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https://news.sky.com/story/row-over-new-greggs-vegan-sausage-rolls-heats-up-11597679 (https://archive.ph/5Ba6o)

A heated row has broken out over a move by Britain's largest bakery chain to launch a vegan sausage roll.

The pastry, which is filled with a meat substitute and encased in 96 pastry layers, is available in 950 Greggs stores across the country.

It was promised after 20,000 people signed a petition calling for the snack to be launched to accommodate plant-based diet eaters.


But the vegan sausage roll's launch has been greeted by a mixed reaction: Some consumers welcomed it, while others voiced their objections.

View image on Twitter


spread happiness@p4leandp1nk
https://twitter.com/p4leandp1nk/status/1080767496569974785

#VEGANsausageroll thanks Greggs
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7
10:07 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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Cook and food poverty campaigner Jack Monroe declared she was "frantically googling to see what time my nearest opens tomorrow morning because I will be outside".

While TV writer Brydie Lee-Kennedy called herself "very pro the Greggs vegan sausage roll because anything that wrenches veganism back from the 'clean eating' wellness folk is a good thing".

One Twitter user wrote that finding vegan sausage rolls missing from a store in Corby had "ruined my morning".

Another said: "My son is allergic to dairy products which means I can't really go to Greggs when he's with me. Now I can. Thank you vegans."

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pg often@pgofton
https://twitter.com/pgofton/status/1080772793774624768

The hype got me like #Greggs #Veganuary

42
10:28 AM - Jan 3, 2019
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TV presenter Piers Morgan led the charge of those outraged by the new roll.

"Nobody was waiting for a vegan bloody sausage, you PC-ravaged clowns," he wrote on Twitter.

Mr Morgan later complained at receiving "howling abuse from vegans", adding: "I get it, you're all hangry. I would be too if I only ate plants and gruel."

Another Twitter user said: "I really struggle to believe that 20,000 vegans are that desperate to eat in a Greggs."

"You don't paint a mustach (sic) on the Mona Lisa and you don't mess with the perfect sausage roll," one quipped.

Journalist Nooruddean Choudry suggested Greggs introduce a halal steak bake to "crank the fume levels right up to 11".

The bakery chain told concerned customers that "change is good" and that there would "always be a classic sausage roll".

It comes on the same day McDonald's launched its first vegetarian "Happy Meal", designed for children.

The new dish comes with a "veggie wrap", instead of the usual chicken or beef option.
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It should be noted that Piers Morgan and Greggs share the same PR firm, so I'm thinking this is some serious faux outrage and South Park KKK gambiting here.
 
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I said I'm on a diet you utter bastards. This is why no girls want to have it off with you. You're biscuit eating bastards the lot of you! I'm going upstairs! I hope you all get eaten by
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Otterly said:
We still haven’t established how many biscuits you’d need to drink an entire cup of tea by simply dunking and absorption.
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This sounds like science™, which is your bailiwick.
You'll need to define a few things first (standard cup of tea, percent of biccy dunked etc) but let us know if you need research assistants.
It's probably worth an Ig Nobel, at least.
 
femboy fart huffer said:
How do you dunk a biscuit when the tea has been 80% absorbed? How do you dunk in something that's just a puddle. That's not a dunk that's just a dip.
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I’ll need to think. Are we using a nibbled biscuit with a flat base to soak the dregs? It’s a more complex problem than it first appears.
I have had a terrible day and am distracting myself with triviality
 
femboy fart huffer said:
How do you dunk a biscuit when the tea has been 80% absorbed? How do you dunk in something that's just a puddle. That's not a dunk that's just a dip.
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Repeated dunkings will be needed. So long as you're only scoffing the dunked part, I don't think this will affect the number of biscuits.
*Ponders*
But you may need to break a larger biscuit (like a digestive or hobnob) to reach the bottom of the cup as/if it narrows: This will affect the percentage of biscuit held daintily between thumb and finger so as not get tea on you mitts. This will need consideration.
 
No I think I’ll do it like so:
-Assemble tea of standard volume, a number if different biscuits, n=3 per brand
-weigh the tea with/without mug to get weight of tea
-weigh biscuit on sensitive scale
-full immersive dunk for two seconds
-re weigh wet biscuit
-repeat in triplicate per brand. Average
-work out how many fully immersed biscuits would be required to soak the entire weight if tea.

Real world actual absorption of an entire cup is going to require shaping the biscuit and while this is possible it then becomes a mix of science and art
 
Otterly said:
Are we using a nibbled biscuit
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A nibbled biscuit is not a biscuit. How much is a nibble? Mouse nibble or rabbit nibble? Realistically you'd dunk a few biscuits as normal, weigh them beforehand and then afterwards and figure out how much tea a biscuit absorbs and then just divide the volume of a mug by that.
Vesperus said:
Repeated dunkings will be needed.
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Digestives are my favourite type of witch.
 
Overly Serious said:
Burger attempts to ingratiate himself with British folks by suggesting Oreos aren't anything special and are just Bourbons. Unwittingly outs himself as non-Brit because Bourbons > Oreos.

Oreos are fucking disgusting super-processed sugar-slime. Bourbons are lovely. Though I always have to remind myself in polite company not to remove the upper part and eat it first, then scrape the middle off with my teeth and finally eat the lower part by itself. The goal is to get both upper and lower as dry of filling as possible without breaking the filling.
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Nah mate, you take off the top biscuit to eat first (really just getting out of the way), then you eat the filling and bottom biscuit together (because it's a superior ratio of cream and biscuit, with only one of the biscuits).

Biscuit meta thread when
 
It'll depend on the type of biscuit. A normal digestive will absorb more than a chocolate digestive or something chocolate covered such as a Club Bar, Wagon Wheel or Penguin.

If we treat the digestive as the standard "biscuit" all we have to do is find out at which point it becomes saturated with tea. We measure the amount of tea it takes to saturate the biscuit then simply do the maths to work out how many biscuits it would require to absorb the average mug of tea (330ml)

But that's very boring and doesn't let you dip far too many biscuits in tea.
 
TheArtilleryman said:
Nah mate, you take off the top biscuit to eat first (really just getting out of the way), then you eat the filling and bottom biscuit together (because it's a superior ratio of cream and biscuit, with only one of the biscuits).

Biscuit meta thread when
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That IS nicer to the taste, I agree. But you neglect the satisfaction of when you can get the cream layer off all in one unbroken piece. Challenging but worth it.

Vesperus said:
This sounds like science™, which is your bailiwick.
You'll need to define a few things first (standard cup of tea, percent of biccy dunked etc) but let us know if you need research assistants.
It's probably worth an Ig Nobel, at least.
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Well as I said last time, you could do all that, but... wouldn't you prefer to test it empirically?

(With apologies to @Kofi Drinka - we have a weight loss thread in Health if you need some moral support).
 
TheArtilleryman said:
Nah mate, you take off the top biscuit to eat first (really just getting out of the way), then you eat the filling and bottom biscuit together (because it's a superior ratio of cream and biscuit, with only one of the biscuits).
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My technique is to do that with two of them to make a double filling biscuit. I like the way the septics call Wagon Wheel's "Moon Pies".
 
Oh, oh the subject of British food. To distract myself I made a bacon clanger for tea. Suet pastry,rolled flat,with a layer of sage and onion stuffing,smoked bacon and soft fried white onions.

Roll it up like a delightful savoury swiss roll and steam in the oven. Serve with peas or savoy cabbage. Feeds like ten gorillion, and lasts in the fridge, especially good cold and sliced with piccalilli.
 
Otterly said:
No I think I’ll do it like so:
-Assemble tea of standard volume, a number if different biscuits, n=3 per brand
-weigh the tea with/without mug to get weight of tea
-weigh biscuit on sensitive scale
-full immersive dunk for two seconds
-re weigh wet biscuit
-repeat in triplicate per brand. Average
-work out how many fully immersed biscuits would be required to soak the entire weight if tea.

Real world actual absorption of an entire cup is going to require shaping the biscuit and while this is possible it then becomes a mix of science and art
Click to expand...
I'm wondering if you could do a Jerry-rigged horizontal wicking test for an initial rough estimate for how many biscuits a cup's worth of tea can penetrate
absorption.png
I suppose a drawback of this approach is it wouldn't account for biscuit structural integrity. I think we can all agree if your biscuit falls off and collapses into mush, this both doesn't count as "absorbing" the tea (because now you've got to fish it out with a teaspoon) and also is embarrassing.
This could end up being a difficult experiment because you'd need to control for how milky you like your tea, how many sugars you take, if you've let it cool down a bit vs common dunkable biscuit types.
Sorry to other BritKiwis who also find today a bit of a challenge. I can recommend being cheered up with some surprise Moscow Mules. I don't particularly love a Moscow Mule, but they take effort to make and it also served as a playful justification for why we had to buy those copper cups a few years ago.
 
BongoMongo said:
Oh, oh the subject of British food. To distract myself I made a bacon clanger for tea. Suet pastry,rolled flat,with a layer of sage and onion stuffing,smoked bacon and soft fried white onions.

Roll it up like a delightful savoury swiss roll and steam in the oven. Serve with peas or savoy cabbage. Feeds like ten gorillion, and lasts in the fridge, especially good cold and sliced with piccalilli.
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That sounds bloody gorgeous.

On the subject of dunking biscuits, what absolute lunatic tries dunking a Club or a Penguin? What’s wrong with you? You need the biscuit to absorb the tea, not just melt some of the chocolate. I’m inclined even to balk at dunking a chocolate digestive. Chocolate just detracts from the experience of a dunked biscuit; plain dry biscuits are best.

Apart from Rich Tea. They are useless as dunkers and fall apart/absorb everything way too fast. Great for nausea, not much cop for anything else.
 
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