- Joined
- Apr 7, 2020
A big part of what compelled Jake to write his Social Murder Victim essay is that someone told him "this is why you have no friends."
A "rabbi" provided conincidental encouragement.
Ana Valens inspired a ramble.
Food talk.
AI.
You can turn into a super hot girl and just hang out with other super hot girls, apparently.
John Lithgow.
AI again.
Mamdani.
Triggers.
Career contemplations.
Violet 'Lot of friends just died on me unexpectedly' Hargrave said:Wrote a thing, don't really have time to elaborate on it, but it really sucks not being able to reconnect with people thanks to this garbage. www.tumblr.com/wirewitchvio...
Post by @wirewitchviolet
Existing as a Social Murder Victim · Let's say you're living in some sort of normal functional society, just as a thought exercise. You're in some small social circle, your coworke…
www.tumblr.com
So a big part of why I felt compelled to write this earlier is that the other day in an odd context not really relevant here someone randomly said something close enough to "this is why you have no friends" for me to end up a bit fixated on the thought, and how much trauma I have around this concept
Just going over things in my head, there's the friend I don't have anymore because he died in real tragic circumstances. There's the friends I stopped spending time with because one couldn't see women as anything but sex objects and you can only attempt to start so many D&D games with the GM talking
about the rest of the party heading off on an adventure while you're producing an heir for this creepy NPC or giving birth to a pile of spider monsters in the opening scene you weren't consulted on before you stop trying to talk about how that's messed up and just stop showing up.
There's friends I
only really saw once a year when we all attended a particular convention once a year, and while I did have a lot of their contact info in an e-mail, the same year that con stopped being a thing was unfortunately when I had that e-mail account deleted on me and I didn't even own a phone at the time.
There's a pretty sizable number of friends I lost when I came out as trans, including quite a few who immediately flipped to become extremely dangerous people I needed to avoid at all costs, and a lot of people I didn't have a chance to slip contact info to before abandoning that whole scene forever
There's also a good number of people who didn't completely walk out of my life but just kinda stepped back a whole lot and seem kinda nervous to be seen talking to me now and regrettably, a good number of people I never welled up the courage to come out to because I either had a weird vibe or didn't
feel like I knew them well enough to put them in a potentially awkward social situation. Oh and another wave of people not being cool with me being trans after talking to other people with an issue there.
There were multiple entire social circles I had to abandon because it was suddenly Nazi Season,
and either I didn't feel safe around them, I had enough freaky stalkers eyes on me that I didn't want to risk exposing to that crap, or I was just sort of forbidden from doing so by someone.
Then let's see. Lot of friends just died on me unexpectedly.
One was stalked so badly and in such awful ways
she just went completely off the grid, last I heard was she was dealing with a home invasion. So that's... distressing.
Then some total strangers got it into their heads that me being upset about that last friend was some sort of code-talk insinuation against them possibly because they were stalking
someone else, and decided the most sensible course of action was to start stalking the ever-loving hell out of me for the next decade, actively threatening anyone they caught so much as speaking to me or linking to articles I wrote. This successfully scared away most of the friends I had at the time
Then let's see, there's a couple friends who got real depressed and distant and may no longer be alive. There's the friend where some bigot set her apartment on fire, and shortly after that I stopped getting updates. And of course the friend who out of the blue got real insistent that I join in on a
witch hunt against someone I didn't know at the time, but do consider a friend now because funnily enough I'm very anti-witch hunt and if you tell me someone needs to be run out of town for a ridiculous reason, I'll do the opposite.
Then let's see we have the friend who decided to maybe stand up for
me regarding that whole decade of gang stalking, was accordingly threatened by those people, and decided the best course of action was to retract her public statement of support and claim she had only done so because I had employed special mind manipulation techniques she was susceptible to due to
autism, which still stands out as one of the wildest lies anyone has ever thrown at me, and while that, it turns out, is something I can forgive, years later she was apparently pressured again in this fashion after absently breaking the no contact clause and sharing an article I'd written that was
doing numbers and was again compelled to publicly denounce me.
There's the friend I went to considerable expense to meet up with face to face at a convention, who prompted decided they did not like my face or something and immediately ghosted.
The friend who didn't recognize my discord handle, made
a big gesture of distancing herself from me to what she thought was a random stranger, with a side order of misgendering, and blocked me in a panic when I tried clearing up the confusion (who, oddly, flagged me over in a friendly way when we bumped into each other in public sometime later, possibly
once again mistaking me for someone else, but I have never had a chance to clear this up).
There's a few friends who decided to start palling around with nazis and put me in danger.
There's the friend who played into the weird social murder thing, gaslit me about it, kinda stuck a knife in my back
both socially and financially, pressured me into some extremely dangerous situations, and ultimately cut ties with me over suggesting that Jessie Singal was untrustworthy.
There's the friend who was doing a bunch of transphobic stuff who went confronted about this kinda put a hit out on me on Nazi
Reddit.
The whole friend group who cut me off for ending up on bad terms with those last two.
The other whole group of friends who cut me off when I said something about that last couple in a suicide note that was publicly viewable, possibly not wanting to be in the splash zone.
Multiple groups of
people who invited me in because we were dealing with the same stalkers and then immediately kicked me out on realizing these other stalkers were threatening anyone talking to me.
Someone who's still a real good egg in my book who didn't do that, but did invite me into a space, followed unknowingly
by inviting in one of said stalkers, at which point I had to promptly leave while having a panic attack.
Then let's see, I started making a few friends actually locally who in sequence started getting friendly, asked if I wanted to meet up and do something on a day I was busy and completely vanished
without a trace immediately afterwards, which is kind of an alarming thing to happen like 4 times in a row.
Couple friends came out as trans or came close and promptly vanished.
Then one day a couple years ago the closest friend I ever had, on a level where strangers keep assuming we're married or
sisters or something just kinda spontaneously got this idea in her head that I was an active danger to her and stopped responding to messages from me or anyone else.
And every single person we both knew also stopped talking to me possibly due to really just being her friends not mine.
Then my normal
Friday RPG group broke up because frankly one of the players, presumably out of frustration with me being kind of a shaky mess in general from all of the above and some other much scarier stuff and unable to instantly respond to every main chat message instantly because I'm running an encounter with
20 stat blocks in 3 books with a single monitor and for some reason people want to talk in 3 discord channels and not the built in chat in the virtual table top got real damn abusive and torpedoed the last session awkwardly enough for everyone to just kinda leave.
And most recently in one of the few
remaining sort of general public squares of an internet space I still felt pretty safe and comfortable, several people just got randomly hostile towards me, and being kinda fragile and jumpy over all of this plus some real scary stalkers, and the maybe related maybe not freakishness of how the last
few times I've tried to leave my apartment and go somewhere I've had to deal with almost being sexually assaulted on an elevator, having my car run off the road twice, once with a variety of objects being thrown at my windshield, and getting straight up kidnapped the last time I tried to take a cab,
I am kinda completely terrified out of my mind over any even potentially hostile social interaction at this point, or really even initiating a conversation with someone who seems safe most days, so I'm probably just going to continue to just hide in this silent little corner over here unless anyone
has my back enough to drag me back to any sort of social space or decides to apologize for not speaking to me for years or whatever.
And of course I'm not making any new friends because like the blog post says I've been pretty thoroughly socially murdered (oh hey did I forget all the friends I lost
between getting spontaneously banned from Twitter when Musk took it over and getting arbitrarily thrown onto a dozen "bad people" Bluesky lists before I had a chance to tell friends my handle on here? There's a ton of those.)
Anyway thanks for letting me get all THAT off my chest a little... and I
guess now that I think about it, maybe the "this is why you have no friends" comment was just being annoyed at some habit of mine like responding to "I'm dealing with X" with "oof, I can relate, I've dealt with a similar thing" too often or something. Not sure. Too scared to bring that one back up.
Also while I bring it up, getting kidnapped? Pretty damn bad time. Even if the guy panics because you have your phone on you still and throws you out of the car, you've gotta deal with being stranded out in the woods in maybe not even the same state and getting an actual cab to get home, at best.
A "rabbi" provided conincidental encouragement.
Ana Valens inspired a ramble.
Food talk.
AI.
You can turn into a super hot girl and just hang out with other super hot girls, apparently.
John Lithgow.
AI again.
Mamdani.
Triggers.
Career contemplations.
