Grace Lavery / Joseph Lavery & Daniel M. Lavery / Mallory Ortberg - "Straight with extra steps" couple trooning out to avoid "dwindling into mere heterosexuality"
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- Joined
- Aug 9, 2019
When October 20th rolls around there'll be even less people willing to read Joe's nonsense than there are today considering how quickly the TRA ship is sinking.
- Joined
- Sep 5, 2019
Sounds like April 1st would have been more appropriate.
- Joined
- Feb 15, 2019
New Chatner. Link | Archive of unpaywalled portion
Full text of unpaywalled portion under the spoiler below. It feels like I almost always write "Full text (it's boring)" on my spoiler button when I post Chatners here, but in this case it's actually quite interesting in that unhappy way that Mal is interesting to us autists.
Hope dies last: if there are any Chatner subscribers reading this, please archive the full text of this post for us. Open the post in browser, copy the url, go to archive.is, paste the url into the red box and save. If you are not a Chatner subscriber or are not logged in on browser, this will not work, it'll only make another archive of the free portion.
On to the post:
Translation: lonely Mallory is out looking for love. Too bad she's chopped off her tits and is entangled in a messy marriage or she could probably find a nice relationship. What she's doing here, trying to find human connection via casual sex as a "polyamorous" """guy""", will only lead to more messiness, emptiness, and dysfunction. Womp womp.
Meanwhile, 0w0 what's this?
Full text of unpaywalled portion under the spoiler below. It feels like I almost always write "Full text (it's boring)" on my spoiler button when I post Chatners here, but in this case it's actually quite interesting in that unhappy way that Mal is interesting to us autists.
Hope dies last: if there are any Chatner subscribers reading this, please archive the full text of this post for us. Open the post in browser, copy the url, go to archive.is, paste the url into the red box and save. If you are not a Chatner subscriber or are not logged in on browser, this will not work, it'll only make another archive of the free portion.
On to the post:
Every year in the late fall I become tremendously insane for anywhere between 18 to 45 days. I remember each September that my annual fit of madness is approaching, and intend to prepare for it, but by November I forget, and happily, involuntarily descend. On this date last year…on this date four years ago…on this date eight years ago, my brother came to my house and spoke to me in a reassuring, sensible voice to tell me that he was a pedophile, and that he and the rest of our family had a marvelous plan for keeping it a secret from everyone else in the world, and that they expected me to join in this confederacy. And so I go mad again.
I resume smoking cigarettes, I avoid all things friendly and wholesome, I tremble, I begin telling small and inconsequential lies, I pick quarrels, and generally grow worse and worse until clarity and sanity are both returned to me in the same terrible instant, and I come back to my own mind like Seneca’s Hercules, asking,
Sometimes I suspect I unconsciously put off certain decisions for November on purpose, trusting that I will act more boldly under the veil, and leaving my more timid self to make any necessary adjustments and arrangements afterwards. Last year, for example, I began sleeping with men again for the first time in almost a decade. There was no reason for me to make a production out of it. It’s perfectly legal to sleep with men, if you’d like to. Nobody really frowns on it. No one had any interest in trying to stop me from doing it.1 I have two wonderful partners, both closer to lesbians than otherwise, who have always encouraged my interest in men in the same way I might encourage our dogs Bon-Bon and Gogo at the dog park: lightly baffled, affectionate, pleased at the alien pleasures of someone you love. That’s not how I might choose to spend a free afternoon, but as long as you’re having a good time and clean off before you come back inside the house, then go crazy.
After some time had passed I began to do the work of finding a non-insane way to sleep with men while also maintaining a family, a day job, a writing career, in keeping up with my correspondence, et cetera. There are only so many hours in a day, after all, and I also wanted to continue sleeping with men in a relatively ordered, right-minded fashion.
I resume smoking cigarettes, I avoid all things friendly and wholesome, I tremble, I begin telling small and inconsequential lies, I pick quarrels, and generally grow worse and worse until clarity and sanity are both returned to me in the same terrible instant, and I come back to my own mind like Seneca’s Hercules, asking,
It’s not all bad, this season. My partners Grace and Lily are particularly kind to me around this time of year, speaking slowly, making no sudden movements, and holding very little against me. I sometimes emerge with a new hobby or acquisition that I still like after I have recovered my reason, or to find that I have moved to New York City. Afterwards, during the tidying-up phase, I sometimes find I wish to reintegrate this new acquisition into the remaining eleven months of my yearly life, which serves as a reassuring little project.
Sometimes I suspect I unconsciously put off certain decisions for November on purpose, trusting that I will act more boldly under the veil, and leaving my more timid self to make any necessary adjustments and arrangements afterwards. Last year, for example, I began sleeping with men again for the first time in almost a decade. There was no reason for me to make a production out of it. It’s perfectly legal to sleep with men, if you’d like to. Nobody really frowns on it. No one had any interest in trying to stop me from doing it.1 I have two wonderful partners, both closer to lesbians than otherwise, who have always encouraged my interest in men in the same way I might encourage our dogs Bon-Bon and Gogo at the dog park: lightly baffled, affectionate, pleased at the alien pleasures of someone you love. That’s not how I might choose to spend a free afternoon, but as long as you’re having a good time and clean off before you come back inside the house, then go crazy.
After some time had passed I began to do the work of finding a non-insane way to sleep with men while also maintaining a family, a day job, a writing career, in keeping up with my correspondence, et cetera. There are only so many hours in a day, after all, and I also wanted to continue sleeping with men in a relatively ordered, right-minded fashion.
Translation: lonely Mallory is out looking for love. Too bad she's chopped off her tits and is entangled in a messy marriage or she could probably find a nice relationship. What she's doing here, trying to find human connection via casual sex as a "polyamorous" """guy""", will only lead to more messiness, emptiness, and dysfunction. Womp womp.
Meanwhile, 0w0 what's this?
Whoopsies, did Mal forget to uphold Joe's lie that he can't be heterosexual because he totally loves dick and twinks?
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2023
I don’t know why exactly, but this sentence filled me with such disgust that I had to stop reading for a while. It’s all so artificial and bourgeois.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2016
Sounds like she's decided her bathhouse era is actually her brother's fault.
- Joined
- Dec 19, 2022
Thankee, fren, I will try that. Even when I'm a subscriber, if I try to archive a 'Stack using my quickie extension button 80% of the time I get the maddening (and shameful!) half page.
Suspicions confirmed about Mal venturing out from the BTP. Seeking solace or a new master remains to be seen.
For a 'Stack supposedly about "Sleeping with Men" there's not much on that particular topic beyond stating that it's been going on for a while. Who men? Which men? Pooner men? Gay men? Pooner chaser men? And of course how is she sleeping with them? Inquiring minds and all that.
Because they're such loving and indulgent types, and not too busy boinking each other or cooing over their child.
Just partners? Not my wife and her GF? Tsk, tsk, Mal. Ya slipped there.
Like their bodies.
Agreed. And if she's careless in her
Considering where she's coming from, and what (and who) she sacrificed to get there, it's unlikely that whatever happens next will be healthy or satisfying for her. But needs must and all that.
So be assured, Dear Readers, that Mal's got her newfound (and extramarital) promiscuity all in perspective and under control.
ETA: It's interesting to note that she hasn't come out as a gay trans man though.... she's just a trans man who's "sleeping with men". Her previous thing with Grace makes her default to bi? Is that it? Or would declaring herself to really be a gay man be even too much for our humble trans man?
Autistic Nonetheless
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
Since the Epstein file are so perfect for cherry picking grievances i think we should focus Instead on Epstein's interest in trannies, his Jewishness and the involvement of Peter Mandelson as a gay man.
Joe can look at Mal (if he ever does) and see a reflection of himself.
These two petty fuckers are truly perfect for each other.
Joe can look at Mal (if he ever does) and see a reflection of himself.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2016
"My partners" made me wonder if at some point there was a quiet divorce between Joe and Mal and marriage for Joe and Lily. You know, for the insurance, Mal, not for any other reason! Everyone still totally loves you exactly the same.
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2016
It reaffirms my belief that the whole family bonfire was just Mallory’s ticket into the LGBTQ traumatized emo academic club. Could a well-bred, well educated, girl from a wholesome Christian, two-parent pastor family ever fit in with the damaged boys and troubled art scene rebels? Not unless her family was actually keeping a dark secret that she heroically exposed and burnt them at the public stake! Oh the drama, the tragedy! Mallory the queer hero!
Now Mallory has her own trauma, dark family secrets…and so much angst! Just look at her tattoos! She even gets to relive the melodrama and bathe in extra special attention once a year on her trauma-versy. Probably goes along nicely with Joe’s free lapses. It’s Mallory’s month to shine, feign nervous breakdowns and fits of irrational behavior instead of Joe.
Pooners, 100% it goes with their retard LARP that Mallory trying to hook up with lesbians that got mastectomies is her pursuing “men”
The only dick Mallory has seen IRL in a decade is Joe’s. (Assuming her nursing home duties don’t include bathing and toileting)
- Joined
- Feb 14, 2023
Perhaps from a commercial perspective, but from a comedic one no-one does it better.
Hey Tard Baby, you are literally married to one and had sex with him, at least before you were demoted to house elf.
It’s a different lie now - he can’t be a lesbian because he totally loves dick and twinks, and of course his super manly sex-starved husband.
That’s overthinking it. In a polycule they’re partners, but bilaterally she and Joe are spouses, and she and Lily are frenemies.
IIRC, Joe’s benefits cover Lily, and of course she has her own from her own job. If anyone is married for the insurance, it’s our self-employed man about town Tard Baby. Divorcing her and quietly marrying Lily would be a total act of bastardry on that score. That doesn’t mean Joe wouldn’t do it, of course.
Like Joe’s cooking, their sex lives are like common tropes executed horrifically. Two girls and one guy! My (step)brother turned me into a slut!
- Joined
- Aug 4, 2021
Mal comparing herself to Hercules is beyond hilarious.
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2021
What do you think, gang? Have they successfully avoided dwindling into mere heterosexuality? Did they both transition because they didn't know how to tell the other they weren't interested?
Their lives disgust me. Every choice branches out into a million worse ones.
Their lives disgust me. Every choice branches out into a million worse ones.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2019
Wasn't the bathhouse night she went to a Pooner night? So I'd say the odds are that she's having sad "sex" with other Pooners, which is just as well because a man who'd sleep with Pooners would probably be more of a pervert than Joe.
Though funny she's in essence having lesbian sex while saying that Joe and Lily are lesbians.
Though funny she's in essence having lesbian sex while saying that Joe and Lily are lesbians.
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2023
Gay guys on this thread: Are you aroused by chonky women's chin pubes and mastectomies?
Bi guys on this thread: Are you aroused by chonky women's chin pubes and mastectomies?
Thank you. Being clairvoyant, I have just completed my data collection and am ready to bet on Polymarket that Mallory's intimate partners have been pooners. A cuddle. Maybe petting all the way to third base despite being bored and constantly talking. In the afterglow over fair trade matcha, they share their Ls and pix of everybody's children.
JUMP CUT. Coyote, the worker-owned media collective that occasioned many staff photos and put the "tense" back in "pretense" by running Mallory's pooner at the bath house piece, may be free from the necropolitics of legacy media’s editors-in-chief, but other than putting "fascist" and "queer" in one or two of the sparse headlines, it has yet to find the revolution.
Mallory has given them only five (easy) pieces, including an excerpt from her Christmas novella:
JUMP CUT. She has a Wookieepedia Fandom page. We are not in the sources.
Bi guys on this thread: Are you aroused by chonky women's chin pubes and mastectomies?
Thank you. Being clairvoyant, I have just completed my data collection and am ready to bet on Polymarket that Mallory's intimate partners have been pooners. A cuddle. Maybe petting all the way to third base despite being bored and constantly talking. In the afterglow over fair trade matcha, they share their Ls and pix of everybody's children.
JUMP CUT. Coyote, the worker-owned media collective that occasioned many staff photos and put the "tense" back in "pretense" by running Mallory's pooner at the bath house piece, may be free from the necropolitics of legacy media’s editors-in-chief, but other than putting "fascist" and "queer" in one or two of the sparse headlines, it has yet to find the revolution.
Mallory has given them only five (easy) pieces, including an excerpt from her Christmas novella:
- So You’ve Finally Gotten Up the Nerve To Visit a Gay Bathhouse. Now What?, Jan. 2
- Excerpt: Christmas at the Women's Hotel, Dec. 24
- What Is Queer Food? We Ate Some and Still Aren't Sure, Nov. 7
- Good Signs and Bad Signs in the Bay Area, Oct. 3
- How to Flake Like a True Bay Area Local, Sep. 15
JUMP CUT. She has a Wookieepedia Fandom page. We are not in the sources.
Autistic Nonetheless
kiwifarms.net
- Joined
- May 26, 2024
The two pooners i know IRL (more like one and a half since the first girl is no longer all that committed to the bit) were both in long term gay marriage and extremely butch to begin with. Both of them have tried to 'be gay' but also both continue to hang out in mostly female spaces, and have actively complained about outright hostility coming from homosexual men. Getting the cold shoulder on hookup apps and being disinvited from events. I've even seen badly passing mtf's (especially badly passing in fact) get much more attention in that community where just having a dick gets you a long way. Pooners are just considrerd sad unless you have a eunuch fetish.
- Joined
- Mar 24, 2016
My favorite pooner transitioned after thinking for years her husband might have gay leanings and wasn't that interested in her.
After she irrevocably changed her body, he transitioned to become a low-effort techtroon, and then started cheating on her with a younger, hotter pooner who was his junior at work. Divorce with mutual allegations of abuse followed, and their child went from a boy to an enby back to a boy, and is medicated for multiple psychiatric conditions. The Aristocrats.
I wonder if the Mal/Joe thing isn't a bit the same. Joe is always so big and flamboyant about how he's toooootally faggy and loves sucking dick, and it's always possible Mallory tried to be what he wanted...only for him to go make a baby with a younger woman.
After she irrevocably changed her body, he transitioned to become a low-effort techtroon, and then started cheating on her with a younger, hotter pooner who was his junior at work. Divorce with mutual allegations of abuse followed, and their child went from a boy to an enby back to a boy, and is medicated for multiple psychiatric conditions. The Aristocrats.
I wonder if the Mal/Joe thing isn't a bit the same. Joe is always so big and flamboyant about how he's toooootally faggy and loves sucking dick, and it's always possible Mallory tried to be what he wanted...only for him to go make a baby with a younger woman.
- Joined
- Aug 9, 2019
Eh, I think Mall is just a terribly insecure woman who got into a relationship with a man who is mentally abusive. Sometimes the classics just ring true.
I'd say I feel bad for Lily, but nah, she seems similarly fucked up. Baby Joe is the one who drew the worst lottery ticket here. I hope he'll be okay, but likely he'll be a cluster b mess and have a thread on the KiwiFarms in the future.
- Joined
- Oct 23, 2023
I’m probably in the minority on this, but I think Rocco might be okay. He’s fed (hopefully not by Joe), sporadically groomed (as in being bathed and such), taken on outings, head is non-flat, lives with three adults who seem to adore him and he’s read to. Growing up in a polycule with a middle aged troon for a dad isn’t something I’d wish upon my worst enemy, but I guess it’s normal to him. Also, the polycule is basically a straight couple with an au pair.
Now, personality disorders has a heritability of 40 - 50 %, so I guess that’s where he’s truly at a disadvantage. Maybe there is a little cow in him waiting to be set free, but I wouldn’t bet this here farm on it.