Backup context:
I don't like being known as transgender or trans.It doesn't feel like me, and I hate when people encompass that as MY ENTIRE Identity.It is not.
Trans isn't my Identity, it's just a side-effect I have to deal with in this life.Personal opinion, probably a hot take, but I'm being painfully honest here.
I probably still got some internal work to do.
But the bottom line is I just want to be seen AS A MAN. That's it.
Now, I'm a couple years post ops (hyst and top surgery).
I'm stealth.I have a deeper voice, facial hair, wider shoulders/body structure- even chest/torso tattoos, so my scars aren't visible anyways. I pass 100% as a normal, cis guy in everyday life.And I LOVE THAT.
That falls shorter in the bedroom
.The unfortunate thing, is that I feel the necessity to SAY SOMETHING if I'm dating or even trying to do a fling, hook-up, whatever have you-Because I don't want to be perceived as an asshole for not voicing out that my genitals are probably not wut they are expecting: (No bottom surgery- natal regions, tdick)
I've encountered too many discussions and differing opinions that normally end with: NOT voicing out your trans and making it known you do not have the cis-natal regions the other party expects of you for being perceived as cis, automatically makes you an asshole.
I'm not sure I necessarily agree with that because my hot take is your sexuality is tied around your attraction to a gender, not gentials of a individual.So
someone throwing a fit over your junk being different than what they thought seems very silly and honestly childish.
People are allowed preferences, that's cool- but it's not a preference if you have a specific gential attraction and expect that. That's not you liking men, that's you liking/wanting dick. Or vice versa.
I wish people were more personally aware of that and stopped writing it off as a preference, when it's in fact a requirement and necessity for them.But I've digressed-
My genitals are literally the ONLY indicaton of not being cis. If i had it my way, there wouldn't be any indicaton at all, but here we are, unfortunately.
I HATE having to address the elephant in the room and saying "I'm trans" to explain it, because immediately I'm treated and talked to differently- there have been several occasions where I was identified/perceived as a man, a dude- just a lil' guy-
And then the moment i say I'm a trans guy- suddenly the entire mood and tone changes, like what the fuck?You can feel the vibes in the air immediately switching- it's incredibly off-putting to say the least.
It's like people immediately have a different version of me in their heads and can't overlook that that I wasn't born cis and can't forget that.It severely upsets me.
I'd rather say I'm intersex: I'd feel more comfortable saying that to express my junk not being entirely cis passing. And I feel i wouldn't get the sudden shift in treatment/attitude from other people, and then perceiving me differently.
*Edit: wanted to further expand that
the treatment/being perceived as FEMALE is what I was referring to. Not taking away intersex people's struggles and experiences- I'd just like not to get the "oh, they were a girl?" Reactions i feel I'm getting even if the other party doesn't voice it out. I hate being perceived as a woman, is the whole issue.
I don't want to be perceived as a transgender man. I just want to be perceived as a man.But I'd like a way to navigate this as i would still like an active sex life.
TL;DR:
I'm a stealth guy who passes 100% (post hyst and top surgery- natal gentials, Tdick), but hate having to out myself as trans for any sexual circumstances.Am I an asshole for wanting to say I'm intersex instead, for my gentials not being cis aligning?