💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Adamska]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=XcAVEMYBe84
Does Jack actually caramelize onions this time? Of course not! They don't even reach 'golden brown'. I swear in the remaining time of Jack's life I'm going to drive to Tennessee, put a gun to Jack's head, make him sit in front of a stove and spend 45 minutes properly caramelizing some onions.

Also, just LOL at his bowl of sneezunins. Oh, it was salty?

It's really weird that the only thing he likes brown is his meat. Oh, and the exterior of cooked cutlets.

But yeah, a horrible attempt at a cheesey pasta dish. I will at least say I'm surprised he didn't just huck full big chunks of onion in there and call it gud. The strips could've worked if they were left to reduce and caramelize more. The other steps would've fucked it, but it was a surprise.

 

[Super Hans v2]

That shit is such garbage. He should neck, but the rope would break.

If Jack ever manages to crowdfund a heavy duty crane to hang himself, it'd probably end up like this.

 

[the khat quaffer]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=XcAVEMYBe84
Does Jack actually caramelize onions this time? Of course not! They don't even reach 'golden brown'. I swear in the remaining time of Jack's life I'm going to drive to Tennessee, put a gun to Jack's head, make him sit in front of a stove and spend 45 minutes properly caramelizing some onions.

Also, just LOL at his bowl of sneezunins. Oh, it was salty?

It is easier to push jack's stump arm through the eye of a needle than it is for him to properly glaze some onions.
"most reachable man on youtube" has comments disabled
Most reachable man. Two guys could fuck him at the same time and never meet.
Heheh. Hear what I said? I said he could get fucked by two guys and they'd never meat! Heh heh.

"we're still doing livestreaming....family food and fun" there's no family except the occasional bigfoot Tammy sighting, there's no fun,...
"If I forget to include the recipe" I can't think of anyone I hate enough to try and poison with one of your dishes, Jack. Besides, if you forget to include your recipes, I'm sure the website you stole it from is on page one of a web search list.

1:43 fuck's wrong with your finger? did you ask Jim for another raise in your allowance?

3:58 Tammy spray.
haribo gummies!j

5:30 I knew something was missing. To quote Marcho White, "there we are."

6:30 whitey can't take the heat hahaha cinnamon challenge dropout

I was hoping for a moment we were getting a stroke on camera or something. 4 TABLEspoons of red pepper flakes for a pound of pasta? Well no shit it's hot?

I don't even think it's the heat I think his shit's just all caked in around the esophagus making it hard to breathe. We were this close fellas..

If Jack ever manages to crowdfund a heavy duty crane to hang himself, it'd probably end up like this.

https://youtube.com/watch?v=AYMr0DalzDA

I'm thinkin Big Blue Crane collapse of 1999. $100M+ damages, 3 deaths

 

[Slavic Patronym]

6:30 What the fuck?

https://youtu.be/XcAVEMYBe84?si=IxzcfWkYcgica-mg&t=390

This moment feels like a comedy bit and is why 1% of 1% of me thinks his life is performance art. A ruse to be revealed by pre-recorded video when the upload trigger, linked to his heart, is set off by his death. Because that was unironically the funniest thing I have seen all week.

Also, has a more pussified man ever lived? My God. One day years ago I misordered Indian food and the place sent me saag at their highest spice level. I was poor so I ate it dutifully, but of course it wasn't fun.

This motherfucker added 1 TB of (cheap, generic, probably stale) red pepper flakes, neutralized the capsaicin with multiple dairy items and oils and fats, ate the tiniest bite, and wept and retched on camera.

This is why he keeps a loaded gun in his nightstand and fantasizes about using it to protect his pure, holy, highly desirable wife from some intruder who wants to drink Starbucks and ravage her (in that order). He knows he is the pussiest manlet to ever scoot the earth.

 

[souschef]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=XcAVEMYBe84
Does Jack actually caramelize onions this time? Of course not! They don't even reach 'golden brown'. I swear in the remaining time of Jack's life I'm going to drive to Tennessee, put a gun to Jack's head, make him sit in front of a stove and spend 45 minutes properly caramelizing some onions.

Also, just LOL at his bowl of sneezunins. Oh, it was salty?

This Creamy Onion Pasta Is INSANELY GUD​

No, it's not Jack... It's not even kinda good, it's bad. I'll give you props that the end product looks ok edible, but that's it... It's a skinwalker dish because your walkthrough made sure this doesn't taste good

1 - Badly diced onions in huge uneven chunks, as said tiresomely over and over again. Veg cuts must be regular to ensure consistency in cooking. It takes forever to caramelize onion if it's in big chunks, and of course not a single onion was caramelized that day. Besides a finely diced onion can incorporate better with the sauce and make the presentation looks better... There's far too much fat on that pan, onions already release a lot of liquid, no maillard can occur. You effectively steamed onions. You mook

2 - Making pasta while you make a sauce is not multitasking, it's basic cookery. Insane hearing from a quote unquote "cook" something so ridiculous

3 - Far too much seezunins, adding the pepper flakes now does very little. Lots of these powdered seasonings have added salt as well

4 - Further steaming the onions... for what purpose

5 - A shitload of cream and his signature trash shredded cheese is added, still won't get hambeast Tammy to shred real cheese for him. Sad

6 - Adds the pasta to this fatty mess of a sauce. With a little pasta water as well. Where's the pasta water jack? Condensed microscopic droplets embedded to the pasta do not count! There's a reason we make pasta while building the sauce, it's because the starchy water is a convenient way to make an emulsion quickly with cold butter while tossing the pasta al dente, which you did not do, because with a quick glance i see that you overcooked it

His audible heavy breathing makes this part even more unpleasant to watch

7 - Added far too much parsley and EVEN MORE parmesan cheese. It's barely edible at this point

8 - He goes for the taste:

Creamy: of course, there's Amberlynn Reid levels of fat on whatever you did there
Cheesy: Very descriptive Jack, thank you, i couldn't guess that assembling a dish that's 60% cheese would be cheesy
Salty: adding obscene amounts of parmesan cheese will do that

9 - "It came out great"

Then you retched on camera 5 seconds after saying that. What the fuck is his definition of delicious? If your dish has overpowering red pepper flakes heat (that only happens if you cook it improperly because it's a mild pepper condiment) or salty at the point you gag on camera. Suffah, Jack

i wouldn't call that delicious. Just admit you fucked it up

10 - "But everything works together"

I agree, i think everyone in the thread could make a comforting meal with those ingredients, the thing is that your skills are lacking and you botched an otherwise simple beginner level dish. And don't call this caramelized onion pasta, because on physical, chemical and ontological levels you've failed. You should feel bad jack!


I rate this a HTN/10 and would not eat

 

[densedance]

6:30 What the fuck?

 

[Falcon Sebben]

One day years ago I misordered Indian food and the place sent me saag at their highest spice level. I was poor so I ate it dutifully, but of course it wasn't fun.

Yeah but in your defense saag curry is fucking delicious. I don't think anything Fatty has ever made could be said to be the same.

No, it's not Jack... It's not even kinda good, it's bad. I'll give you props that the end product looks ok edible, but that's it... It's a skinwalker dish because your walkthrough made sure this doesn't taste good

It's the cooking equivalent of a hate crime and just goes to show that Fatty doesn't know what he's doing and his only concern is getting the food down his gaping maw as fast as possible.

Besides there's a dozen recipes online for such a dish and they all say to caramelize the onions. That step alone takes time. Something that Fatty is allergic to.

 

[Human Butthole]

Jack banned one of my fake accounts awhile back, because I'd try to swoon Hammie asking Jack if she was single and how how I enjoyed how "thick" she was.

 

[Shartavius]

I'd try to swoon Hammie asking Jack if she was single and how how I enjoyed how "thick" she was.

Why?

 

[the khat quaffer]

This motherfucker added 1 TB of (cheap, generic, probably stale) red pepper flakes

It was too early and I read that as "this motherfucker added one terabyte of pepper flakes" and I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure that out

(It was only a few seconds but still)

 

[souschef]

Besides there's a dozen recipes online for such a dish and they all say to caramelize the onions. That step alone takes time. Something that Fatty is allergic to.

He's impatient, you can't cook well if you're impatient

Guy have everything required to make good comfort food, messes it up because he has no idea of what balancing is. In my opinion a good cook shouldn't worry to elevate dishes, this is a haute cuisine thing

Perfection is little things done well

It was too early and I read that as "this motherfucker added one terabyte of pepper flakes" and I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure that out

(It was only a few seconds but still)

It could be added in the very first step. Sometimes i make a sloppa pasta where i let pepper flakes infusing my oil a little bit before sauteeing veg, strain it, and assemble a simple pasta dish more heat forwarded

Raw pepper flakes are abrasive and have a horrible mouth feel. I love pepper, but i'm seriously bothered when i see niggers (and Jack) thinking BURN GUD and missing the point that peppers are a flavor enhancer and shouldn't be the main direction of the dish. Not even notoriously spicy cuisine is like this. Thai is pretty spicy, but you can taste everything in it

 

[P-38 autist]

It was too early and I read that as "this motherfucker added one terabyte of pepper flakes" and I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure that out

(It was only a few seconds but still)

Knowing Jack, he might add a ludicrous amount of shitty pepper flakes and say the recipe called for a terabyte

 

[Boss Man Jackoff]

Today in Jack's podcast he mentioned racing a dog to eat a dog biscuit on JOTG - does anyone have the link?

 

[Tiresome]

Raw pepper flakes are abrasive and have a horrible mouth few. I love pepper,

I've never found an application for red pepper flakes in cooking that cayenne wouldn't solve more adequately. Now, a little on a slice of pizza, sure, but why do that when there's probably five hot sauces you'd like better, to say nothing of chile infused honey.

 

[souschef]

I've never found an application for red pepper flakes in cooking that cayenne wouldn't solve more adequately. Now, a little on a slice of pizza, sure, but why do that when there's probably five hot sauces you'd like better, to say nothing of chile infused honey.

I love cayenne powder, but red flakes are still pretty useful. Used them today actually, making pulled pork. Red pepper flakes, cinnamon and a little cumin

 

[AnOminous]

Because I haven't seen it in a while.

 

[souschef]

Because I haven't seen it in a while.
jacked-out-garbage.webm

Isso daí é um filho da puta, tamanho desrespeito pela cozinha latina que eu nem vou me dar o trabalho de xingar esse viado em inglês

 

[the khat quaffer]

Because I haven't seen it in a while.
jacked-out-garbage.webm

One! Two! TWO pillowcases of cheese! Ah-Hah-hah...

 

[Falcon Sebben]

Jack banned one of my fake accounts awhile back, because I'd try to swoon Hammie asking Jack if she was single and how how I enjoyed how "thick" she was.

Stop pozloading my neghole. That's one of the primary rules on this platform.

Why?

He wanted the attention.

He's impatient, you can't cook well if you're impatient

100% this. Some things take time. Caramelizing onions is one of them. You wanna make a real French Onion soup? You're going to be caramelizing those onions for hours. It's one of the reasons you rarely see it on a restaurant menu and when you do more often than not the onions aren't cooked properly.

I've never found an application for red pepper flakes in cooking that cayenne wouldn't solve more adequately.

For certain things I prefer to use the chili flakes. They're easier to measure out.

Used them today actually, making pulled pork. Red pepper flakes, cinnamon and a little cumin

Interesting take. Going for a south of the border type thing? When it comes to a pork shoulder and Mexico my mind always goes to carnitas. Takes a fair amount of time to make but they're always worth it in the end.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Jack banned one of my fake accounts awhile back, because I'd try to swoon Hammie asking Jack if she was single and how how I enjoyed how "thick" she was.

Jack barely noticed and almost certainly didn't care, and he forgot all about whatever lame messages you left within minutes. His attention span extends the length of a jolly rancher.