😵‍💫 Obsessed Ronald Lincoln Kolb Jr. / bear hammer / quality_krisps / A glass of milk / semper fi / Fuck you bitch (and many more) - No. 1 KF/OF Blogposter. Paid Null $100 to get Unbanned Only to Get Banned Again. Sock Spammer. Attempted Suicide by Cop. Too Retarded for the Military. High School Dropout. Attentionwhore Sperg. Alex Hogendorp Alog. Gay for Toji. Cannot Escape Samsara

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Dead Lion

a stop on the subterranean mutant railroad.
True & Honest Fan
kiwifarms.net
Joined
Jan 4, 2025
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Ronald Lincoln Kolb Jr. / @bear hammer / quality_krisps / @A glass of milk / @point of no return. / @TroonReaper69 / @mellow mushroom / @#freebearhammer / @*SCHLORP SCHLORP SCHLORP* / @Moldy Tendies / @Surprisingly wholesome / @crabshack / @VCR / @steven here / @Sperg Spectating Watcher / @Sperg Spectating DM me / @SpurdoAlog / @80s Pornstar / @giantrobotfan / @semper fi / @Fuck you bitch / @Bottle Of Jacks

Many lolcows seemingly spawn out of thin air as complete fucking retards. However, some of the most interesting lolcows are the ones that start off as fairly normal only to completely meltdown and transform into a cow. Sure they might have a touch of the 'tism, but nobody cares about minor crap like that unless you decide to have a sperg out and make a scene. Enter one Ronnie Kolb, commonly known online as @bear hammer:

Ronnie began as most new Kiwi Farms users do, noticed by few and cared about by even fewer. While many are content to simply lurk and use the site, Ronnie, being fairly inadequate IRL, strived for greater. He yearned for recognition and to be a valuable member of the community appreciated by all. For Ronnie, this would be through documenting, and later alogging, Canadian pedophile amputee fetishist and Halal lolcow Alex Hogendorp. Unfortunately, in his quest to get noticed alongside a bunch of asspats and updoots, Ronnie would crash out over the OP of Alex Hogendorp not being completed to his liking and spiral into cowdom. From alogging Alex Hogendorp, initially hating on and later thirsting after local girlfailure cow Tiffany Skylar Johnston, paying @Null $100 dollars to get unbanned (only to get banned shortly afterwards), sperging out in his dedicated Spergatory thread, thirsting after @Toji Suzuhara, and posting paragraph after paragraph of SNCA blogposts about his sad and pathetic life as a terminally online high school dropout that was too retarded for the military, Ronnie has gone from documenting lolcows to becoming one in his own right.


The name "bear hammer" is incredibly apropos given that Ronnie likes to "poke the bear" in terms of pissing off everyone around him and "hammer" on about the tiniest flaws he can find in people while slinging the same couple of insults against them in hopes that it might stick a landing. Ultimately, this thread serves as a cautionary tale for why you shouldn't take the New Zealand Housewife Association's gossip forum too seriously and why when told to log off, you should probably listen.

🦖Pre Bearstory🦖

Ronald Lincoln Kolb Jr. was born on January 6, 2006, to Ronald Kolb Sr. and Jayme Bird somewhere in Florida:
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His family would later move to Nebraska. Ronnie believes that his childhood was wasted:
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Link (Archive)

His parents are divorced although his mom would remarry giving Ronnie a stepdad:
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Link (Archive)
Ronnie isn't exactly a fan of his stepdad:
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Link (Archive)
His stepfather isn't some abusive asshole. Ronnie is actually quite cordial with him, recommending him anime and whatever. Ron views him as 'worse that Alex' (Alex meaning @Alex Hogendorp, the 30 year old Canadian lolicon pedophile who lives with his parents) just for marrying his mother and being his stepdad. He also mentions having siblings, specifically a brother and a sister. Ronnie is also very fucking lonely and whines about having no IRL friends, which is why he's so terminally online:
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Sperging on the Internet is basically the most social interaction he has.

He has diagnosed 'tism, and mentioned having to get a waiver when he attempted to join the military:
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Link (Archive)
He hasn't shared too much specific information about his childhood but we know a couple of details such as the fact that Ronnie dropped out of high school in 2023. He also revealed that he tried committing suicide by cop but got tazed for his trouble:
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:medallion: Go Bearchu, go out and zap to the extreme!

In terms of employment, as a high school dropout working on getting a GED, Ronnie's job is stocking shelves. He had a spergy meltdown when his female boss talked down to him like a retarded child (which he is) which he described in a blogpost:
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(Archive)
He even has a tranny coworker which is heckin' valid! Is Ronnie a hard worker? Not really, he likes to jerk off to anime in the bathroom at work:
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(Archive)

This is just a sample of the kind of SNCA bullshit and powerleveling that bear hammer loves to sprinkle into his blogposts that he likes to flood Onion Farms, Kengel's shitty Kiwi Farms splinter site that has something like 6 active users at a time, with. Keep in mind that all this information was freely given out by Ronnie himself and only over the span of a couple of months.

🖥️Bearly Internet Activity🖥️

Some of Ronnie's earliest activity on the Internet would be when he was around 14 years old. He would post under the alias quality_krisps which he would reuse on several websites:

Reddit:
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(Archive)

So what kind of content did Ronnie post on his Reddit account? FUCKING MY LITTLE PONY!
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Indeed, before he was a bear, he was a brony! Here's Ronnie posting on an MLP porn subreddit:
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Ronnie also posted in the Tulpa subreddit:
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And even had a Tulpa himself:
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Ronnie also posted on Tulpa.info, a dedicated Tulpa forum:
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Link

In case you couldn't tell, Ronnie has autism:
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Ronnie would share other mental illnesses he has on reddit including MDD (Major Depressive Disorder):
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And ADHD:
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At the age of 15, Ronnie was posting on reddit talking about losing his virginity:
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He was also active in multiple questionable porn subreddits including r/realhomeporn and r/incest. As a result of his porn addiction, Ronnie can only cum when watching porn and couldn't please his ex-girlfriend:
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Ronnie posting about wanting to fuck Ragatha from The Amazing Digital Circus:
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Ronnie was also a fan of Vaush:
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A guy into horses being a fan of Vaush? What a surprise!

At a certain point, Ronnie would become a known troll/retard that even reddit couldn't tolerate, resulting in Ronnie acquiring several "trolls". In response to this, Ronnie would make a dedicated subreddit called r/quality_krisps which was about discussing his trolls:
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Link
Yes, this nigger is actually that much of a pathetic attention whore.
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Keep this subreddit in mind for later, it's a sign of things to come.

Quora:
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Link
The Quality Krisps Quora account was created in March of 2020. We know this account is Ronnie's because it was created with the same email he would later use to sign up for Onion Farms. What did Ronnie post about on Quora? Well, when he wasn't worrying about having no agency in his life:
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He would predominantly help people watch My Little Pony online:
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For the plot, of course! :smug: This also further confirms this Quora account was Ronnie as it lines up with the brony content of his reddit account. In fact, here is Ronnie making the same post he made on Quora on reddit:
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Twitter:
Ronnie had multiple Twitter accounts:
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qkrisps (Archive)
qualitykrisps22 (Archive)
QKrisps7965 (Archive)
His Twitter accounts aren't particularly interesting, although he did make faggot brony diaper posts:
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Link (Archive)

Gaming:
One of Ronnie's favorite games is Dead by Daylight, which he plays on his PS5 and posts about online:
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BVHR Forum Account:
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Link (Archive)
Ronnie's PlayStation Account:
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Link
Ronnie also had a YouTube account where he'd upload DBD gameplay:
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Link (Archive) (PreserveTube Archive)

Ronnie's early Internet activity can essentially be boiled down to being an extremely autistic teen posting about brony MLP porn, reusing the same username everywhere and being an incredibly obnoxious and unlikeable faggot. Ronnie's ego and need to correct the record that he's mainly known for would also make its first appearance here considering he made an entire subreddit dedicated to chronicling his reddit "trolls".

🧸Humble Bearginnings🧸

The @bear hammer account we all know and love was created on February 24th 2024. Straight after registering he posted in the Daniel Larson thread:
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And he immediately got negrated to oblivion, so great first impression.

But like all users of high quality, he then ventured to Q&A board, the designated shitting street of the forum. He posted a couple posts and then stopped posting for a year, almost to the day. After his return, he proceeded to venture back into the sewer of Q&A alongside dabbling in some Christory.

One interesting post of his is this one from the Chris-Chan: A Comprehensive History thread:
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The video and associated channel (Jayology) have been wiped off YouTube, with no other mentions of 'a brief history of chris chan', and no PreserveTube archive. Could it be that it's Ronnie's own video he was attempting to self promote? Food for thought. Aside from that he didn't get up to much.

An extremely ironic post from Ronnie:
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On the same day he post this, he would discover his true calling as a Kiwi and make his first post in the Alex Hogendorp thread...

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One could ask Ronnie the same thing. He didn't get up to much while the thread was still in the Prospering Grounds. However, due to the Alex thread growing at an incredible rate, and amassing over 100 pages and 100K views while still in PG (it was the fastest growing PG thread of 2025), the writing team decided to request moving it out early with the intent on finishing the OP later. This made @bear hammer upset which led to him making this that's largely responsible for his subsequent infamy:
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He got mad, he got upset, he got Mad at the Internet. There are a couple of reasons why he got mad that the thread was moved out early before the OP was finished. One was that he previously posted a bunch of Alex accounts from a bunch of random websites and wanted them to be in the OP along with credit:
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You see, another part of Ronnie's cowdom is a borderline Izzat-like obsession with his prestige and respect. Since IRL he's below average at best and likely won't amount to anything, he attention whores on Kiwi Farms instead. He wants to have a writing credit on a popular thread and be a beloved user nominated for the Bufords. As an example of his desperation to be noticed, here's an Onion Farms post of him seething about not being included in an Alex meme:
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Link (Archive)

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Ronnie wanted the Alex OP to be finished NOW! NOW! NOW! Should he actually do what he promised to do and send a complete thread to the writing team? 'Course not! First order of business is to sperg at @Axiom. in DM's:
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So as you can see, he's handling this really well so far.

Another reason that @bear hammer was upset at the Alex OP writing team was that many of them were also regulars in the Zoey thread, which Ronnie believed was distracting them from completing the Alex OP. He would then go on the offensive and started playing backseat moderator in the Zoey thread:
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Of course, Ronnie's point here is moot because as a proper lolcow, Zoey never follows any of the advice given to her in her thread.

While the slapfight was going on, Ron got himself banned for the first time. What for? His sperging? Mass reporting? Nope. He was reposting shit from Onion Farms in Josh's Prospering Grounds lolcow thread and Jersh thought he was a sock of a certain Onion Farms Jersh A-log called @thefrogninja, a completely unrelated party:
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🧦12 Socks of Bearcules🧦

Despite a ban from Josh, Ronnie wasn't done yet. Alex's siren call was simply too strong. He made a sock called @giantrobotfan almost immediately and started rating every post in the Alex thread autistic:
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People initially thought this account was Alex himself. He sperged out about something but aside from a small snippet it was lost after his posts were nuked. He also begun sending smoke signals from Alex's DeviantArt:
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(Archive)
Fun Fact: For all the Zoeyniggers in the audience, this is the first instance of the term and where it was initially coined.

The account was banned shortly afterwards (on the same day it was created, March 19th, 2025). On DeviantArt, Ronnie sent out more smoke signals further confirming the account was his:
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A second sock then hit the Farms. @A glass of milk. This one was clocked almost immediately as it was featured in his post mortem cope thread that he wrote on Onion Farms chronicling how the Alex Hogendorp OP writing team unfairly slighted him. Ronnie claimed that he dindu nothin and wuz just a smoll bean and wanted to archive Alex's DeviantArt posts:
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Link (Archive)
Despite his claims of just wanting to contribute, the reality was however was much different:
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These are all profile posts where he seethed about Zoey and Zoeyniggers. He then got into a slapfight in the Easy to Track Username Hall of Shame thread:
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You can see the snippets here of the slapfight here. It isn't hard to guess what happened.

Finally he ended up on Onion Farm, although the account even predated his ban. Fittingly, he would post in the Onion Farms' guide to socking thread:
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Link (Archive)

After whining about how he could've done a better job on the Alex Hogendorp OP than the writing team, Ronnie finally put his money where his mouth is and made his own Alex thread on Onion Farms:
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Link (Archive)
There's a lot to unpack with Ronnie's ripoff thread. Compared to Alex's thread over here, it's still sparse despite claiming he could actually finish it. Most of it is also a copy of the Kiwi Farms thread, and Ronnie even credits most the writing team still, although he goes out of his way to call out @Axiom. and claims he contributed nothing. It also remains unfinished to this day. which is hilarious when you remember that the Alex OP being incomplete is what caused Ronnie to lose his shit and begin this entire spiral.

💲A Hundred Bear Coins💲

As shown earlier in this OP, Ronnie was initially banned because he posted in Josh's Kiwi Farms lolcow thread and was mistaken for being another Onion Farms alog, which was essentially because of a misunderstanding on Josh's end. To straighten things out, Ronnie emailed Null about his ban:
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Link (Archive)
And after finding out why he was banned, he sent a second email:
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Contrary to his claims, he did not move on:
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In fact, because his entire life at this point revolved around a lolcow gossip forum and its splinters, Ronnie was so desperate to get back to posting, that he decided to fall back on his last resort, bribery. Ronnie emailed Josh and offered to pay $100 in Bitcoin to get his account unbanned:
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Link (Archive)
Money talks, and ol' Rabbi Yeshua isn't one to turn down a hefty payment of shekels, with the payment succeeding in getting him unbanned. Now you'd think after paying $100 to get unbanned and having a reputation of being a complete sperg that probably isn't going to be welcomed back with warm regards, Ronnie would lay low and play it safe for the time being. Nope! Instead Ronnie went straight back to submitting his 'valuable' contributions to the site like going back to insulting Zoey thread regulars:
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His second coming can be largely summed up as a one man crusade against Zoeyniggers and anyone who was critical of his behavior in the Alex thread. First, he would post in the Zoey thread itself and later he would make a dedicated thread about Zoeyniggers in Q&A:
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Link
He also made a thread that was a guide on how to talk to women:
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Link (Archive)
And a dedicated thread about stickersperging, a favorite topic of Josh:
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(Archive)
Also during this time, Ronnie, in a stunning display of Main Character Syndrome, would decry any criticism of his spastic retard behavior as "bear hammer derangement syndrome":
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According to Ronnie, you shouldn't care too much about his retarded posts:
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Ronnie would reveal on Onion Farms that Josh apparently DM'd him asking him to calm the fuck down instead of instigating a bunch of forum infighting over petty bullshit:
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Link (Archive)
Ronnie's great crusade managed to annoy several people and flood Kiwi Farms moderation with tons of reports. This earned him multiple threadbans and eventually a temporary ban for him to calm down the fuck down:
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He even emailed Josh asking about his ban:
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(Archive)

Normally a ban that a little under two weeks is no big deal, but there are months where nothing happens and short periods during temporary bans where everything fucking happens. In this case, Alex's mom joined her own son's thread on the Farms to defend him after he gave his account login details to local forum troll, shitposter and sock spammer @Bargain Bin Laden. Suffice to say, Ronnie wasn't pleased from his timeout corner on OF:
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Upon his return he also chastised Kiwis in Alex's thread for not taking some random account's word at face value and not interrogating her using a car battery or some shit:
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What makes this retarded is that threads like Alex Hogendorp's or General Talbott's are notorious for getting shat up by random sock accounts, which means that people tend to be skeptical when new accounts come in and make audacious claims. Further adding to how tone deaf Ronnie is regarding this, he seems to forget that only about a month ago he was shitting up Alex's thread with his own armada of socks. Glass houses o algo, as @Claudio Hernández Castañeda would say.

To contain both regular forum users and Zoeyniggers's dislike of him, Ronnie decided to create his own containment thread where everyone could discuss him without derailing other threads:
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(Link)
You may recall earlier in this thread, it was shown that on reddit, Ronnie made an entire subforum after himself to discuss his trolls. This nigger really hasn't changed at all.

Simultaneously he began talking to Alex Hogendorp himself back on Onion Farms, asking him a laundry lists of questions and even trying to get him to join the Onion Farms podcast:
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Link (Archive)

He even begun calling Null a pedophile, kinda. Judge for yourself:
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This is essentially the Onion Farms party line on why Jersh is bad.

To the uninitiated promoting infighting, cowtipping and calling Deer Feeder a pedo are some of the few things you will get banned for on this website. Cowtipping especially. In this case, Ronnie was trying to get a pedophile lolcow to go on a podcast with him. As a result of this, combined with how much of an annoying and unlikeable faggot he was, Josh would ban bear nigger on April 27th, 2025, which Ronnie would seethe about on Kengel Farms:
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Link (Archive)

All in all, I'd say that was a hundred bucks well spent.

:semperfi:SemBear Fidelis :semperfi:

For some unknowable reason, all the dregs of Kengel Farms despise one Kiwi Farms user above all else: @Toji Suzuhara. Ronnie is no different. Straight after his ban he made a whole thread on Onion Farms about Toji:
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Link (Archive)
He also made another thread for pink triangle users. This also serves double duty as his very own attraction sign since he has a crush on both @mitsuba :3 and @#FreeRoss:
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Link (Archive)
There's also something particularly ironic about Ronnie of all people making a thread on people with a pink triangle:
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Finally, the third great event of Bearstory happened. Ronnie left his home to join the army:
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Link (Archive)
Ronnie's ASVAB and training schedule:
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The day he left, @Dead Lion made this post reacting to his announcement to join the military:
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It made him sperg out hard on a sock account on the Farms:
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On top of all that, his dreams were shattered because it turns out that having a suicide attempt on your record is pretty damming:
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Link (Archive)
Ronnie was too retarded for the military. He also mentioned that he was getting married soon. Keep that girl in mind for later, it will come up.

😘Toji Suzuhara is a Woman😍

Remember that Toji thread Ronnie made? The following is one of the bizarrest episodes to spring out of that thread.

On July 3rd, 2025, responding to Alex Hogendorp's BitterSweetSymphony Onion Farms account, an account named Vatan-Partisi posted that @Toji Suzuhara is a woman:
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Vatan-Partisi posted the DM screenshots implying Toji is a woman:
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Which led to @bear hammer and other Onion Farms users taking the bait:
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@bear hammer and other Onion Farms users continued to take the bait, with the DM screenshots reaching Kiwi Farms:
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On July 4th, 2025, bear hammer and other Onion Farms users would make more posts about Toji being a woman and speculate on "her" appearance:
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Bear would also tell lolcow Pedro Fuertes Stille that Toji was his:
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Zoey had a pretty funny response to the Onion Farms users taking the bait:
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What also makes Zoey and Ronnie interacting amusing is that Ronnie's initial sperg out was because he believed her thread was distracting the Alex Hogendorp OP writing team from finishing the OP.

On July 10th, 2025, there would be even more instances of @bear hammer taking bait:
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On July 12th, 2025, @bear hammer said Toji was his "a-log and that she needs to be "dicked down" by him:
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On July 13th, 2025 @bear hammer asked Vatan-Partisi to explain some of @Toji Suzuhara's past posts, also calls @Toji Suzuhara "mommy Toji":
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On July 17th, 2025, @bear hammer made a reference to Null's Blockland post about Stocking:
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On July 18th, 2025, @bear hammer added a poll to Toji's Onion Farms thread:
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On July 20th, 2025, @bear hammer said Toji was "begging for the alpha bear" in his DMs:
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On August 2nd, 2025, @bear hammer and thefrogninja (the Onion Farms user Josh thought bear hammer was a sock of) would make even more Toji thirstposts:
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On August 7th, 2025, @bear hammer made a "joke" about meeting up with Toji for sex only to realize they are both trannies, then does damage control after being rightfully mocked for it:
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☸️BearSara☸️

Aside from the brief comeback where he informed us of his failure to join the army, @bear hammer war largely inactive going into late 2025. However, in November Null decided to rework the Spergatory into a tard cage/petting zoo for Lolcows based ona suggestion from @Londo, as a way to fix the issue of a lolcow arguing in their thread and shitting it up for ten pages straight:
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Ronnie was immediately suggested as a potential candidate for the new Spergatory board:
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And he answered the call and was reincarnated yet again:
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It almost immediately became apparent that he ascended into full cowdom and went insane after he started posting in his new Spergatory thread, sperging and spamming SNCA blogposts:
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As you recall earlier when he announced on Onion Farms that he was too retarded for the military, Ronnie also mentioned that he got a new GF/wife/fiancé that he met through his retard counselor:
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He would also discuss her in his Spergatory thread:
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The martial status of this woman changes constantly and the only thing that Ronnie could even say about her was that she was a heckin' based wignat who said "nigger" a lot. He couldn't actually tell anyone other reasons he liked her besides that. The thread would take to mocking Ronnie and calling his "wife" a tranny as he decided to argue in his Spergatory thread instead of spending time with his totally real fiancé:
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He also had begun poking the bear the slobbermutt:
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It wasn't clear from earlier in this OP, Ronnie really hates his family. While in his Spergatory thread, on Onion Farms he would make a post about how he wished they were born in an Islamic country so they would've been stoned to death for creating Bacha Bazi Hammer from casual sex:
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(Archive)
Then, on December 17th, 2025, Ronnie would create a thread on Onion Farms talking about how he wants to murder his family:
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The following are excerpts from bear hammer's batshit insane blogpost. Ronnie fucking hates his family and wants to kill them:
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Ronnie ranting about how terrible his slut mother and stepdad are:
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Ronnie shitting on his little brother:
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Ronnie talking about his rich step-grandparents:
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Ronnie claiming he won't repeat the same mistakes when he has kids:
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Link (Archive)
Kengel added a disclaimer to Ronnie's "I want to murder my family" rant:
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Ronnie would also post about get high on shrooms and trip out in his Spergatory thread, which mainly involved him posting random SNCA bullshit and spamming doubleposts like crazy:
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Remember Ronnie's totally real wife? Eventually on January 8th, 2026, while having his shroom trip, Ronnie would finally admit his tranny wignat fiancé was fake this entire time, to no one's surpise:
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With his wignat GF (male) disappearing into nothingness while he was seeing sounds and hearing colors, Ronnie decided to try and go and pick up an actual flesh and blood woman on Tinder:
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He was apparently AI generating his Tinder photos, so at least he wasn't the only one hallucinating his greatness at the time.

Issues quickly arose as the girl he matched with, Ryleigh, started asking a based chud about his political beliefs:
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Thankfully the brotherhood stoners feel for each other outweighs the need for compatible political beliefs. Disregard the multiple SNCA blogposts about how he's a lonely faggot:
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As you've probably come to expect by now, he did not end up getting laid. Instead he went to Onion Farms to post about how mad he was about spending $200 dollars on this date without getting any action:
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He would also vent about it on Kiwi Farms:
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So what did he spend $200 bucks on? The girl? No, he spent it on a manicure and pedicure for his nails:
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He's NOT metrosexual guys, where would you get an idea like that?
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And keep in mind that prior to this disastrous date, Ronnie would post on Onion Farms about how easy it is to get laid:
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(Archive)

Ronnie's sperging in his Spergatory thread was so autistic that even fucking Zoey told him to get help:
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Ronnie would continue sperging in his Spergatory thread until...

🕋Bear Halal🕋

bear hammer CENTURY OF HUMILIATION.webp
By being extremely fucking unlikeable and essentially taunting people to Halal and dox him, bear hammer made a fatal flaw that many Halal lolcows make which was egging on people to go after him. Ronnie would boast that he was different from other Halals like Alex Hogendorp in that his OPsec was air tight and he couldn't be doxed ever. Unsurprisingly, bear hammer got humbled shortly afterwards.

On December 11th, 2025, @Cancer ♥, a former moderator on Onion Farms would leak the email @bear hammer registered his Onion Farms account with the email, qualitykrisps@gmail.com:
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Immediately, from searching up the username in the email, @Rache Bartmoss was able to find a reddit account u/quality_krisps and a dedicated subreddit for this user r/quality_krisps:
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How did bear react to @Cancer ♥ posting his email? Well his reaction to the email gave off strange mixed signals. First, on Kengel Farms, bear hammer would make a post seething about Kengel giving @Cancer ♥ adminsitrative power and allowing him to leak his email which he found embarassing:
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Bear would also say that he was able to disconnect the email from anything tying to identity, which he claims was a precaution in case Josh leaked his email. His message also seemed to imply that the qualitykrisps@gmail.com email was his primary email as he stated he needed to use the anon email (the one he messaged Josh with) going forward.

In his Spergatory thread, responding to people mocking his previous message, bear would make a post claiming that he used multiple OSINT tools to scrub anything that could identify him:
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He also essentially taunted everyone in the thread to dox him, which I'm sure won't bite him in the ass later:
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Seeing bear hammer's weird mixed messages which seemed to indicate there was actually something to hide, @notorietus would do a scan of the leaked email to see if there were any results:
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Not only were several accounts tied to the email discovered, but bear hammer's real name Ronnie Kolb was uncovered in the scan from his Microsoft account.

With some details about his personal life that he powerleveled in his blogposts such as his January 6th, 2006 birthday and that he lived in Nebraska, several Kiwis would look into phonebooking Ronnie.

@Avenue was able to find a LinkedIn account with the name Ronnie Kolb that listed a job as a Sales Associate at Spirit Halloween:
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Link
This matched up with the description of bear hammer's job stocking shelves. Interestingly,
sometime in late December of 2025, shortly after this account was found, it would be deleted:
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It's almost as if Ronnie was trying to DFE. Curious.

On the same day, @Flaming Dumpster found voting records for a Ronald Lincoln Kolb Jr. from Lincoln, Nebraska that also matched up with the previously mentioned information about bear hammer:
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Now admittedly, these were initially shots in the dark, until it was discovered that bear hammer made a post on his u/quality_krisps reddit account confirming he lived in Lincoln, Nebraska:
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On January 12th, 2026, 6 days after Ronnie's 20th birthday, @Spectate would make an effortpost in Ronnie's Spergatory thread with his phonebook:
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Link
As a response, Ronnie would immediately confirm the phonebook's accuracy:
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He also stated that he prefered that @Spectate booked him instead of @Cancer ♥ and that he would not show his face here again. This is a weird thing Ronnie would do where if he really hates someone like @Cancer ♥ he would seethe and say "at least it was someone more reputable like @Spectate who owned me". He also felt @Spectate would be a better OP for his lolcow OP while nitpicking his thread:
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When asked why he was so careless with his OPsec, especially with using his primary email on a website like Onion Farms that has dogshit security and mods that are willing to leak emails, Ronnie attributed this to laziness:
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Then, to add salt in the wound, @Spectate would share Ronnie's address that was found by @neu:
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Which he also confirmed:
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Thoroughly felted, bear hammer would give up his main account, lament that there was no point in continue using it, and post his password in his Spergatory thread:
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His account would be hijacked by Sock Tuah. After some leaks of bear hammer's settings and watched threads, and some shitposting, the account was either banned or scrambled:
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While this would mark the end of Ronnie's main Kiwi Farms account, he would prove he really was a proper lolcow in the making and refuse to log off. Instead he resolved to continue blogposting on Kengel Farms, such as making a post talking about Null's past controversies on the Internet and how if he could make it, so could Ronnie:
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He would also make a post on Onion Farms where he confirmed that the face dox he posted earlier was his:
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Earlier he claimed it was a picture of an old male friend of his non-existent wignat fiancé:
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He would also ask if he looked good or if he should get rid of his mullet and goatee because he looked similar to @WolfeTone:
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They really are like long lost brothers.

🐻Final Bearclusion🔨

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Ronnie Kolb is an obnoxious and arrogant retard who is on par with Alex Hogendorp, the very cow he sought to document, in terms of being a lolcow. Even his early history on reddit shows that he has not learned a fucking thing since then and has always been a sperg. From being so fucking unlikeable that people can barely tolerate him, even when he pays $100 dollars, to lying constantly out of his own ass to make himself look good, nitpicking any and all criticism against him because his fuck ups are never his fault, "hammering" at other people's faults in a vein effort to prove he's better than them, and getting humiliated time and time again, bear hammer always strived to be something more than his meager daily existence. In a way, he sort of got his wish, just not as a beloved member of the community and contributor, but rather as a retarded lolcow that everyone can laugh at. How's that old saying go? Oh yeah, karma's a bitch.

🐻Your Bearings🔗



🐻Phonebear📞

This private information is unavailable to guests due to policies enforced by third-parties.


Ronnie has tried to delete his retarded posts in the past. Make sure to ARCHIVE. FUCKING. EVERYTHING.

Special thanks to @Admiral Throbnelius, @dcss, @Tread Miller, @notorietus and anyone else who helped make this thread.

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I think this looks pretty good, but short. Keep working at it, even though you've only told us 3 things this guy is most definitely a good lawlcow.
 
Diddy Hammer allegedly met a girl through his therapist, who apparently completely disregarded patient confidentiality and played matchmaker for a couple retards. If this fake and gay story is to be believed, he then proposed to her a week later
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Archive

One of my favorite facets of him is how confident he is that he should rush to ruin this poor girl's life get married, while still crying about his stepdad like an angsty tween
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A1 / A2

Having a little Wolfetone moment here
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A
Same phenotype as Wolfetone as well. Coincidence?
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Literally too retarded to be allowed to die for Israel, but he should totally pass his mongoloid genes on
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A

Can't forget the time he cried on the front porch in front of the police tried to commit suicide by cop because his stepdad yelled at him. Primo husband+father material btw
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A
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@bear hammer / @Point of No Return / @A glass of milk / @semper fi / @Fuck you bitch / @A bottle of jacks
This is literally only 1/5th of the socks that he has. @bear hammer has already given a list of ~25ish of his alts, I'm sure he'd be glad to post them again.

Also make sure to add the post he made where he said he a dream where he went on a date with Tiffany. That was one of the funniest posts on this site.
 
The Internet is the main way people fulfill their need for social interaction.
:drink:

@bear hammer, don't lament turning twenty fucking years old. Plenty of people waste most of their lives, just don't waste all of it. Besides, what could lamentation possibly achieve? No one can get his time back, so don't cry over what's been wasted.

Lastly for now, those dogs in costumes for the Under Construction sections are adorable, and I hereby demand they be left in the final post somewhere so I always know where to find them. In fact, I'll just attach them to my post:
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@bear hammer, look at more stuff like this instead of sending money to Null in the future, alright?
 
This is literally only 1/5th of the socks that he has. @bear hammer has already given a list of ~25ish of his alts, I'm sure he'd be glad to post them again.

Also make sure to add the post he made where he said he a dream where he went on a date with Tiffany. That was one of the funniest posts on this site.
I can't snag them at the moment, but a good section to add are his NUMEROUS spergouts over the Alex thread and his main character syndrome. Bear has a history of going into histronics when he feels he's not being recognized as the bestest most badass archivist of all time.

@Spectate miiiiight have it, I for the life of me can't find it, but Bear has a history of trying to get on the good sides of people who tell him off. One such case being an apology he had sent to myself on a sock. This is all to say Bear Hammer really really really doesn't like it when you don't buddy up with him no matter how much he attests to the contrary. He is literally the crying wojak behind the mask.
 
He wrote an entire essay about it. Tyler Kolbe levels of unwarranted self importance
A1 / A2
Hey now you're talking about one of the bonafide pillars of kiwifarms here.
I WILL continue to update this thread with information I find relevant, I WILL continue to inform the masses on all things even remotely related to Alex, and I WILL put everyone who seethes about this on ignore.

Simple as.
Put some respect on the mans

Can you put this in the OP immediately in the beginning, @Dead Lion ? Really sums him up to a T.
Isn’t that literally what a lolcow is? Someone who does stupid shit for attention and has spergouts? Are you reading what you are typing???
 
@Spectate miiiiight have it, I for the life of me can't find it, but Bear has a history of trying to get on the good sides of people who tell him off. One such case being an apology he had sent to myself on a sock. This is all to say Bear Hammer really really really doesn't like it when you don't like him no matter how much he attests to the contrary. He is literally the crying wojak behind the mask.
He used to be obsessed with me for some reason, Axiom as well. Two of his socks were made just to contact me about a post I made which hurt his feelings which... LOLLLLLLLL @bear hammer ur a faggot LOLLLLLLLLL.
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(L) / (A)

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(L) / (A)
I find this especially funny because whatever my post was, it was making fun of him for socking over and over and over again. In response he makes 2 socks just to explain why he makes so many socks to me.

Anyways, I don't have any of the screenshots from back then saved so I'd have to look through some DM chain shit which is tedious. @PaperRoads has a write-up on him from all the way back in March, goes over his ban, first socks, and when he started commenting on Alex's DA. Has a lot of funny posts from him, maybe I'll port it over to here.

The only socks I could find that bear didn't include in his list of his socks is @Himeno and @crabshack, there's also @Lunar Eclipse Police which either was a BBL or bear hammer sock, I can't remember which.

He also has some funny threads which he made that got spergatoried. Also his OF threads.
 
The Internet is the main way people fulfill their need for social interaction. Some people argue on xitter, some post vacation photos on instagram. More daring individuals for whom the surface level intenet isn't enough decide to instead use websites of the broadly defined lesser internet. Websites like this little forum offer laxer moderation but the locals are usually quite hostile. Some practices that are a fact of life on larger websites are frowned upon down here. One of those is the practice of blogposting. Blogposting is usually defined as posting random (usually embarassing) facts about oneselves and random musings instead of participating in on-topic discussion. Essentially:
From what I have read, a portion of Bear Hammer info and drama comes fromt he suppoprters board. I could be wrong and I don't condone leaking anything from there but you could ask some T&H to help with gathering further info on him and uncovering more of his sperg outs.
 
I think we need a thread for semi lolcow-ish people like bear or the troon that faked their death because most of these guys don't have enough meat to keep a thread going on their own or they go DFE/inactive. Its an alright thread but most of the content came from him shiting up Alex and his spergatory thread.
 
Diddy Hammer allegedly met a girl through his therapist, who apparently completely disregarded patient confidentiality and played matchmaker for a couple retards. If this fake and gay story is to be believed, he then proposed to her a week later
This is such an autistic, isekai watching manchilds idea of how relationships work it's more sad than funny.

"I was doing literally nothing and then this perfect 10/10 big titty boob yumyum girl who shares my exact political beliefs and also has 0 hobbies and aspirations of her own and only serves to exist as one more harem elf girl in the isekai mc's collection my t&h sweetheart just stumbled upon me and fell for my awesome swagger!! Did i mention that she has big booba and ass??? We're literally getting married in like a year trust me guyz!!!! Shes soo heckin bazey chungusy libtard deatroyery bazed and kekpilled you guyz!!! She says the n word and agrees with my wignat sperg politics!!! Oh Did i mention shes big booba gib milkies sexy hot??? I bet you kiwi cucks are sooo jealous of my awesome sexy, fertile, wignat teenage waifu because you're too busy chasing low-fertility HAGS!!!"
 
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was born sometime in january 2006, somewhere in florida.
THIS THING IS 19???????? I legitimately thought he was 30+. Ran his mug through several AI age guessers and the lowest result was 28, with highest being 35. Something is seriously wrong with zoomers. He arguably looks worse than current Vinny, and Vinny is over twice his age.
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