramelize the onions, they were barely translucent. It made the flavor profile all wrong because caramelization gives such a distinct taste. Though, to do it properly, he would have to spend a lot more time on it. The time he overcooked something was when he did a fish dish, and treated it like a steak. It was bone dry between the cooking on the stove, then baking it in the oven. It’s rare I see him cook any meat properly, because he’s talented enough to screw up even the meat in chili. His inability to cook basic things regularly is why I’m occasionally impressed when he makes something that looks edible.

 

[the khat quaffer]

A blumpkin pie is when someone eats a woman out while she's on her period and defecating. simple as

 

[Shartavius]

I’m occasionally impressed when he makes something that looks edible.

Given they're all brazenly stolen from TikTok videos he never credits or even admits to doing, the only time he accidentally makes edible slop is when he's ripping off a retard-proof video recipe that includes a minimal number of (well-illustrated) steps or ingredients. The entertainment value comes from the fact that Jack's capacity to fuck simple things up while talking down to his audience defies comprehension.

That "ragoon" video was noteworthy because Jack is so impatient in the matter of eating an entire loaf of bread covered in misidentified meat that he was only willing to put it in the oven long enough to film - but not leave it in the extra minute it would have taken to brown into something that looks like he knows what the fuck he's doing.

 

[p1138]

the only time he accidentally makes edible slop is when he's ripping off a retard-proof video recipe that includes a minimal number of (well-illustrated) steps or ingredients.

He quite often still fucks that up with idiotic substitutions(vanilla yogurt instead of plain greek yogurt is one he's done a couple of times, also the fact that he doesn't understand shreddy cheese is covered in sawdust after 20 years), or simply his inability to follow basic shit like "simmer for 3 hours" because he wants to blast it in a pressure cooker for 20 minutes or "bake at 350 for 45 minutes" and probably tosses it in the oven before it's pre-heated so the top gets burnt, and so on.