💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

[Shartavius]

Fatty always finds a way to make his food look inedible.

Jack's entire brand is limited to perpetrating crimes against food and expecting to have his ass kissed for it. The debilitating strokes and filthy shirts are window dressing.

 

[AnOminous]

When he said he was gonna add “a little bit” of cheese as the base, then proceeded to dump half the bag I audibly gasped.

Imagine even actually having a "bag" of cheese. What kind of shithead has a bag of cheese?

Nigger, be an actual human. Have some blocks of cheese, wedges of cheese, have some actual fucking cheese, nigger. And have a rotary grinder, a box grater, a microplane, and just grind yourself some motherfucking cheese, like a human, you dumb nigger!

That bag shit is for fucking NIGGERS!

 

[Nig🞗A🞗Roni]

Imagine even actually having a "bag" of cheese. What kind of shithead has a bag of cheese?

Nigger, be an actual human. Have some blocks of cheese, wedges of cheese, have some actual fucking cheese, nigger. And have a rotary grinder, a box grater, a microplane, and just grind yourself some motherfucking cheese, like a human, you dumb nigger!

That bag shit is for fucking NIGGERS!

It took me so long to convince my boss that our pizzas would be 1000% better if we stopped using pre-shredded mozzarella but I finally did, we fired up the Robot Coupe and started using blocks of mozz for it. And what do you know, we don't have nigger pie anymore. I started getting tired of hearing the words "anti-caking agents" and "sawdust" come out of my own mouth.

Also so much for anti-caking agents, 1/4 of that bag came out as a giant clump of shredded cheese that had un-shredded itself lol.

 

[souschef]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=dQWkmSc_Dgk
I've baked some greasy pizzas in my time but I've never had one sitting in its own pool of grease after coming out of the oven.

When i thought it couldn't get worse he added the guacamole to it. The guacamole looks as much as guacamole as this thing looks mexican. I rate this monstruo/10 and would not eat it

Imagine even actually having a "bag" of cheese. What kind of shithead has a bag of cheese?

Nigger, be an actual human. Have some blocks of cheese, wedges of cheese, have some actual fucking cheese, nigger. And have a rotary grinder, a box grater, a microplane, and just grind yourself some motherfucking cheese, like a human, you dumb nigger!

That bag shit is for fucking NIGGERS!

You'd think that after almost 20 years he'd realize that shreddy cheese doesn't quite melt right, but he keeps using it

 

[the khat quaffer]

If I wanted to go shitty American tex-mex that would nonetheless be damn tasty, I'd take a big flour tortilla and oil-fry the sucker flat until crisp like a chimichanga shell, then pile on carnitas, onion, cilantro and monty jack, under the broiler for a minute until just melty, then anoint all over with fresh pico, guac and sour cream. It'd still be ludicrous but at least more worth eating than Jack's abominations.

makin' me hanker for my semi-local non-chipodilay chipodilay...big flour tortilla, rice, black beans, sweet pork barbacoa, enchilada style w/ the spicy red sauce and freshly-off-site-grated mexi-blend cheese. Pico aux Gallo.

Tragically it's across state lines. And costs money.
Supermarket tortillas. Lightly toasted rice w/ spicy tomato puree (El Pato). Zatarain's yellow is an acceptable rice substitute. Pork barbacoa infused w/ red chili sauce the way mom made it. Don't fuck with that step.
Warm tortilla, rice, chased w/ with Mrs. Renfro's salsa to separate men from boys. Diced onion. Barbacoa. Lime somewhere. Beans somewhere maybe. Make it your own. Haven't figured out pito de gallo. NO BAGGED WHITE MAN'S CHEESE*

It won't be crispy, authentic, but the flavors are there.
It's not elephant sized, there's no need for a pound of beef, shredded cheese is optional (tends to overpower), and I suspect Jack can't handle anything truly hot lest he incur the wrath of another stroke and blame idk the salsa. I've never seen him use any real heat in his fever dream dishes other than just enough to ward off Tammy. So it won't get Jack's seal of GUD, but ordinarily that's a good thing. He'd probably eat it sideways like Jamie Oliver eating corn.

Spoiler

*"I don't normally use mexi-cheese...other than nachos" Jack, you cornstarch-chugging simpleton, you used it in your lazy man's pizza.
Jack's guac + avocado sauce at the end looks like a crime against nature. It looks like baby yoda took a runny liquid dump on his pizza. It looks like someone put baby yoda in a hydraulic press and made paste.

 

[An YTMND User]

Imagine even actually having a "bag" of cheese. What kind of shithead has a bag of cheese?

Nigger, be an actual human. Have some blocks of cheese, wedges of cheese, have some actual fucking cheese, nigger. And have a rotary grinder, a box grater, a microplane, and just grind yourself some motherfucking cheese, like a human, you dumb nigger!

That bag shit is for fucking NIGGERS!

Pre-shredded cheese dries up in the bag since it now has alot of contact points. In my restaurant, I'll only order it if it's somehow less expensive than a bloc (that's if my Robocoupe can survive these rookies).

 

[Hollywood Hulk Hogan]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=dQWkmSc_Dgk
I've baked some greasy pizzas in my time but I've never had one sitting in its own pool of grease after coming out of the oven.

That looks absolutely wretched, even by CWJ standards

 

[AltisticRight]

And have a rotary grinder, a box grater, a microplane, and just grind yourself some motherfucking cheese, like a human, you dumb nigger!

For those who are into cheese, I would also like to recommend the cheese curler.
"Cheese flowers" works pretty well with crackers. It turns medium hard cheese into flowers.

 

[p1138]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=dQWkmSc_Dgk
I've baked some greasy pizzas in my time but I've never had one sitting in its own pool of grease after coming out of the oven.

Cuts off his own stupid intro

"mexi jeeze" bought kraft instead of great value for once, still shit. Dumps out all of the liquid from the jalapenos... ok I guess that jar is just getting thrown away after using hardly any of it. "They seezun icecream with this". Bought some freeze dried cilantro thing it looks like. Dumps an entire fucking pound of overcooked chorizo on it, then more jeez.

Also, seems to have shit himself at around 4:36 again. He's been doing this a lot more than usual lately.

Pulls a vile fucking grease soaked mess out of the oven. Says it might be a failure because the crust doesn't look browned or golden. No shit, because it's soaked through with grease. Blames the mexijeeze for why this abomination doesn't look right. Amazingly he manages to realize his food looks like shit.


Because that's what you want in a cooking video, reminding people of shit.

 

[Falcon Sebben]

You'd think that after almost 20 years he'd realize that shreddy cheese doesn't quite melt right, but he keeps using it

It's because he doesn't care about the taste or the look, so long as it's meat, cheese and grease that slides down his throat.

 

[Xarpho's Return]

"beef bites are gone" what the fuck are these though bubbles? If you're there for a stupid italian beef sandwich, what the fuck does it matter if they don't have "beef bites" anymore?

I believe he's talking about the Steak Nuggets.

Also this is the first time I've seen that stroke eye up close.

 

[myhairisonfire]

Cuts off his own stupid intro

"mexi jeeze" bought kraft instead of great value for once, still shit. Dumps out all of the liquid from the jalapenos... ok I guess that jar is just getting thrown away after using hardly any of it. "They seezun icecream with this". Bought some freeze dried cilantro thing it looks like. Dumps an entire fucking pound of overcooked chorizo on it, then more jeez.

Also, seems to have shit himself at around 4:36 again. He's been doing this a lot more than usual lately.

Pulls a vile fucking grease soaked mess out of the oven. Says it might be a failure because the crust doesn't look browned or golden. No shit, because it's soaked through with grease. Blames the mexijeeze for why this abomination doesn't look right. Amazingly he manages to realize his food looks like shit.
View attachment 8594425

Because that's what you want in a cooking video, reminding people of shit.

that jarred green bird poop is actually really tasty. all you need is some tortilla chips to dip and thats a meal, baby.

 

[the khat quaffer]

But Fatty always finds a way to make his food look inedible.

Indeed, he always leaves an indelible mark on deliberately debilitating inedibility.

 

[Shartavius]

Indubitably.

 

[Mechanical Pencil]

, it's a miracle Charles hasn't yet honor-murdered his female wife and female daughter for not sufficiently worshipping him.

Followed by him trooning out and skinwalking as one or both of them.

How do you manage to fuck up eating a sandwich?

By stroke maxing, duh.

The pizza abortions are great, especially that Mexican grease-za with its plops of guac. Surely Tammy could have put it into a bag, snipped the tip and then swirled it on? No? Just make food ready for face hole ASAP with no regards to aesthetics? It's not like you're recording and uploading it for video content or anything...

I want to see him make the American south east and Italy cry out simultaneously via their unholy pizza fusion. Cornbread crust, red eye gravy for sauce, hoop cheese, country ham, and sliced pickled okra on top or something like that.

 

[densedance]

https://youtube.com/watch?v=U2prZhcovF8
Grown man salivates over pictures of processed-meat sangwhiches which inevitably will look nothing like the delivered product.

French dip is for adult men who have the palate of a kid, but want to come across as sophisticated. Especially at Goyslop serving places.

Also I know they have Roastbeef Sandwich. But fucking hell, it doesn't look like Roastbeef for me at all. It looks like processed Doener Kebab meat man.

 

[the khat quaffer]

Have some blocks of cheese, wedges of cheese, have some actual fucking cheese, nigger.

Followed by him trooning out and skinwalking as one or both of them.

By stroke maxing, duh.

The pizza abortions are great, especially that Mexican grease-za with its plops of guac. Surely Tammy could have put it into a bag, snipped the tip and then swirled it on? No? Just make food ready for face hole ASAP with no regards to aesthetics? It's not like you're recording and uploading it for video content or anything...

I want to see him make the American south east and Italy cry out simultaneously via their unholy pizza fusion. Cornbread crust, red eye gravy for sauce, hoop cheese, country ham, and sliced pickled okra on top or something like that.

I want him to make a lazy man's pizza* in the style of his lazy man's omelette:

In a ziploc bag.

Take a ziploc bag (great value is fine), write its eventual contents on it with heavy duty sharpie ink, throw in the dough, some sawse, a bag of shreddy cheese, whatever toppings he desires, smush it alllll together in situ with your claw and toss it into a 450 oven on an oven-safe tray (oven-safe means it's safe to use in an oven, fellas!) for 20 minutes. Then pull out the tray and you'll have a nice pan pizzur, sans bag. It recycles itself, so less cleanup! Truly lazy!

 

[Super Hans v2]

View attachment 8603978

Man, Jersh really let himself go.

 

[Agamemnon Busmalis]

That looks absolutely wretched, even by CWJ standards

Montezuma's Revenge on a plate.

Hell, even Montezuma would consider the punishment the Diarrhea Supreme inflicts on your bowels a bit much.

 

[souschef]

Montezuma's Revenge on a plate.

Hell, even Montezuma would consider the punishment the Diarrhea Supreme inflicts on your bowels a bit much.

They killed the wrong guy... Went after El Mencho when it's Jack committing true crimes against the mexican people!