Ask men why they do things the way they do and maybe you'll get an honest answer

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

So how do you know of him or what context would you be able to talk to him?

We're in the same class. We follow each other on IG but he doesn't use it, so the only way to possibly talk to him is either in this class (once a week, whenever he doesn't skip it) or in our course group chat (that no one ever uses).

Btw, I was the one that followed him, I was very brave if he used social media it would be much easier to strike up some kind of conversation though, or at least remind him that I exist.

I don't know kiwis, I can't tell if I'm 'too' pretty or just not his type. You can be considered attractive by some people but others wouldn't even look in your direction. Or maybe I just don't have a friendly vibe. How to look friendly and approachable to a man?

 

[Otterly]

We're in the same class.

You smile when you see him next, and you say hi, how you doing, mind if I sit here? Then you park yourself next to him.
Get through the lecture without bothering him, and then you can say something like ‘uh I didn’t get that bit about…(pick something) did you?
If he starts explaining, you say something like ‘want to grab a bit of lunch and explain this, there’s going to be another lecture in here.’
Then you go have lunch and he can explain to you whatever bit of lecture it was. You say thanks so much that was really helpful.
Next class, go sit next to him again. Go from there. If he starts avoiding you, leave it. If he starts smiling when you go sit next to him, keep getting lunch and go from there. Would he like to do some study? Etc

 

[Brahma]

Expand on this. What’s a romantic thing a woman could do for you? In my experience, which admittedly is with the least romantic men on earth, they don’t care

1 anything a woman considers romantic a man will but it just needs to be tweaked to his interests. Men do love flowers so by all means get them, but what do men do with flowers if they're actually being romantic rather than performative? They do things like finding out the favourite flowers etc. Apply that core principle to gifting. Whether it's finding out his favourite flowers or buying him a book if he's a reader or something for his hobby etc. Doesn't have to be a big thing. It's literally the thought that counts. Plan a date. Doesn't have to be the kind of date you'd like though you'd be surprised he probably would like dinner out with logistics all organised. Shit. Give him a genuine compliment about something he's done well.

2 you might have to break down their resistance. Men aren't used to being the subject of romance. Imagine a teenager getting given something in front of their mates. The first time, boy or girl, they're embarrassed. It happens again and again to the girl over the years and she gets used to it. Not entitled, just used to it. She knows how to accept it gracefully, what to do with the feelings. It happens so rarely for men you might as well consider most of them to be that teenage boy still. They haven't had the repetitions. They don't know what to do. They don't even know what to do when they're told they've done a good job FFS.

3 and lastly for the love of god keep it between the two of you. If it's just for him, it'll be special. If ... I don't know, his sister or something, passes a comment on it a week later because you told her over tea you bought him flowers, well in his lizard brain it's no longer about him it's about your intrasexual maneuvring and he couldn't give less of a shit about that (also why he, and toddlers, resist putting on a nice shirt before going out if you ask them to, they know it's not about them )

So don't be surprised with him fumbling it. He might deflect, go quiet, be awkward, joke, seem indifferent. It might not be rejection, it might be that he has no idea what to do with the feeling of being seen and cared for in that way.

This of course is all predicated on him not being a piece of shit in the first place.

Lots of men, just like lots of women will take an you can give and not be thankful or cognisant.

 

[Twix Eatr]

We're in the same class. We follow each other on IG but he doesn't use it, so the only way to possibly talk to him is either in this class (once a week, whenever he doesn't skip it) or in our course group chat (that no one ever uses).

Btw, I was the one that followed him, I was very brave if he used social media it would be much easier to strike up some kind of conversation though, or at least remind him that I exist.

I don't know kiwis, I can't tell if I'm 'too' pretty or just not his type. You can be considered attractive by some people but others wouldn't even look in your direction. Or maybe I just don't have a friendly vibe. How to look friendly and approachable to a man?

You can still shoot him a message on IG even if he doesn't actively post. I mean, he followed you back, didn't he? So he clearly mans the account. Shoot him a message if there's anything worth talking to him about re: class or campus or whatever.

As a man, I'd not do what Otterly suggests, tbh. You said he skips, so feigning needing help on something is already bullshitting and he might not even care about the class or know anything. If I thought you were cute, I'd think you were gaming me to get answers or notes, not interested in me romantically.

If there's an open seat and it wouldn't be weird to sit near him, I'd sit near him (not right next to him, but maybe behind him or in front of him) and just say what's up. Be like, "Hey, we follow each other on IG, right?" That way you can formally introduce yourself regardless of how he answers and still gauge his interest (though if he never uses IG, it might not be a big deal if he doesn't recognize you). "I'm Wigger Rights Advocate" and go from there.

It also gives you an opening to message him later about the class/lecture or anything else. You can just hit him with a, "Yeah, we do follow each other, haha. Nice seeing you today!" and gauge his response there. If he responds back, you can ask him if he wants to grab a drink or something else if you're younger. It also allows him to leave you on read and you can just sit elsewhere next class without it phasing you like being shutdown in person would.

But if you're actually worrying about being "too pretty", he'll prob not ignore you if that's a legit concern. There's basically no way a dude who thinks you're cute wouldn't respond back on IG to those messages. Even dudes without game will. Then if you message him and he ignores it, you slash his tires or tell the dean he arr'd you with his friends on the lacrosse team.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

Physical competence and strength. Seeing a woman do pushups with good form, or run like they mean it (not that stupid girly run where they hold their arms against their chest . . . that pisses me off).

Physical competitiveness. Seeing a woman try to out exert me at a relative level, even if the outcome is a forgone conclusion. A woman who is willing to win.

Spoiler: The Hottest Shit Ever

Whole video is good, but the finish winds me up like nothing else.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=BVhjAXEyjMI:176

A good, mean sense of humor. Someone who can take a joke like a man.

This is the gayesy post I've ever read on the farms. Jesus dude, get over your Mummy issues.

Would you rather be respected and admired by all men (but women hate you), or loved and adored by all women (but men hate you)? Don't worry about how this hypothetical situation would even come to be in the first place.

Loved and adored by all women seems the better deal unless you're gay. Being hated doesn't bother me, I'm a sigma alpha wolf loner. But never having female companionship or sex again seems a bit shit. It's an easy question if you're straight.

I guess it's also about like,, ideally it would be the guy taking initiative. I'm not the hardcore tradwife type but I guess I'm a bit old-fashioned, and if a guy isn't willing to take the first step then that's probably not the love of my life ya know? All of you are telling me to ask him out and stuff but I'M A GIRL!! That's not what I'm supposed to do come on now....

Spoiler

(I should mention that I got rejected by a girl. I was a confused teen. Funnily enough she's a lesbian (at the time she was bi) and I'm very much straight)

I made the first move by pretending we could be friends. You didn't even invite me into a mass DM where you're plotting against other kiwis. Women never pick up the signals.

A man would not say or think this

You make a brother swoon, just look at that body.

Men do love flowers so by all means get them, but what do men do with flowers if they're actually being romantic rather than performative?

Do not buy men flowers. They're useless and just a waste of money. If you want to get a man a gift he likes find him something useful for his hobby. Do the research and make sure it's something he will use. Lets say he's a loser playing warhammer, find out what army he plays and go to the shop and say you need something special for that army. If he reads books find the genres he likes and find something special within it. A signed copy or some rare book. Or find some special food he can enjoy. Flowers and men just don't mix. They're not practical and men don't care if there living space smells slightly nicer and is a big brighter. There's air fresheners for that.

It's literally the thought that counts.

No. It is not. Buying someone something they don't want is going to make them way less happy than buying them something they use regularly.

 

[Brahma]

No. It is not. Buying someone something they don't want is going to make them way less happy than buying them something they use regularly.

That's the "thought" in the "thought that counts" nigger.

Also. I do like getting flowers so fuck you

 

[oldTireWater]

Well you’re rare then. I once thrashed a guy at open water swimming*, a race he insisted on, by the way, and he sulked and then took up hardcore triathlon training and started doing Iron Man events and the ultra runs. He then dumped me in a particularly cruel way ( and then called me again after he was married to someone else to ‘apologise’ and try to worm his way back into my affections.)
*literally the only sport I’ve ever been capable at. I float.

He was wrong to sulk, but right to be motivated to excel by being beaten by a female at a physical event.

I have run myself into the fucking ground because there happened to be a woman running behind me, and I'll be damned if I let a strange woman pass me. She did anyway, and it low-key shamed me into working harder in the future. It also made me super aware of her in a "damn, she's cool" kind of way.

Not long ago I had to buddy-carry a notional casualty with a small female 20 years my junior (it was almost 200m through loose dirt and the fat fuck was still wearing his plates). She should have been the first to show weakness by all rights, but my initial grip was shit and the height difference wasn't helping. Neither of us quit, but I was quietly dying and hoping she'd say she needed to rest. My difficulty shamed me, but her unwillingness to quit or show weakness in front of me was super attractive.

Females may be the "lesser" sex, but they are still large primates, and should never sell themselves short on their physical potential.

 

[DefinitelyNotMe]

Thoughts on ballet dancers?

theres a quite popular phrase in Russia that you never start a fight with the guy who does ballet
this fucker has legs of the fucking elephant

 

[Waffle Iron]

I told ONE person I liked them years ago. Got rejected. NEVER AGAIN. No thank you, I'd rather kill myself

"I'm a strong independent woman who thinks men and women are equal, except when it involves me having to stick out my neck, please leave that nasty business to the men". Funny how that works.

Would you rather be respected and admired by all men (but women hate you), or loved and adored by all women (but men hate you)? Don't worry about how this hypothetical situation would even come to be in the first place.

Loved by all women sounds like a drama hell.

I don't know kiwis, I can't tell if I'm 'too' pretty or just not his type. You can be considered attractive by some people but others wouldn't even look in your direction. Or maybe I just don't have a friendly vibe. How to look friendly and approachable to a man?

You seem very convinced you're hot and he's maybe not trying to ask you because you're just too smoking for him to consider. You see him once a week attending the same class and you're confused he doesn't sniff out you have the hots for him and are just aching for him to finally drop to his knee and ask you out?

How to look friendly and approachable to a man?

By actually approaching him. You obviously suck at this. Asking someone out is not "hey I love you let's get married". You pretend you just want to hang out with someone because they're cool, totally no pressure or romantic tension. I don't know what your lectures are structured as, but for me it was 50 minutes lecture, 10 minute break, 50 minute lecture. I assume it's similar where you're at. Did you ever talk to him during the break? Or while waiting at the door for the teacher to arrive? You need to know something about him to give you to opportunity to (again, totally platonic and friend-like) invite him to hang out. Once you're on 1 or 2 friendly dates with him you try something. Preferably at a time when you can dip the second he turns you down so you can be home ASAP to cry in your pillow.

And the other three are..?

Girl laughing thinking you're joking, only to become incredulous when she realizes you're serious and telling her friends you thought you had a chance.
Girl getting upset you even dared to ask.
The third one, we don't talk about that one.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

That's the "thought" in the "thought that counts" nigger.

I'd rather have something useful than a thought. And there's no reason you can't have both.

Also. I do like getting flowers so fuck you

I bet you want to fuck me if you like flowers. Homo

 

[The Ugly One]

Expand on this. What’s a romantic thing a woman could do for you?

I assume you're looking for an answer other than "buy the absolute sluttiest lingerie she can find and surprise me after work, we're talking neon green fishnet." My wife made a hand-drawn card for me once after a sequence of shitty work days. I'd say that was pretty romantic.

Is it true that men usually won't approach a girl if they think she's 'too pretty'? I see this sentiment online A LOT but it's always other women saying it and like... how would y'all know.
But is it true? Does my crush not approach me because he is simply overwhelmed by my ethereal beauty or does he just think I'm fat and ugly lol

He hasn't approached you because it hasn't crossed his mind that he should. Don't waste any energy wondering why, could be any reason or no reason. Say hello to him and smile. Ask him if he likes the class.

If he thinks you're fat and ugly, he will mumble incoherently, avoid eye contact, and not initiate conversation with you again. No big deal, you don't want to date someone who finds you repulsive. If he has zero confidence, you'll get the same reaction. No big deal, a guy who sees himself as impossible to like isn't someone you want to date either. If the stars are aligned, he'll smile and be chatty. The next time he sees you, he'll smile and say hello.

Don't listen to @Waffle Iron, he needs to spend time posting in the woman-hate thread to get the grumpies out.

 

[Brahma]

I'd rather have something useful than a thought. And there's no reason you can't have both.

I bet you want to fuck me if you like flowers. Homo

Jesus Christ, I didn't realize you were retarded. I'm sorry life is such a struggle

To make it clear, if someone is actually thinking of you rather than being performative, they'll put some thought in to the gift

 

[Waffle Iron]

Don't listen to @Waffle Iron, he needs to spend time posting in the woman-hate thread to get the grumpies out.

the woman-hate thread is cringe and my only post there was put there non-consensually by a mod.

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

"I'm a strong independent woman who thinks men and women are equal, except when it involves me having to stick out my neck, please leave that nasty business to the men". Funny how that works.

Yes, exactly.

You seem very convinced you're hot and he's maybe not trying to ask you because you're just too smoking for him to consider. You see him once a week attending the same class and you're confused he doesn't sniff out you have the hots for him and are just aching for him to finally drop to his knee and ask you out?

What's wrong with me finding myself attractive? Are women just supposed to be insecure all the time? I can be attractive but not be someone's type though. If he doesn't find me attractive I won't mind, I just want to know.
Also I asked because I saw other women sharing the same thoughts but I wanted men to confirm if it's true or not. And I know him from previous years though I doubt he remembers me.

By actually approaching him. You obviously suck at this.

Hello I am autistic and retarded what do you think I'm doing on this website???

I don't know what your lectures are structured as, but for me it was 50 minutes lecture, 10 minute break, 50 minute lecture. I assume it's similar where you're at. Did you ever talk to him during the break? Or while waiting at the door for the teacher to arrive? You need to know something about him to give you to opportunity to (again, totally platonic and friend-like) invite him to hang out. Once you're on 1 or 2 friendly dates with him you try something.

My classes are like that yes. But he's always with a big ass group of friends chatting and yapping so I don't know how I would talk to him.

We should go back to Victorian times where women just dropped handkerchiefs in front of men they liked tbh.

 

[BeckhoffAX5702]

Just fucking go for it. Being rejected isn't the end of the world

Lol, I wish I was told just "no" instead of being laughed off by her and everyone in an ear shot at a gala years back...

 

[Twix Eatr]

the woman-hate thread is cringe and my only post there was put there non-consensually by a mod.

The woman hate thread is like several notches below your bitterness in the post above. It's more like, "Haha, these damn retarded women. You just gotta love 'em." Your post kind of seems like one that would actually necessitate the standard female autoreply of, "Who hurt you?"

Like damn bro, she's not selling a PUA course. She's saying she isn't sure what she's doing.

What's wrong with me finding myself attractive? Are women just supposed to be insecure all the time? I can be attractive but not be someone's type though. If he doesn't find me attractive I won't mind, I just want to know.
Also I asked because I saw other women sharing the same thoughts but I wanted men to confirm if it's true or not. And I know him from previous years though I doubt he remembers me.

Nothing is wrong with being confident in yourself, but being realistic probably has more utility. If you're too hot for him to consider chatting with, that signals that you're pretty hot. The women I've dated would get checked out and hit on whenever we'd go to bars and events and shit. Do you get asked out often? Like if you aren't being approached when out and about, I doubt you're too hot for him to approach.

Can you fit in a rowboat?

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

Do you get asked out often? Like if you aren't being approached when out and about, I doubt you're too hot for him to approach.

In person I don't get approached a lot. I do put on a mean mug because I don't want people approaching me (safety 101 when you're out in the city of crackheads). I've had family/friends tell me that people stare a lot at me, but I don't notice. I mostly get hit on by coworkers or online.
Recently I removed my profile pictures, removed a bunch of men from my followers, blocked, etc because it was making me so anxious. I barely post anything anymore because there's always some weirdo that doesn't take polite rejection, and I don't even post anything inappropriate...

I've also been on several 'dates', where I didn't know it was an actual date until years later. I feel like autistic girls will understand what I'm talking about.

Edit: I just realized while typing this that, in a desperate attempt to avoid creepy men, I may also be pushing away nice men that I like. I will reflect on this. Thank you kiwis for your input.

 

[Kofi Drinka]

What's wrong with me finding myself attractive? Are women just supposed to be insecure all the time? I can be attractive but not be someone's type though. If he doesn't find me attractive I won't mind, I just want to know.
Also I asked because I saw other women sharing the same thoughts but I wanted men to confirm if it's true or not. And I know him from previous years though I doubt he remembers me.

Women who find themselves attractive are usually quite ugly and over confident. Attractive women never pay attention to that sort of thing, it's just how they are. It's the difference between someone who loves to run and someone who goes to the gym to try and attract women. Those who are just do, those who aren't have to try (and fail).

It sounds like you don't even know this guy. You just stare at him in class. You don't have any connection with him, do you even know the kind of things he likes and what his personality is?

 

[Waffle Iron]

The woman hate thread is like several notches below your bitterness in the post above

I'm not bitter, It's just weird that she can't seem to think why he wouldn't approach her, but then can precisely articulate why she wouldn't want to approach a guy.

What's wrong with me finding myself attractive?

In the "why are you a single" you mentioned you had a resting bitch face and didn't seem too confident in being attractive to men. While here you seem confident in your looks. Nothing wrong with being confident in your looks.

My classes are like that yes. But he's always with a big ass group of friends chatting and yapping so I don't know how I would talk to him.

That's rough. Do you have any female friends that might know one of the guys in his friend group that might give you a way to talk your way in?

We should go back to Victorian times where women just dropped handkerchiefs in front of men they liked tbh.

I wish. Maybe you might have to bite the bullet with an instagram DM.

 

[Wigger Rights Advocate]

Women who find themselves attractive are usually quite ugly and over confident. Attractive women never pay attention to that sort of thing, it's just how they are. It's the difference between someone who loves to run and someone who goes to the gym to try and attract women. Those who are just do, those who aren't have to try (and fail).

It sounds like you don't even know this guy. You just stare at him in class. You don't have any connection with him, do you even know the kind of things he likes and what his personality is?

I don't want to shit up the thread more so I'll post one last time, since I already got my answers and some good advice, but I don't think I'm this amazing prize ya know... I am just a decently pretty girl, and I've never had anyone tell me or imply the opposite. I don't want you guys to think I'm this 9/10 bombshell, if I were I wouldn't be here asking for dating advice lol.

And you're right I don't know him. I want to talk to him so I can know what he's like, and see if he's actually a cool person or if this was just a silly crush.

In the "why are you a single" you mentioned you had a resting bitch face and didn't seem too confident in being attractive to men.

I'm just upset that I attract men that I want nothing to do with, and not the men that I like But I do think I'm cute. And I do need to work on the RBF.

That's rough. Do you have any female friends that might know one of the guys in his friend group that might give you a way to talk your way in?

I don't think so. Honestly mad respect for the brave men and women that have the massive balls to ask people out, because this sucks.