🍔 Quarterpounder Jeremy Hambly / The Quartering / MTGHeadquarters / Unsleeved Media / Midwestly - Buttblasted alcoholic manchild upset he was banned from a childrens' card game, Grifter, supporter of the cancel culture, cucked by a Jewish bull (Adam Sellers), pisses in basement, shits himself, FLAGGOT, stalks little girls in public, scammer, sex pest

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

Good news quartering fans: less focus on political content and even more terrible "jokes" by Jer bc he's focusing on "fun" now. Great move! Luke and Hanna will love this idea.

AKA we're going to see more doodoo related content.

MY TOILET IS CLOGGED!
MY SEWAGE LINES ARE UNDER ATTACK!
THE WOKE LEFT MADE ME EAT 10 MCDOUBLES!

 

[TertiaryObjective]

apparently there is some sort of schedule to Rumble (unlike Youtube) but I don't really care what that means besides the fact that Jer sometimes seethes at not having his desired slot, which is funny

Apparently the Rumble schedule has to do with who autoplays on the homepage and when. I think that’s the reason why he has 20,000 live viewers with a handful of people chatting a few times a minute. It’s all vague secret sauce to help Rumble streamers land sponsors so Rumble can take their cut.

 

[Wraithdolf the White]

What a lie. It's just going to be more about Jeremy's vagina monologues and just crying about his life like it always is. Also, what pop culture? it's not like he's particularly knowledgeable on Star Trek. He knows dick and diddly about fallout. He's too illiterate for Harry Potter, given he can't even read a children's version of a Bible. I mean I guess he can try burning his bridge with magic again. That might be what he's desperately trying to do.

I was there with /v/ when the whole Mass Effect 3 and Tortanic stuff happened. I might even still have some old materials from the fun times of that era. The thing is I wonder if he's skin suited the era of brie larsen and all that horrific stuff years ago that got him ratings and money. He still doesn't understand the importance of things culturally, the human element. He's like some early AI program trying to do will smith eating spaghetti but it's human engagement but doesn't understand why he's bad at it and why he's wrong.
I think i can say a lot of people would be worried about his health in a more loving way if he was a genuine decent human being. He's going to mechanically read something about media and try to fish together words that make it sound like the video is interesting and he's informing people of something, but it's still AI 2: jada smith eating linguine.

The whole announcement is even more ridiculous.

View attachment 8689499

Wasn't the entire stated point of bringing in all of these 'co-hosts' was so that he would have knowledgeable people able to contribute to these topics? And now you're publicly proclaiming them to be unfit for the very thing that you hired them to do?

"I can't keep pretending to be BLOWN AWAY by some new Epstein nothingburger or some War propaganda. It's not me"

His entire career is making videos pretending to be blown away by 'nothingburgers.' 30-second bits of barely-news, 8 minutes of inane rambling and repeating yourself to fill more time, a couple minutes of advertisements, and top it off with a clickbait bullshit title.

Saw this reply under Sarah Fields' Quartering commercial yesterday, sums up Jeremy's videos perfectly.

View attachment 8689516

Jody has my heart.

Only worth 1/4th of a card opening.

 

[returnofthemacandcheese]

YOU ARE BALD AND FAT AND GAY STOP TELLING YOUR PHOTOSHOP GUY TO GIVE YOU HAIR AND A NORMAL SIZED BODY FAGGOT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THESE THINGS
THIS IS YOU

 

[Adamska]

apparently there is some sort of schedule to Rumble (unlike Youtube) but I don't really care what that means besides the fact that Jer sometimes seethes at not having his desired slot, which is funny

It's not that there's a schedule. It's that they require you to follow one if they put you on the front page have time slots because they're trying to desperately pretend that they're like a real people tv channel.

Fucker's actually a Batman villain confirmed. It's as compulsive as his need to creep on and disgust women.

 

[Flippin Floppin]

Quartering talking about restocking his Amazon store. I asked Grok about this stuff.
It looked at the weight of his coffee products to estimate how many units this actually is in that 1k pounds.

Spoiler

Assuming he is regularly restocking, every few weeks, which Grok says is the usual, it says 2k-5k units. Adds some for his own site sales, etc

This last image has a tldr on his profit. He's said it's a dollar profit per bag. Other products idk but would presumably be similarly low. Grok here is putting everything in his favour and being good faith and generous though. It was 150k revenue he said? He's just twisting words. Even if it's entirely true however, it's still not anything as much PROFIT as he would want people to think.

Spoiler

This is also before paying taxes. HCB 500 x 4 + Luke 500 + Melonie 500 x 2 = 14k a month Then he also has three editors being paid who knows what. Thumbnail guy? Income from superchats etc is basically non-existant. Negligible. No need to count anything there. Other than that it's ad reads, and YouTube ad revenue. Ad reads I have no idea. For this stuff, Grok estimates this, but I have no idea.

Spoiler

Anyway unless I've missed something, if we're being very generous and good faith to him, his income after the rumble deal expires is going to be 50k or slightly more. In reality probably a lot less though.
Minus all these costs, and then take taxes away. His property tax is very high for his mcmansion, right? He's going to have to reduce his lifestyle somewhat. Does his wife work full time too? This is still enough to live comfortably for most people, but facing a reduction in his lifestyle is probably why he's crashing out so much and is buying views, and trying to make UM Media a thing. "MY INCREDIBLY LAVISH LIFESTYLE IS UNDER ATTACK BY ME! I HAVE TO REDUCE MY EXPENSES A BIT AAARGH!". But then at the same time he wants to build a cuck outhouse/cult compound/car wash/bowling alley/magic the gathering store.

I also forgot whatever he pays the skybull to fly his wife around and also fuck her. And maintenance on the planes. I assume that's expensive.

 

[Mundane Ralph]

I assume the blueberry kcups are his best selling product on Amazon because they have the most reviews. How much could he possibly be selling when there's 455 different kcups selling more?


The best selling item I could find of his ground coffee or whole beans is #762

 

[Dead Gay Muppet Gangbang]

 

[Magastrate]

I can't believe Jeremy fucked a pig.

 

[RMQualtrough]

This makes me wonder what happened on the night they were there alone when nobody else was. Mel Junkers cannot reveal anything due to signing the NDA with the fat sleazy boss.
If I was to speculate, I would say Jer got his usual blackout drunk and got over flirty and suggestive with her, to the point where her politely refusing his advances became pointless as he was too drunk to take the hint.
She managed to get out of it herself, maybe she said at the end of the night that she wasn't feeling well and wanted to go to her room alone.
Jeremy feeling a little dejected, accepted that. But was determined enough to try again the next day to get her alone for a second try.
I don't blame Melonie for taking this guy for a ride for his money, but if you work for a guy who's a known sleazeball, he made you sign an NDA to keep you quiet about how he really is, you've gotta realize at some point that he's gonna try it on with you.
And it sounds like drunk Jeremy could quite easily go way too far with something like that. With criminal consequences. He's not getting intimacy from his wife after all

Obv yeah, she went the first night and he was uber perving on her, which is the reason she begged for help next time he asked.

 

[theanimecompletionist]

Jeremy Hamplanet: Big ego, small dick

 

[Jeremy's Uterus]

1. Building rooms for Hannah Claire and Mel on his property.

2. Calling them his step daughters.

3. Constantly commenting on their appearances.

4. Flexing his money to them.

5. Getting irritable when they talk about their husbands

6. Keeping them on payroll when the livestream business is clearly failing.

But according to Jer...

There is NOTHING to see here!!!

How much you want to bet that he installs spy cams in the bedrooms and bathrooms?

I'd put my entire life savings on it!

 

[quarter_grifter]

Today's news on twitter - Melonie Mac being a hypocrite again. I wonder if there will be anything funny to come out about this on Jer's show?

 

[returnofthemacandcheese]

Quartering talking about restocking his Amazon store. I asked Grok about this stuff.
It looked at the weight of his coffee products to estimate how many units this actually is in that 1k pounds.

Spoiler

Assuming he is regularly restocking, every few weeks, which Grok says is the usual, it says 2k-5k units. Adds some for his own site sales, etc

This last image has a tldr on his profit. He's said it's a dollar profit per bag. Other products idk but would presumably be similarly low. Grok here is putting everything in his favour and being good faith and generous though. It was 150k revenue he said? He's just twisting words. Even if it's entirely true however, it's still not anything as much PROFIT as he would want people to think.

Warning coffee sales autism inbound:

Here's the Amazon sales estimator
K-Cups, less than 500 sales a month



12 oz bags 650-750 sales a month



He wants to pretend to coffee business is thriving but look at the green lines on those charts. That is Amazon sales ranking so lower == better. His K-Cups are at all time lows for Amazon sales and his bagged coffee sales are also spiraling.

He also sells 5 lb bags but those don't seem to sell enough to be a real factor either, under 50 sales a month.


If you were to go through each individual coffee flavor on his page you can see Amazon displays "50+, 100+, 200+, etc. units sold this month" as it does for all products on the site and get a rough estimate of his sales just to verify these numbers. Most of them don't even hit the 50 sales threshold and Medium Roast and Blueberry, which are his 2 most popular offerings by his own admission are at "100+" sales a month so his most popular products don't even sell 200 units a month. In fact the bagged coffee graph shows the sales per months for blueberry so you can see how far the coffee grift has fallen. The blue line on that represents the "X units sold in the last month" reported by Amazon. You can see last year in March he was selling 300-400 bags a month of just that flavor and briefly even 400-500 but since then the sales have fallen pretty steady to 100+ units a month with a few short peaks and valleys. The most recent spike from when Charlie Kirk was killed you can see his seller rating spike down as he was maximum grift then he did okay for a couple weeks when he pushed hard for holiday sales back in November.

He claimed $150k-$250k a month sales on the drunken stream, this is a complete fantasy.

So here's a dashboard for his website and Amazon he posted in June of 2025.

As you can see he was claiming 93k on Amazon and 78k on the website. This adds up to around $175k 9 months ago. So not only has his grift fallen off considerably since then but this was a complete outlier month. See June of 2025 was in the wake of his disaster massively overordering product for Mother's Day. So first off a lot of those sales were him clearing out the left over $100 grift boxes at 50% off. After all the fees and shipping he likely lost money on these boxes but the sales still show up as revenue. The mother's day boxes weren't the only thing he ordered too much of though. See Quartering had just established himself on Amazon and he thought he was going to run up the score on reviews and break the Amazon algorithm to sell his coffee to normies and instantly start going parabolic, so he went all in and bought massive stocks of all his coffee. That didn't happen so he was left with massive stock sitting on Amazon shelves. The thing about Amazon is you pay a fee to store product there based on the cubic area per day of stock then after a few months if it's still sitting on the shelves the fee basically triples.

So to have 1000s of bags and boxes of coffee sitting in an Amazon warehouse racking up fees is a big problem and could end you up in a situation where you go deep in the red just off storage fees. So Quartering in a moment of clarity discounted all his coffee to $15.99 a bag, this was 20% off his price at the time of $17.99. It's highly unlikely his margins were 20% on Amazon last June if he currently claims a margin of 5% ($1 per $20 bag sold). So his sales were way up as he was suddenly selling at a loss trying desperately to avoid financial ruin.

So tl;dr sure he maybe have had $175k in sales last June but very little of that was profit, if any, and most of those sales were due to desperate price cuts.

So now here we are in March of 2026. His grift, his views, his entire brand has declined significantly since last June. The Amazon store shows decreased sales, he hasn't been promoting people buying through the website for a year at this point, and we are supposed to believe his monthly sales are $150-$250k a month when he sold $175k in June of last year which required selling most of his products at a loss or at best near break even? So now we supposed to believe the website sales have increased in that time period when he has been pushing people to order from Amazon for over a year? Where are these sales supposed to be coming from?

So speaking of the decline:
TheQuartering channel is bleeding out

It's currently the 12th of March and Jeremy has 4.9 million views in the past two weeks. This SOUNDS okay but I went through and added up his short views since the 1st of the month and over 1.5 million. This means that Quartering's main channel has under 3.5 million long form views for the last 2 weeks, shorts pay so little they basically don't count. At that rate he is on pace for around maybe 7-7.5 million (non-short) views in a month which would be a new low point for his channel. In March of last year he had 17.5 million views and he stopped doing shorts in early Feb that year, so this would be around a 60% drop in long form views.

The main channel is load bearing for this entire grift. The more that fails the more every other thing he's involved in will decline.

Another thing to consider while Jeremy claims the coffee is a massive success. I looked back and since 2022 he's always been releasing "seasonal flavors" for his coffee. His whole gimmick is the flavors and it seems to have been massively scaled back in Winter then stopped completely this Spring. No spring flavors this year, no hot cocoa over the holidays. Canary in the coal mine for this penny ante bullshit. He STILL has last year's orange flavored coffee K-Cups on clearance on his website, he still has his "summer selection" coffee for sale on Amazon, he still has his "Fall roast" for sale on Amazon, the first day of Spring is next week. "My coffee is fresh roasted on demand" by the way. Okay faggot.


Even worse for Jeremy, Amazon seems to have scrubbed all the fake reviews of his coffee and reworked their rating system. While he never explicitly asked his fans to leave fake reviews he did beg for 5 star reviews and a lot of them certainly left reviews without ever buying the coffee to own the SJWs, especially when he first started on Amazon or claimed his company was under attack by the woke left. You can see this screenshot from September where he shows over 1400 reviews with a 4.7 star rating. Well Amazon went through at some point and cleared out all the fake reviews and also broke each individual flavor out into it's own separate review.


So previously there were 100's of fake 5 star reviews, especially on the Blueberry and Medium roast coffee that floated the average rating to 4.7 and displayed on every flavor. Now the blueberry has been cut down to 100 reviews and no other flavor has more than like 40, a lot are even in the single digits and all the ratings have tanked. Blueberry now sits at 4.4, medium roast is 4.6, most others are in the low 4's and some of his newer flavors are sub 4 stars. This basically kills the dream of ever breaking out on Amazon. At one point his products were "rated" slightly higher than Bones coffee but now with all the fake simp reviews deleted Bones beats him on every possible metric and also has 100x as many reviews on every product and at least 4 times as many flavors. Jeremy's dream of this slop ever being more than Youtuber white label coffee is dead.

Oh and one more thing. Pretty sure Zach from MetaPCs and Player One Coffee was a central piece in this coffee grift but it appears that Player One Coffee has shut down operations. No new posts to social media in over a month and their website seems to have been shut down with an invalid cert and cloudflare returning an error.

Jeremy I know you read this thread. If Zach is still operating at Player One let him know his website is down.

It's hard to say how long this coffee nonsense will continue. I wouldn't doubt he's still pocketing several thousand dollars a month off this between Amazon and the website recurring sales, then there's the occasional scams where he sells morons $20 worth of coffee for $100 but at some point it's just not going to make sense to keep this going.

 

[quarter_grifter]

Well Amazon went through at some point and cleared out all the fake reviews and also broke each individual flavor out into it's own separate review.

My very first post in kiwi farms was fucking this up, ah the nostalgia! Jer's decline since that time has been glorious.

If Zach is still operating at Player One let him know his website is down.

It's hard to say how long this coffee nonsense will continue. I wouldn't doubt he's still pocketing several thousand dollars a month off this between Amazon and the website recurring sales

Even if he is pocketing money, it's still just the revenue from his initial product acquisition then, right? Is he treating this like his pokemon boxes, where since he bought them 10 years ago, he thinks it makes sense to discard the purchase price from the net calculation as that money is basically a historical artifact? If that is the case, it would make sense in his own mind that he's pocketing money, but surely he'd find out that every 'cycle' of inventory refreshing would be a smaller and smaller... right?

 

[Mein Prolapse]

1. Building rooms for Hannah Claire and Mel on his property.

2. Calling them his step daughters.

3. Constantly commenting on their appearances.

4. Flexing his money to them.

5. Getting irritable when they talk about their husbands

6. Keeping them on payroll when the livestream business is clearly failing.

But according to Jer...

There is NOTHING to see here!!!

How much you want to bet that he installs spy cams in the bedrooms and bathrooms?

I'd put my entire life savings on it!

The camera's are already sorted. Mossad is covering the cost of the cameras instead of paying him $7k

we are supposed to believe his monthly sales are $150

$150 seems about right.

I hate that a free speech activist is blocking people from commenting on his posts. Now I can't reply to his retarded X posts.

 

[SNEED.EXE]

I came up with some better names for Jer's podcasts. Jer, I'd be happy to lease you the rights to these shows for the low price of $8000 a month.
Shit Talk:

Box Office Bowel Blasters:

 

[TheTurdReich]

View attachment 8691999
YOU ARE BALD AND FAT AND GAY STOP TELLING YOUR PHOTOSHOP GUY TO GIVE YOU HAIR AND A NORMAL SIZED BODY FAGGOT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THESE THINGS
THIS IS YOU
View attachment 8692021

Not only is he actually fucking bald, but Jeremy has never worn a suit in his fucking life so far as I've seen. He's ALWAYS wearing a poop brown oversized sweater like every coping fat guy trying to hide his manboobs. So I gotta ask, why did he have his editor dress him in a suit and tie beside Melonie's headshot to make it look like he's the groom at a wedding?

Has he just completely gone insane and is building some alternate universe in his head where he married Mel?

 

[Artorias Sneed]

Sharing this tiny Kino Casino clip (from earlier this week) because it made me laugh damn hard when I saw it live. The guy turned into fucking Pepe.

 

[returnofthemacandcheese]

Day 1 of Jeremy's too cowardly to cover politics and the vibes on this show are absolutely dog shit.

Hannah always grits her teeth and smiles through it but she's clearly over this shit. She tells Jeremy to "calm the fuck down" after he hits a soft spot with his salty "pregnancy hormones" dig at her. I don't think I've ever heard Hannah curse before.

Later in the stream Mel tells a Bible story about how God sent bears to maul a group of youths for mocking Elijah. Hannah slides in subtle comments of "God doesn't like bullies" and "Every day I look around this studio for a bear because we get so mean."

This show is a fucking disaster. The chemistry between these people is similar to the chemistry between bleach and ammonia.