illegally_dog [score hidden] 5 hours ago
I'm pretty woke but even I am really annoyed and feel deeply uncomfortable.
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[–]Unable-Truck-9443 [score hidden] 6 hours ago
Could not agree more. It’s actually really harmful for trans acceptance when anyone just goes around saying they are FTM. Don’t even get me started on the whole ‘I’m FTM, but a lesbian and use she/her pronouns.’ Utter nonsense.
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[–]JovaniJordan1Binary | Straight |
2017 |
2018 |
2025 [score hidden] 8 hours ago
I’m sorry you went through all that, that’s awful. But it does kind of seem you’re judging a bit when you assume someone is so fresh in their journey and no one has been through what you have. You don’t know that for sure 100% of time. Kindly remind yourself this isn’t the oppression Olympics. I do understand how hearing these terms can be triggering for you though.
Perhaps working through that in therapy would help? But honestly bro, you just gotta grow to not care because you’re so confident and secure in who you are.
That doesn’t mean you can’t be respectfully firm with how folks should properly address you. If people want to reclaim these terms for whatever reasons, I say fuck it as long as it’s not harming anyone. All the joy to them.
Plenty of cis binary guys who cross dress and then there’s flamboyant gay guys who wear make up, nails, present fem, etc. They’re all still men and so are you. Hate that others assume you’re something you’re not. Have you been vocal to others about this?
[–]princemaab [score hidden] 7 hours ago
I mean it isn't really assuming when many people in these spaces are open about how early in their journey they are. I don't assume no one knows how this feels, or I wouldn't be posting here. I've genuinely had someone on a dance floor, who openly told me they had just come out and had zero plans to medically transition, tell me that we'd "both be assaulted in the gas station bathroom" in a jokey tone. People in queer spaces have gotten rather bold with what they're willing to tell other trans people. I would agree that I need to figure out ways to be more vocal, it's just doing so in a chill but firn way that I need to figure out
Cra_ZWar101 [score hidden] 12 hours ago*
I don’t relate, exactly, to everything you say here, but I really empathize with the stuff I don’t relate to, and there’s plenty that i do relate to. I don’t really have any advice but I want you to know I feel your pain!! It’s so hard to be invisible, and especially hard to be invisible even to people who are supposed to be “woke” or progressive or radically open minded or whatever. Personally I’m struggling lately with how because I am read correctly as queer, cishet women relate to me like I’m a gay man, despite my being incredibly bisexual. I like women a lot, but because I’m a little flaming in my speech and mannerisms, I just get sorted into the category of “not attracted to women”. I of course want women to relate to me as a person first and a man second, because that’s the goal for gender liberation, but I also want these women to remember that I might be attracted to them! “Bisexual man” isn’t a category that exists in most peoples minds, so any man who is queer is seen automatically as “not a sexual/romantic option”.
I don’t want to act less queer because I get along better with people when I’m myself, and I like having conversations with women, I like that I use the same phrasing and stuff. There’s times when women I don’t know see me as a potentially straight man, and they relate to me in such an alienating way, as a man (ie a potential source of patriarchal value and resources in exchange for sex) first and a person second. A weird example of this is if I compliment a woman I don’t know and she interprets it as a gay man giving her a compliment she is like “oh my god thank you!!” But if she sees me as straight she’ll be like “
thanks” and walk away even if it’s the exact same compliment! Like I’m seen as desirable social company but not potentially intimate company as a gay man, and as distasteful/undesirable social company and as potential intimate company, if not desirable, if I’m seen as straight. I don’t know how to make a real version of me exist in these people’s minds!! The version of me that is enthusiastically complimenting their outfit is the same me that is attracted to them! And that is for some reason incomprehensible to them.
[–]pamsolo [score hidden] 12 hours ago
Interesting, your comment reminded me of this video:
on how attraction affects gender identity
SouLullivan [score hidden] 16 hours ago
This is so real! It’s so strange for people who are supposedly into gender expansive/gender fucker shit to also have really narrow ideas about what men are capable of. FWIW I’m very much a guy-next-door presenting guy, usually in a t-shirt and jeans, but I love and deeply admire a high fem trans man and it totally makes sense to me. The differences I see in high-femme trans men compared to gender fucker nonbinary people is ultimately cultural and has to do with a point of view about gender that is less abstract among high femme trans guys and more abstract among nb people.
I think sometimes the language stuff can be generational as you said, but we also live in a traumatophilic society where it seems like sometimes people are excited by the idea of being treated poorly? Like it gives people some street cred or something? It’s weird when people are eager to “reclaim” any queer or trans-related slur, and seem to feel entitled to do so based on declared identity alone, when I come from a generation where the reclamation of slurs was more rooted in who had those slurs used against them, as opposed to “well I’m entitled to do this because this is how I identify”.
I also don’t use the t-slur, I don’t call women “dolls” and am selective about the word fag. Not all of these words are a significant part of my experience so it’s not for me to “reclaim”. With fag I know that’s what I’m giving, but it’s difficult for me to understand when people seem obsessed with using it but present in a way that seems very far removed from which queer and trans people that slur is used against. Like I’ve had someone who ids as AFAB nonbinary and presents in a way that’s very consistent with what’s expected of cis womanhood tell me about how someone called them, along with a group of other protesters, fags at a protest and seem very excited about it in a way I just can’t relate to as a guy who is called that on college campuses in the middle of the day in a way that’s very personal and individually targeted at me.
[–]Cra_ZWar101 [score hidden] 12 hours ago*
I think this is why we should re-introduce the term “fag-hag”. Like that’s an identity that is associated with faggotry, aligned with faggotry, unafraid of being seen as allied with faggotry, but doesn’t appropriate/trivialize the very real harm experienced by people called “fag” as a slur.
Edit to add: to identify proudly as a fag hag is to say loudly that “yes I AM like those people you hate, and if that means you think I’m a freak too, then maybe I am and being a freak is good!”
Anyway, his problem not mine.
