💼 Careercow Jack Russell Scalfani / Cooking With Jack / Jack on the Go Show / jakatak - YouTube "Celebrity" "Chef", Living Encyclopedia of Gluttony-Induced Maladies, Salmonella Elemental

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When will Jack drop dead?

  • February-March 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • April-May 2024

    Votes: 6 0.4%

  • June-July 2024

    Votes: 17 1.1%

  • August-September 2024

    Votes: 34 2.2%

  • October-November 2024

    Votes: 37 2.4%

  • December 2024

    Votes: 44 2.8%

  • Sometime in 2025

    Votes: 258 16.6%

  • Sometime in 2026

    Votes: 252 16.2%

  • Jack lives forever. The Wendigo Must Consoom

    Votes: 902 58.0%
  • Total voters
    1,556
Super Hans v2 said:
it's probably like hetero sex that Jack suffers it because he thinks it's just something manly men do
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I still contend that Jack has never "had sex." His IQ has always been double digits. His two sons are merely proof that he has been raped twice.

AnOminous said:
Blown out asshole from nonstop brick hard constipation shits? The mouth alone could take three or four. The other dudes could take turns raping his gunt flaps.
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:cryblood:

But yeah, something like this.
 
She Brings The Rain said:
I s2g if you fuckers don't share your recipes when you say things like this you're getting a bottle of Jack farts mailed to your house.
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It's simple. You need to find better beans, find a roast you like and go for it. This takes time. And don't grind your beans until you're ready to use them. I prefer mixing a City or medium roast with a French or dark roast in a 3:1 ratio. Gives smoothness and flavor with a touch of boldness.

As for how you prepare it it comes down to how you like it. Personally I use a Moka pot. If I go low tech it's a French Press. Hell really low tech you could just use a pour over situation with one of these:
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That actually takes practice with the temperature of the water and the speed at which you pour.

For cold brew find a decent ground coffee, add water, let the grounds get hydrated then cover and stick it in the fridge overnight or up to a day. Filter out the grounds, this is another way to use the French Press and enjoy.

But back to the point Jack is fat and I wouldn't eat his food.

AnOminous said:
Blown out asshole from nonstop brick hard constipation shits?
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You just know that he's passing rocks and spends an hour on the toilet pushing them through.

There's a reason why most doctors recommend you eat fiber. Or at the very least use something like Metamucil.
 
Doctor of Autism said:
Again this is the vaguest review I've ever seen him make

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If it wasn't from Jacko himself I could have sworn this ... "review" was AI slop cobbled together by some illiterate raghead trying to reviewbot some bollywood supa supa supa supa supaaaaman shit.

But it's Jack so it's on base.

souschef said:
IT'S SHRIVELED
IT'S DEAD
IT'S FALLING OFF DUE TO DIABETIC NECROSIS
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CUT MY BRAIN INTO PIECES
THIS IS MY LAST BIG MAC
DEBILITATED
NO WALKING
DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF MY SLUR MY WORDS TALKING
THIS IS MY LAST SCOOTER
 

DIY Dog Treats So Easy Even I Can Make Them​

humility suits you well, Jack.

0:40 "I have no idea what this is gonna be look like"

"you can let me know in the comments below" the comments you have under lockdown, Jackie?

He opened that box one-handed. Color me impressed.

3:12 I think he got winded and had to take a breather during the excruciating task of...holding a small plastic bag upside down.

3:30. This is taking a severe physical toll. what the fuck was that sound.

4:10 "now's a good time to preheat the oven" ......why not do that at the beginning?

4:28 "Not a fan of flour...gets everywhere." uneven flour on the doggie biscuits.

5:30 jack ate doggie snacks back in the day as a radio DJ confirmed. probably got paid in dog food

What house are they in? Who are those dogs (Jenny, Zoey)? I only know about Hope.

I give Jack some credit here, he continues to do his best with his one good hand, and pulls it off. (The recipes, not the hand.) My dug takes after me and would probably piss on those sugary pumpkin pie abortions.

I give it an A, but only because it was impossible to fuck up, and dogs at the end.
 
the khat quaffer said:
What house are they in? Who are those dogs (Jenny, Zoey)? I only know about Hope.
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Jenny has to be Jr and Medium Tammy's, but Zoey is Jack's other dog.

And for FUCK'S SAKE, if it isn't the fucking harness on 24/7 it's a fucking dog sweater when the only reason that the dogs go out is to shit.
 
the khat quaffer said:
https://youtube.com/watch?v=MB3mLwq2WGE

DIY Dog Treats So Easy Even I Can Make Them​

humility suits you well, Jack.

0:40 "I have no idea what this is gonna be look like"

"you can let me know in the comments below" the comments you have under lockdown, Jackie?

He opened that box one-handed. Color me impressed.

3:12 I think he got winded and had to take a breather during the excruciating task of...holding a small plastic bag upside down.

3:30. This is taking a severe physical toll. what the fuck was that sound.

4:10 "now's a good time to preheat the oven" ......why not do that at the beginning?

4:28 "Not a fan of flour...gets everywhere." uneven flour on the doggie biscuits.

5:30 jack ate doggie snacks back in the day as a radio DJ confirmed. probably got paid in dog food

What house are they in? Who are those dogs (Jenny, Zoey)? I only know about Hope.

I give Jack some credit here, he continues to do his best with his one good hand, and pulls it off. (The recipes, not the hand.) My dug takes after me and would probably piss on those sugary pumpkin pie abortions.

I give it an A, but only because it was impossible to fuck up, and dogs at the end.
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Yeah, FUCK YOU Jack, i ain't eating this crap

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I sincerely wonder if Jack has some kind of partial blindness wherein he can't recognize that his thumbnails, bitmoji abominations, etc. all look horribly retarded. Many of his thumbnails featuring his beanbag physique or beluga head either real image or animated look so stupid and ripe for getting dicks shooped on them. Is he incapable of looking at what he's about to upload and thinking "wait, I look retarded here" ?

Because yes Jack, you look retarded and gay (homosexual, even) in every single thumbnail.
 
the khat quaffer said:
I sincerely wonder if Jack has some kind of partial blindness wherein he can't recognize that his thumbnails, bitmoji abominations, etc. all look horribly retarded. Many of his thumbnails featuring his beanbag physique or beluga head either real image or animated look so stupid and ripe for getting dicks shooped on them. Is he incapable of looking at what he's about to upload and thinking "wait, I look retarded here" ?

Because yes Jack, you look retarded and gay (homosexual, even) in every single thumbnail.
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Or the fact that he doesn't realize that giving dog threats with uncooked flour will give them a tummy ache

He not did this, but filmed it and posted on the internet. I wouldn't expect anything less of a man that feels joy in luring a dog to an electric fence and laughing about it. Jack is a terrible person
 
the khat quaffer said:
I give it an A, but only because it was impossible to fuck up, and dogs at the end.
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Thanks for the writeup, KQ. I was bothered by something different: This is supposed to be a wholesome video (guy is making treats for his dogs; d'aww, what's not to love?) but even in that context, Jack cannot suppress how dark and weird his thoughts always are.
  • 3:13 = "Watch my dog hate this stuff," he says as he starts making the treats. Why is that the first place his mind goes? Watch me do All This Work and my dumb dog wastes my time by not even liking it. I know it sounds small but I think most normal, well adjusted people phrase the feeling much differently, like, "I hope my dog likes this."

  • 6:22 = "Hope's looking at everybody else. 'Anybody else dying? OK, I'm going to eat it.'" Maybe this is normal humor and I'm the weirdo for caring, but to me it's not funny. (A large part of that could be Jack's delivery, because "Anybody else dying?" doesn't really make sense unless Hope is dying too when she 'says' it -- but still, death and animals don't combine to make funny asides.)

  • 6:34 = "Oh, she's waiting. Jenny likes to wait and hold onto her treat so she can tease the other two." We all anthropomorphize our pets, but who does it to randomly ascribe them negative traits? My dog hoards resources so she can fuck with her friends. Why is that funny? Whose mind even goes there?

  • 7:10 = "Zoe likes to walk around Hope and intimidate her." Completely made up and said when Zoe wasn't even doing anything.

  • 7:20 = "Jenny's finally eating hers. She likes to still have some left when the other two are wanting more. She's so evil. Evil Jenny." Again, completely invented behavior, with human-tier malice ascribed to some animal that's just laying there.
Jack's nasty internal monologue can't help but bubble out. I know people like this. I have family like this. Jack is so broken and miserable, he doesn't even know how to make small talk while watching cute dogs eat treats. Where you and I might think, I wonder if they like pumpkin, I wonder if I used too much flour, Maybe she'll hide it to save for later, Look now she's interested, Jack's mind goes to such topics as teasing, dying, evil, intimidation, and Watch them hate it anyway.

Also, Jack remains steadfast in his fear of dog ween: three girls, Hope, Zoe and Jenny. He's never even been the type to interact with his dogs very much so I don't know why he's so haunted by this, but I wonder if it's connected to the fact he was clearly scarred by the experience of bathing his sons when they were babies (a task he has brought up unprompted several times in the past).
 
the khat quaffer said:
I sincerely wonder if Jack has some kind of partial blindness wherein he can't recognize that his thumbnails, bitmoji abominations, etc. all look horribly retarded. Many of his thumbnails featuring his beanbag physique or beluga head either real image or animated look so stupid and ripe for getting dicks shooped on them. Is he incapable of looking at what he's about to upload and thinking "wait, I look retarded here" ?

Because yes Jack, you look retarded and gay (homosexual, even) in every single thumbnail.
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Pretty sure Jack is actually half-blind since his latest stroke, I think he's discussed it in the past.
 

I found a YouTube content creator that is either wearing Jack’s last molted hide as a skin suit, or Connie’s post man was making some additional stops on his route….
 
Slavic Patronym said:
Also, Jack remains steadfast in his fear of dog ween
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Does Mr. Handjob's cropjob present the image of a man afraid of doggie bottoms?

Hungry Homeless Handjob said:
View attachment 8505456

No comment.
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^Why would you intentionally upload this, Jack. Just, why. How do you look at this and think, "yep this is it. This is the thumbnail. This is the greeting that current and potential new viewers will see. This is my handshake to the world, my business card."

I wonder if Jack's ever been kicked out of bed by the Hambeast and forced to sleep on the couch, only to be woken up by a dog gnawing on his dead stump like a chew toy. His medium rare bone-in ribeye is probably more fun than cherokee hair tampons.
 
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